Once off cheat with ex

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I just found out that he cheated on me with his ex exactly a year ago. We got together soon after they broke up. It was just a "drunken mistake" apparently but i just don't know what to do. It's just taken all my trust away. We've been through a lot and got past everything and everything was just going great til now. any advice?

LegacyUser

You were with this guy 6 months and he slept with his ex and he continued his relationship with you. I know people make mistakes but in my eyes I wouldnt be able to forgive that, it wouldnt have made it any easier if it was just some one nighter with a randomer, but to do it with his ex is every girls nightmare. I'd walk.... probably a bit harsh, but how could you ever trust him again, 6 months into a relationship is when your still all lovey dovey and in the honeymoon period, not when one is sloping off to sleep with their ex.

There are plenty of men out there, ones that will treat you right and have respect for you

Katgurl

ohhh that's rough.

How did you find out? Did he confess because he wanted to come clean? If so, you might be able to get past it together. How serious were you six months in?

Taltos

Sorry to hear that - but for me that is a deal-breaker.
OH feels the same way - but we have always been upfront with each other on our views on that.

As to what to do now - only you can tell - if you stay you will have to work on the trust - but it might never ever come back, so can you deal with staying with someone you cannot trust? If the answer is a NO - then sorry; if it is a maybe or a Yes - then I really hope it works out for you. Thing is mistakes to happen, but it is all about how you move on.

The prev 2 posters though have it spot on - how did you find out...

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear that but I was the one that cheated on my BF. In a very similar situation. I cheated with the ex. Once off. Afterwards, I was absolutely heart broken and devastated and would NEVER do it again. I never told me OH and never will. I just know I would never do it again. I love him soo much and it cut me to pieces doing it.... it still does.

I think you should try and forgive and forget. I hope you can get through it.

Best of luck Op

LegacyUser

in any situation i would say the exact same thing to someone else - RUN.Buts different when you love someone and you're in the situation yourself. i read his messages but didnt actually see this cause i didnt read them properly - never assumed her to be a threat cause i know they're rarely in contact and he ended their relationship.... so anyway he thought i had read this in the texts so came out and said it.
by the way he didn't sleep with her - (and i believe him given the location)
i'm shocked and devasted yet part of me is almost not surprised...yet i never would have expected it from him really. im justs so confused.

SarahSassy

You poor pet.. I dont think I could get over this.. Its very early in the relationship and maybe if ye had been together 10 / 15 years there would be more to hold on to...

I would get rid of him.. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Was he remorseful?

He didn't sleep with her so I don't see what the big deal is honestly. People make mistakes and given it was so long ago, if it were me, I'd try to forgive and forget...that is, if you are both truly happy in this relationship (prior to learning of this).

star-pants

I'd have to ask the same question - how did you find out? That's actually important, if you found out via someone else - you have to wonder about the truth or the 'once off' of it. If your bf told you, then I too would wonder why wait until now to tell me. Because that's just trickery.

Personally, cheating is a deal breaker. (within certain circumstances)
I've had a guy cheat on me with his ex before, and also another random girl... none of which I found out about until he officially got back with the ex and thus I was dumped (without being told). That type of behaviour is childish and cowardly.

You guys have been through a lot, and obviously care for each other very much. It may or may not be able to worked through. It depends on both of ye really. I suggest a talk, talk it out, because you're always going to have pent up anger about it, so you might as well tell him how you're feeling. It might be the case ye can move on.

AARRRGH

Only you know what you need to do.

If you believe you can trust him again and he won't do it again, and if you want to stay in a relationship with him, then forgive him and move forward.

I know the "rule" seems to be you should dump him, but you shouldn't blindly do what everyone else does. The masses tend to be wrong.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

alottoloose wrote: »

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear that but I was the one that cheated on my BF. In a very similar situation. I cheated with the ex. Once off. Afterwards, I was absolutely heart broken and devastated and would NEVER do it again. I never told me OH and never will. I just know I would never do it again. I love him soo much and it cut me to pieces doing it.... it still does.

I think you should try and forgive and forget. I hope you can get through it.

Best of luck Op

How can you be downright dishonest to him if you love him so much?my bf thought i would never find out...but obviously i did... if i found ou then i could have spent the last year knowing and getting over it or out finding someone who really loves and respects me. You are totally disrespecting him by not telling him. This is what i feel about my boyfriend. I greatly appreciate your advice but im just telling you that the sooner he finds out the better reaction he will have

thanks to everyone who replied too. not really any further on in my decision. Mid exams at the mo ... typical timing!!!

He's my first boyfriend and i always wondered how i would know if it was really love so maybe this is my chance to go find out and realise. however, we've been through so much together, I've helped him through some stuff and any trouble we ever had is way in the past. I'd met his family and friends and he'd met most of my friends and my sister but he only recently met all of my family and friends from home. i'd finally let him into every aspect of my life and embracing our future and now this.

The worst thing is that it is humiliating. I've told my housemates but beyond them i don't want to tell anybody.

aghhhhh...back to the study...