Boyfriend and Family issues

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone in the same situation as me with their o/h. I'm with my boyfriend 2 years and v happy together and get on great. we're from the same country town but I lived in Dublin until recently and am just back from travelling a few months so back living at home now temporarily.
There's a few worries im having about my relationship with my boyfriend we dont really seem to have a plan for the future. Neither of us are working at the moment but I am looking for jobs back in dublin as there's nothing at home and he is looking at home as he has a house and mortgage there which he bought four years ago. I feel like neither of us know what the future is going to bring career wise so it's a hard thing to plan in this recession but I would like us to eventually to live away from our home town (it's v small town, everybody knowing your business and v few job opportunities).
Most of the time my boyf talks about moving away too but in the past few months it's like he's done a U turn he's been mentioning things like getting extension done in house in few years etc and i'm thinking 'where do i fit into all of this' it's like he's talking for himself but without even discussing it with me! I suppose im just wondering if there are any other couples out there who are having difficulties in choosing where the place they eventually settle down will be and also bringing up the subject i find it really difficult.

Another thing that is really bugging me is that he relies so much on his family, and even though he says all the time that he would prefer to see less of them his mam is constantly at his beck and call if he even wants something picked up from shops, laundry done it's really bugging me i know there's a bit of the mammy's boy in alot of irish lads but how do i bring this up in a sensitive manner without insulting him or his mother I kind of feel like this has probably gone on for while but i never noticed as i was only home to see him at weekends so dont want to barge in calling the odds but at the same time we're together two years do I just say it straight out? i would really like it if he would start acting a bit more independently of his family and more towards me and our plans together..thanks for any advice..

Wurly

I think 2 years together is more than enough time to be having discussions about your future together.

What age are you both?

If you see yourself having a future with him, then you should be able to talk to him about it. Its not an easy subject to broach but its easier than worrying or wondering.

Have a general discussion over dinner re your future plans. Tell him what you envisage and what you would like to see happening for you both.

The best way to bring up things that are bothering you is to state first off that it's not an attack but you feel you need to say how you feel. Ask him how he feels about what you've said and then let the conversation take shape that way.

The worst thing to do is not to communicate and to let things fester.

Don't give ultimatums and be prepared to compromise. Both of you need to be happy with whatever future decisions you make.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

know exactly what you mean....... it is tough but the only option is to talk about it. maybe he's waiting for you to start talking about the future plans? you think about it over and over in your head wondering is he even thinking where this is goin? when you bring up the subject softly and talk together about things you'l be suprised at what plans he's already thinking about in his head.......i know it worked for me actually puts your mind at ease too knowing that they are on the same track as you. 2 years is enough time to know someone but dont rush too into it either..........talk about future plans but dont put preassure on immediate changes........the way i look at it we've the rest of our lives together so we're planning our future that may not happen for another year or two but at least we know it's going somewhere and we've something to look forward to! the main thing is we're really happy! hope this helps you.....

bluecell99

You have to discuss with him and express your concerns and legitimate aspirations.Dont worry too much about treading on any toes - he is a big boy and has to face things in life.Better for him to realise now and come to some decisions.

Sounds like he is plodding along on his merry way without giving a huge amount of time to where do you fit in.

Dont mind Mammy.Have the talk as soon as you can.For both your sakes.