So many worries

LegacyUser

Life is horrible at the moment and the future scares me even more.

I am 22, I am unemployed, I suffer from depression and I have no friends or social life. What is scary all of these are the least of my worries now.

I have been badly depressed for the past number of months. It really kicked in when I was made redundant. I graduated from college almost a year ago, after four years of hard work I did excellent in my degree but I graduated when jobs prospects fell of a cliff right before my very eyes. I was unemployed for a few months before it really hit home there was absolutely nothing available related to what I studied, not even work experience. Luckily through a family friend I managed to get a basic admin job. I was delighted to get it, I wanted to work and to gain full-time experience, money wasn't my main motivation. Like so many people in this economic climate I was made redundant after 5 months, last in - first out, devastated. Since then I have been trying for similar jobs, on the rare occasion I receive the PFO its 'too inexperienced' as I've only 5 months. Shops, pubs, restaurants, 'overqualified'. Now I'm been rejected for voluntary work. I have only got one interview in 4 months of job searching, my CV and cover letters have been reviewed by plenty of people, it's really that I'm either inexperienced or overqualified. It makes you mental when you are rejected for jobs you know you are capable of doing. Postgraduate or further study are out of the window unless I go for a complete change in study area. I feel like I wasted four years of my life doing the right thing studying hard. It's hard to come to terms with that, I would have been in better position if I never went to college or dropped out because at least I would have had work experience in something. All I see is long-term unemployment or a one-way ticket flight out of this country.

I have no friends either. I have always had confidence issues due to bullying during my teenage years. I got myself together to an extent at 18, I became more outgoing and felt more confident in myself. Two years ago my small social circle started to drift from each other and tensions started to erupt which contributed to a major falling out with my best friend, I had to walk away things got that bad. It wasn't long before my relationship with my girlfriend started to crumble, she was lying about many things and eventually cheated. After all this I was destroyed, the few people I was close to stabbed me in the back and I was on my own. I do look back and I wish I could have maybe done been more assertive to pre-empt what went down but I honestly only ever treated them well. I have tried clubs to find new friends and nothing came of it, I never settled in college so no friendships developed their either. I reverted back to my insecurities due this sudden isolation and I believe that built a barrier from me connecting with people again.

All of this was sent me in a downward spiral. I've tried anti-depressants and some counselling sessions and nothing has worked but I have still been able to tick along and get out everyday and find something to do until now.

What is getting me seriously worried and down in the dumps is my parents. Both are in their late 50's and they are just the most wonderful people, they have done so much for me and have always been there for me. They are my rock and I would be nothing without them. Alot of crap has been falling at their doorstep within the past year. They got involved in foreign property purchase, it concerned me from day one and my gut instincts came true when the developer went bust. They have paid a massive deposit on it, it's all ending up in the courts with potentially big legal bills ahead because (I could write book on this, long story) the developer is now suing the group of the buyers that my parents are part of! If it doesn't go their way then they'll lose it all, at their age it is a nightmare scenario. Things get worse for them. My late grandmother left her estate to be divided equally between my mother and my two aunts. One of my aunts has contested the will on three separate fronts all for which she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. She believes she is entitled to the entire property and is making lies left, right and centre. Again all of this is going to the courts, more massive legal bills. Whatever the outcome, my mum probably will never see a cent from that property as nothing will be left, she is also owed thousands by my aunt for which she'll certainly never see again. My mum is extremely down, emotionally she is wrecked having to go through all this crap when its her own flesh and blood. She also has back problems and has had to give up work recently.

Now the security of my dad's job is in serious jeopardy. He has been working for this company for 10 years, the owner who is believed to be in serious financial trouble sold the company without informing any staff or even saying goodbye, some of whom who have worked for him for 20 years. They knew he was selling the company for months but the manner he sold it and departed is causing great concern. The new owners have already said there will be redundancies in one section but they have said nothing about my dad's section apart from it will be looked at shortly. My dad and his staff believe their area is going to be shut hence why his previous boss didn't have the balls to face them. My dad is nearly 60, at that age in this economic climate he is going to struggle to find anything and he has admitted this. He says he isn't getting too worried but he is the type who bottle things up. With all of these court cases over his neck, the possibility of catastrophic bills and worse comes to worse defaulting on their mortgage how can he not be worried? He has some health issues to and I'm afraid this stress may trigger something.

I have so many anxieties and worried about my own life and for all this to topple down on my parents at their age is killing me. I know I'm not the only person this day and age with worries but I have had alot of adversity which is building up now and I don't know how to cope with all of it. Everything is so bleak, I struggle to get out my front door. I am raging with anger at our scumbag government for their actions and mismanagement which are causing so much distress in people's lives and I have become bitter towards other people based on my experiences and what my parents are going through. I have never been like this before and I hate it, what's the point in life if you are cynical of everyone and don't trust anybody, but that's the way I am.

I don't know how to handle my parents difficulties, I know they worry about me too but I'm young and as far as I'm concerned they are my priority, if they are happy I have a smile on my face. I have been talking with them but I believe they are keeping their issues at a distance from me because they don't want me becoming further depressed.

I feel so messed up. I don't know what to about literally everything and I don't know how to juggle my worries and their worries. I can't cope. I feel like I've tried everything but I probably haven't. I know this is nearly like 5 PI threads in one but if anyone has any ideas for aspect of my problems I would be so grateful. Thank you.

Overheal

Shops, pubs, restaurants, 'overqualified'.

Don't tell them so much then. Not that I really get the overqualified thing - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overqualification but wikipedia seems logical in saying they are worried you will treat it like a temp position or expect higher wage.

As for your field break down every skill you have from frying an egg to nailing wood and see how you get on - with a degree Im sure youll have found some way to transfer your skillset to another field?

Im guessing you have the one version of the CV and have been firing it off a la carpet bomb. Instead, try making target-specific CVs. If you are going for the food industry (bars, restaurants) do a CV to cater to that. Same with the Business Sector. Or anything really.

It sounds unusual to me that someone can go through 4 years of college and not settle in. But its good that you've identified yourself a lot through the counseling. One of the best things I got out of your post is that you know yourself very well, which is important. I dont think theres much I can say on those issues - you are on the right path to working those things out.

I think the only advice I can give you really is to Rationalize. Your parent's problems are, unfortunately, out of your jurisdiction. Worrying about them is stressing you out because you know you are powerless to help out here. Everyone is out for themselves these days - the aunt, the builders and the boss. As gross and hypocritical as it may seem you need to take on board that mentality if you are going to get anything done. And by that I mean Stop thinking about your parents situation and focus entirely on your situation and what You can do. You're applying your energy in too many places when it needs to be finely focused on getting a job - because that is the hardest thing to do in this market.

Once you get the job you can think about supporting your parents. The job is out there, its just going to take all of your attention to find it.

RossFixxxed

There's a lot there to address so I'll make a few points:

1) Leaving the country may be a good thing. You get to experience new cultures, meet new people and broaden your horizons. I was a few weeks only in Nepal and it totally lifted the top off my head. Amazing.

2) Keep going to the GP/councellors etc. Whatever you do. Treating depression is a slow process with some trial and error, but IS SO SO WORTH IT. It takes time, it can be frustrating and I can understand how it will demotivate you. However, once you get the right the difference can be incredible over time. You don't sometimes see the progress as it is so gradual but others will and so will you. I have a neighbour who is elderly and suffered dreadfully from depression, it was one of the worst cases I've ever seen but the doctor got the right tablets over time and she is a new woman. I smile every time I see her walking around smiling and waving over.

3) Redundancy: it has happened me in the past (and I do understand that there wasn't theis awful economic situation) but it turned out to be a blessing and has taken me down new roads. I know it's terrible now but it is so so important to use this to find something new, or branch out.

4) Meeting people: I would say look after YOU first and other people will follow. Join a gym, take some group guitar lessons, take up a meditation class, go painting or whatever it is that you might have an interest in. It is a distraction and you will be around people who have enthusiasm for something that they are doing!

Good luck OP
R

merlie

I know how you feel. You are not alone in this. I myself have applied for various jobs and last christmas applied for a job I knew I was fully qualified for but was extremely gutted when I didnt get it. I would have loved the job to bits and done my utmost to make it not just a success for myself but for the company too.

I have learned to draft up a few variations of my CV for different applications. Depending on what job it is I am applying for example: Shop assistant I would leave out that I have done managerial work.

I know also it is hard in this economic climate as there are more people looking for work than there are jobs. I do not know what type of work you had been looking for but why not join a JOB CLUB in your area. I have done this and find it most helpful in job hunting. Do apply to job agencies like

www.maryb.ie

You can do temping work for them.

Do not give up looking for work

The very best of luck to you,

Love,

Merlie

LegacyUser

hi i'm not sure how useful my advice will be but just felt you should know that you are not the only one in the position.

i am currently in the same boat, graduated last year and haven't been able to find a job since. i even swallowed my pride and went back to the place where i did part time work during college, twice, to ask about doing some hours but was told they have a complete ban on hiring. really disheartening

have had other problems similar to your situation too..... a family member suffering from depression and i found myself taking on their problems, also my OH who i was really happy with has gone to australia for a year he just couldnt cope with not having a permanent job here anymore, also other family problems disagreements etc., friends who turned out to not really be friends at all......

at the moment i am considering going away myself maybe next year and currently just focusing on saving whatever money i can so i will be in a position to follow through with whatever plans i make in the next few months.

in relation to advice for your current situation when i was at the point where you are now i read a book called the secret, this isnt a complete endorsement of everything the book says or anything now, i just found some sections of the book in relation to money and relationships really helped me. i think maybe it was just the overall positive message i got from the book that just helped to pull me up a bit out of the hole that i was in, (you may get this inspiration, or whatever its called, from somewhere else or even from yourself:)

now i find that even though my circumstances havent changed at all, apart from the new focus on saving for my future plans, i just find my outlook has changed slightly and when i feel myself starting to think of everything that is wrong now i just change the way i am thinking instead to being glad of what i do have..( SOO hard sometimes though especially when i think of how much i miss my other half i'm not saying this is easy at all, sometimes its so hard but the alternative of sinking even more feels so much worse in my opinion!)

dont get me wrong i'm not one of those annoyingly overly optimistic people but i just try to be a glass halfful type of person more and tell myself things wont always be this bad they have to pick up sometime!! this book isnt the anwer to all problems and i feel bad that i cant give you and concrete advice on what actions you can take apart from changing the way you think i just found that changing my perspective made such a difference for me. this slight change was all i needed to change from the outlook that i was in an impossible situation to maybe things werent as bad as i let myself think and there was also always the potential for things to get better

sorry this post turned out to be so long and it may sound like a load of airy fairy crap to some people but its actually my experience and if it worked to drag me out of the really dark place i was heading for and if sharing this might help you in your similar position even just a little bit i thought i should share it.

wishing you the best and just try to keep going even when you feel like its impossible its actually not, you are really lucky to have two loving parents for a start!

LegacyUser

I'm sorry, I can't reply to any your advice at the moment.

My dad was made redundant this afternoon. My mother now seems to be on the verge of a breakdown. Unless a miracle happens, that being my dad can quickfire find a new job when his industry is shedding jobs all over the place, then my parents are going to financially screwed with a large mortgage to pay and legal bills.

Christ, I hate this ****ing country.

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm sorry, I can't reply to any your advice at the moment.

My dad was made redundant this afternoon. My mother now seems to be on the verge of a breakdown. Unless a miracle happens, that being my dad can quickfire find a new job when his industry is shedding jobs all over the place, then my parents are going to financially screwed with a large mortgage to pay and legal bills.

Christ, I hate this ****ing country.

Then unfortunately, we can't help you while you have the attitude that the sky is falling. Which it is not - despite times being tough.

procure11

Hi OP,
I really understand where you are coming from,I think you need to remain calm and strong.Everyone in this world has it rough sometimes and as the saying goes...tough times dont last..tough people do,you need to reappraise yourself and work on your shortcomings and weaknesses.
I am from Nigeria and like yourself I have a bachelors degree and last year I applied to over 100(not exaggerating) companies and I got just 4 interviews,a particular one I went for had a job description that was like my exact profile without my name on it:o but missed out on experience.I was very sad and discouraged but after a while I got myself up again and I am currently doing part-time work not even related to my field but I am quite happy (not satisfied as I believe I could do so much better),I am now in the process of getting a postgraduate admission.
Admittedly times are rough but you have to realise that a lot of people are far worse off than you are.I had a discussion with an Irish friend of mine and he asked me how Nigeria was coping with the current economic downturn and I replied that Nigeria has essentially been in Recession since my parents were born and I am over 25:D..we laughed about it but that is the gospel truth.A lot of people would like to swap roles with your current situation as they would percieve that it is a lot better than theirs,I understand that this comparison is subjective because you are used to a certain lifestyle and way of life but my assertion is that if you can remember that what you are going through has a purpose (to make you stronger and more mentally matured) then you would be in a better position to overcome your current travails.Keep your head up,dont despair,dont be discouraged,believe me it would certainly work out for the best.From your post ,you sound very intelligent and educated, dont let all that go to waste because of a short term hinderance.Wish you the best