Apathy towards suicide

wolfric

For some reason either there are a lot of suicide cases out there or i seem to have the right personality that i get on well with people who are suicidal. (these cases are all online)
The first few times i dealt with it (in other people) i was very concerned and motivated about bringing people through it. Over time a number of things are apparent...
First of all most of the people i've talked to talk a lot about doing it and threaten to do it but don't follow through so its seen by me as a cry for help/attention.
The problem is that when it crops up when you're on bad terms with a person lets say for example there's an argument and you're both in the storm off stage and then they say they're going to commit suicide.

The problem i'm having is after a while i just get fed up of spending hours upon hours coaxing people out of claimed suicide and i don't have the energy for it. Can anyone relate? I would have thought that if you were serious about suicide that you hardly ever say it to someone. I was once suicidal myself but i never came out to someone and said i'm going to kill myself especially after a fight with someone. What are your opinions on the matter.

Wagon

wolfric wrote: »

For some reason either there are a lot of suicide cases out there or i seem to have the right personality that i get on well with people who are suicidal. (these cases are all online)

Statistically, only 2% of people actually go through with it. It might even be less than that. Many use the suicide card as a manipulative tool. This is why people look down on it so much. So actual suicide is rare, but unfortunately it's growing.

The first few times i dealt with it (in other people) i was very concerned and motivated about bringing people through it. Over time a number of things are apparent...
First of all most of the people i've talked to talk a lot about doing it and threaten to do it but don't follow through so its seen by me as a cry for help/attention.

Agreee completely. Proven by...

The problem is that when it crops up when you're on bad terms with a person lets say for example there's an argument and you're both in the storm off stage and then they say they're going to commit suicide.
[.QUOTE]
The problem i'm having is after a while i just get fed up of spending hours upon hours coaxing people out of claimed suicide and i don't have the energy for it. Can anyone relate? I would have thought that if you were serious about suicide that you hardly ever say it to someone. I was once suicidal myself but i never came out to someone and said i'm going to kill myself especially after a fight with someone. What are your opinions on the matter.

I can relate to this as well. I believe that those who are serious about it stay quiet, i know ive done myself. My logic was that i didn't want anyone to talk me out of it. Saying it after a fight with someone is again just manipulation, wanting to hurt the other person or they might feel better knowing that someone is thinking about them, hostile or not. I'd class it as depression in those people. If you don't mind me asking, what site was this on anyway?

wolfric

Msn... so what should i say in response? i don't want to act like a dick and actually drive them over the edge to do it or ruin their self confidence but how do i help them without encouraging them to use suicide for an instant sympathy card.

Wagon

wolfric wrote: »

Msn... so what should i say in response? i don't want to act like a dick and actually drive them over the edge to do it or ruin their self confidence but how do i help them without encouraging them to use suicide for an instant sympathy card.

Ask them what's wrong Simple but effective. There usually is something that invokes the thoughts of suicide in someone. And it could be something completely ridiculous and they probably know that themselves but by just being able to tell someone, it can do a lot of good.

star-pants

Agree with Wagon there,

thing is if someone really wants out, they'd do it regardless. They don't annoy people or get attention, they just decide and do it. (not all but a good %).

(most) Of the ones who say they want to do it or want to harm etc are either looking for help or attention. I have personal experience with people who did it & didn't say it, because it wasn't something they wanted others to know, they didn't want people thinking it was attention seeking, or they wanted out. (depends on what's being done exactly). I would *never* say something like 'right I'm off to kill myself' to someone in a fight, my god that's a horrible thing to say, especially when it's probably just a tantrum or effect seeking. And if you say it in reaction to a fight then that is all you're doing. People who want to do this, will just do it. They don't need to announce it.

Varying forms of depression can make people feel like they'd be better off out of this world, or some might just selfharm (no suicidal intention) in order to deal with things / out of frustration/confusion. If someone makes a comment about being off to hurt themselves or kill themselves, then just ask them to stop a minute and talk to you. Ask them why they feel that way, and try and get them to talk it out. If it's something done on a very regular basis, I'd be reconsidering things tbh.

wolfric

Wagon wrote: »

Ask them what's wrong Simple but effective. There usually is something that invokes the thoughts of suicide in someone. And it could be something completely ridiculous and they probably know that themselves but by just being able to tell someone, it can do a lot of good.

Resons have involved the following:
Don't know (which requires about 2 hours to coax out)
Life is pointless
depression
Mental illness


(the last 2 being disclosed prior to the question and being referenced indirectly when asking the reason)

star-pants

wolfric wrote: »

Resons have involved the following:
Don't know (which requires about 2 hours to coax out)
Life is pointless
depression
Mental illness


(the last 2 being disclosed prior to the question and being referenced indirectly when asking the reason)

Well the first two you can ask them to try and pinpoint the things that make them feel that way. Or ask when they last felt happy about life/stuff in it. See if by working through you both could come to a conclusion (saying to them that ye will work through/search).

The second two are a lot more difficult, it's easy to put a label on things but that doesn't help with the reasoning. It depends on the type of depression and type of mental illness, some are down to chemicals and there's nothing talking can really do to fix it. Other types are harder to deal with (hence counsellors/psychotherapists etc) who are trained to talk about issues and get people to expand on this. You can only try so much, some people just won't want to tell you things.

poisonated

I agree.There is obviously a reason why this person feels this way.Whether he actualy wants to commit suicide or has suicidal thoughts and is using it as a cry for help.There is a difference.My advice would be to find out whats wrong with him and help him if you can.People go through horrible times in their life and it really helps when you have somebody to talk to.Dont change who you are though.I reckon that although you know very much about suicide,you feel a little shy when the subject is approached.I may be wrong.If you are worried that he is using it as a tool to manipulate you,If for example he only brings it up in situations like during a fight when he knows that you will back off.Dont.Explain to him that although he may be going throught a difficult time,this does not give him the right the act the p..ck.To reiterate I suggest that you offer help in terms of console him/her when (s)he is feeling weak but dont let him/her walk all over you and let him/her put it down to feelings of suicide.If he appolagises,accept his appolagy and dont be too harsh on him.Do be sensetive but dont be over sensetive.Sorry if Im rambling a bit.I hope it helps.

Wagon

star-pants wrote: »

Well the first two you can ask them to try and pinpoint the things that make them feel that way. Or ask when they last felt happy about life/stuff in it. See if by working through you both could come to a conclusion (saying to them that ye will work through/search).

Exactly. There's always a reason for feeling like that and people do know what it is, but they'd be afraid to admit it in case of being laughed at. Anyway, do different people often come to you for advice or is it always the same one/s?

wolfric

The issue isn't sorting their issues out and how to get them to respond. Its just after so many cases i feel myself really not giving a crap and being apathetic towards it. Imagine you had 100 people (just an example ) lining up outside your front door that would commit suicide if you didn't bring them through it. At some stage you'd be either forced to spend all your time (and give up your job and life etc) or you'd just say enough is enough.

star-pants

wolfric wrote: »

The issue isn't sorting their issues out and how to get them to respond. Its just after so many cases i feel myself really not giving a crap and being apathetic towards it.

Ah ok, well... it's a choice only you can make. At some point you have to cut off and spend some time making things good for you. If you need to discourage people from talking to you, don't accept a lot of requests, or have your status as busy a lot of the time, explain you're working on things, perhaps they won't bring up stuff. If people threaten to commit suicide and go offline, block em.

JuliusCaesar

You're not a counsellor, nor are you trained to be. All you can do is be supportive, and point them towards help. Aware, Samaritans, Grow, Recovery, Headstrong (for ages 12-25), their GP, college counsellor etc etc.

PK2008

wolfric wrote: »

First of all most of the people i've talked to talk a lot about doing it and threaten to do it but don't follow through so its seen by me as a cry for help/attention.

Well its kind of hard to speak to someone who's actually gone through with it isnt it? How do you know you're talking to them didnt stop them from going through with it?

Either way I dont think its very healthy to be trawling the internet looking for suicidal people to A) try to council and then judge for not following through and killing themsleves.

Easy solution: Time to give up the amatuer pyschology and leave the suicidal people to those who can actually deal with it

~Trixiebelle~

Well im a cruel bitch because when my father and mother got divorced my dad was going through a particulary hard time. I did try to help him but to be honest he was really difficult to talk to and was just in self pity mode. He would cry all the time and say how he was better off dead and how much he was considering topping himself.

This went on for months anyway and i would spent my time running up and down to sit with him chat and comfort him. One day i got so p1ssed off when he rang me with the usual "you never guess what that mother of yours done/said now..oh i want to die!!..boowhoo blah blah.." I just told him that it wasnt MY problem and that if he wants to top himself there isnt jack sh1te i could do about it. I also told him that i did NOT feel sorry for him anymore coz he was doing that enough for all of us and that if he did go through with it that i would sent him off to be cremated where no one would bother to show up for someone that chose to leave this earth! That there was enough people dying without that choice etc...

Harsh i know but i really did mean it. I think it gave him the reality check he needed as he just got so engrossed in feeling sorry for himself. He got councelling and got involved in a local group. He has busy active social and now is engaged to another woman. It took sometime but he got there, but they have to want to and work hard to gain contentment and happiness...... Otherwise i feel listening to it, is just letting them indulge in there own self-pity........sorry but its how i feel..

LegacyUser

Are these all friends of yours or just random people you met online?
Of course you want to do the best you can, but to be honest, if they're random strangers you've met online, then why are you spending that much of your life "coaxing" them to not do anything? It sounds completely dramatic to me,and you're feeding their need for attention.A certain amount of sympathy is one thing, but after a point (in my case it'd be about half an hour; less if it was happening that frequently to me) I'd be taking Trixiebelles approach and telling them to stop being so selfish and there's nothing more you can do for them - particularly over the computer.Sure life sucks.Sure it's pointless.If it's depression, then someone qualified needs to deal with it.If it's a major case of feeling sorry for yourself....stop wallowing.Life's as hard for everyone else as it is for those who go and say things like that.
I know I sound completely horrible and unsympathetic, but OP there are more and better things in life than that and you'll never get those hours back.Let them go see someone qualified if needed and try not to get too worried about it.You're not personally responsible for everyone out there who has problems, you've got your own life to live.