95 year old carer needing respite - please help

ciano6

I live in Cork City Centre in a former corporation housing estate of 6 houses. My next door neighbour Mary is 95 and is the most gentle and kind person. Her sister died in childbirth and she raised her son as if he was her own. He is now in his late 70s and has serious dementia at this stage.
She is the only person who looks after him and spends all day looking after him, but is now finding it very difficult to help him up the stairs, wash etc. He is also incontinent and she has to get up in the middle of the night to change the beds etc.
She has to pay a nurse to call every Saturday morning for half an hour and that is the extent of help from an health services, except for respite which had been more frequent but is now not due until the end of June again. My heart is broken after being in there again tonight as she has pleaded with me to find help for her. I cannot empasise how terrible the situtation is. For example, three weeks ago, two people called to her and pretended they were from the Health Board. She gave them somewhere between €1600 and €4000 cash to get help for her. She has not seen them since. For another example, On Saturday afternoon, she had to call me because he was stuck in the couch and neither she nor he could lift himself out of the seat and he needed to go to the bathroom.
She only has a non-contributory pension and he is the same I imagine. But surely the state has some obligation. She is a 95 year old woman pleading for help in looking after her nephew who has dementia. Where do I start? They have no real family, as all of her siblings are long dead (she was the youngest) and the same for him. And neither of them married. They do have a cousin's daughter who calls every so often.
I know that community nurse is based in Ballyphehane and that maybe I could call her? But does anyone know what the hell I can do? It is terribly sad.

taram

Have either of you contacted your local carer's group? http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=7&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cork.ie%2Fnews%2Fcarers%2520info%2520leaflet.pdf&ei=udAASs2RGdvRjAfrx93yBg&usg=AFQjCNHP9Bz_elg-wRPJKOQk5TcPfb4uhg&sig2=3I5oV63bzwM10oNqf4BvDg gives the list of all the carer groups in Cork. They can either try sort more respite, or at least put pressure as a group to the HSE get more help for what is obviously a hard life for this lady.

Xiney

I'd say the community welfare officer, but I really don't know.

What a sad situation

ciano6

Thanks all,
Just to answer a few things and update you.
His GP is not Mary's GP or my GP and 6 months ago, he would not talk to either myself or Mary about "his patient".
On the idea of bringing him to A and E and leaving him there, I know that I couldn't do it Mary. She would be too sad. He really is like a son to him. Even when he was in respite in March for the week, she visited him everyday.
Anyway, today there has been some development in that I rang St. Patricks hospital where he went for respite the last time. The girl there was very helpful and refered me to the correct Public Health Nurse in Ballyphehane. She is not working today but will get back to me tomorrow.
We will need to make an application for more respite, she said.
Then she also said that we need to have him referred to a Geriatrician who will try to make him "banded for continuing care" which would make him entitled to a public bed. Mary did pay €200 for a geriatrician appointment before Christmas, but we are still waiting to hear back on it. At least there has been some progress today, and we have been pointed in the right direction.
I will try the Alzheimers Society later.

yabadabado

would she be able to apply for carers allowance? it would at least be extra money coming into the house?
http://www.welfare.ie/EN/Schemes/IllnessDisabilityAndCaring/Carers/CarersAllowance/Pages/ca.aspx

Wile E. Coyote

Thats a really sad case and I wish I had a better answer. All I can suggest is you contact all your local polititians and make a big deal out of this with the local papers. With elections coming up soon it might be the only time you can get them to do something for her.