Feel used

LegacyUser

I have a guy friend I really started to fancy last year. He had a girlfriend at the time so nothing happened but they broke up in June, and about a week later we hooked up. We were together a few times but his ex was very hurt about us, so he agreed to stop seeing me, and it was insensitive to her (we are all part of a big group of friends). And anyway I was going travelling in a few months. I had my leaving party, he was invited and we ended up kissing. I went home early cos I was v drunk but a while later I texted him a few times to come out to me as I was feeling a bit better. He came out in a taxi and we ended up messing around, I gave him head, whatever, we didn't have sex.

I just found out that at that time he really, really liked another girl, let's call her Sophie. He was hanging around with her loads and invited her to my party but she couldn't go. He apparently had asked her out but for whatever reason she said no. The day after, when he left my house he went to hang out with her all day and after a few weeks they started going out. I feel so hurt now, like I was second best, as he obviously really wanted to be with Sophie!! One of his mates implied that the guy probably felt like he might as well be with me as he didnt think he had a chance with Sophie and he knew I'd be up for doing stuff with him! Just for fun basically. It's not that I wanted anything but fun but I feel like an idiot now.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

We were together a few times but his ex was very hurt about us, so he agreed to stop seeing me, and it was insensitive to her

This was the neon sign telling you that he wasn't that interested.

I had my leaving party, he was invited and we ended up kissing.

I texted him a few times to come out to me as I was feeling a bit better.

You weren't used, you put yourself in this position and he took what you were offering.
If you feel like an idiot now, it's because you are angry at yourself for putting out.
It's hardly the end of the world.
Learn from it and think about what you are doing next time.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

I went home early cos I was v drunk but a while later I texted him a few times to come out to me as I was feeling a bit better. He came out in a taxi and we ended up messing around, I gave him head, whatever, we didn't have sex.

o_0

So you asked him to come over to your house at night while you were drunk? That's a booty call. Even if you didn't intend it to be, that's what anyone would think it was.

Unregistered wrote: »

I just found out that at that time he really, really liked another girl, let's call her Sophie. He was hanging around with her loads and invited her to my party but she couldn't go. He apparently had asked her out but for whatever reason she said no. The day after, when he left my house he went to hang out with her all day and after a few weeks they started going out. I feel so hurt now, like I was second best, as he obviously really wanted to be with Sophie!! One of his mates implied that the guy probably felt like he might as well be with me as he didnt think he had a chance with Sophie and he knew I'd be up for doing stuff with him!

That's pretty much exactly what happened, yeah...

Unregistered wrote: »

Just for fun basically. It's not that I wanted anything but fun but I feel like an idiot now.

You didn't want anything else, so what are you upset about? That he fancied someone else? I'm really not seeing what your issue is here, tbh.

Katgurl

Yeah, sadly he used you, which doesn't say much for him as a person as IMO this is not a nice way to treat a friend. Before everyone jumps on the bandwagon about consenting adults, he should have been more sensitive as he knew there were feelngs involved.


Don't let it happen again and consider yourself lucky because guys like him aren't worth the hassle.

prinz

Beruthiel wrote: »

This was the neon sign telling you that he wasn't that interested.You weren't used, you put yourself in this position and he took what you were offering.
If you feel like an idiot now, it's because you are angry at yourself for putting out.
It's hardly the end of the world.
Learn from it and think about what you are doing next time.

He sounds like a grade 1 arse tbh with one thing on his mind, doesn't really matter who with obviously. But in fairness, on the balance of things I have to agree with the above. He doesn't seem to have gone out of his way to use you........ you went out of your way to fool around with him, I think perhaps you're just upset his dating this other girl and not you.... live and learn.

Mary Harney

You weren't used, you put yourself in this position and he took what you were offering.
If you feel like an idiot now, it's because you are angry at yourself for putting out.
It's hardly the end of the world.
Learn from it and think about what you are doing next time.

I agree with this, but I would also add judging from how hurt you were is that you denied to yourself how much you like him, It takes two people to use each other. If, however, you had been honest with yourself and said yes I like him and want something more, you may have treated the situation with more respect and held back sexually, but if you had hoped by being sexual with him that he was going to like you, I am sorry to say that it just doesn't work that way. I don't think he was a bastard, I think he was offered a chance of pleasure and he took it, if you don't want to be used, set the terms in your own head first and then do what feels right for you.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

I gave him head, whatever, we didn't have sex.

Unregistered wrote: »

I feel like an idiot now.

I'm sorry you feel used, but really you should take responsibility for what you did, and realise he did absolutely nothing wrong.

Lots of people go through life getting angry at everyone except themselves for their own stupid mistakes - don't become one of those people.

Katgurl

Katgurl wrote: »

Yeah, sadly he used you, which doesn't say much for him as a person as IMO this is not a nice way to treat a friend. Before everyone jumps on the bandwagon about consenting adults, he should have been more sensitive as he knew there were feelngs involved.


Don't let it happen again and consider yourself lucky because guys like him aren't worth the hassle.

I don't see how the guy has done anything wrong. How was he to know she had feelings, and where does she even say she did want anything more than fun? He didn't think he had a chance with the other girl, this girl was there and obviously available to him (he didn't come onto her), why wouldn't he hook up with her? He had no obligation to tell her she liked this other girl, especially since he thought nothing would ever happen. You can hardly fault anyone for taking an offer on a plate.

LegacyUser

OP here. I just feel like he could have told me about Sophie. I just feel like a tit that he was only with me because she couldn't be there. I had no idea about her at all as we hadn't seen each other in a while and I suppose I am a bit jealous that she's his girlfriend now as I did really like him.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. I just feel like he could have told me about Sophie. I just feel like a tit that he was only with me because she couldn't be there. I had no idea about her at all as we hadn't seen each other in a while and I suppose I am a bit jealous that she's his girlfriend now as I did really like him.

Told you that he fancies some other girl? Are you for real? You were basically offering him a booty call, he's under no obligation to tell you anything. If you had said you were interested in more, then yes, he should have told you he was interested in someone else... but it was just a random hookup before you went travelling.

I get that you feel stupid, but that's not his fault. You should have thought it out more before you slept with him if there were feelings involved.