Slept with a friend's brother...what's wrong with me!?

LegacyUser

I slept with my friend's little brother at the weekend. I feel pretty bad about it because she's always warned us that she'll kill any of her friends that go near him. I don't know if I should just bite the bullet and tell her...or hope no one says anything. It didn't mean anything and there won't be any follow up. I know that she'll kill me if she finds out, probably stop talking to me. (He's not that young either!) He has said that he won't say anything, he knows she'll go mad too.

That's the second problem. I don't know what got into me (besides alcohol) because I don't usually sleep around. I don't have low self esteem (I think) but I'm attracting the wrong sort of guy since my last serious relationship, and even though I think I behave normally, guys seem to be messing me around. I think that I must be putting out the wrong vibe or something, or else I'm just going for the wrong kinds of guys. I didn't have a problem like this in the past, it's a new thing since I broke up with my last ex (and i'm in my late 20s). I have no problem attracting men, I'm smart, I'm ambitious and I'm sporty. I have lots of friends, so I mustn't be a bad person.

I've had a good few boyfriends, but I seem to have a problem relating to men lately. I used to have a lot of male friends, but when I was going out with my last long term boyfriend, I kinda lost most of my male friends. Most of the guys i know now are guys going out with my friends, and they seem to treat them badly (cheating, staying out all night...) and now I seem to be attracting guys like that too. Even my male friends are a bit like that, they never want to go out with girls, they just want an easy lay...they're nice guys to talk to and stuff, but they have no respect for girls in general. It's got to the stage now where I am trying to make myself stop thinking that all guys are assholes. I had a pretty dramatic break-up with my ex, and it took me almost all of the last year to get over him. I'm beginning to think I need counselling or something. I don't want to know where to find nice guys (I do lots of sports and all that, the usual stuff, in fact I don't meet guys in pubs/clubs really at all, I usually know them or meet through friends etc.) I just want to know how do I stop myself from being so stupid about guys. I'm going to have to bump into my friend's brother at least once a week, so although I don't really feel embarassed about that, I don't want to be continuosly hiding the truth from his sister. I can't believe I'm at the age I'm at,and I'm having more stupid men problems than I ever did What can I do to cop on/grow up?

baglady

I hate this attitude your 'friend' has. I've never understood this kind of thing. YOu shouldn't have to worry about offending her because of who you sleep with. As long as he is a consenting adult, there should be no problem. You are a free person and can choose who you sleep with. If she has a problem with this frankly I'd tell her to bugger off.

AS for your other problem, I'm not sure I understand really. Seems like you are just meeting the wrong type of guy for you. Maybe the bar/club scene isn't the best place for what you are looking for. Maybe you could join a club or something that interests you and you could meet someone there. But don't be putting pressure on yourself and thinking you HAVE to meet someone right now. Enjoy yourself, sometimes love comes along when u least expect it

good luck!

RuailleBuaille

Tell your friend to mind her own business. You both consented, how does it involve her? She's being ridiculous and he won't thank her for it.

bluecell99

Grow up a little bit.Perhaps this is why ,as you say yourself,you are not attracting serious guys.Maybe your problem is immaturity??

Pray tell what has it got to do with your friend what her brother gets up to in the bedroom?Providing he is of legal age then it is nobodys business I'm afraid.

Is he concerned who she is sleeping with?

Adjust your attitude,stop the analysing and take things cool.Enjoy life and whats to be will be in the relationship stakes.

drew dogg

Your friend is mad if she stops talking too you for been with her bro.It really has nothing got too do with her.Can't see the prob myself a couple of my friends have been with my bro and as long as i dont hear the details or become involed in the crap I'm happy!!

But i do think you should tell her.Its better to be honest about these thing's.plus what if she found out some other way, that would def look worse on you then for hinding it from her.And if she stops talking too you because of it she obviously isn't all that mature an doesn't really value your friendship.

As for lads too be honest can't figure them out at all, but def think all lads in bars ect are jus out for one thing.

amybabes

if it was my little brother i wouldnt really like it either....simply due to the fact that these situations are messy!! id be protective of both of my brothers, who are 2 and 4 years younger than me, ive seen a few little b****s come and go, treating them badly, in one case making an eejit out of the older one, having him pay for everything n all d time she was hookin up wit her ex n half d town knew about it, and particularly my younger brother whos only 17, bless, he recently broke up wit his gf, and she acted the b***ch but i see how badly it has affected him, he'd be very soft and introverted, and my heart bleeds for him, it really does!
i think if shes a good friend, she has a right to not u bein wit her bro, like unless ye are crazy about each other....theres how many men in d world, do u have 2 go near the one fella she asked u not to go near! if ye had feelings for each other for ages maybe she would understand, but if one of my friends hopped into bed wit my bro id hate it too! id also be afraid that my brother would mess one of my friends around....these things r just messy! better not get involved with friends/co-workers/relatives of friends/housemates in my opinion, unless there is a really strong connection....ive lost one of my best friends (his choice,after we were friends for 5 years and had a brief fling for 2 months) and ive had to give up a job (kissed a co-worker a couple of times, n it was so awkward afterwards, he way way more into me then i was into him)

dont tell ur friend if ur sure she wont find out anywhere else, but if she does hear it back from elsewhere she prob wont ever talk 2 u again for not having the guts to say it to her. but if u think u can get away wit it then great! but in fairness, she asked u not 2 do it n u completely disregarded any respect for her n her wishes just to get laid, n u dont sound like u even like him!

Overheal

I say its her own fault. Forbidden Fruit attitude tbh.

Who knows, maybe if she never said anything it never would have called into attention that her brother was eligible in any way :rolleyes:

Do what You Want at the end of the day. If you want to keep seeing him, just do it. She'll grow up eventually...

CDfm

It depends really on the age.

I presume he is over the age of consent etc and that he enjoyed it and was willing. If so no harm done.

AS for fessing up to big sis - well I would give that a miss. I presume he is chivalrous enough not to discuss such matters with his sister or indeed may not want the level of protection he recieves,

Anyway - why not avoid social contact for a few weeks and lay of the booze. If you must discuss the matter discuss it with him and not her -because if he does not want to mention it -why should you.

baglady

amybabes wrote: »

if it was my little brother i wouldnt really like it either....simply due to the fact that these situations are messy!! id be protective of both of my brothers, who are 2 and 4 years younger than me, ive seen a few little b****s come and go, treating them badly, in one case making an eejit out of the older one, having him pay for everything n all d time she was hookin up wit her ex n half d town knew about it, and particularly my younger brother whos only 17, bless, he recently broke up wit his gf, and she acted the b***ch but i see how badly it has affected him, he'd be very soft and introverted, and my heart bleeds for him, it really does!
i think if shes a good friend, she has a right to not u bein wit her bro, like unless ye are crazy about each other....theres how many men in d world, do u have 2 go near the one fella she asked u not to go near! if ye had feelings for each other for ages maybe she would understand, but if one of my friends hopped into bed wit my bro id hate it too! id also be afraid that my brother would mess one of my friends around....these things r just messy! better not get involved with friends/co-workers/relatives of friends/housemates in my opinion, unless there is a really strong connection....ive lost one of my best friends (his choice,after we were friends for 5 years and had a brief fling for 2 months) and ive had to give up a job (kissed a co-worker a couple of times, n it was so awkward afterwards, he way way more into me then i was into him)

dont tell ur friend if ur sure she wont find out anywhere else, but if she does hear it back from elsewhere she prob wont ever talk 2 u again for not having the guts to say it to her. but if u think u can get away wit it then great! but in fairness, she asked u not 2 do it n u completely disregarded any respect for her n her wishes just to get laid, n u dont sound like u even like him!

In fairness, it is none of your business who your brothers/friends sleep with. You simply have no right to dictate to any of them what (or who!) they cannot do. Your brother got badly treated by some girls but this has no bearing on the current situation, especially since these weren't even your friends who did it! The bottom line is it is none of your business. Maybe you would never sleep with a friends brother, and that is fine, but that does not mean everyone has to do the same. At the end of they day if the OP developed a relationship with the brother and things turned sour, it could cause a bit of awkwardness, but if there is a solid foundation of friendship there (between her and her friend), they will get over it and move on.

LegacyUser

No, I'm not really into the younger brother. He's not into me either though, so that's not the problem. It's more that it was such a slappery thing to do, especially cos I don't sleep around. It was the last thing I'd have thought would happen, it really was just a case of one thing leading to another. My friend will be annoyed, because she doesn't sleep around, I usually don't sleep around, and she doesn't want her brother sleeping around...especially not with her friends.

I'm not looking for a guy at all. And when I do meet them, it is through friends/sport etc. I don't go out actively seeking men, but I do get into relationships easily enough, I don't mean that in a bad way, but I get asked out a bit, and if I like someone or find them interesting I'll go out with them to see what they're like as a date. I haven't just randomly met someone at a bar for years. The guys I have gone out with in the last year (a few months here and there) have all seemed really nice, really keen and certainly charmed me big time. They've all had good jobs (I hope that doesn't sound snobby, I just mean they're not messing around in every area of their lives) and appeared very mature. Yet they've done things like ring me for a date and never contact me again (months into the relationship) bring me out and then end up with a different girl on the same night and just generally lie and do crap stuff a month or two into the relationship when I thought things were going well.

I am in my late 20s and I've had a good few relationships, and guys have always treated me well before. I have always gone for mature guys before. I don't think I'm very immature. I have a very responsible job, and most people would see me as serious and professional I think. Maybe I am immature, but I have held down serious relationships with serious guys in the past. It's just in the last year that this has happened.

I'm just confused as to why I'm attracting and being attracted to guys that are clearly not very nice, and generally big players, and I don't realise how bad they are until they really step out of line. I am concerned that I went near my friend's brother, because I don't sleep around at all, and then I did with someone that I really shouldn't have. If one of my own friends was acting like this a year ago, I'd be telling them to cop on and grow up etc etc as it's not the way I usually act. But I don't feel like I am doing this on purpose, it just feels like I keep getting myself into stupid situations. I have got pretty hurt a few times lately, not because I was really into these guys I've been seeing (in fairness, it's usually only been a few months) but because I feel so embarassed that they'd be so disrespectful towards me. The last guy even told me that my last boyfriend must have spoilt me because I'm such high maintenance, just because I complained that he was all over other girls when we were out. I finished with him that night.. Now, as I said I was in a long-term relationship until last year, and my ex was very good to me. But I think respect is normal in a relationship. I'm not sure if I'm making a whole lot of sense, but I just feel like I'm being overly naive, and I can't understand why that has happened.

My friend's brother is as big a player as any of them, I certainly wasn't the one leading him astray, so that's just adding to my own list of stupid things I've done. My friend is not naive to his ways either, and she warned us off him because she knew he probably would hit on her friends. I think I'm going to keep it quiet, I think that the worst she'll find out is that we kissed...not that I want her to know that either.

I know I should probably just stay away from guys for a while or something. I don't think that's the problem either, as I'm not actively looking for someone. I don't jump into bed with guys either (except in this case), so that's not the problem. Sometimes I think it's the way I look, I'm have a kind of thin but very curvy build, and unless I really cover up I look quite chesty, maybe I give off the wrong vibe. But I think that it's more than that, I must be acting in a way that gives people the impression it's ok to treat me badly. I don't know how to change that.

LegacyUser

Sorry, just wanted to add, he's way over the age of consent and v experienced in that area, so that also is not the problem.

amybabes

baglady wrote: »

In fairness, it is none of your business who your brothers/friends sleep with. You simply have no right to dictate to any of them what (or who!) they cannot do. Your brother got badly treated by some girls but this has no bearing on the current situation, especially since these weren't even your friends who did it! The bottom line is it is none of your business. Maybe you would never sleep with a friends brother, and that is fine, but that does not mean everyone has to do the same. At the end of they day if the OP developed a relationship with the brother and things turned sour, it could cause a bit of awkwardness, but if there is a solid foundation of friendship there (between her and her friend), they will get over it and move on.

i didnt say everyone had to do the same love, i said id feel the same if it was my brother, so keep ur hair on!
each 2 their own, everyones entitled to their own opinion!!:P:P:rolleyes::rolleyes:

CDfm

sillywithmen wrote: »

Sorry, just wanted to add, he's way over the age of consent and v experienced in that area, so that also is not the problem.

It is none of his sisters business. Anyway -neither is it nice to "kiss and tell".

amybabes

silly with men wrote: »

No, I'm not really into the younger brother. He's not into me either though, so that's not the problem. It's more that it was such a slappery thing to do, especially cos I don't sleep around. It was the last thing I'd have thought would happen, it really was just a case of one thing leading to another. My friend will be annoyed, because she doesn't sleep around, I usually don't sleep around, and she doesn't want her brother sleeping around...especially not with her friends.

I'm not looking for a guy at all. And when I do meet them, it is through friends/sport etc. I don't go out actively seeking men, but I do get into relationships easily enough, I don't mean that in a bad way, but I get asked out a bit, and if I like someone or find them interesting I'll go out with them to see what they're like as a date. I haven't just randomly met someone at a bar for years. The guys I have gone out with in the last year (a few months here and there) have all seemed really nice, really keen and certainly charmed me big time. They've all had good jobs (I hope that doesn't sound snobby, I just mean they're not messing around in every area of their lives) and appeared very mature. Yet they've done things like ring me for a date and never contact me again (months into the relationship) bring me out and then end up with a different girl on the same night and just generally lie and do crap stuff a month or two into the relationship when I thought things were going well.

I am in my late 20s and I've had a good few relationships, and guys have always treated me well before. I have always gone for mature guys before. I don't think I'm very immature. I have a very responsible job, and most people would see me as serious and professional I think. Maybe I am immature, but I have held down serious relationships with serious guys in the past. It's just in the last year that this has happened.

I'm just confused as to why I'm attracting and being attracted to guys that are clearly not very nice, and generally big players, and I don't realise how bad they are until they really step out of line. I am concerned that I went near my friend's brother, because I don't sleep around at all, and then I did with someone that I really shouldn't have. If one of my own friends was acting like this a year ago, I'd be telling them to cop on and grow up etc etc as it's not the way I usually act. But I don't feel like I am doing this on purpose, it just feels like I keep getting myself into stupid situations. I have got pretty hurt a few times lately, not because I was really into these guys I've been seeing (in fairness, it's usually only been a few months) but because I feel so embarassed that they'd be so disrespectful towards me. The last guy even told me that my last boyfriend must have spoilt me because I'm such high maintenance, just because I complained that he was all over other girls when we were out. I finished with him that night.. Now, as I said I was in a long-term relationship until last year, and my ex was very good to me. But I think respect is normal in a relationship. I'm not sure if I'm making a whole lot of sense, but I just feel like I'm being overly naive, and I can't understand why that has happened.

My friend's brother is as big a player as any of them, I certainly wasn't the one leading him astray, so that's just adding to my own list of stupid things I've done. My friend is not naive to his ways either, and she warned us off him because she knew he probably would hit on her friends. I think I'm going to keep it quiet, I think that the worst she'll find out is that we kissed...not that I want her to know that either.

I know I should probably just stay away from guys for a while or something. I don't think that's the problem either, as I'm not actively looking for someone. I don't jump into bed with guys either (except in this case), so that's not the problem. Sometimes I think it's the way I look, I'm have a kind of thin but very curvy build, and unless I really cover up I look quite chesty, maybe I give off the wrong vibe. But I think that it's more than that, I must be acting in a way that gives people the impression it's ok to treat me badly. I don't know how to change that.

sometimes u find someone when u least expect it.....i thought that i was only capable of attracting the wrong sort of men at one stage also.....but maybe its just the sort of men that i am attracted to! being honest, and i think this is a common problem with women.....if there was 2 guys at a bar and one was ignoring me, and the other was being charming/nice etc....id prob be after the one who didnt care about me!! its just the way it is sometimes......take some time out 4 a while maybe, hope u find someone who'll treat u well!

baglady

amybabes wrote: »

i didnt say everyone had to do the same love, i said id feel the same if it was my brother, so keep ur hair on!
each 2 their own, everyones entitled to their own opinion!!:P:P:rolleyes::rolleyes:

alright love, relax. My main point being, sure you can have an opinion, but if that interferes with two other peoples free choice and will, you would probably be better off keeping it to yourself.

Katgurl

Ah OP, I could have written your last post myself.

I'm similar age & always felt I have never had any problems with guys or getting into relationships, guys would always call me, send flowers, treat me like a princess etc etc.

I don't know what's going on with me the last year but I feel like (up two months ago when i decided enough was enough) i have let every loser into my bed and invited them to treat me like a piece of $hit. Ok slight exaggeration but seriously i am sending out the wrong vibes.

I don't have any advice for you, I hope things improve for you. What I'm doing is giving guys a wide berth for a while until someone really really special comes along.

Fingers crossed for both of us.

tolteq

sillywithmen wrote: »

That's the second problem. I don't know what got into me (besides alcohol) What can I do to cop on/grow up?

eh........at the risk of sounding obvious.......u stated it urself.

amybabes

an opinion is an opinion, it only interferes with someones choice if they let it.......the OP was looking for advice or suggestions in the first place, and i gave my opinion....that i would have been upset if it was one of my friends and my brother if i had specifically requested that she had not got involved......that was my opinion, so maybe you dont agree with it and that is fine, each to their own AS I HAVE ALREADY SAID, but lay off criticising mine....its hardly helping the situation. you disagree, enough said! but i wont be keeping my opinion to myself just because u dont agree!

best of luck OP, i hope what i have said has made sense to u.....i can just understand why your friend would be upset, as i could relate to that. you will find someone who treats you well, in the meantime maybe stop being so hard on yourself? its easy to feel s**t about yourself after doing things like this, give yourself a break and take some time out....things will surely fall into place sooner or later x

CDfm

amybabes wrote: »

an opinion is an opinion, it only interferes with someones choice if they let it.......the OP was looking for advice or suggestions in the first place, and i gave my opinion....that i would have been upset if it was one of my friends and my brother if i had specifically requested that she had not got involved......

I would have thought the OPs friend was a bit out of order and that getting drunk and sleeping with the guy was a bit of a mistake -but no real harm done.

I am very curious as to why the OPs friend did not want her to sleep with her brother & what those reasons are. THe confession and remorse thing I can get.