Am I being overly protective?

LegacyUser

My GF and I had a bit of a row over the weekend about this. She hasn't accused me of being protective but she made out that I was being ridiculous.

Basically she was out in town on Saturday and she got out of the taxi about a mile from her house at 4 in the morning and walked the rest of the way home as she hadn't enough money. Now she has done this a few times before so it's not a once off thing. And I've told her before to call me.

Anyway, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of her being alone walking home at that time after a night out. I told her that any time this happens to call me and I'll come and collect her. I don't think that's me bing unreasonable at all. I'm happy to do it for peace of mind because I'll now be worrying about her otherwise.

She kind of laughed it off and made it clear enough that she won't call me if this happens and she says she's absolutely fine.

Now we're both 24, and I know that she's well able to make her own decisions etc but lets be realistic, I'm sure nobody would be comfortable knowing that a female friend/ girlfriend/ sister/ mother etc was walking home alone at 4 in the morning. So with that in mind I'd be happier to be woken up and for me to drive the 5 mins from my house and collect her so she doesn't have to do this.



Am I being overly protective?


Thanks.

LegacyUser

youre not being over protective at all! i know lots of women including myself who would love to have someone who cares like that. Of course if shes walking alone at night anything can happen to her, and its totally right on your part to offer to come collect her. I think she should count herself lucky to have such a nice/caring bf .

Katgurl

what a nice boyfriend you are. keep telling her its no problem and / or drop her a text next time she's out reminding her.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Am I being overly protective?

No you're not. She's being really stupid.
Anything could happen to her on that walk home.
I think she's mad to do it on such a regular basis.

Wibbs

I would like you OP. I wouldn't be too happy with a woman, mate, relative or lover walking home on her own that late. Too many drunken nutters around. That said I wouldn't agree with Katgurl in this case as far as texting her. It could just make you appear hectoring and make her dig her heels in more. Could be wrong though. If it was me, I'll offer once maybe twice, if the offer is rejected I will tell her the offer is there and leave it at that. If she ends up getting into bother one night, it's not my problem as I have offered and left that offer open ended. At that point it's down to her.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

I would like you OP. I wouldn't be too happy with a woman, mate, relative or lover walking home on her own that late. Too many drunken nutters around. That said I wouldn't agree with Katgurl in this case as far as texting her. It could just make you appear hectoring and make her dig her heels in more. Could be wrong though. If it was me, I'll offer once maybe twice, if the offer is rejected I will tell her the offer is there and leave it at that. If she ends up getting into bother one night, it's not my problem as I have offered and left that offer open ended. At that point it's down to her.

OP here again.

I don't want to hassle her but at the same time, the problem with your suggestion is IF, God forbid, something were to happen to her, I'd never forgive myself for not insisting on it.

I'm thinking I should sit her down and explain to her that I am uncomfortable with her going home alone, that I'm honestly happier to be woken up to go get her than for her to risk her safety. Whats a half hours lost sleep worth compared to peace of mind.

She has said "but I'd call you if I was in trouble" to which I've already said it could be too late by then.

I don't really know what to do but I don't sleep well at night now anymore if I know she's out because of this.

Polleta

Personally I'd always make sure I had enough money with me to get a taxi the whole way home but I have in my younger years gotten the nightlink and walked the remaining mile home alone. I did it a few times but one night I was walking with a female friend who lives about half a mile from my house and just before are paths spilt we bumped into a gang of younger guys hanging around... it scared us enough for both of us to go to one of our houses and I haven't walked since with even two of us!

I think we can be guilty of naively thinking it will be fine, it will never happen to me etc etc but in reality it can happen to anyone. A work colleague of mine's son was beaten up while walking home from a night out recently. He had to have two operations and took weeks to recover. Wrong place wrong time.

Male or female its not as safe as it seems.

Sit your gf down and say you really don't think its safe and if she doesn't want to wake you up to come collect her tell her to have one drink less on a night out and have enough for the taxi.

Kirnsy

Wibbs wrote: »

I would like you OP. I wouldn't be too happy with a woman, mate, relative or lover walking home on her own that late. Too many drunken nutters around. That said I wouldn't agree with Katgurl in this case as far as texting her. It could just make you appear hectoring and make her dig her heels in more. Could be wrong though. If it was me, I'll offer once maybe twice, if the offer is rejected I will tell her the offer is there and leave it at that. If she ends up getting into bother one night, it's not my problem as I have offered and left that offer open ended. At that point it's down to her.

good advice wibbs other than that mindset. i think personally it would play on my mind if something was to happen to an OH walking home when i could have picked her up.

so while i agree as to not hassling her, i wouldn't get into thinking in that way that my ass is covered if she gets beaten up or worse.

ps- its almost equally as dangerous for men to be walking home alone as women these days as polleta mentioned. so i hope its not a one way street in so far that if you ran outta money OP she might pick you up?

Darr3nG

A friend of mine works in a care unit and is a hell of a lot busier than anyone would like to think. We only hear about a fraction of the assaults that happen in this country (i.e. those that get to court).

No, OP, you're not being overly protective. I'e been accused of this myself, by many of my female friends, but sorry, I'm not gonna give up.

I don't have any advice on how you would go about making your GF see this. If nothing has happened to her or anyone she knows, it can be hard to accept, just how unsafe a country we live in.

Wibbs

Kirnsy wrote: »

good advice wibbs other than that mindset. i think personally it would play on my mind if something was to happen to an OH walking home when i could have picked her up.

so while i agree as to not hassling her, i wouldn't get into thinking in that way that my ass is covered if she gets beaten up or worse.

Oh no I see your point. I'm not saying that my arse would be covered, I'm just saying that you can't force someone to go along with you, even if it's clearly the sensible option. Yes I would be very upset if something happened to a partner in that situation but TBH I wouldn't beat myself up about it, as the offer had been made and made repeatedly, so it would be her ultimate responsibility(or lack of it) for anything that would happen. As she is not a child, I wouldn't personally go down the route of constantly mentioning it. She would know the offer was there. If she choose to not take it up, that's her choice, not mine.

Sinall

There is only so much you can do OP. I understand where you are coming from and I agree with you. As a woman, I would not like to walk home on my own after a night out! However, your girlfriend seems strangely reluctant to accept your offer of a lift - perhaps she doesn't want to disturb you etc. You can only make sure she knows the offer is there, it's up to her whether she takes you up on it.

Mary42

I don't think you're being over protective. Does she have a sister or a friend who could talk to her about it? If it comes from someone else (especially another woman) that what she's doing is risky it might make her thing twice about it.

On the other hand I used to feel guilty about asking dad to pick me up from somewhere after a night out - maybe your gf feels you'll be waiting up for her or that she's getting you out of bed.

Miss Fluff

No you are right to be worried. God only knows who is hanging around at that time of night and she's at double the risk if her defenses are down with drink.

You sound very kind and thoughtful. I'd talk to her again about it and tell her it's something you really want to do for her.

OR if wants to be so silly about it and she doesn't want you coming to pick her up, at least let her phone you and pick up the taxi fare money at your house on the way home.

Myggel

Leave a fiver/tenner under her doormat and text her. She now has enough for the last mile home, you get a good night's sleep without any interruptions. Sorted!

Magenta

OP my boyfriend is the same as you. Any time we are going anywhere he goes out of his way to collect me from my house, rain hail or snow.
Perhaps your girlfriend feels she is bothering you, I used to be like that but in the end it would bother someone more if they were awake worrying about you than it would for them to take 5-10 minutes to come and collect you.

ManOfMystery

You aren't being over protective at all. Perhaps the next time she turns on the news and heard some woman was raped whilst walking home alone, she'll understand what kind of position she could find herself in some day.

gimme5minutes

you are not being overly protective, but she is being a complete idiot. some people just dont realise the dangers that are out there and think the stuff they see in the papers 'will never happen to me'....until it does. its girls like her who are oblivious to danger that end up getting raped, assaulted...you will regularly see reportings in the paper of women walking alone in deserted areas at night and getting attacked, and you have to ask yourself, what the hell were they thinking in the first place to put themselves in that situation. It is absolute madness for a women to be walking around alone in the dark at 4am, tell her to cop on before its too late.

it reminds of that recent case of the two couples who were parked in some remote forest park in Louth (i think, not sure of the exact location) who got the sh*t kicked out of them, and one girl got raped, the other got an iron bar in the face. the first thing that struck me on reading about it was, what the hell were they thinking, putting themselves in that situation as about 6 years ago a very similar incident occured where a group of guys attacked a couple in a similar location, locking the guy in the boot of the car and raping the girl. some people just dont have a clue about the level of danger/scum out there.

tbh

whether or not your are justified in your fears is irrelevant. You're talking about your g/f, not your child.

Here's the situation. You've said "I don't want you doing this". She's said "yeah, thanks, but I'm going to do it anyway".

it's now your move.

smares

I don't think your being over protective at all. I think it shows your a caring person and now a days it is dangerous for someone to be walking alone.
I would love to know that my boyfriend would do that for me,she should be grateful

Micky Dolenz

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically she was out in town on Saturday and she got out of the taxi about a mile from her house at 4 in the morning and walked the rest of the way home as she hadn't enough money. Now she has done this a few times before so it's not a once off thing. And I've told her before to call me.



Thanks.

Ok, something sounds fishy here. Why on earth would anyone do that?. Esp after a few drinks, walking would be the last thing on your mind. I would beg the cabbie to drop me home.
Any decent cabbie would drop a lone female home for the sake of a mile fair.

Where exactly does she walk from? is it the from the same area all the time?

Sorry, but I am suspicious.