Having family problems - anyone else?

LegacyUser

Guess I just want to know that I am not going mad.

I have 1 older brother and 1 older and 1 younger sister. Guess am in the middle. I always feel left out with them. Always. It has gotton worse recently because they disliked my boyfriend. I have broken up with him due to pressure from them. I am 28. I thought things would get easier, not harder.

They socialise together and leave me out. They never ask me. It really gets me down. They even missed my birthday a few weeks ago. My ex (with who I still see regularly-am really torn) organised something in town for me. I didnt know. He invited my brother, his new girlfriend and sisters but they never came. I took it really badly - nearly had a melt down. I feel so low. Any advice please? Its like I am living for them. I want to live for me and for us all to get on.

star-pants

May I ask is the only reason you broke up with your bf down to your family? if so, and there's not really any bad issues with you two, then that's a silly decision to have made. He made an effort for your birthday when your family didn't.

Also has anything ever happened to create a rift between you and your siblings? what ages are they?

Nevyn

You are 28 not 8.
Let them live their life and you live yours, I can not believe that you broke up with someone just based on what they think.

Just because they are your siblings that does not mean you are friends, or have to be friends or should be friends.
Where are your own friends? Why are you looking at their relationship and coveting it?

LegacyUser

I dont know why I am like this with them. To be honest, its like being at school and you want to join the popular gang but they wont let you into their circle. And you are right when you say Im 28 not 8. I have tried to reason this with myself before-that am old enough to live my life and not give a fcuk what other people think. I was bitterly upset at them not showing for my birthday. Was just ignored. In a nutshell its like if I dont do what they want me to do then my name is mud. I dont know where I fit in the family anymore. I feel like I dont belong. I have friends and some of them know whats going on. 2 of them have even commented how head strong one of my sisters is. I heard someone lately say something nasty about one of them and I didnt even stand up for her.

Quandary

Hi OP,

Maybe you should consider confronting your family and talking to them about how you feel? It will make you feel better and worst case scenario you come out of it having made an effort to fix the situation!:)

Nevyn

tbh fúck them if they don't apperiacate you why should you put up with an abusive and controlling relationship with them just because they are family?

Quandary

Thaedydal wrote: »

tbh fúck them if they don't apperiacate you why should you put up with an abusive and controlling relationship with them just because they are family?

thats not very constructive - the OP has said she wants to get on with them. Falling out with them would be the easy way out.

Toots

Maybe not falling out with them, but I think just ignoring them is probably the way to go here. Live your own life and look out for no1. Get back with you ex too if possible cos he seems like a nice guy. TBH, it sounds to me like your family will dislike whoever you choose to go out with, so better to be with someone who they don't like and be happy with that person, rather than lonely and filled with regret.

LegacyUser

I'm in my thirties, and have an older brother and younger sister who treat me the same way. It's only now that I've begun to see them as they really are..... insecure ,controlling bullies. The more they see me down the better they feel about themselves and when they see me happy and upbeat I get called pretentious and false. I used to feel hurt and angry about it but now I just see them as pathetic.
As another poster said, just because they are your family it doesn't mean they are your friends. The truth is they are probably jealous and threatened by you. Friends of mine pointed this out to me in the past about my siblings but I've only really grasped what they meant in the last year because I've been forced to take a close look at my family and their dysfunctionality.
My advice is if you don't want to fall out with them just keep your distance and when you do meet with them keep it polite and impersonal. The only way you will really get along with them is if you stoop to their level of bitchyness and insecurity and you seem above that so why bother. Don't really on their approval to determine your happiness. They are bullies, they don't care about your happiness. All they care about is dominating you. Accept that they have issues with their own self confidence and self esteem and bullying you makes them feel better about themselves. This is the basis of all bullying.
Google the word TOXIC FAMILIES or TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS and you will find that what you are experiencing is very common in families.
Hope this is of some help!!!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for the replies.

At one stage there I didnt speak to my sisters for 4 months. Rather they didnt speak to me. It was also pointed out to me by a friend (shes known me since i was a kid) that when I am around them I become so under-confident. That when I am with them I have to do what they tell me. Ridiculous I know but I didnt know any different. Have always been the easy going one. Even the quiet, introverted one.

I have always prided myself on my education. Am up to Masters at the moment. They think what I am doing is useless. My BF, well ex now, really brought me out of myself. They have accused him of stealing money off them. They also spread rumours that he does drugs. I can only say that I lived with him for 3 years 24/7 and never seen, heard or smelled drugs. I do not condone that sort of behaviour. But there is no telling them. They dont listen to reason. I stood beside BF through this. He was distraught. Eventually we broke down. Pressure was too much. Now its their time for punishment. I cant believe I am reduced to this.