Male - can't come

LegacyUser

hi,

im in a relationship a few months now, having sex with a great girl. To put it bluntly i cannot come during sex. I have never came from sex. i was with my ex for 4-5 years and i never came. i can come from say a handjob, but oral or sex i dont. its starting to bother me. im fed up having sex for hours with the end result being the same, and im sure it has bothered the girls ive been with.

any lads out there suffer this? any suggestions? im thinking i might try and cut back on masturbation as this might have made me less sensitive over the years...is this possible?

bubblewrap

Think of me and you won't go far wrong.

Just kidding. Most sexual problems are psychological, stop putting pressure on yourself. Maybe see a GP to rule out any physical problems. Are you finding the right girls? You need someone you feel sexually attracted to, not saying you haven't but you need to look at it from that perspective, do they turn you on even though you don't actually climax? Does sex feel good at all for you?

LegacyUser

Im the same as yourself, never could get my head around it myself.

Ive never come during sex, can only do it if the hands involved too. With me i think its to do with the speed, if i use my hand i go quite fast, faster than is possible when having sex.

I dont let it get me down, i wait till my GF is done then finish the job myeslf or get her too.

LegacyUser

hi,

yeah i am sexually attracted to her, most of my partners have been pretty hot. i dont know what it is because i do enjoy sex, i just never climax from sex. its annoying and very frustrating. could watching porn having anything to do with it? what physical problems could cause this? i wasnt aware of any physical problems that could result in this.

Lollipops23

Op have you got a massive fear of unwanted pregnancy(more than normal guys, i mean!)??
as mentioned, this prob is most likely psychological as you're well able to come when you DIY. it may be a case of knowing "i can't come" which actually causes your inability...like after a once-off incident(which happens to every guy) you just built it up in your head?

thebigfella68

CantCome wrote: »

hi,

yeah i am sexually attracted to her, most of my partners have been pretty hot. i dont know what it is because i do enjoy sex, i just never climax from sex. its annoying and very frustrating. could watching porn having anything to do with it? what physical problems could cause this? i wasnt aware of any physical problems that could result in this.

go to your doctor ask for a blood test, get your testoterone levels checked could be your low

i have had this problem as well, sometimes i would avoid masterbation before sex, think of a position you've used and cum with and use this one, worked for me;)

but defo get your levels checked very important affects lots of things, you can get tesoterone prescribed if it is the problem

Queencake

CantCome wrote: »

im thinking i might try and cut back on masturbation as this might have made me less sensitive over the years...is this possible?

I would bet money that this is the issue.

I knew a guy who had a similar issue and it was down to him being so used to - well, his own hand. He was used to masturbating a lot - like 5 times a day.

He simply had got used to the speed and grip of his own hand. Saying that, he would always come with me but with past girlfriends he would sometimes have to give up or fake it.

If I remember correctly he improved his situation by cutting back on the masturbation.

It's not down to the girls not being attractive enough ffs. OP I doubt it is due to porn because that would imply that you're not getting aroused enough during real sex. You say yourself you are - that the girls have been very attractive to you and the sex has been enjoyable.

finbarrk

Don't make yourself come for a good few days and it should work then.

dblennon

finbarrk wrote: »

Don't make yourself come for a good few days and it should work then.

Yes Serious! abstain from sex and "shandies" for a week.

You will have to contol yourself!

LegacyUser

ok well i would indulge in about 2 shandies a day! i reckon this probably needs to cut back to 2 a week...but how the hell do you do that!

LegacyUser

I should add that because I havent came during sex...i tend to have more shandies because im so bloody frustrated...and even when im having sex, Im thinking in my head "this is going to happen" ... not a happy man!

dblennon

It won't be easy but imagine how much better the sex will be.

Mary Harney

Hi Op

could watching porn having anything to do with it? what physical problems could cause this? i wasnt aware of any physical problems that could result in this.

I don't think it is physical but it could be the porn you are watching is making you less sensitive to the real thing. What I mean is that the image in your head is far more sexier than what it happening but that can be rectified.

It sounds like your penis has become desensitised and you need to get it sensitive again. First of I would talk to your girlfriend about this if you can, or suggest a sexy game in that you ask her to touch you all over but avoid your cock no matter how much you want to touch it or come. Then leave it for a while and go back to being touched all over. Keep doing that until you feel very, very aroused and then get your girlfriend to massage it gently, in particular the head and use lots of lube, again stop as you come close to orgasm, keep doing that and then when you are close then have sex and see if that works. There are loads of sites that can give advice to building intimacy and sensitivity in that region, and I would suggest going slower not faster, plus cutting back on the masturbation. I know it is frustating when you want to come and it only happens the one way, I had a similar problem and I learned to build up an overall sensitivity to my body. Hope that helps, also if you can try to get out of your head and focus on the pleasure of it.