Another Loser Looking for Girl Advice

LegacyUser

Never thought id ask boards for this kind of advice but here it goes.

I'm 21, in middle of my final exams, a girl who I talked to 2/3 times over the last 4 years is sitting near me in the library. The thing is its been over a year since I last spoke to her and I'm not sure if she recognises me as we havent acknowledged each other yet.

I really fancied her then, and still do, and know if I dont do anything about it in the next week i'll never see her again.
In the past I hoped on meeting her out at night "by chance" to get anywhere but to no avail.

My question is what would a girl think if I spoke to her for the first time in a year and asked her out?

Please bare in mind:
-I have never asked anyone out, it seems not the done thing to do for students today, romances begin in night clubs apparently.
-Im honest, I'm not particularly attractive, 5'9", slightly overweight,
-She is very friendly and I'm sure to misinterpret friendliness as affection

StormWarrior

Do you know anyone who knows her? If you have a mutual aquaintance, perhaps they can get you hanging out together as a threesome for a while and things can go from there?

Or just casually walk past her now and ask her if the book she's looking at is interesting? Or ask if she has a pen you can borrow?

star-pants

First mistake you made was in the title, calling yourself a loser.
You're not a loser, unless the entire world is. You need to have confidence, asking her out right now or tomorrow won't make a difference, just do it.
IF you know someone in common with her & you see if you can get contact details. The worst is she says no, not the end of the world, not embarrassing, just a 'no'. And the more you get out there and do it, the less fear you'll have of trying.

O'Coonassa

Get it out of your head that she's anything but just another mere girl, they can smell the desperation and it smells very badly to them. Make her laugh, make her laugh, make her laugh. One you have her laughing be boyishly cheeky and ask her what she's up to at the weekend.

JMCD

Agree Totally with star-pants. Get rid of that view you have of yourself as a loser first and foremost.

Your life is a general reflection of your thoughts and of how you view yourself, so if you percieve yourself as a loser you will act like a loser and give of the vibe of being a loser.

So go ahead and ask the girl out an then sort out the way you think of yourself.

Best of luck!:)

RacoonQueen

Dude, ask her out. If she says no, sure after next week you'll never see her again. Go over to her ask her if she'd like to go for a drink or something some time and hand her your number on a piece of paper. Ball is in her court then.

legal lady

i also agree with star pants.......dont look on yourself as a loser!!!!!!!
be confident......u have nothing to lose.......
i say GO FOR IT!!!!!!;)

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 21, in middle of my final exams, a girl who I talked to 2/3 times over the last 4 years is sitting near me in the library. The thing is its been over a year since I last spoke to her and I'm not sure if she recognises me as we havent acknowledged each other yet.

I really fancied her then, and still do, and know if I dont do anything about it in the next week i'll never see her again.

Gather up your courage son, and just do it like this: "Hey, Yourname, listen. This may be the last chance I get to ask, and since you're already sitting down to answer a bunch of questions already, I was wondering how you might feel about going out for drinks sometime?"

If you can get that spat out of your gob, the rest is a cakewalk.

bubblewrap

Stop putting yourself down.

I know gaining confidence is hard but please don't call yourself a loser.

I am considered beautiful by my boyfriend but I wouldn't have dreamt of asking him out because I am down on myself too. The view you have on yourself does not match the views of others, unless you continue with this "I am a loser, don't even bother" attitude.

Just get chatting, casually, see how you get on and go with the flow. Don't plan too far ahead with what to say because it will make it ten times harder.

Good luck hunny.

SarahSassy

O'Coonassa wrote: »

Get it out of your head that she's anything but just another mere girl

This is really good advice... She is only a human and so what if you ask her out and she says no - you wont have to see her after next week.....

Dont leave it and do nothing and then regret it for years to come - fortune favours the brave.

Photojoe

The flipside is that rejection or massive social embarrassment will haunt you for years and cause a further deterioration in your confidence.

Be careful out there.

SarahSassy

Photojoe wrote: »

The flipside is that rejection or massive social embarrassment will haunt you for years and cause a further deterioration in your confidence.

Be careful out there.

Nah, not true. HE sounds like HE has a bit of cop on.

Scrambled egg

A moment of embarassment is better than a lifetime of regret.

Photojoe

Scrambled egg wrote: »

A moment of embarassment is better than a lifetime of regret.

Not always. It could be the tipping point to ending a persons life.

blaz

OP, what will happen if you don't approach her? You will never see her again. What is the worst thing that could happen if you approached her? She might say no. But at least you will know where you stand. Expect the best, be prepared for the worst. Fear of rejection is a guy's worst enemy.

And remember, it does not matter how much you like her, that alone won't magically make her like you. There is only one way to find out if she likes you.

TechnicalGroup

Overheal wrote: »

Gather up your courage son, and just do it like this: "Hey, Yourname, listen. This may be the last chance I get to ask, and since you're already sitting down to answer a bunch of questions already, I was wondering how you might feel about going out for drinks sometime?"

If you can get that spat out of your gob, the rest is a cakewalk.

Flat wrong.

If you present you and her going out together as her doing you a favour, then ask yourself:

1. What does that tell her about you?
2. What are you going to do to return the favour? (presuming you get that far)

If you are offering to take her out, then that is you doing her a favour, and without being cocky or demeaning her, you should embed that belief into everything you say to her.

I won't give you the words, but the meaning of them should be "You seem like a beautiful/kind/thoughtful/intelligent person, and for that reason I will reward you by going out with you, I think we will both enjoy that".

Don't offer to spend a cent on her, your gift to her is your valuable time.

gabbygirlgavin

OP!
U have nothing to lose, ask her on a date, just do it! dont u dare let this opportunity pass u by or u will regret it! ASK her out!!

Overheal

TechnicalGroup wrote: »

Flat wrong.

If you present you and her going out together as her doing you a favour, then ask yourself:

1. What does that tell her about you?
2. What are you going to do to return the favour? (presuming you get that far)

If you are offering to take her out, then that is you doing her a favour, and without being cocky or demeaning her, you should embed that belief into everything you say to her.

I won't give you the words, but the meaning of them should be "You seem like a beautiful/kind/thoughtful/intelligent person, and for that reason I will reward you by going out with you, I think we will both enjoy that".

Don't offer to spend a cent on her, your gift to her is your valuable time.

Well at least I tried!


*cries*

I'd rather do it than not, even if my way is the wrong way

LegacyUser

TechnicalGroup wrote: »

Flat wrong.

If you present you and her going out together as her doing you a favour, then ask yourself:

1. What does that tell her about you?
2. What are you going to do to return the favour? (presuming you get that far)

If you are offering to take her out, then that is you doing her a favour, and without being cocky or demeaning her, you should embed that belief into everything you say to her.

I won't give you the words, but the meaning of them should be "You seem like a beautiful/kind/thoughtful/intelligent person, and for that reason I will reward you by going out with you, I think we will both enjoy that".

Don't offer to spend a cent on her, your gift to her is your valuable time.

While you definitely shouldn't grovel please dont do this....you'll just come across as weird! Just ask her out - "hiya, would you like to go out for a drink next week? " And quit with the putting yourself down, and remember looks are not the main criteria for girls liking a guy anyway.

Good luck with exams too!

mardybum

Ok, obviously the moment you were in is gone, but if you find yourself in that situation again...

say something that involves you both in some way... could be something as mundane as, 'how's your studying going?'/'Haven't talked to you in a while, what exams have you got'/'how did you find teacher x's notes/

When she answers and your conversation starts ... you can say, 'jebus, this is nearly the end of college, can I get your number?' And then depending on how confident you feel about it...' - We should go out for a drink sometime.

Thats it, the end. You're right about the 'dating' culture being fairly weak here, so unless the girl is *mad* about you, she's likely to be thrown by being asked on a date, and won't know what to say. You don't want her to get nervous and say no cause she's scared! If you ask for her number she'll give it, and get an inkling of what your goal is, and then if you text her saying how bout a coffee/pint she can reply easier.

p.s don't ever refer to yourself as a loser, or unattractive etc. 99% of people feel like this a lot of the time, the difference is knowing that it's an insecurity and being able to put up a front of confidence. Fake it til it's natural!