Rape

boards.iemember

Hi,

I was raped when I was 13 by a neighbour that was in his 30's. The bastard still lives near me and it bothers the hell out of me so much that I hate leaving my home:mad:

Anyway,my question is..

I never reported it at the time but in the past few months,I reported it twice to the garda confidential line. I'm just wondering is there anything they can actually do after it being so long?

I can't make a statement ..well I could but,I couldn't face it. This man is friends with my parents, and they don't know it happened ect.. so its tough.

mikemac

I don't know how the legal system works here.
Would your word be enough to convict him if you do want to go ahead?
I wouldn't think so but I don't realy know and this isn't the place to get legal advice.


http://www.rcni.ie
These guys can advise you, there may be a branch in your local town

newballsplease

very sorry to hear that, cant imagine what u feel like, and to be honest, i dont know the law so cant give my opinion.

just to say, hope ur ok.


people here will point u in the right direction tho.

Crumble Froo

http://www.oneinfour.ie/

this website might be able to help point you in the right direction.

best of luck, OP.

Joey the lips

This is a hard question to answer on this forum, for example if i tell you this happened to a "friend" of mine but she failed because of the time involved and the fact the man denied it would it mean you will fail???

I think men like this dend on people like you not to say anything ever or after to much time there will be no evidence.

My advice having researched the subject is, if this ever has happened to anyone reading in recently or you can remember, write everything down, date times day event ie was there a party in the house!

You will have to seek further advice on this becuase if you feel strong enough to write it down its bothering you! The biggest obsticle is fear of all around you and how they will react. I suggest you sound this out with an organisation or councillor like mentioned above. At least they might give you the support when your telling all.

Best wishes.

holly1

For a start what age are you now?
Have you spoken to anyone else about it?
You need to talk to a counsler,you should not hold all this to yourself.
A friend of mine,her daughter was raped by her boyfriend and she told nobody for years and it effected her ina lot of ways,she never reported it either.But eventually told her family and they were very supportive and made her go to a counsler and she is much better able to handle things now.The reason they did not report the b****rd was because he is living in another country now.
Please look after yourself and talk to someone.

Fiend-Foe

holly1 wrote: »

For a start what age are you now?
Have you spoken to anyone else about it?
You need to talk to a counsler,you should not hold all this to yourself.
A friend of mine,her daughter was raped by her boyfriend and she told nobody for years and it effected her ina lot of ways,she never reported it either.But eventually told her family and they were very supportive and made her go to a counsler and she is much better able to handle things now.The reason they did not report the b****rd was because he is living in another country now.
Please look after yourself and talk to someone.

+1

You need to talk to someone.

Nobody can deal with this on their own. Go and talk to someone and get help and support. They will also be able to advise you the best route to take to report him. This could also be very important because if this man thinks he has gotten away with it, he may try to hurt someone else.

Don't try carry this burden alone, open up to a family member or a counselor.

Take care.

username123

I know its a horribly difficult thing to tell your parents about but its important that you do tell them. Its the veil of secrecy that allows scum like this to get away with rape. If you have the courage to come out and tell then maybe you will save someone else from suffering the same fate as you.

It wasnt your fault, this person is a sick scumbag and you should not have to live a life of terror about leaving the house because of him.

I know it feels like you couldnt make a statement, but you can - if you get the support you need you will have the strength to do it.

If you are in Dublin have a look at this link:
http://www.drcc.ie/

I just googled to get that, if you are elsewhere in the country a google will find you the nearest agency to help you.

Please look after yourself and contact one of the support agencies, you should have counselling and support, what has happened to you is an horrific event but you can move past it and live a healthy life. Dont bottle it up, it will do you more damage on the inside if you do.

Ericka

boards.iemember wrote: »

Hi,

I was raped when I was 13 by a neighbour that was in his 30's. The bastard still lives near me and it bothers the hell out of me so much that I hate leaving my home:mad:

Anyway,my question is..

I never reported it at the time but in the past few months,I reported it twice to the garda confidential line. I'm just wondering is there anything they can actually do after it being so long?

I can't make a statement ..well I could but,I couldn't face it. This man is friends with my parents, and they don't know it happened ect.. so its tough.

First and foremost, I think I would sit my parents down. They most certainly would not want to be friends with this man, had they have known what he'd done. That in itself must be making you feel very uneasy.

Secondly, I don't know what the law on this is exactly. I think there is probably something you can do about it, but it would be harder to prove after this time. I think I would sit down by myself, and write a log of events that led up to the rape, what exactly he said and did, and then go to the garda station. At the front desk, ask to speak to somebody regarding a delicate matter, and they will probably take you off to another room. If it helps you feel more at ease, as if there is a female garda around that you could speak to.

The bottom line is, he should not be able to get away with this, and you know that yourself. I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you, but you need to deal with this. Otherwise you will never have closure on the matter.

best of luck.

Miss Fluff

The OP is 20.

I see from previous posts you have suffered from anxiety and are now in therapy and are on antidepressants. Before deciding to do anything about this I'd discuss this at length with your counsellor. I presume you have spoken to them about it already? What have they recommended?

LegacyUser

I was raped nearly 5 years ago by my boyfriend at the time and I did not report him either. I am very angry with him and want him to pay, but simply cannot face everybody knowing about this so I understand how you feel. However, a couple of years after it happened I had a few months of counselling, and it certainly helped alot. Have some counselling and see how you feel after that.

Salome

From a legal point of view, if you mean you wanted him in court for this, then I'm afraid it's unlikely that a prosecution would succeed due to the lapse of time and the lack of any evidence to back it up. It would be down to your word against his and the DPP would have to consider whether a prosecution would succeed as a result of a lack of physical evidence.

I think that is not as important as looking after you though. Please speak to your parents about this and speak to a counsellor. At the end of the day, it's you that is the most important person in all this - please talk to someone about it.

username123

Salome wrote: »

From a legal point of view, if you mean you wanted him in court for this, then I'm afraid it's unlikely that a prosecution would succeed due to the lapse of time and the lack of any evidence to back it up. It would be down to your word against his and the DPP would have to consider whether a prosecution would succeed as a result of a lack of physical evidence.

This is unfortunately true. However, if anyone has ever made a similar allegation against this man and its on record there is a chance that something could happen.

Salome wrote: »

I think that is not as important as looking after you though. Please speak to your parents about this and speak to a counsellor. At the end of the day, it's you that is the most important person in all this - please talk to someone about it.

+1

aare

username123 wrote: »

This is unfortunately true. However, if anyone has ever made a similar allegation against this man and its on record there is a chance that something could happen.

...or, if any other young girl has cause to make a complaint against him in future your complaint now will ensure that she is immediately taken seriously, and he is taken out of circulation...

I am so sorry this happened to you...

username123

aare wrote: »

...or, if any other young girl has cause to make a complaint against him in future your complaint now will ensure that she is immediately taken seriously, and he is taken out of circulation...

I am so sorry this happened to you...

+1

Queen-Mise

PM sent

Reflector

really sorry this happened to you, go and see a concellor and discuss it so that you'll be able to do the right think that'll help you.

He shouldn't get away with it and your parents should know what kind of friends they have. But do see someone first to get your head right so you can approach it calmly.

LegacyUser

I wanted to post a response because I do understand how you feel. When I was 8 I was sexually abused (although not raped) but a 22 year old whose family was friends with my family My family (especially my older brothers and sisters) are still friends with the guy.

I went through such a rough time when I hit 20 and started to obsess over what had happened. It ate away at me and I became a different person - a very unhappy person inside - I literally felt like I was dead inside.

I just wanted to say that before you tell your family, you should talk to a counsellor about it. To this day I haven't told my family - I don't think I could cope with the fallout from it all nor do I think my mam could deal with it - she's had too much heartache in the last few years. For me, getting it all off my chest and having a few sessions with a counsellor was enough for me to move on with my life. I'm nearly back to my old self, I don't have nightmares anymore and the only time that it crosses my mind is when I read posts like yours.

Maybe for you it will be necessary to expose the matter to your family. But to the people who post replies saying you should just come out and tell people what happened, they can't know how it feels unless they've been in the situation itself.

Sorry if this is a bit garbled. I just wanted to say that you should make sure you have sorted the matter out with yourself (if that makes sense) before you decide to make it public - cos I think you need to be strong to deal with everythin that brings.

prinz

boards.iemember wrote: »

I never reported it at the time but in the past few months,I reported it twice to the garda confidential line. I'm just wondering is there anything they can actually do after it being so long?

I can't make a statement ..well I could but,I couldn't face it. This man is friends with my parents, and they don't know it happened ect.. so its tough.

It's a terrible situation to be in, but an important one to talk about with someone, anyone really. Counsellor, friend, family member, priest, anyone with an ear and a shoulder.

Unfortunately unless you phsyically go into a garda station to make it formal, there is not a lot they can do. Something could be done to this guy, unfortunately you need to make it public for that to happen. A prosectuion may be unlikely but has happened. The confidential lines are only for informative purposes only, the Gardaí are restricted to what they can do on the foot of such a call.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Give the guards a load of detail. A good interrogater might get a confession out of him.

Don't say anything to your parents until after you've made an official statement. Chances are they could go straight to his house and attack him. At the very least they'd say something and tip him off so he'd see the guards coming and have prepared a denial.

Unless he confesses to it he won't be prosecuted, no evidence.

For pure revenge you could just tell people in your area, though this will affect his family, who are innocent of the crime.