Confused

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Im a young enough guy still in secondary school and I'm just kind of confused at the moment about my sexuality. I like guys I suppose, but Im not sure whether I definitely do or not. Ive liked them from around when I hit puberty I think.

I feel kind of guilty about it though whenever I think about other guys. When I was younger in primary school people always used to call me names like "gaybo" and other stupid things because I was different, I dont know whether thats the reason i like guys or not though. Maybe i just think i like them because people always used to say i did...i dont know.

Im scared of the idea that i am. My parents kind of expect me to like girls i suppose, as does the rest of my extended family, since theyre kind of traditional. I live in a kinda rural enough place too so people wouldnt really be used to gay people so if people ever found out that i think about guys like i do id probably be ridiculed out of the place. A few people suspect it and make off-hand hurtful comments but i just try to shrug it off but i dont think i could really put up with it if more people started being like that to me. There have been a few gay people around here but they were treated....badly....to say the least. I dont think id be able to put up with abuse about it since i couldnt really go anywhere else to get away, since i still want to finish school.

I dont know. I think my parents would probably support me whatever i became, but i dont really want to disappoint them. My extended family probably wouldnt be happy about it but i could deal with them.

Its the people around here that really scare me though. What if they mock me or ridicule me and my friends dont talk to me anymore. I have few enough since im not the most popular guy and i know a few of them would stick by me but i dont really want to be talked about by half the people in the school....

Sometimes i think i should like girls and that i can probably make myself if i try enough. I know that probably wouldnt work, but it just seems so much easier. I dont want to be pushed around or bullied again about who i am, i just want to get on with my life.

Im putting this in PI instead of the LGB forum because its a general rant really and i just kind of wanted to talk to people about it instead of just LGB people, if you get what i mean.

Im just posting this because im feeling kind of down tonight and didnt really know where to go....

Thanks for reading....

turgon

Firstly, and most importantly, there is nothing "wrong" with being gay, at all. Its normal, and anyone who would seek to disagree is just being close minded.

Your pretty worried about what people will think, and thats natural too - that we all care about others opinions. When it comes to your immediate family and friends, I think if they are what you say they are - good relations and friends - then they will accept you for who you are. If any of my friends turned gay I would have no problem with it at all. Any friend who dumps you because of your sexual preferences probably has their own insecurities and might not be worth hanging onto you.

Your family should accept you for who you are. They are your family.

I don't think theres any point trying to hide it either. You seem pretty keen to convince yourself that you still like girls. Well, if you choose this route one of two things will happen. Firstly, best case scenario is you date a few girls and eventually (a year, a decade later) just realize that you just aren't into them, and only then will you start seeing guys and being happy. Otherwise your going to stick through it and get married to some women, and never really be into it and end up dreadfully unhappy.

It can always be tough not being "accepted" by society. When I went to school (I did LC '08) I wasn't exactly "mainstream," in that I did things people normally wouldn't do, like making movies and not caring what scumbags thought of me etc etc. Its embarrassing when your singled out (I was) but you've got to realize that the problem lies in the person singling you out - not you.

Anyway you might not be living in the country full time - maybe you will move to a city for university or career or something?

The fact that you've posted here is good step bud, talking about things is the only way to get through it. Maybe after a while you will be able to open up too some friends of family.

Elessar

turgon wrote: »

I don't think theres any point trying to hide it either. You seem pretty keen to convince yourself that you still like girls. Well, if you choose this route one of two things will happen. Firstly, best case scenario is you date a few girls and eventually (a year, a decade later) just realize that you just aren't into them, and only then will you start seeing guys and being happy. Otherwise your going to stick through it and get married to some women, and never really be into it and end up dreadfully unhappy.

Or, he is bisexual/bicurious (or whatever the term is) as so many young people are now and he would have no problem dating and marrying girls without being "dreadfully unhappy".

Let's not jump to conclusions.

OP, all these thoughts and feelings you're getting are a part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality, and there's nothing wrong with them. I think lots of people had/have them but it's not so openly discussed because of the way society is. It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay, but then only you can find that out. Don't rush to put labels onto yourself.

I wouldn't go around saying you are gay or bi just yet, my advice would be to wait until you have left school. If you want to, you can experiment with both guys and girls as you grow older to see what you like, or if you like both. But don't pressure yourself into anything.

As Chef would say "Children, there's a time and place for everything. It's called college!".

Lollipops23

OP if you are comfortable with who you are and true to yourself there's no way your parents should be disappointed in you. take your time and figure out who you are. forget about the small minded grassholes in your school, i'd put money on any guy giving you a hard time coming out in approx 10 years;)

don't feel a need to label yourself either, don't put yourself in a "gay" box or "straight" box. often college is the time and place for finding yourself in many ways, so if you plan on going to college there are organisations like LGBT who will be able to help you and are there to talk to.good luck X

LegacyUser

listen as everyone has said here there is nothing wrong with being gay!! if its men who you are attracted to and not women it is only the large amount of small minded stupid people in ireland that will have an issue with it..who are they to tell you what to do... you will realise when you get older that go most other countries in the world and it isnt really an issue.

i will say though that you sound very young i wouldn't go coming out or anything unless your absolutely sure, as school can be tough enough anyway without immature little ****es making fun of you.. but on the other hand if you are sure i wouldn't torture yourself and try to pretend your not gay just to fit in... people will be people at the end of the day and as my father said to me when i was younger everything is the end of the world when your so young...people will either accept you or not and if they don't then its their loss.

on the issue of whether you are actually gay or not that is something that only you can decide. don't be confusing a male that is simply in touch with his feminine side as being gay.i had two friends in school both as girlie as each other and both really lovely guys both got taunted for being gay even though both had kissed several girls me included.. now today when all grown up only one of them is actually gay the other is in a long term hetrosexual relationship.

i think what im trying to say is dont be putting pressure on yourself to decide what you are at such a young age when there is no need....you have your whole life ahead of you go and experiment with both sexes if you wish and see which one you prefer but most importantly if you are gay do not be ashamed of it...it is something that is unfortunately made an issue of in ireland but in other more civilised countries it is normal behaviour just like a man and a women and hopefully we as a society will grow into a more mature society in the future and not be so small minded.

go be yourself and **** what everyone else thinks..

"people will always talk about you so you might as well give them something to talk about...."

best of luck to you mate and remember you have a very long and hopefully happy and fulfilled future ahead of you...irregardless of whether you are gay or straight...

cafecolour

I'm gay, and certainly knew I liked lads since puberty, though I'd say I didn't register it as 'gay' until 16-17. To be blunt, all I ever imagined when **** was lads, all porn I was ever interested in was lads.

I started telling a few close friends (who I knew would not gossip about it) and my parents that I was 'bi' when I was 17. Even my fairly open parents were a bit taken aback (it's a phase, what did we do wrong, etc), and took a few years to adjust. I definitely wouldn't come out publicly where you live while still in school.

Definitely make sure you go to University, it gets much better and is much open than a small school.

I never lost a friend by telling them, but a lot of lads can get a little odd. They'll be mostly fine, but in the back of their heads some of 'em can get the "what if he's into me?" vibe and you'll notice them get a bit uncomfortable in situations like the locker room or previously casual displays of affection (ie the drunken arm around the shoulders). Don't take it as a rejection or anything you're doing - it's just how it goes.

That said, it's well worth being open when you get to Uni, in that it opens up many more opportunities for meeting guys. I'd bide your time until then, hope for some opportunities for experimentation via drunken sleepovers and games of truth or dare.