Spiraling out of control.

LegacyUser

I'm 28 and feel that my life is out of control. Things just seem to go from bad to worse with some goods times thrown in.

Basically I'm an alcoholic and have been since i had my first drink at a very young age. I've known I had this problem for many years and have tried to quit many times unsuccessfully. The problem is when i quit drinking i always seem to take on a new addiction and then go back drinking again with this new problem.

When i first quit drinking i started taking recreational drugs such as coke and pills in order to go out and not crack up. I had never really taken drugs before. I fell off the wagon and started drinking again except this time i was drinking and taking allot of drugs.

When i quite drinking and taking drugs for the second time, i started gambling. I soon found myself gambling allot with little success. I soon started drinking and drug taking again.

Now I find myself with my original drinking problem, a serious drug habit and a gambling problem.

I feel like a f@*kin degenerate.

I have sought help with A.A. For a multitude of reasons i left the fellowship. I found it helpful to begin with but soon found the program was not for me. I am an atheists and not an agnostic and could not make a tea cup my higher power. The idea that I cannot get clean without turning to God is just too much for me to swallow.

My desperation with this life style has caused me to take insane risks, out of control drink/drug benders, drink driving, seriously risky sexual behavior. I think i am taking these risks because i want something terrible to happen so i will have to stop. But so far i keep getting away with it.

My reputation has suffered but i still have a very good job and am well paid.

I don't know what to do. I really want to stop this way of life. But feel i would have to lock myself away from the world in order to avoid anything pleasurable in life as i would probably just over do it. If that makes any sense..

Has anybody been through this, and if so have they managed to get their **** together? all advice is welcome. Thank you.

poisonated

Im really sorry to hear about this.You seem nice.I havent been through this myself and I am only 18 so havent got much life experience.The one thing I can say is... I would imagine that it is difficult to just give up.Why not just drink in small doses.Again this will be tough but if you have support,perhaps it will make things easier.Go out and have a drink or 2 but know your limitations and work towards not exceeding these.Just to restate that I havent been through this myself so this might be too difficult to do.I dont know.Either way,the best of luck with it.You can do this

dreamlogic

I hope that at least writing this out has helped you and that you can read back over it a few times to help you develop awareness of the behaviour. You are viewing the situation objectively and not making excuses, so that is a good start.
I'm not sure what to advise but I think you should begin by making a conscious effort to stop taking your life for granted. Also bear in mind that people can die or seriously injure themselves as a result of accidental alcohol/drug overdoses. I hope it never comes to that but sadly for a lot of people that is what it takes to get them to stop.
One other thing. This idea that you have to be religious to value your life is mistaken. You need to look at your thinking on this and consider a fresh approach.

LegacyUser

I have complete sympathy with your experience of AA and NA, they need to develop rehab in this country that isnt religion based.

Councilling seems to be the way to go for you. They will adress whatever the root cause of your self destructive behaviour is and they will be in the best position to advise you with regard to your immediate risky behaviour as well as helping you long term. You say you are in a well payed job so this is definitely the best course of action IMO

estar

hi there

why cant you make yourself and a belief in yourself or the help of the people in the room with you your higher power.

starting one habit to cure another or controlled drinking is as you are aware a stupid response to being addicted to alcohol. and it is you who made those choices and formulated that response, so you are in control. its just a question of starting to understand why you drink, what triggers you, educating yourself about your personality your background and history.

it is going to require radical change of your approach to how you entertain yourself if you really get a kick off being high. it doesnt appear that you have managed to accept this yet or paid a high enough price to make the cost of addiction too much for you.

there are other ways to make life exciting that dont involved getting off your face. AA is better than nothing mate. if you really wanted to quit you would be happy to make a tea cup your best friend if it meant that you wouldnt put yourself in danger again.

clearly you dont really want to quit and havent taken your personality seriously enough to want to control and understand it and harness it in the right way.

an addictive personality can be a blessing or a curse. many of the most creative innovative and intelligent people on the planet also have this personality. easily bored, requires a lot of stimulation to keep interested in things, likes excitement. it doesnt sound like you have any emotional trauma that has caused your problems, but there doesnt have to be to be out of control and feel out of control.

you need to be in control. to acquire control you need to understand yourself. talk to your friends, your family about yourself. go and see a good psychologist, read up on addiction, your personality type, think about yourself and your behaviour.

you will spiral out of control most probably if you dont control it you only get so many warnings.

at the moment for you its an ideal time to stop before you have done any serious damage. unfortunately for most people they need to suffer a great loss to want to understand themselves, like the loss of a job, freedom, a loved one, dignity, self respect, health or even your intellectual capacity, your friends.

what people dont see is the long term consequences of drug and alcohol abuse over a long term period. it isnt pretty to suffer the effects in middle age, and thats when people accelerate in their use to escape their bad feelings about wasted potential, etc etc etc what happens is drug and alcohol abuse drag the person down, they drink to escape.

quit while your ahead, get the help that is everywhere and easily accessible if you want to find it, and be smart. you are still relatively unscathed.

things could be far worse yet.

T Corolla

As the previous threads have said I think you need to research the addictions that are taking a negative effect on you. I would like to ask some questions are you social drinker or are you a lone drinker. Did you get into this spiral in the company of new friends and in order to keep up did you fall into this lifestyle. Have you had a emotionally changeling experienced that you feel you cannot cope with and this is your means of coping or have you a death wish what I mean do you want people to think of you as some James Dean character who live life and died young leaving a good looking corpse? When you get into this state do you lament or reflect on things in your life that you wanted to do and was restricted in doing or were you held back in some way
You have made the first step by recognizing your dilemma and IMO one of the things that will pull you from this is strong support from your family and friends but you are going to have to make the first step each time and hopefully they will recognize this and support you all the way. I have been through many tough parts in my 30 years and I always found that true love and companionship is the greatest cure that can be given to anyone. I can assure you you are not alone in this dilemma and there is always a helping hand there if you choose to take. To sum up it is your choice to accept help and when you make that decision you are on the road to recovery I cannot recommend any organisations to talk to but if you choose to reach out someone will take your hand. I wish you well and hope you recover as I sure you are a decent person who has alot to give to others and to yourself

nobodythere

I'd be in no position to give you advice, but I do have one thing to say: If you're trying to get away from that life, focus on the new life you want to start instead of focusing on getting away from the old one. Day by day, brick by brick.