Making friends in a new city

Monkey61

This might not be as big a deal as other personal issues, but I could use some advice anyway.

I'm living in the UK and had been finding it hard enough to meet new people. But recently I have been on a few nights out with a girl that I randomly met and her huge crowd of friends. Now I really really like all these people. We get on really well, they are all interesting and great fun on a night out. The only problem is that I don't quite know how to actually develop this friendship.

We live in a big city and so everyone has their own very busy lives, so it's not just like at home where if you've met a new person that everyone gets on with you would just keep inviting them out on a saturday night or whenever you were doing something. They are all friendly, but slightly harder to get to know instantly than Irish people. Plus these guys have all known each other for years, many since primary school and as there are so many of them it's not like any are particularly looking to expand their social circle.

The only continual link that I have to these people is a once monthly social event that a few of them go to. The girl that I know has invited me out on two other occasions, but the first was because two months ago when I had friends coming over I asked her if she would help me entertain them one night and the second was her birthday party.

I don't want to have to keep asking her to bring me places in case she thinks I am imposing (and at this stage I think I am getting on with her friends better than her) and it is difficult because I don't have my own group of friends to invite any of these people out with. And I don't think it would work if I just said "hey does anyone fancy a pint on xxx night?" because they all tend to be busy doing things already with their million other friends.

So how do I do it? Is there any way that I can integrate myself further without seeming like a friendless weirdo? Or do I just keep forcing my company on them until I become part of the furniture? Because the group is so large (50 or so people on a given night out) that I haven't really got the chance to get particularly close to any one person in it as I've been chatting to all of them.

Any help would be great!

Kevster

Hi,

What you are doing right now is fine, but you must realise that it will simply take time. Picture yourself at the bottom of a tree - You have made one connection with a branch (i.e. the girl) and she will lead you to other connections/branches. However, you may also meet someone else other than this girl, and that will create a new branch with which you can create more connections.

The big thing to remember, however, is time. It will just take time my friend.

Kevin

TechnicalGroup

Kevster wrote: »

Hi,

The big thing to remember, however, is time. It will just take time my friend.

Kevin

I disagree.

I have been in that situation and made more than enough good friends to fill up my social calendar quite quickly.

The first trick is to smile. It is more important than you think. It puts you in a good mood, and makes you far more approachable.

You are totally correct that being a satellite to a single social isn't the best position to be in, but it is a start. Your real goal should be to repeat that success. Just be open to talking to anyone you meet, in the supermarket, on public transport. Bring a book to a quiet-ish pub and read as much as you want, or talk to anyone who is open to talking to you.

Then when you have established a couple of relationships like this, do something to bring them together. Ideal would be make dinner for a group of people. Nothing too fancy, but people appreciate that sort of effort. Make sure that everybody coming knows somebody but not everybody there.

That puts you at the centre of a social group, rather than at the periphery. It makes people more likely to do the same thing and invite you, they appreciate that you have introduced them to new people, and you appear more like the sort of person anyone would like to know.

Good luck.