Depressed- I feel like I have wasted my life

LegacyUser

Basically I am writing this as a very frustrated depressed guy I will be 31 soon and I feel I have done very little with my life. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl which is due to very low self esstem issues I also have never gone travelling or been out of Ireland for any length of time. I get really down when I think of all the fun people should have in their 20s that I didnt have. I am also in a fulltime job that I dont really care much for its related to my college diploma. I dont want to blame my parents for my situation as they did love and provide for me very well but I do feel they were too over protective with me at times growing up and didnt instill the confidence in me to succeed in life when I see and talk to people in their early 20s now they are so more mature and switched on then I was at that age.At this moment in time I feel like I am in the same vicious cycle of working 40 hours a week and wishing that time away so I get be bored at the weekends. Regarding the relationship thing I just have it in myself that I will never be good enough for anyone and that im ugly and even if I was to get with someone I would come off as a freak with my lack of experience.To top off my situation I am about 15k in debt so I am kinda stuck in my job. I do have goals but these goals cost money and no bank is going to lend me anything especially with the fact I already owe 15k.I dont know what to do but the older I get the more depressing this gets

LegacyUser

OP you're not a freak. Get these negative thoughts out of your head for starters. Thinking this way becomes a self fulfilling prophecy - you think you're undesirable therefore who would be interested in you. People can sense these negative vibes.
You have a negative self image and you need to work on this with the help of a therapist if you like.
You should look at the positives in all this though - you are a 31 year old articulate man. You've been to college and got a qualification. You have a paying job (priceless in a recession). I'm presuming you live independently. Also I'm presuming you are healthy. From your post you seem like a sensitive person - all qualities and attributes attractive to the opposite sex.

Don't compare yourself to others. There is too much pressure on people to do X, Y and Z before a certain age. It's ridiculous. You've never travelled now but who knows in 5 years you may be the most well travelled person you know! So don't put time limits on yourself.

You need to work on your self image first, then worry about girlfriends. BTW you will also meet someone who doesn't think lack of experience is a big deal. So don't worry about that.
Also look into getting that loan paid off so you get the chance to travel.

And relax - 31 is still very young!

That_Guy

31 is not the end of the road. You're still young.

Lots of people despise their jobs for different reasons so that's a normal feeling to be having. You're certainly not alone in that boat.

As for people having fun in their 20's. Well a lot of people do have fun I guess but there's a ton of people in that age group who prefer not to partake in things like drinking etc. There's no harm in it nor is there any reason for you to be putting yourself down over not going out. There's still plenty of time to go out and have a good time. It's never too late for anything in this life.

As for not ever having a relationship that's no problem. Again there's still plenty of time for this to happen. Maybe you're just waiting for that special someone. Why settle for mediocrity when you can wait for the person of your dreams. You should really try and instill some confidence in yourself. Confidence is the key so they say. If you feel you look good then you're going to feel good.

It seems like you really need to blow off some steam. Take some time off for yourself. Just because you haven't gone travelling the world doesn't mean you can't start maybe travelling around Ireland or the UK first.

Remember there's still plenty of time to do everything you're aspiring to do. 31 is not old.

Snowie

op many people could say the same as you.
while the efforts in having a fruitful life are usually are own, dessions in other ways they arnt as fruitful as you could quite imagine...
I guess theres always a flip to every side...
But your only 30, I mean in a years time you could of totally changed....

You saay you lack the confidance in life to suceed I think a large amount of people feel the same, and im not just saying that...

Now forget the relationship side of things i think you need to concentrate on you...

what I would say is quite simple really you admit you have a low sense of confidence and self esteam maybe its time you hit it straight on..

While many of us on thew site have experenced the same problems your not alone...
heres the proof http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055548350
I would say maybe its time you went and saw your gp and asked him if he can arange a meeting with a councilor!

thats my take on it...

while it would appear to be hard... if you did decide to tackle this in a years time things could of all changed....

kevogy

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