Am I a soft touch or is this the done thing?

LegacyUser

Totally trivial by comparison to most PIs here, but this is something I've been wondering about...I get asked for a loan of a fiver, a tenner for lunch etc at work by colleagues every few days - and am happy to help as I don't like anyone being stuck because they forgot their wallet, didn't visit an ATM etc (work in an industrial estate so it's miles from the bank etc)

But it seems like I am the port of call for these hand outs, and a lot of them don't pay back. Now I know it's because they forget, it would never be intentional, but I personally find it a bit embarrassing asking for it back when it's basically pocket change. But obviously for me, because it's more than one colleague (it's actually four or five) it all adds up. What's up with this? Do I just need to get over it and chase them for it back every time, or just pretend I don't have it to give? It's getting a bit annoying...

seamus

Sounds like they're treating you like an ATM and going into to work without first getting cash because they know you'll sort them out. Simple answer: Sorry, I only have enough for myself.
Once they've done a single day without any lunch, they won't forget again.

Don't be embarrassed about asking for money back. A fiver may be "pocket change", but a tenner certainly isn't. It's dead simple. You give them two days - i.e. you don't ask them the next day, you give them a chance to give it back voluntarily. Then on the second day it's just, "Do you have that fiver I gave you John?". If they don't, then the next day, it's "Any sign of that fiver John?", and the next day and the next and the next. Be bright and breezy and not demanding. Most people have probably forgotten. Some people will actually go out of their way to avoid paying you back and you'll spot them very quickly.

ellie1

I am all for helping one out if there stuck but thats taking the piss.
You could:
Tell them your broke.
Bring in a packed lunch from now on.
Bring in enough for your own lunch.
Tell them you lost your atm card and sponge of them for a week.
Tell them to xxxx off sponging

i like the last one:D

star-pants

I hate asking people for money back.

You could just sorta say 'oh I'm sorry I have to buy X after work'
or that you only have x amount on you. It is horrible having to ask for money back so I know how you feel.

Communicationb

OP- WAKE UP ffs.....they are taking advantage of you. Put a stop to it....lets put it this way..how many times have you asked colleagues for money?..so their excuses ring hallow...

dlambirl

To be honest OP it sounds like you've been taken advantage of for being a nice person. From now on you shouldnt give them money - say " I havent got enough on me mate" or something to that affect and dont feel bad about it. If you do loan them a few quid and theres no sign of it back after a couple of days, ask them in a joking way or as if you havent got money yourself that you forget it.

*Lees*

I also hate asking people for money back but you shouldn't be put in the position of having to ask for it back!
Seriously, if you borrowed money from someone at work could you actually forget about it??? I know I wouldn't, I would be slightly embarrassed about having to borrow it in the first place and I would make sure I payed it back the next day!! These people sound terrible to be honest!
You shouldn't have to lie about not having the money to give either them but in this case I would say it's the better option!!
I have a friend actually who has been taking the piss all along with borrowing money from me and I would never get it back, like yourself it has only been small amounts but it does all add up, even when out for drinks or something if I bought her one I would never get one in return! Im so laid back this hasn't bothered me at all but since reading this thread It's gotten me so angry!!! :mad: I won't be giving her hand outs in future!!

kmick

I have a policy - if you lend money to some one and they dont pay it back now matter how big or small they dont get any more money no matter how stuck they are. Next time one of them asks say nah I cant you havent paid me back the last fiver. Dont make a big deal of it just say it in passing.

Kazooie

If I borrow money from someone I never 'forget it' and would pay it back the next day without question.
I expect the same if I lend money to someone else. It's happened a few times that I haven't got it back and to be honest it's not nice asking for it back but it has to be done. Some people genuinely forget and will be embarresed once you remind them. The people you refer to however don't sound as nice and you can either ask for your mony back or stop lending fullstop.

bluecell99

You ask are you being soft.Yes you are.They are taking the Michael - big time.

Next time just say"Sorry,have'nt anything on me at the minute".

Say it to whoever ask's you.They'll soon get the message.

mickoneill30

Unregistered wrote: »

Now I know it's because they forget, it would never be intentional, but I personally find it a bit embarrassing asking for it back when it's basically pocket change.

If you're embaressed about asking for it back (which you shouldn't be) wait a couple of days and then when you're going on lunch say to the guy who owes you "I'm going for lunch, I've no money, have you got that fiver you owe me".

Then don't give him / her money again. If people are "forgetting" to pay you back it's because it's not important to them. If that's the case it's not your problem. Maybe loan them money again when their memory improves.

Communicationb

As Polonius said to Hamlet:-

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

Queen-Mise

only bring in enough money for your own lunch. At least you wont be lying. It might make it easier for you to say it.

And they are taking the absolute p*ss out of you.

You would be shocked how much they havent paid back to you by now. Def a weeks rent/mortgage, would it be.

RossFixxxed

Woah stand up for yourself, go ask for the money back immediately.

In future just bring less and say you don't have it. But go ask for it, dont become a bit of joke.

Faith

Communicationb wrote: »

As Polonius said to Hamlet:-

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

He said it to Laertes, not Hamlet.

Anywho, you are being taken advantage of, OP. Asking for money back is a horrible, horrible feeling, but it's necessary in your case. And categorically stop giving out money from now on. People have credit and debit cards they can use too. If they're regularly forgetting their lunch, or to go to the ATM, then you not giving them money will be their incentive to remember.

Rob_l

Communicationb wrote: »

As Polonius said to Hamlet:-

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

Sorry im going pedantic its not hamlet its to his son Laertes



OP as everyone has said you are being taken for a massive ride, the funny thing is people rarely forget they owe people money they just choose to pretend most fo the time.

Dont bring so much to work if you cant stop giving it away but this beahviour has to stop they are walking all over you and a fiver or tenner might not be a lot but it all adds up. I would alos make a point of bringing it up even if you do it in a joeky way saying something the next time someone asks like
" Sure I have no money to give you I lent it all to such and such last week or yesterday"

I despise lending money to either friends or family as it too often leads to rows or arguements when its not paid back either intentionally or mistakenly.

Cianos

I don't know why people get so uncomfortable when it comes to money. Myself and my friends always have loads of money floating around between one and the other, and there's no qualms with asking for a repayment when needed.

They have no place to think badly of you if you ask for it back. If they do they are pretty immature.

Faith

Cianos wrote: »

I don't know why people get so uncomfortable when it comes to money. Myself and my friends always have loads of money floating around between one and the other, and there's no qualms with asking for a repayment when needed.

They have no place to think badly of you if you ask for it back. If they do they are pretty immature.

People get funny about money. My flatmate owed me £70 for the TV licence. I asked her about once a month for it for 5 months, and when I finally insisted that I had to get it from her in the next 24 hours, she threw a massive strop and stopped speaking to me for several days because apparently I didn't ask her properly. Got the money though.

wylo

Cianos wrote: »

I don't know why people get so uncomfortable when it comes to money. Myself and my friends always have loads of money floating around between one and the other, and there's no qualms with asking for a repayment when needed.

They have no place to think badly of you if you ask for it back. If they do they are pretty immature.

difference between friends and work colleagues ,

op people here are carrying on as if its easy for you to just be a bollox about it and say no **** off. I know its easy for people to write it here behind the keyboard but its much harder in real life when dealing with work friends. Its grand with mates, you can annoy them all day for your money but its different when your not close to them.

My practical advice would be, only bring just barely enough for yourself for the next few weeks, theyll get the message pretty soon when you keep saying "sorry ive only enough for my lunch", and theyll probably be embarrassed at the fact that you've resorted to that (if they do cop on).

Magic.Marker

Sounds like they're treating you like a doormat. Next time they ask just say no, tell them you only have enough money for yourself. Better still, start asking them for a loan of a fiver every so often and see how they feel about it.

wylo

Faith wrote: »

People get funny about money. My flatmate owed me £70 for the TV licence. I asked her about once a month for it for 5 months, and when I finally insisted that I had to get it from her in the next 24 hours, she threw a massive strop and stopped speaking to me for several days because apparently I didn't ask her properly. Got the money though.

I have a friend that does that, none of us give him money anymore, its so hard constantly bugging someone for money. Nobody should have the right to take advantage of someones decency and willingness to lend money by abusing the whole thing.

JonathanAnon

AS said above, tell them that you are broke. Issue does not arrive then. Or say that you are really short this month, and you need it back tomorrow.. then follow it up.

dny123456

instead of asking them for the money back, just forget your wallet one day and ask for a lend. Then 'forget' to repay.

thebiggestjim

I light hearted reminder is always my first port of call.

e.g. hey, the interest is adding up on that cash I loaned you

If someone is looking for a loan and have been slow in the past to repay I add the following line when handing over the cash
"don't have me come looking for it back"

Everyone understands where they stand, no feelings hurt.

LegacyUser

My Mum always says that and that's definitely part of why this makes me feel so uneasy. I personally would probably rather skip lunch than go looking for a loan, however small, which maybe is an issue that I have, but that's just how I've always been so constantly being asked just downright p***es me off. If I did grab a fiver off someone it'd play on my mind til I got it back to them. But obviously I'm somewhat alone in this!

These people are friends as well as work colleagues, get on really well with all of them (which is probably why they come to me) but I have to draw the line.

I think I'm gonna go the packed lunch route and only bring small change to work with me, might save me a few bob as well as making it physically impossible to go doling out to someone every lunch hour!

Thanks for the advice guys

LostinBlanch

Magic.Marker wrote: »

Sounds like they're treating you like a doormat. Next time they ask just say no, tell them you only have enough money for yourself. Better still, start asking them for a loan of a fiver every so often and see how they feel about it.

My thinking exaclty. Once you give them the same excuses they give you and then see how they treat you. That'll tell you exactly what they think of you (but I think you already know the answer otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here).

If any of them sort you out, grand. If they don't, that's grand as well because for the sake of 30 or 40 quid you know exactly what they're like and can treat them accordingly. Think of it as a cheap lesson, it may not seem cheap now, but believe me in the long run it'll be cheap provided you learn from it.

Anyway good luck with it, and don't get too caught up in the money, it's all about how they're treating you (see paragraph above).

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

My Mum always says that and that's definitely part of why this makes me feel so uneasy. I personally would probably rather skip lunch than go looking for a loan, however small, which maybe is an issue that I have, but that's just how I've always been so constantly being asked just downright p***es me off. If I did grab a fiver off someone it'd play on my mind til I got it back to them. But obviously I'm somewhat alone in this!

These people are friends as well as work colleagues, get on really well with all of them (which is probably why they come to me) but I have to draw the line.

I think I'm gonna go the packed lunch route and only bring small change to work with me, might save me a few bob as well as making it physically impossible to go doling out to someone every lunch hour!

Thanks for the advice guys

I dont get it why dont you just say I only have €x and I need it for lunch.

Barracudaincork

I dont see why you have to bring a packed lunch or less money to work cause your friends/colleagues cant manage theirs. Next time they ask, simply say "no" dont add any more to the conversation, dont explain why or make up any excuses just say no. They wont ask why and therefore you wont have to explain and the chances are they will think why you said no and wont ask you again or repay what they owe.

kiffer

I know it's hard to ask for money back... But next time they ask say "actually I'm really tight this month, I was going to ask you for the money you owe me..."
it can be hard to go looking for money from people but once they break the ice and are asking for money you have an opening that you can use... But be warned some people think loans below a certain amount are basically gifts and don't bother keeping mental track of how much they borrow... All they'll "remember" is that they borrowed a fiver or so of you at somepoint but not that they've clocked up 20 or 30 quid...

In their heads they might even think that there's some sort of system where they owe you a couple of fivers but you owe jim a couple and they lent Jim some money. Everyone is helping everyone and no one is loosing out ... Except for you borrowing money is a serious thing that you don't take lightly so you're not casually borrowing and lending. you're just getting slowly shafted...
The worst part is that only the borrowers might be thinking of it like that... Or they could be shafting you cause you're a soft touch.

Hagar

Just write the name, date and amount in big black marker on a yellow post-it and stick it up on the wall near your desk before you hand over the loan. You'd be amazed how soon the mooching will stop.

CDfm

Sometimes its the doormat thing.

I would relax a little bit.

Just say there are a group you lunch with and say one guy young Dad whatever is always short at the end of the month and pays you back -fine or you dont mind it etc.So dont loose your humanity.

But make a little rule - I have an 18 yo son who would have no problem saying to a friend "no you didnt repay me the last time" . You probably need to adapt this a bit and say "well ok here is a tenner - but Im not comfortable with it because you didnt pay me back last time". I suspect this is the type of fecker thats annoying you.So think of what you would haver felt at 18.

A bit off topic - there was a guy who used to come around to my house- drink and eat etc - anyway I lent him a 100 or so one time and he has avoided me since for over 2 years. My kids have seen him duck into shops etc and when we saw him at an ATM one day asked why dont you go and get the money. Well we have had 2 Paddy Free Years. Best 100 ever spent .

This way you get to do what you are comfortable with but without the bad feeling that you are being taken advantage of.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

Neither a borrow or a lender be

Unfortunately thats the extreme opposite way at looking at it, I know people like that and they generally come across as very tight, which is really not a good character trait. I only lend to people now that I know are good for it, as for the others I just make up and excuse like having no money.

johnnyskeleton

If someone asks for less than a euro on a rare occasion when they don't have change for a bus, let it slide. Everyone borrows the odd 20c or 50c and forgets about it, it's no big deal. However, if they borrow more than that, or in your case €5/10, that's a proper lend and needs to be repaid.

Also, if a good, long time friend who has fallen on hard times (there's a lot of it about) asks you for a lend, give it to them and if you never see it again chalk it up to the friendship. With work colleagues though, I see no reason to give them free money.

Be clear about who it is though; if there are 4/5 people who borrow from you and most of the time you are paid back, it is probably only one or two who don't pay back. What I would do is lend to the ones who always pay back if they are stuck (as they would help you out no doubt if you were stuck) and the next time one of the ones who hasn't paid you back asks you for another lend, bring up the last €5/10 they borrowed. This will seem perfectly reasonable but will also stop them taking advantage of you. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.