Lots of one night stands

LegacyUser

A comment from a friend recently made me start worrying. She basically said decent guys arent interested in girls who have a lot of casual sex/one night stands. I lost my virginity at 16 with a guy I was seeing for 10 months. It didn't work out so I've been having fun since. I'm now 19 and I've had sex with about 30-35 guys and other stuff (oral, fingering etc) with about 15 more. I don't have any issues or anything like that, I just enjoy sex and don't want to get bogged down with a relationship right now. I go out quite a lot and yes, I dress up to attract men. I was blessed with a pretty face and big boobs so I don't see why i shouldnt show them off. If I'm out and meet a guy I fancy, I don't see the big deal in bringing him home. I don't do it every time I go out but regularly enough. I would eventually like to settle down and get married though - have I 'ruined myself' like my friend seems to think? Do men even ask about sexual history?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Idealogically - nothing wrong with what your doing, enjoy yourself

Reaslistically - Don't ever tell a boyfriend you've slept with 35 men. I'd have nothing to do with you, and neither would 90%+ of men. Even if the girl was 25 I'd be put off by that number.

I never ask a girl what her number is because I know I'd react badly. However, it appears curiosity gets the better of a lot of men. If you don't want a boyfriend to leave you, lie.

No guy wants to be seen as going out with the local slag, and at 19 with 35 partners that's how you'll be seen. You haven't ruined yourself, just dont tell the truth about your sexual history. And as per usual PI procedure, get your bits checked out by a doctor asap.

Samurai

imo you're doing nothing wrong, we are animals and are meant to hump everything in site

Wurly

Once you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, then you are doing nothing wrong.

By the time you meet your husband, it will be your past. You decide then whether or not to divulge information on your past or not.

And lastly - the person that judges you is not for you.

AARRRGH

1. Live your life the way you want to live it.
2. No, you haven't ruined your chances with men. Worst case scenario you can lie about your numbers - that's what most people do.

Dudess

If you genuinely want to have sexual experiences with lots and lots of guys and you are confident about this (i.e. you're not being made a fool of and you have high standards rather than letting any guy stick it into you) as opposed to doing it for the sake of it/it just happening due to drunkenness/feeling you should be a boytoy (in fairness, you brought up your big boobs but maybe I'm just reading into that comment too much)/feeling it should be all about the hitting shag targets because of your age.... then you're just doing what you want to do, and what could be wrong with that?

But be classy about it - discreet, dignified. It's very much something to which the phrase "it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it" applies.

LegacyUser

You are very young. I think you will regret having had sex with so many people so young when you get into your late 20s/30s. You should think about that, not just how others will precieve you.

Wibbs

In my humble, the difference between a "whore" and a "nice girl" is not the number of partners, but discretion. Enjoy yourself, but don't be overly public about it. Keep it to yourself. Yes as Bottle_of_Smoke said, idealogically most men will say they're fine with it, but in reality a goodly proportion of them(if not most) will not be fine with it and make some excuse. That goes for both good guys and dicks. Now we can argue the double standard til doomsday, but in my experience that's how it is. So enjoy yourself as much as you like, keep safe, but be discrete.

AARRRGH

Dudess wrote: »

But be classy about it - discreet, dignified. It's very much something to which the phrase "it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it" applies.

[sorry to go off topic]

Reminds me of a girl I know who loved one night stands:

She was really into anal, so she used to ask the guys if they had any olive oil. If they said yes, she would ask them to rub it on her arse and go for it...

Classy.

Every time I see a bottle of olive oil I think of her.

Note: I never slept with her.

[/sorry to go off topic]

Oh The Humanity

Exactly, descretion is the key. No-one has to know your number.
Just observe a few rules of course safe sex and be sensible with booze etc

Have as much fun as you can, because one day you will be in a monogamous relationship and I believe its easier to settle down when you've really caned every last bit of joy out of your youth.

If you've been descreet it'll be a piece of cake.

Re the friend, do you pull all the best looking ones while she goes home alone? Well, if so bear in mind she could be jealous and trying to rain on your parade.

Another reason for descretion, dont rub peoples faces in it.

As for future partners, just keep your counsel and be vague.

Dudess

Unregistered wrote: »

You are very young. I think you will regret having had sex with so many people so young when you get into your late 20s/30s. You should think about that, not just how others will precieve you.

But I think such regrets are ultimately just caused by others' perceptions.

One thing I would say though is: dressing too sexily (and by that, I mean trashily) will affect any chance of discretion. Even girls who dress like that but don't have many sexual partners still get referred to as "slappers" etc (not that it's right - it's horrible actually).

But it's not classy either - you can show off your great bod without looking tacky.

kittenkiller

35 is a huge number for a 19 year old, male or female.

However, it's your right to go out and enjoy yourself.
Regret the things you do rather than the things you don't!

Just stay safe and lie about your numbers.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

A comment from a friend recently made me start worrying. She basically said decent guys arent interested in girls who have a lot of casual sex/one night stands. I lost my virginity at 16 with a guy I was seeing for 10 months. It didn't work out so I've been having fun since. I'm now 19 and I've had sex with about 30-35 guys and other stuff (oral, fingering etc) with about 15 more. I don't have any issues or anything like that, I just enjoy sex and don't want to get bogged down with a relationship right now. I go out quite a lot and yes, I dress up to attract men. I was blessed with a pretty face and big boobs so I don't see why i shouldnt show them off. If I'm out and meet a guy I fancy, I don't see the big deal in bringing him home. I don't do it every time I go out but regularly enough. I would eventually like to settle down and get married though - have I 'ruined myself' like my friend seems to think? Do men even ask about sexual history?

What goes through a bloke's head is "will she cheat on me?" you have been blessed with a nice pair of tits and a face and like to show them off, but what would go through a man's head is that you get a lot of attention and he'll wonder if you'll just act on it if you feel like.

You can put it down to insecurity but I'll use myself as an example here and admit that id feel very uneasy. I and many other lads have gotten ****ed over by some right wenches in the past. Going on how sexually liberal you are and the numbers that you've clocked up, the first response is that you are just another slut. I'm not calling you a slut by the way, this is all hypothetical.

So for me, id back away from you because id be protecting myself from possibly getting hurt down the line. It's not fair, it's not right, but it's the reality. If you want to keep having sex with randomers then go right ahead. But lie about the numbers.

LegacyUser

In all seriousness, I think I have found the female version of me. I would ask you would you find that attractive in a guy if he told you he'd been with so many??

I would have slighter higher number of partners but I am 25, i'm a good looking guy and and if I meet someone I find attractive and it would happen pretty regular, and the opportunity presents itself then why not enjoy yourself?? As long as you are safe there should be no problem. Also I know its a contradiction because I am broadcasting this on a site (though I can remain safely anonymous), its not cool to brag about it as envy and jealousy isn't nice to be on the receiving end of.

The only problem I can see for you is that you meet some guy out some night who you take home, have sex with him and then thats all thats in it for you (i.e one night) but he falls for ya big time and won't leave ya alone. For all you know he could start threatening ya, calling ya a slag for leading him on, knows where you live etc.... believe me alot of lads are weirdos these days with big egos who dont deal with rejection well.

There should be equality for men and women in this area, a girl shouldn't be seen as a slut when the majority of guys will see a guy who sleeps with lots of good looking women, as a bit of a legend! its true folks.

Keep up the good work anonymous user. But stay safe. And who knows I may be seeing you in town some night

iguana

Yes you will find men who will judge you on the amount of people you have slept with. But the way I always saw it, any guy who judged me on the amount of guys I've slept with was not the guy for me as their world view and mine clashed too much. As long as you aren't hurting anyone and are staying safe, do what you like. There are plenty of decent men who share that attitude.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Do men even ask about sexual history?

Even if they do.
You have the right to refuse to answer the question.

Driseog

I think thats a big number for your age but as others have said so long as you stay safe and with discretion there isn't anything wrong with it.
However speaking as a bloke I'd be pretty intimidated by that number but that has nothing to do with you thats me. I don't think there's any need to tell a fella how many people you've slept with, thats your own business.

CDfm

It sort of depends.

I think its an awful lot for someone your age and I would say it could affect your reputation if you are not discreet.

That said if you are happy and safe ok. That includes emotionally safe and that it doesnt hurt you. Say, get in the way of you forming a relationship or feeling good about yourself.

Im divorced and lived in a small town for a while and we all knew the girls who were approachable for one night stands after a few drinks. So that is very important if there is a boy you like -that he wont be put off. I wonder if that has happened or you think it mifght happen.

Yes -sex is great fun andnothing beats it - but I would hate to know a girls past too and probably because it would influence my perception of her.

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

There should be equality for men and women in this area, a girl shouldn't be seen as a slut when the majority of guys will see a guy who sleeps with lots of good looking women, as a bit of a legend! its true folks.

That might be true if you are talking about a bunch of lads looking up to the local "stud!" But there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't like to date a man who has slept with a lot of women.

I think that the main double standard exists with men who see it ok to have one night stands themselves, but wouldn't want to date any of the women they had one with, solely because she had a one night stand with them.

CDfm

iguana wrote: »

That might be true if you are talking about a bunch of lads looking up to the local "stud!" But there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't like to date a man who has slept with a lot of women.

I think that the main double standard exists with men who see it ok to have one night stands themselves, but wouldn't want to date any of the women they had one with, solely because she had a one night stand with them.

That is all so true.

Lots of liberal people are more prudish in their own lives than you would think.

smares

AARRRGH wrote: »

1. Live your life the way you want to live it.
2. No, you haven't ruined your chances with men. Worst case scenario you can lie about your numbers - that's what most people do.

I agree do what you want please yourself and imo no one tells there boyfriend the real number so you won't have to worry about that!

LegacyUser

thats around 50 (to one degree or another) sexual partners by the age of 19. I dont think 99% of guys would be cool with that, would your female friends want to go out with a guy that had done the same?
If I went out often over three years and went actively seeking one night stands I dont think i could find 50 that after chatting to etc id actually want to sleep with.
Are you in any way picky at all? Is there any other reason you want to sleep with so many people. For me casual encounters always felt a little empty after i get the last serious girl out of my system and id want something a little more serious.
I cant help presume that you already are well known in your area and this reputation will be hard to lose.
Hope Im wrong about that but any girl I knew at 19 that had had several partners was well known to plenty of guys whom they wouldnt have even known themselves just by reputation.

honru

I find this subject fascinating. And as a guy, I know these judgements are mostly on autopilot. We seem to unconsciously categorise women into boxes based on our perceptions on how much she is flaunting or enjoying her sexuality.

Men screen women on their (perceived) sexual history, women screen men on how secure they are. The latter scenario makes sense from a relationship perspective, but how can a rack of previous sexual partners automatically deem a women unfit for a relationship?

The only logical reason I can come up with is trust. Can we trust an emotional feminine woman who has had many sexual partners in the past to be able to say "no" in the future?

Besides that, it seems this standard is mainly the result of religious and societal conditioning. Whether anyone, man or woman, wants to buy into it is their choice. Personally, all the power to those who are interested to explore their sexuality in a consensual legal setting. It's one step away from the massive amount of guilt and shame we have surrounding sex.

About the numbers, personally I'm not fond of lying. I would simply say "I'm not answering that question". With someone you share something more intimate with, you can decide whether to tell the truth or not.

Mr Benevolent

"I'm not answering that question"

I was about to say that's a bad idea, but say it indignantly and they'll drop it. If they really persist they'll be the ones who judge anyway.

Go for it, but go get an STI check as well.

Dudess

thats_a_lot wrote: »

If I went out often over three years and went actively seeking one night stands I dont think i could find 50 that after chatting to etc id actually want to sleep with.
Are you in any way picky at all?

Yeah, I think that is a fair point.

Phototoxin

Idealogically - nothing wrong with what your doing, enjoy yourself

Reaslistically - Don't ever tell a boyfriend you've slept with 35 men. I'd have nothing to do with you, and neither would 90%+ of men. Even if the girl was 25 I'd be put off by that number.

I sense double standards.... if there is truely nothing wrong with it then why not tell? Its hypocritical to say 'its ok but its not.'

I never ask a girl what her number is because I know I'd react badly. However, it appears curiosity gets the better of a lot of men. If you don't want a boyfriend to leave you, lie.

Thus starting a relationship off with a lie. Not exactly the foundation of a truthful loving honest relationship now is it?

No guy wants to be seen as going out with the local slag, and at 19 with 35 partners that's how you'll be seen. You haven't ruined yourself, just dont tell the truth about your sexual history. And as per usual PI procedure, get your bits checked out by a doctor asap.

Once you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, then you are doing nothing wrong.

Maybe she is hurting herself by becoming sexually involved with different partners. Perhaps in the furture 'the one she wants' wont be with her because of this fact. In addition I don't see how anyone can 'ruin themselves' I have thought that we're beyond the notion the 'virgin purity'
BS that is usual in this country.

Do men even ask about sexual history?
Even if they do.
You have the right to refuse to answer the question.

I didn't realise that this was a police drama. Surely one should be honest. If someone loves you they will love you regardless.

LivingDeadGirl

I don't understand why everyone is advocating lying about numbers. How would you feel if your partner had slept with 5 times the number of people they told you originally?

You shouldn't do anything now that you'll be ashamed of/regret later imo.

Nevyn

My sexual experience and my sexual history are mine and I certainly would not be intrested in sharing any of it with someone who would judge me to be less of a person in thier estimation due to it.

Yes there is a double standard but as long as a person has respect for themsleves and thier lovers ( no matter how many ) and they are comfortable with the things they have done then that is what counts.

Now to be compeletely honest it is one thing to rack up a number of partners over several years and if a person has managed to have quiet a considerable number over
a short space of time then I would have to be conceren about if there were under lying issues.

Usually emotional issues and problems with self estime and then look at how risky thier behaviour has been health wise.

I don't of that as judging but being practical and looking at a person holistically.

LegacyUser

Life your life like you want to, as long as your not hurting anyone, as long as you are happy...yada yada yada.

Bulls**t.

35 at 19yrs old, be it male or female, is FAR too high. Period.

Just on the note of double standards regarding a male vs a female with a high number of partners,

any average looking female can walk into a club/pub and choose from any number of ready and willing males to have a one night stand with.

any male who walks into a club/pub does not have this choice, therein lies the "achievement" if they do manage to get a one night stand out of it.

Therefore a male with a high number is perceived as a stud, while a female with a high number is perceived as a slut.

graham41

yes u need to respect yourself more many nasty diseases out there too:eek:

Novella

If you're happy then it doesn't really matter. Plus it's too late to change things now so no point in worrying about it.

Wibbs

Phototoxin wrote: »

I sense double standards.... if there is truely nothing wrong with it then why not tell? Its hypocritical to say 'its ok but its not.'

Yes because there is the double standard. Like it or not it's there. One can rail against it or seek to work within it.

Thus starting a relationship off with a lie. Not exactly the foundation of a truthful loving honest relationship now is it?

We all lie, all the time. Lies of omission mostly. Little white lies, that smooth life and social relationships. We don't even notice ourselves doing it. Indeed can you imagine a world where we were completely honest, all of the time. Lost of fights anyway:D

Maybe she is hurting herself by becoming sexually involved with different partners.

If she's doing it for reasons that don't sit wellw with her psyche, I would agree. Maybe that would be for her to explore further.

Perhaps in the furture 'the one she wants' wont be with her because of this fact.

Possibly.

In addition I don't see how anyone can 'ruin themselves' I have thought that we're beyond the notion the 'virgin purity'
BS that is usual in this country.

It's not just this country. Yes the actual number value that causes eyebrows to be raised may differ, but that BS is pretty much everywhere. In extremis, in Saudi Arabia 1 previous sexual partner may be too much, in other circles 100 may be too much, but while the number may change the underlying double standard does not.

I didn't realise that this was a police drama. Surely one should be honest. If someone loves you they will love you regardless.

OK now it's IMHO, but the idea that if someone loves you they will love you regardless is the cause of much relationship issues and not just this one. The idea again IMHO is a naive and overly romantic one. No love, no matter how deep, is unconditional. Maybe a mother and a new born comes close, but in adult relationships we all put conditions on it. Now peoples conditions can differ, but for example most would consider fidelity to be a condition. Others a certain standard of living, agreement on having or not having children etc. Now for many men(and more than may admit it), the number of previous sexual partners would be a condition. This is why I suggest, that above and beyond examining her own life and seeing if this gels with her, she should be discrete in the face of the double standard that exists. It's not a moral judgement on my part. Far from it, but it may be a condition she can't meet if she gets with a guy that is otherwise perfect for her.

LegacyUser

That is an awful lot .It would put me off too.

If there's an actual emotional connection thats different but it does seem youre putting out

It might have an effect on your future relationships with men.I had a friend who slept with 250 women .All of us didn't think he was a stud at all. He couldn't even remember one of his one night stands ,he regretted it a lot ,and when all was said and done it was empty and meaningless to him.

I personally have turned down 3 one night stands with foreign girls in the last 2 weeks I wouldn't sleep with a girl for the sake of it .

Go and get a boyfriend and enjoy the pleasures of intimacy with someone you really like. Thats only my opinion,

Koushki

that's a bloody huge amount for someone who is 19. I'm nearly 19 myself and i can't see how you even had the time for it.

i only skimmed past all the replies,
but have you checked yourself for sti's and all that?

i'd be well worried about all that stuff if i was you.
but then again i wouldn't bring different men back to my house every weekend..

herya

OP, there are people for whom sex must be meaningful and there are other people for whom sex is an inconsequential entertainment. At this moment you subscribe to the second point of view. To be honest don't worry too much about what people say; what's more important is how can you be sure yourself that at some point you will seamlessly switch & forget the benefits ONSs give you now?

I don't think people have problem with "the number" as such. What they may have problem with is how do you assure your new partner that what used to be your nature is now completely different. If you craved many quick intercourses (the word relationship does not apply... I think?) for years how does this guy know for sure that now it's only him. Do you just click your heels and it turns around?

You can keep "the number" secret of course but then you will be the only one left with the question.

LegacyUser

Well think about it this way, say a woman meets who she thinks is the man of her dreams and everything is great and all of a sudden it comes out that your not his first, not his second, not even his fifteenth.......oh yea thats right, your number 36! I bet that woman wont feel so special anymore. Its kind of the same for a guy. I know if I met you I would run a mile if I knew you had 35 partners before me. That may say more about my insecurities than anything else but well thats how it is. Thats possibly the reason I never ask that question!

At the end of the day live your life how you want but I would say you are cutting yourself off from the chance of having a relationship with a certain percentage of guys in the future but then again you have to ask yourself is that the type of guy want a future with.

By the way for all these people who say they would lie or not tell a partner about how many sexual partners they had because its their past and they dont want to be with somebody who would judge them on that well guess what everyone judges, they judge you by the clothes you wear, the accent you have, the amount of money you make so Im sure as hell gonna judge somebody on their sexual history.

estar

what else is interesting about you? i couldnt care less how many people you slept with. but if you present yourself solely as a sexual entity thats how people will relate to you and thats how people will remember you.

how many books have you read? what are your interests? are you a good friend. what are your ambitions in life. these are the things that make you interesting. not the fact you have boobs, a nice face, or XX sexual partners.

im not saying you dont possess the above, its just you havent mentioned them. someones sexual life is their own, as long as they dont shove it in my face. as far as im concerned anyone can get an anonymous shag in a bar. fish in a barrel. its not an achievement or a shock, or something i would be jealous about.

but its the other qualities on which relationships are formed. so i guess you are only ruined if you have focused solely on your sexual prowess at the expense of the rest of your life.

LegacyUser

Probably the number one thing on the list of things I'd look for in a partner is good judgement. Now 50 in 3 years, to me would suggest that you're putting yourself at risk (may or not be the case, it's what I would think though) and I'd question your judgement.

At risk of what?

STIs - You are increasing the risk of you getting one.
Unplanned Pregnancy.
Getting raped/beaten up.

There is NO escaping biology. A one night stand is riskier for a woman than a man.
Women get STIs more easily and they are less able to run away from pregnancy (not saying it's right for a man to do so but many will do so).

Now in addition to this, by going home with so many men you're increasing the likelihood that you'll meet some **** at some point with whom for some reason you decide you'd rather not go through with the deed, while he'll be the type not to take no for an answer. What then?

You don't seem to be doing too much vetting really.

I think all these reasons are part of where the double standard comes from.

TBH, if a girl told me this I'd completely question her judgement, her intelligence and her ability to think in terms of cause and effect and project a little bit and have a handle on the consequences of her actions.

ItsYourTime

If the question is: Is there anything wrong with what you're doing? The answer is it depends on what you consider wrong. Would the parish priest consider it wrong? Yes he probably would, sex is merely a means of creating life. However if you were to go by the overriding rule of all goodness, do onto others as you would have done to you? Then you're doing nothing wrong(unless you are knowingly spreading an STI, which I'm sure you're not!). In fact some people who have only slept with one or maybe even nobody can cause alot more pain and suffering than someone who enjoys their single life to the full. If you are an attractive girl and you are attracted to someone physically why not act on it? It's a recreational activity as long as it carries no trace of intimacy, then it becomes a totally different ball game.

Just to give you a little anecdote, a true one. I was friends with two people, a girl and a guy. They were friends also for a year or so. Then all of a sudden they got together, as in they kissed each other on a night out, started going to the cinema etc. Things were progressing nicely as far as he was concerned but after a month or so when it became time to make their relationship official she went cold on him and kept him in limbo for a 3 or 4 more months by freezing on him anytime he bought up a relationship and when he left the subject go she would warm up to him again. This wrecked the poor guys head. One night he was involved in an innocuous fight with another guy on a night out and she flipped on him and told him to stay away from her. It was very extreme considering the nature of the fight. A few days later I heard from a very reliable source that she had been telling her girlfriends that she was "phasing him out" for a few months! What a cruel thing to do to another person! I had always considered this girl an attention seeker before but looking it at the situation from the outside it was clear to see that she had no interest in him, but craved the attention he gave her. This may seem off the point but the thing was this girl was a vocal one-time virgin and she openly criticised me and a few more of my friends for enjoying our single lives in an almost snobbish fashion. She said that the way we threated people was disgusting! Yet if i or any of my friends had a million one night stands between us it would have been barely a drop in the ocean compared to the hurt she cause that guy! So people can be hypocritical! So examine your friend and see has she been the "good person" who can case judgement. Or is a case of people in glass houses throwing stones.

As regards future boyfriends never tell them how many people you've slept with! Under no circumstances. It's got nothing got to do with "if he loves you he'll accept you the way you are". It's got nothing to do with love! Sure he'll love you but they'll always be an underlying feeling that you're not trust worthy and that you mightn't be exclusively his! In fact the more he loves you the more this will cause a problem. Relationship success has got to do with more than love. For your age if anybody asks how many people you've slept with say 2. One being you ex and another some night you had way too many drinks with some guy you were kind of seeing, it'll be perfectly plausible. Don't think either that because you wouldn't mind that he wouldn't. There exists massive double standards as regards this. I'm not sure why that is, it's just the way society evolved! I'm male and I see nothing wrong with the way I used bed hop before I got with my girlfriend. However she's maintained her exclusivity as I'm only the 2nd person she's slept with. Its something I'm glad of! So for your own sake, tell a white lie!

estar

how can you base a relationship on lies. either say its none of your business, and dont tell or just be honest, if you are that upstanding about it, and believe in the rightness of what you are doing, then you should have no problem in telling people how much you like one night stands, or how much you did.

if you lie, what happens if they find out from a different source. ireland is pretty small. i might consider going out with someone with a different sexual history to mine, if we shared future goals etc etc but i probably wouldnt if they lied about who they were.

honesty is extremely important. and saying i slept with 2 people when in fact you slept with 35 is hardly a white lie. at the very least the other person has the right to know they are being exposed to far more risk potentially if care hasnt been taken to sexual disease statistically than they are with 2 -

be yourself and own your past.

herya

ItsYourTime wrote: »

As regards future boyfriends never tell them how many people you've slept with! Under no circumstances. It's got nothing got to do with "if he loves you he'll accept you the way you are". It's got nothing to do with love! Sure he'll love you but they'll always be an underlying feeling that you're not trust worthy and that you mightn't be exclusively his! In fact the more he loves you the more this will cause a problem. Relationship success has got to do with more than love. For your age if anybody asks how many people you've slept with say 2.

ItsYourTime wrote: »

I'm male and I see nothing wrong with the way I used bed hop before I got with my girlfriend. However she's maintained her exclusivity as I'm only the 2nd person she's slept with. Its something I'm glad of! So for your own sake, tell a white lie!

Are you saying that your girlfriend lied to you and you're happy with it?

LegacyUser

Dudess wrote: »

But I think such regrets are ultimately just caused by others' perceptions.

One thing I would say though is: dressing too sexily (and by that, I mean trashily) will affect any chance of discretion. Even girls who dress like that but don't have many sexual partners still get referred to as "slappers" etc (not that it's right - it's horrible actually).

But it's not classy either - you can show off your great bod without looking tacky.

Regrets may not relate to other people's perceptions of you. Real regrets come from within us, I think is important to examine how you will feel about yourself in the future as you are not fully mature yet at 19. At the end of the day the only person you have to live with is yourself.. Im not saying you should live the rest of your life looking back but just think about how your choices now may effect you in the future.

iguana

estar wrote: »

how many books have you read? what are your interests? are you a good friend. what are your ambitions in life. these are the things that make you interesting. not the fact you have boobs, a nice face, or XX sexual partners.

im not saying you dont possess the above, its just you havent mentioned them.

Yeah but she's hardly going to start her post with: I'm a 19 year old girl studying for a degree in bio-chemistry, and I have a hobbyist's interest in 17th century France, who enjoys reading books on the Mann-Booker Prize short list (though I do also enjoy the occasional chick-lit when I'm feeling in need of something cheery) who has had 30-35 one night stands in the last few years. Will this put off any decent men in the future? Especially the ones who support Munster rugby as I've always imagined myself and my future husband enjoying matches together.

It's a post about her fears that her current sex life will stop her from finding love in the future. Why would she add anything about her other interests. Having sex once every 6 weeks or so is hardly going to be so all consuming that she has nothing else in her life. Why assume that? She mentioned her looks as an explanation as to why she has little trouble pulling guys she is attracted to?

Dudess

It does strike me as rather naive that the OP is so surprised and dismayed by her friend's warning.

Stheno

Dudess wrote: »

It does strike me as rather naive that the OP is so surprised and dismayed by her friend's warning.

+1, surely most people of that age would have some idea of the social dynamics around them?

diego ribas

I see nothing wrong with it at all. In fact you sound like my type of girl:P

Wibbs

diego ribas acquaint yourself with the charter of this forum and the spirit within before posting more or you will be taking a break.

iguana

Dudess wrote: »

It does strike me as rather naive that the OP is so surprised and dismayed by her friend's warning.

It's not all that surprising when you think that she was only 8 when shows like Sex and the City were hitting our screens. She grew up seeing casual sex accepted as part of our culture on tv. Even shows like Friends had the cast (a wholesome bunch overall) having quite a bit of casual sex and the OP was only 4 when that began.

Bet that makes a lot of you feel old.:eek:

LegacyUser

Hey OP
im 22, and have had 7 one nite stands, not one of my friends knows about this and in my opinion that is the difference between a slut and someone who just wants fun.
however i would disagree about lying about the number of partners you've had because if you cannot tell the truth then you are obviously not happy with your actions.
i am in a relationship at the moment and although ive never discussed the matter with my OH i know i would tell him the truth.
i do think that 35 is a lot but who am i to judge? i know the reasons for my one nite stands were due to emotional turmoil and i could never see mysel having one ever again, just be sure that your not doing it for the wrong reasons, i know i was, at the time i didnt think id regret any of them but looking back at them i cannot believe i had one 1 nite stand never mind 7

Nitxteha

You are very young and that's far too many sexual partners. This is promiscuity.

It is also dangerous for:
1-STDs
2-your physical security when you go home with some random stranger
3-your psychological and emotional stability

Think of this: imagine you found that your Mum had the same behaviour when she was your age (or at all) how would you feel?

As for the men, I guess it works for anybody, male or female, we all want to feel special someway, not just the other person's number 1,000,001

As someone else suggested already, try to get a boyfriend and get intimate with just one person, it's worth it, and it will bring you more happiness than just one night stands.

G-Money

I wouldn't say you are "damaged" by this, unless you have an STI and/or it ends up affecting you emotionally somehow.

All I know is that I wouldn't want a partner who had been with that many guys. The first thing I'd think is "if she's been with that many, I'm just another notch on her bedpost and she will be with someone different tomorrow night."

Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure guys really believe girls when they tell them their magic number. I think most guys take whatever figure the girl tells them and multiply it. I know it was a jokey line in one of the American Pie films but I think it's somewhat true.

Some girls will exclude certain partners from their total as they've come up with some insane reason why it "doesn't count". It's pretty simple. If a guy's d*** was inside them, it counts, every time. End of story.