In a rut - What should I do?

LegacyUser

This started out as a simple question but has turned into a big self-assesment, sorry for the length.

So here's where I am in my life at the moment:

I'm 25, I went straight from school, to college, to work. I've lived a pretty sheltered life, I haven't done anything particularly crazy and only started travelling abroad for 2 week holidays in the last few years. I also suffer from social anxiety which has left me quite shy and lacking in self-confidence and it has definitely led to me holding back from life even further. I recently did a course on that so I feel I can overcome it but it will be a slow, ongoing process.

Shortly after finishing college I met my boyfriend of 4 years and we've been living together for 3 of those years. He's a nice guy, we get on well and have a lot of fun together but I have a lot of doubts, not so much about him because he's very loving and supportive, but about my own suitability to be in a relationship. These mainly stem from feeling that I haven't lived much of life or experienced much before I met him and that I still have a lot of issues to work through before I feel "complete" and really know who I am, if that even makes sense. In some ways it doesn't feel right to be in a relationship while I still have these things hanging over me, looking for resolution. There's been talking of buying a house together and while it sounds nice, the more I think about the less sure I am about such a commitment and the more getting into that kind of financial debt scares me. In a nutshell I'm not sure if I'm ready to settle down just yet.

I did computers in college but realised around 2nd year that it wasn't for me. I stuck with it and got the degree because I was having fun and made friends but it's not an area that interests me and I would say my aptitude in it is average at best. It's a useful degree to have for almost any job but I wish I could find something that truly interests me.

I'm currently working, with a decent salary but I'm on a contract that runs out in a years time with no idea if I'll be looking at renewal or termination. I'm working on an interesting project but the workload varies from fairly busy to absolute boredom. Recently my days have started to feel like an endless loop: wake up exhausted, drag myself out of bed, zombie through the day wishing it was the weekend, come home and play videogames/watch tv until bedtime, staying up as long as possible to get as much free time as possible, repeat. I do meet up with my friends and have the odd night out/meal/cinema trip etc. to break the monotony but mostly it's the same old thing.

I don't smoke and my only use of drugs is the occasional moderate drink but I am terrible for eating junk food and I'm quite unfit. I have noticed a gradual weight gain over the last few years, with my stomach becoming a bit pudgier than I'd like.

I'm just not sure if my life is turning out the way I want to so here's what I'm thinking. I'm not a big spender and I have no debts so from the last 4 years working I have €xxx in the bank between my savings and current account. My plan is to stick with my job for the next year while also:

1) Working on overcoming the social anxiety
2) Taking up jogging or some other form of exervise while also making more of an effort with my diet
3) Doing what I can to figure what work I'd really like to do

When the year is up and the fate of my contract is decided I figure I have a few basic options. I'd like to see which option people think I should go for, bearing in mind my current circumstances:

a) Take the renewed contract if offered to me because we are in a recession after all, but do a night course on somthing I'm interested, no matter how exhausting
c) Lose/refuse the contract and use my savings to go back to college full-time to do something I'm interested in and live as cheap a student life as possible
d) Lose/refuse the contract and use the bulk of my savings to go travelling for 6 months/a year/however long the money allows

I feel like I need to do something to change my life but at the same time some of those options scare the crap out of me, even though I know they would be very beneficial. I'd be interested to hear what people have to say about any of this or any other ideas people might have for how I could improve my life.

LegacyUser

Oops, that should say €20k, not €xxx. Didn't want anyone looking over my shoulder as I typed it!

bluecell99

With all due respect your problems are miniscule in comparison to many others.You have a job,your health,in a secure relationship.Do you know how many would swap places??

Mu advice is to stop navel gazing and stop looking for perfection - because you are.Looking for problems where there are'nt any will definitely lead to real issues.

So you are'nt jumping thru hoops to get to work .Join the gang.You are carrying a few pounds.Join the gang.

If a new contract is offered,count your blessings and get on with life.

Doesnt come much better than this.

JCos

So Basically you have THE EXACT same problems as the majority of other 25 year olds.

Get a grip.

You're in a job you dont really like and would ultimately like a change in career? You and 99% of the population. It's a means to an end, treat it as such.

you're carrying a bit of extra weight? You and 99% of the population. Join a gym if it will put your mind at rest.

You're in a relationship for a few years and aren;t sure if you want to commit to it fully. Again, most people your age will be in a similar situation.

They'er problems, sure, but they are miniscule. The only person that can answer these questions are you, not strangers on a message board. You might also like to talk to your friends about this

Driseog

Its easy to say that your problem is small compared to others. Its all relative, people think about things differently.
I think you need to write down what your interests are. That way you can start to see what options might be available.
I know its easy to say this but I wouldn't be too worried about not having "lived it up". The grass is always greener on the other side and thats from personal experience.
If you have savings to live on you could look into doing voluntary work, there's probably all sorts of behind the scenes work too if you didn't want to deal with heaps of people.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, there's nothing like a healthy dose of reality. I know it's not a major problem and I certainly know how lucky I am, especially as far as my boyfriend is concerned. I guess I was just looking for perspective from people who have been in my shoes. Even just typing out my original post helped sort my thoughts out and it's nice to know I'm a normal 25 year old

Oh The Humanity

I think this is a common modern maliase. We all navel gaze!!!

Think about making a decision, decide and then become uncomfortable with the choice, cant reverse, cant go forward!

Stuck in a rut of indecision!

I think we have more choice than our caveman brains can cope with and we just aren't mentally equipped to cope with the infitesimal consequnces of every tiny move and decision we make!

There is always some naysayer screaming dont do this, do do that!

I can identify with you as I think most can....but I must say I find most the time there is comfort in making a decision based on what you know at the time and then remembering later why you chose it at the time, even if it comes out wrong.

I think its nearly worse to be stuck in a holding pattern all the time due to the terror of making a mistake.