Why dont people like me

LegacyUser

Hey, im a 20 year old male student and i have very little friends, only people i hang around with in my class but im not that close to them and dont meet up with after college. I get on ok with them but everyone else in my class seems to hate me. They never talk or say hi to me. I have no proper friends and havent since i was younger. I have never been good at making conversation or keeping them going but i try to be friendly and smile at everyone. Its just like people want to hate me even cashiers at shops i go to regularly give me dirty looks and give me a bad vibe. Anyone know what could be the problem and what i am doing wrong?

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyone know what could be the problem and what i am doing wrong?

I think its probably your perception that is the problem, unless you are a particularly loud, rude, arrogant individual then its unlikely that cashiers in shops pay any attention to you at all - much less form an opinion of you.

Just because classmates dont talk to you does not mean that they hate you - it just means that they dont know you to be saying hi to.

I think you need to work on loving yourself and stop assuming that the people around you hate you for no apparent reason.

conorlechance

whats your interests? maby you don't have much to talk about

the roo

hey that is all only your own view of yourself, i think you might have low self esteem. as they say learn to like yourself for yourself and never never care about how u think people regard you.

b28

I think you have self esteem issues. You need to find people who have similiar interests to and "click" to to go out have a good nite out and laugh the people who dont like you out of your head!
you're young and you will meet people you can go out for a laugh with and you'll forget about this period in your life.
I was similar to you, and it changed for me even though I occasionally get the lonliness streak appearing. Life can be lonely for EVERYONE sometimes. You're just young and going through so many changes from school to adult life and at that time, your peers MAY be total arseholes.

Chin up, not the end of the world. It WILL improve trust me on that!

b12mearse

Thats good. You don't need people anyway. You'll find out in life people will dislike you if your successful or if your not. Theres no point trying to please people.

sheesh

Thats definitely a perception thing. Shop assistants normally don't care or make judgments like that, too likely to cause trouble too. If you are feeling down and bad about yourself you will see things like this.

I think you should ask people in you class to go out for pints or the cinema. Or join some society where you will meet people preferably something you are interested in.

sounds like you do not have alot of confidence in yourself.

dny123456

Well if he looked rough or shifty, disheveled, they might?

honru

I'm guessing you don't like yourself, so naturally it makes it difficult for other people to like you either. You then discover (or more likely perceive) evidence of hostility (or what you call "hate") towards you in other people, yet the only reason you are doing this is to reinforce your narrow perception of reality. The unloving nature that you continue to see in others is usually the unloving nature that you have within yourself being reflected back to you.

Focusing on love (instead of hatred) would be a good start. To receive love abundantly you have to give love, so reach out to people, ask those you know in college out for a drink. Open yourself up, relax, and enjoy.

kdak

well maybe we should just be friends cause im having the same problem!
i dunno, some people just find it easier to make friends, its nothing to do with you its just nature, some people attract attention, others dont!
in my case its cause i cant go out after college (ive a child) so i cant really make 'proper' friends, just class friends. so maybe try go out with your class friends and you may meet new people while you're out with them or you might just get to know those people better!
theres no reason why you cant try to develop the relationships you have already. and the more you go out the more people you'll meet! my friend recently met a new boyfriend at a college charity event so theres no reason why you cant meet new friends in a similar way!

cls

It's not easy to just walk up to people and out of the blue say "hi hows it going anyone on for a pint after college?". They'll think you're a weirdo. I had the same problem in college. The first few months of college are so important. If you don't make friends at that stage then you're trouble. In my case I made a couple of friends but they all dropped out because they hated the college and the course. I ended up doing the same. Sorry I know this doesn't inspire much confidence. In hindsight I should have made more effort. Maybe start off by talking about class work, then you never know the casual conversations might follow.

p.s there's a book called "How to win friends and influence people", it's old (written in the 30's) but still considered a must read for people with social interaction problems.

kdak

yeh thats a good point about talking about course work actually! only last week i talked to a guy in my class (its a big class!) for the first time and it was about an essay, and ive been in his class for two years! so theres hope yet!
people generally will know who you are but the 'clicks' are developed very early on and if you're not part of one at the begining it does make it harder.

gags89

get a hobbie, join a club or society and just get talking to people, google ways to improve self confidence and badda bing badda boom, you a new man!

RossFixxxed

Are you stronly opinionated?
Do you jump into every single conversation as an expert?
Do you sit moping and add nothing?
Are you very negative/cynical all the time?
Are you very unkempt / smelly?
Are you sleezy, do you openly perv over girls/guys?
Are you taking any drugs that will add to paranoia etc?
Do you talk down to people?


If you really dislike yourself you'll project it on everyone though. The above questions might be part of it. You gotta like yourself first and others will follow. You can't please everyone but usually in college there's enough groups into things that you will find your niche!

good luck OP!
r

Driseog

I definetley agree with the points that its your perception of yourself and this gets you stuck in a rut then because every time you come into contact with a person you think they don't like you.
You probably have an introverted personality, which isn't anything negative, it just means your not naturally out going and you tend to do a lot of thinking and if negative things are on your mind then you'll think a lot about them.
My advice is you don't need to be friends with loads of people. One or two good friends is just as valuable despite whats projected in the medias. Just work on getting to know one or two people in your group,whoever you feel most comfortable around, in college or do the same if you decide to join a club or something. Also I know it sounds a bit odd but try writing down positive stuff you've done or about yourself.

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

Its just like people want to hate me even cashiers at shops i go to regularly give me dirty looks and give me a bad vibe. Anyone know what could be the problem and what i am doing wrong?

Paranoia would be my first guess.

If you're waiting for people to give you dirty looks, you'll get them eventually.

Get a hobby or interest, something to talk about when the oppertuunity arises.
People generally like enthusiastic people who enjoy life.

I can watch Top Gear for hours, not because I have any interest in cars, but because the guys seem to really enjoy what they do and have such enthusiasm that it's contagious.

LegacyUser

Hey, op here. Just wanna say thanks to everyone. Ive realised my perspective is all wrong and I dont have much confidence in myself which is probably contributing to the problem. Thanks again

RossFixxxed

Great stuff man, you gotta look after yourself first.

Just have a look at yourself too and see is there anything you may do that might contribute to the problem... It could be a bit of a cycle! I've known, for way of example, guys who around women turned into complete sleeze bags but if you didn't see that side you'd think they were grand and wonder why people didn't like them. Make sure hygeine etc is ok too! Every little will help with the confidence too.

Crafty-Chel

I have the same problem, i dont get on with people, most people dont like, iv only in the last year found two friends whom im very close to but b4 that i had no1 only my boyfriend...

my problem is women, there so bitchie and fall out with me for no reason, so now what i do is i make friends with guys rather than girls... my two best friends, one is a guy and the other is his girlfriend, but was friends with him first,..

so you should try keeping your friends to female (cos girls get on better with guys) and through them you'll meet male friends

becareful that no1 thinks your trying to steal there girlfriends tho...

RossFixxxed

Crafty-Chel wrote: »

I have the same problem, i dont get on with people, most people dont like, iv only in the last year found two friends whom im very close to but b4 that i had no1 only my boyfriend...

my problem is women, there so bitchie and fall out with me for no reason, so now what i do is i make friends with guys rather than girls... my two best friends, one is a guy and the other is his girlfriend, but was friends with him first,..

so you should try keeping your friends to female (cos girls get on better with guys) and through them you'll meet male friends

becareful that no1 thinks your trying to steal there girlfriends tho...

I dont' want to be attacking here, BUT, is it EVERYONE that is wrong and not you? Is there anything, honestly, that might cause that reaction?


Edit: I have good mates, gf etc. but I know there's a lot of people that don't/wouldn't like me. But I know why also! (too long a list from apathetic to w**ker)

Stercus Accidit

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey, im a 20 year old male student and i have very little friends, only people i hang around with in my class but im not that close to them and dont meet up with after college. I get on ok with them but everyone else in my class seems to hate me. They never talk or say hi to me. I have no proper friends and havent since i was younger. I have never been good at making conversation or keeping them going but i try to be friendly and smile at everyone. Its just like people want to hate me even cashiers at shops i go to regularly give me dirty looks and give me a bad vibe. Anyone know what could be the problem and what i am doing wrong?

You need to read a book on social skills, an objective good one, google it well, and make sure it isn't pseudo scientific crap.

It would be a good starting point to improve your social skills, as it is unlikely people dislike you, but if you find it difficult to interact with them, you will not get the reassuring positive reactions you are seeking.

Seriously, you need a springboard to improve your social awareness, these skills are learned by trial and error from age 4-5 upwards, if you are behind, floundering around now trying to catch up will drag out the process, and will not be pleasant.

Get a book on social interaction, human psychology, and get an appointment with a councillor, mention your depression and you will get a quicker appointment. This isn't rocket science, you just need to know the basics, for example, plenty of people if busy won't make a big fuss when you say hello, even if they like you, but you may misinterpret that as them disliking you.

Let us know how you get on.