Serious lack of trust

LegacyUser

wel
going out with this girl since the start of the year, gettn on really well with her, but the more i find out about her past relationships, the more i loose trust in her. She is very honest and basically, her last 2 relationships have ended because of her cheating on someone else. She told me at the start that she couldn believe that i liked her too, and she was mad about me n all that. ive briefly known her for a year or two. so now, ive basically zero trust in her, and cant see this goin anywhere......what now?

togster

Just because she has cheated on others doesn't mean that she will do the same to you. Fear and anticipation is the ruination of so many things.

Wibbs

I agree with togster and of course this fear is predicated on the idea that she will leave you.

In my experience anyway, past behaviour with partners and split ups do in the majority of cases inform future behaviour. Now if I found out that a current partner had dumped the previous guy by way of lining up another and cheating with him, I would question her methods and I have to say, if the time did come that she split up with me, I would be surprised if the same scenario didn't play out. People tend to repeat patterns. That would be the same if I was a woman looking at a guys previous MO too. Looking at men and women I know and have known including exes, that has held true in.... well actually TBH I can't think of a situation off the top of my head when it didn't. men and women who split cleanly without another lined up or by cheating, have kept that pattern all the way. Men and women who didn't kept their pattern. These are people well in their 30's too.

Regardless of all that stuff, if you dont trust her it's going nowhere and indeed may actually bring about the very thing you fear.

star-pants

Wibbs wrote: »

Regardless of all that stuff, if you dont trust her it's going nowhere and indeed may actually bring about the very thing you fear.

Agreed,

Just because someone did this before doesn't mean they'll do it with you.
Then again, if its a regular pattern it might.

BUT if you've zero trust in her, and say it's going nowhere, then what's the point staying there? without trust there's no relationship. So unless you can learn to trust her, you're just going to be waiting for the day she cheats. And she will if you think like that.

Nightsky

Unless this girl has done something directly to you to make you mistrust her I think you are being very unfair.We all have a past and maybe just maybe all her ex boyfriends were losers who she didnt truly care about.If you want to make it work with her you have to get over your own paronoia.You will ruin the relationship not her or her past.Enjoy being in the now with her in yer relationship instead of thinking negative thoughts about stuff that may not happen.You probably have been hurt in the past but dont let it ruin your future.

LegacyUser

end it then!!!!

Nitxteha

Every relationship is different. It's ok to know about past relationships, but not if that's going to affect yours.

If you guys are happy now, don't torture yourself (stay away from negative thoughts).

LegacyUser

wel by the sounds of her friends, who i'm only getting to know, she's been kinda obsessed with me since day one, bit scary but ya, but then again, how am i to know that she didnt say that about her previous boyfriends at the beginning of their relationship, at the start i really liked her but ever since this whole thing came about, i don't know what i'm at

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

wel by the sounds of her friends, who i'm only getting to know, she's been kinda obsessed with me since day one, bit scary but ya, but then again, how am i to know that she didnt say that about her previous boyfriends at the beginning of their relationship, at the start i really liked her but ever since this whole thing came about, i don't know what i'm at

Ask her why she cheated. If it was a case where her exs were spanners and treated her badly then i wouldn't worry. But if it's a case where she just got bored and wanted "exitement", then leave.

Kimia

Wagon wrote: »

Ask her why she cheated. If it was a case where her exs were spanners and treated her badly then i wouldn't worry. But if it's a case where she just got bored and wanted "exitement", then leave.

Agreed. It all depends on what happened in her last relationship. Don't judge her on her past, give her a chance.

Your relationship is about the two of you now, not about her and what she did with previous boyfriends.

vorbis

Tbh I would dump someone if they told me this. Two reaons.

1. I really would rather not know about it. I'd actually question the intelligence of telling your bf / gf that my last two relationships ended because I cheated on them. I'd be like "why on earth would you tell me that??
2. As Wibbs said, there is a substantial risk that she would cheat on you.

Btw Wagon, if her exes were "treating her badly", she should dump them not cheat on them. The character flaw here is being too afraid to end a relationship and taking the cowardly way out.

Colonel_McCoy

If you end you will always wonder what could have been. go for it see where it ends life is too short.

good luck

Wurly

vorbis wrote: »

Tbh I would dump someone if they told me this. Two reaons.

1. I really would rather not know about it. I'd actually question the intelligence of telling your bf / gf that my last two relationships ended because I cheated on them. I'd be like "why on earth would you tell me that??
2. As Wibbs said, there is a substantial risk that she would cheat on you.

Btw Wagon, if her exes were "treating her badly", she should dump them not cheat on them. The character flaw here is being too afraid to end a relationship and taking the cowardly way out.

+1.. Either way, there is NO excuse for cheating in my book.

If you want to be with other people, leave. If you are being treated badly, leave and if you don't love the person, leave.

I personally would not want to be with a coward and a cheat either.

Cheating is a deplorable thing to do on someone. It's selfishness of the highest order.

Blangis

If your woman's devilish
You can let her run,
Or you can bring her down and do her
Like Delia got done.