Depressed and unsure

LegacyUser

I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 4 months ago after meeting my GP and going over things. I am on medication and in counselling and attend support groups with aware. When diagnosed I quit drinking and threw myself into college work and made some pro-active changes in my life, but that all went to crap because I tried to do too much all at once.

When first diagnosed I thought that it would just be a matter of meds, therapy, you'll be fine in a couple of months. For the last few weeks I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that isn't the case. This might be something that I will have to deal with for my entire life, and I am having trouble coming to terms with that. I have recently started drinking heavily again, have lost all interest in college work (putting my career at risk since I'm a post-grad), and generally have regressed to a point where I am worse now than before I was diagnosed. I think of suicide constantly and within the last week I self-harmed for the first time.

I am concerned that I may need to be hospitalised, and a small part of me hopes that I am.

My life is falling apart, and I can't motivate myself to do a thing about it.

Lucy Lu

You took the first steps. You are aware of what is wrong with you and you want to find a soultion.

As you feel you tried to do too much at once last time you need to start over now, one thing at a time.

You said you are going to meeting with AWARE, maybe you need to go to more. Have you a close friend you can lean on and trust to help you through this?

There is no over night soultion to depression and it is something you may always have to deal with but you have to believe there are better days ahead.

Cutting back on the drinking may be a good place to start again. And then in time get back into your college work. Every little thing you achieve is a step in the right direction and slowly you will see things improve for yourself.

Don't be afraid to look for more help or lean on people. Also it may be wise to go back to your doctor, your meds may need to be changed and only they can help you with that.

LegacyUser

Hey, sorry to here your going through this (as am I, posted a thread the other day about deferring from college). Thanks for the AWARE idea, had no idea this was even occuring. I think Lucy Lu's advice is pretty good. Hang in there.

banshee_bones

As lucy suggested , I would also second cutting out the alcohol at the moment. Its good that college work gives you focus, dont throw all your hard work down the pan , you have come so far- postgraduate level!- and you have taken all the right steps, going to your GP getting meds and going to a support group.
Seriously this is so much better tan burying your head in the sand which to so may seems like the "easy" option. You have confronted your demons so to speak and i think the best thing you can do now is discuss things with your GP, keep attending the AWARE meetings and talk to any close family or friend member who can help you get through this. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Best of Luck OP

alo1587

Sorry to hear about your setback OP, but i think you should go back to your GP if you are having suicidal thoughts and self harming.And if you find yourself hospitalised, it's not the end of the world,its the start of your recovery!I would also recommend giving up the drink asap, medication and drink aren't a good combination.You just have to tell yourself that this is just a minor setback on the road to recovery.Things WILL get better, it takes time.Let us know how you get on

Nevyn

Change is the hardest things to do, and this will prolly sound incredibly trite but
the darkest hour is before the dawn.

If you need help making changes or starting something which you know will help
then get friends to help you.

You need people around to keep you connected.