I need a temper of some sort

LegacyUser

Hi, I know its often the opposite problem you hear of, but for me Im too calm over things. It may sound good but im worried that im becoming too agreeable.
Im basically just too calm over every situation, instead of getting angry over something i kind of look at it from all angles, or other times ill just get upset instead.
Ive never been in a fight in my whole , nothing wrong with that I know but I always confrontation of any sort because of this and its annoying, I avoid confrontation with friends, in work , even on the street.

A little example of how calm i am was this evening when it really came home to me when I was waiting behind someone for petrol, he clearly saw me , he really took his time organising his wallet first, then his phone, then he filled the petrol. He strolled into the shop and I saw him inside looking at a magazine. He was then in there absolutely ages doing other stuff too,then paid for the petrol, then bumped into someone on the way out , had a small chat, and finally got into the car and drove off. I was waiting about for 7 or 8 mins probably.

I did nothing, not even a beep of the car, whereas most people I know would have said something by then. But I said nothing, I never do , a few weeks ago there was jokes made about how funny it would be me being a manager in a job, a few of them laughed, these are good mates and it was only a mess and Id probably be as bad taking the piss out of someone else but it still got to me. I hate being like this

I know you might say "sure thats your personality", or "Being calm is a good thing",

Its not though, Id love a bit of temper,or just some balls where I wouldnt be afraid to speak my mind even if knew someone wasnt gonna like it.

Any advice?

Stheno

calmman wrote: »

Hi, I know its often the opposite problem you hear of, but for me Im too calm over things. It may sound good but im worried that im becoming too agreeable.
Im basically just too calm over every situation, instead of getting angry over something i kind of look at it from all angles, or other times ill just get upset instead.
Ive never been in a fight in my whole , nothing wrong with that I know but I always confrontation of any sort because of this and its annoying, I avoid confrontation with friends, in work , even on the street.

A little example of how calm i am was this evening when it really came home to me when I was waiting behind someone for petrol, he clearly saw me , he really took his time organising his wallet first, then his phone, then he filled the petrol. He strolled into the shop and I saw him inside looking at a magazine. He was then in there absolutely ages doing other stuff too,then paid for the petrol, then bumped into someone on the way out , had a small chat, and finally got into the car and drove off. I was waiting about for 7 or 8 mins probably.

I did nothing, not even a beep of the car, whereas most people I know would have said something by then. But I said nothing, I never do , a few weeks ago there was jokes made about how funny it would be me being a manager in a job, a few of them laughed, these are good mates and it was only a mess and Id probably be as bad taking the piss out of someone else but it still got to me. I hate being like this

I know you might say "sure thats your personality", or "Being calm is a good thing",

Its not though, Id love a bit of temper,or just some balls where I wouldnt be afraid to speak my mind even if knew someone wasnt gonna like it.

Any advice?

To be honest, that's not really temper imo, I have a rip roaring temper (as close friends, family/bf will testify) and can be truely horrific when it comes to it.

With the examples you gave above, I'd just have waited for the petrol pump to come free in the first case, and in the second, I'd have smiled sweetly and pointed out why I was a manager if you are

Most of my close family/friends would never understand the job I do and relate it to my personality as they percieve it, and most of my friends regularly blow their top at the most stupid things imo (like someone not letting them out at a side road), to be honest I can't be bothered.

Best to save that temper for when it's warranted imo

As for fights, I'm 35, and I've never ever been in a physical fight, and since I was 18 I've had maybe one rip roaring argument/fight.

Now if you mean that you suck it up and are everyone's scapegoat that's an entirely different story altogether.

upmeath

You don't need a temper, I'd be more inclined to think you need to build self esteem (not that you have none but perhaps not quite enough) and fight your corner for yourself. Don't let people walk all over you, there are an abundance of ignorant people in everyday life who need a spoonful of their own.
I find they're on our roads more than on our footpaths; they're the type who switch lanes without indicating, tailgate on dual carriageways/motorways expecting you to break the limit to overtake whatever you're passing and pull over asap, and then clog up garage forecourts reading Nuts and Zoo in the shop. Sorry, I may want to start a thread of my own about road rage :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

I'm actually angry for you after reading about that and fantasising about what I would have done.

I used to be hesitant about speaking up - now I'll do it if someone is taking the piss like that guy. It shows a total lack of respect.

If I'm at a petrol pump, I move as far forward as I can or if I've just finished filling the tank, I'll get into the car and drive a bit so the person behind can get in while I'm paying.

In that situation, I'd have gone in and said "excuse me, I need to fill my car. Could you move yours so I can get in? cheers".

Get your point across. Don't be aggressive, just forthright.

Aaagh! I'm still angry.