Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

LegacyUser

OK take that sentiment and apply it to a single girl, early 20s, remove the metaphor and that's pretty much what you've got. Now obviously (or maybe not so obviously...!) my friends are not all getting hitched with me watching from the sidelines, but I'm always the 'friend' and never the one that guys are interested in romantically.

I'm not a bad looking girl at all, dress well and all that, quite chatty and can be flirty with a few drinks on me (!!! OK now I will admit I generally am not in the day-to-day run of things, I can be pretty shy when around someone I fancy) but it just gets me down a little. Been single FOREVER.

Even at work I see people getting together all the time, girls getting asked out subtly and then fast forward a few weeks and they're an item. To be honest, it happens so often with work colleagues and stuff, that it hurts. It's never me and I'm not exactly a wallflower.

I guess I have a massive fear of rejection (the idea of acting blatantly interested in a guy and him not being interested freaks me out) but I just feel like I can't penetrate past the 'friends' zone with ANY guy. I know I have a hell of a lot to offer, and I don't think I'm half bad looking, but I'm never 'that girl' and I don't know how to become her. I've read posts here where people say that guys are attracted to confidence etc, I have plenty of it, but it's not attracting them!

Do I need to change? Hit on men more? Be a bit less subtle about my single status? Any input is appreciated

JangoFett

I know that fear, all too well. It crippled me for years, sometimes I would leave a pub/club because of that fear, and I'd find out afterwards that the person was interested in me!

How did I get over it? Well, I still have that fear but when I do get rejected I've realised that it's no big deal. Getting rejected by a stranger means absolutely nothing, because they don't know you. There could be hundreds of reasons for them to say no, and all of them could have nothing to do with you!

Life is about taking chances. It's worth it

Victor

How about approaching guys you like?

Unregistered wrote: »

quite chatty

On the face of it, this might be a negative, depending on what you chat about. If you come across as a ditz, only certain guys will be interested.

However, you are "early 20s" - no need to worry about being left on the shelf just yet.

BumbleB

Unregistered wrote: »

OK take that sentiment and apply it to a single girl, early 20s, remove the metaphor and that's pretty much what you've got. Now obviously (or maybe not so obviously...!) my friends are not all getting hitched with me watching from the sidelines, but I'm always the 'friend' and never the one that guys are interested in romantically.

I'm not a bad looking girl at all, dress well and all that, quite chatty and can be flirty with a few drinks on me (!!! OK now I will admit I generally am not in the day-to-day run of things, I can be pretty shy when around someone I fancy) but it just gets me down a little. Been single FOREVER.

Even at work I see people getting together all the time, girls getting asked out subtly and then fast forward a few weeks and they're an item. To be honest, it happens so often with work colleagues and stuff, that it hurts. It's never me and I'm not exactly a wallflower.

I guess I have a massive fear of rejection (the idea of acting blatantly interested in a guy and him not being interested freaks me out) but I just feel like I can't penetrate past the 'friends' zone with ANY guy. I know I have a hell of a lot to offer, and I don't think I'm half bad looking, but I'm never 'that girl' and I don't know how to become her. I've read posts here where people say that guys are attracted to confidence etc, I have plenty of it, but it's not attracting them!

Do I need to change? Hit on men more? Be a bit less subtle about my single status? Any input is appreciated

Some women who are shy send out really messed up signals, for instance I was chatting up a girl the other night and she completely blanked me.Turns out she was very shy and was interested but completely clammed up .I found it weird because I don't ever get blanked by girls.

You probably have the image and personality well sorted but you might need to amp up the x factor a little bit ,maybe a bit of innuendo in the conversation .Don't worry about rejection because statistically in market research (correct me if I'm wrong though) if you send out 100 leaflets and get 2 responses it considered a good result. same with people . Don't worry, if someone rejects you it's their s**T not yours. A person who never takes risks never learns anything new .

Have Fun

Nervous Wreck

To be honest, OP, I've been in your situation for a long time. I've had girlfriends before (long-term ones) but when single, I've always been pretty shy and kinda standing on the sidelines while my mates have fun chatting away to loads of girls.

I'm almost hitting 23 now and just out of my second serious relationship and, finally, I've said "F*CK THAT!!!" I've totally changed my attitude towards myself and towards social situations and it's done SO much for me. My new rule is to just talk to people. Anyone and everyone. Male, female, old, young, it doesn't matter. For me, the more people I talk to, the better I become at interacting. Now as I said, I've always kinda stayed in the background in social situations and I'm not exactly Brad Pitt (though I'm decent looking), but the amount of female attention I've gotten since changing my attitude is insane.... I didn't have to change who I am, just how I went about things.


Sounds like you need to do the same! Talk to EVERYBODY!!! Whether you fancy them or not is inconsequential. Just get yourself more used to being open to chatting. It'll pay off in a matter of weeks or I'll give you your money back!

Wibbs

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

To be honest, OP, I've been in your situation for a long time. I've had girlfriends before (long-term ones) but when single, I've always been pretty shy and kinda standing on the sidelines while my mates have fun chatting away to loads of girls.

I'm almost hitting 23 now and just out of my second serious relationship and, finally, I've said "F*CK THAT!!!" I've totally changed my attitude towards myself and towards social situations and it's done SO much for me. My new rule is to just talk to people. Anyone and everyone. Male, female, old, young, it doesn't matter. For me, the more people I talk to, the better I become at interacting. Now as I said, I've always kinda stayed in the background in social situations and I'm not exactly Brad Pitt (though I'm decent looking), but the amount of female attention I've gotten since changing my attitude is insane.... I didn't have to change who I am, just how I went about things.


Sounds like you need to do the same! Talk to EVERYBODY!!! Whether you fancy them or not is inconsequential. Just get yourself more used to being open to chatting. It'll pay off in a matter of weeks or I'll give you your money back!

Great post and great advice for men and women who feel they're not getting a fair crack of the whip in the dating game.

AARRRGH

Are you actually ok looking? I know a few girls who have said this about themselves, but they in fact are quite unattractive. For example, they're way too skinny, or have a weird nose, or are overweight, or something like that.

I know the above paragraph is not nice, but be sure, absolutely sure, there isn't a physical reason for the lack of success with men.

If there is a physical reason, see what you can do to sort it out. For example, anyone can get a hot body, and a hot body goes a long way.

Do men try to chat you up?

I agree with another poster that you could be sending out weird signals. Shy people can often come across as a bit difficult or weird or unpleasant. I understand shy people don't mean to come across that way, but they can and they do.

You say you dress well. What does that mean? Where do you buy your clothes? The reason I say this is because I know a few girls who 'dress well' but their expensive clothes make them look boring and unattractive.

My advice to you is to ask some of your male friends (who you don't mind losing as friends!) to be blunt about why they do not fancy you. You probably won't like their answers, so it will kill your friendship, but at least you'll be in a better position to fix the problem you're having.

LegacyUser

OK a bit more detail. I'm quite short, dark brown long hair, green eyes, and a medium complexion. 5 '2 and about nine and a half stone. Big boobs. No big nose or stand-out-ish features. I've been called pretty before, 'cute' is one I've heard a few times.
Like any girl, I'm not at all thrilled all the time about how I look but I wasn't exactly bashed about the place with the ugly stick!
I'd like to be about a stone lighter but what girl wouldn't, and I do exercise regularly so am quite fit.
Dress wise, I'm quite high street oriented, think River Island, Top Shop, but less girly and more boho. Work code is smart casual (not a suit-wearing company) and I would usually wear jeans, high heels, a nice top and leather jacket. I wear makeup but don't overdo it. Nights out are usually dresses.
Do I get hit on? I'd put it this way - I get stared at a bit, but it's like they rarely come over.
I guess this makes me wonder, because I was at a work night out with a colleague at the weekend, same age and similar personality, and the men seemed to love her. She's a pretty girl, and as outgoing as me, but it seems she was the one they were interested in and that makes me a bit sad. I wasn't aloof or shy or anything, rarely am on a night out, but still no interest.
I'd love to ask some guy friends why they are not attracted to me, but to be perfectly honest, that idea is truly terrifying! I don't want to freak anyone out, to be honest...

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

If there is a physical reason, see what you can do to sort it out. For example, anyone can get a hot body, and a hot body goes a long way.

What defines a hot body? There are things that you cannot change without surgery so that's not exactly a realistic goal.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

I would usually wear jeans, high heels, a nice top and leather jacket.

Hello 1980.

Just kidding. Sort of. :P

Is it possible your big boobs and short height are making you appear overweight?

I'm going to have a guess and say your problem is you look boring. I know a few girls who are 'normal' looking but they look boring. As a result, they are terminally single.

As an experiment could you go out some night dressed up in a sexy way (e.g. rockabilly -> bad picture but you get the idea) just to see what happens?

Unregistered wrote:

What defines a hot body? There are things that you cannot change without surgery so that's not exactly a realistic goal.

In general it means fit looking.

G-Money

Unregistered wrote: »

OK take that sentiment and apply it to a single girl, early 20s, remove the metaphor and that's pretty much what you've got. Now obviously (or maybe not so obviously...!) my friends are not all getting hitched with me watching from the sidelines, but I'm always the 'friend' and never the one that guys are interested in romantically.

I'm not a bad looking girl at all, dress well and all that, quite chatty and can be flirty with a few drinks on me (!!! OK now I will admit I generally am not in the day-to-day run of things, I can be pretty shy when around someone I fancy) but it just gets me down a little. Been single FOREVER.

Even at work I see people getting together all the time, girls getting asked out subtly and then fast forward a few weeks and they're an item. To be honest, it happens so often with work colleagues and stuff, that it hurts. It's never me and I'm not exactly a wallflower.

I guess I have a massive fear of rejection (the idea of acting blatantly interested in a guy and him not being interested freaks me out) but I just feel like I can't penetrate past the 'friends' zone with ANY guy. I know I have a hell of a lot to offer, and I don't think I'm half bad looking, but I'm never 'that girl' and I don't know how to become her. I've read posts here where people say that guys are attracted to confidence etc, I have plenty of it, but it's not attracting them!

Do I need to change? Hit on men more? Be a bit less subtle about my single status? Any input is appreciated

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the exact same boat, except that I'm male. All my friends are settling down, getting married etc and I'm getting nowhere at all.

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

Hello 1980.


I'm going to have a guess and say your problem is you look boring. I know a few girls who are 'normal' looking but they look boring. As a result, they are terminally single.

Woah how depressing. But that's for your honesty.

To be honest, I like my clothes and how I dress, and sort of feel like, who would I be if I was dressing any other way? I know if you want to change your circumstances, you have to mix things up, but I've had many different phases style-wise and my situation hasn't changed. Pink and girly, check, hippie, check, rock chick, check...

I'm thinking more about the weight thing and maybe you're right. I've always struggled with this, and had quite a few issues when I was a teenager that shattered my confidence and maybe the fact that I'm not all that confident about my body is keeping guys at bay.

I lost a lot of weight a few years back, went down to about 7 stone, and the attention I got was astronomical compared to now. I got checked out and asked out all over the place, but my confidence was down the toilet so I wasn't exactly putting myself out there...

I guess I sort of feel like, I'm in a better place now, I'm not grotesquely overweight or hideous looking, I'm generally a happy person with a great personality. Why is that not enough?

(Thanks for allowing me to self indulge a little here, by the way. It's helping a lot!)

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

Woah how depressing. But that's for your honesty.

To be honest, I like my clothes and how I dress, and sort of feel like, who would I be if I was dressing any other way? I know if you want to change your circumstances, you have to mix things up, but I've had many different phases style-wise and my situation hasn't changed. Pink and girly, check, hippie, check, rock chick, check...

I'm thinking more about the weight thing and maybe you're right. I've always struggled with this, and had quite a few issues when I was a teenager that shattered my confidence and maybe the fact that I'm not all that confident about my body is keeping guys at bay.

I lost a lot of weight a few years back, went down to about 7 stone, and the attention I got was astronomical compared to now. I got checked out and asked out all over the place, but my confidence was down the toilet so I wasn't exactly putting myself out there...

I guess I sort of feel like, I'm in a better place now, I'm not grotesquely overweight or hideous looking, I'm generally a happy person with a great personality. Why is that not enough?

(Thanks for allowing me to self indulge a little here, by the way. It's helping a lot!)

You said you like your clothes and how you dress and that is all that matters. Don't let people make you think it's how you dress that's the problem. It's not! (I am not just saying this 'cause you wear River Island and I work there!).
Your weight is not issue either and I actually cannot believe how many people have mentioned this. 9 and a half stone is perfectly acceptable to weigh and I am sure there is nothing wrong with your body. As you said, every girl would like to lose about a stone but don't even start thinking that the reason you are not in a relationship is because there is something wrong with you physically or weight-wise.
I'm glad you feel you are in a better place now and that is what you need to concentrate on. Be yourself, be happy. Generally you meet people when you least expect it so try going out with your girlfriend's and that kinda thing, just have fun and don't worry. Men will be dropping at your feet when they see that you can have fun without them and are a happy, fun-loving, independant lady.
I think you sound lovely so don't ask what's wrong with you! It's what's wrong with the men of this country that someone hasn't snapped you up already! Chin up

AARRRGH

I don't agree with the "everything is fine, stop worrying" advice you're getting. Obviously everything isn't fine because you wouldn't have this problem and you wouldn't be posting here.

Something is keeping you single. The fact that men don't approach you has me thinking it has to be something physical. So it's either your 'look', your face, your body, or some sort of weird vibe which is putting men off.

I really think you should experiment with the way you dress, with your hair, your makeup, etc. to see if it makes a difference. You're not 'lying to yourself' if you do this - it's just an experiment to see if it makes a difference.

You say you are 5 foot 2 and have large boobs - how large?

soundsham

23 is way too young to be worried

was reading the thread and posts and seems a bit too much talk about work as dating begins at work or people chat each other up at work nights out........yawn too much work talk

get a hobby, get different friends, go to different pubs, clubs or churches or wherever

in essence get out there to meet different people sometimes the weirdos are the best fun if even only for a fleeting chat in a pub or whatever

go to somewhere you never will be going back to and get chatting to anyone and tell em a load of lies just for the hell of it, any silly bit of fooling to help you talk to strangers

build the confidence, then try a real chat with someone you do want to talk to, come out of the shell

Tinchy

you sound totally normal i cant think on what the problem is! dont think your the only one who has this problem though,

one of my friends is really tall, long blonde hair and beautiful and doesnt get chatted up that much at all when out!

im kinda the same as you, small (5"3) dark hair medium complexion, big boobs;), 8 to 8 and a half stone though. and even though im only about 8 stone my boobs make me look heavier! this is the only thing i can think of that might be effecting you because you seem fun and you said yourself your chatty etc..
please dont worry about your weight though, im just saying you know what its like in clubs etc, first impressions are everything.

LegacyUser

Yeah you know I don't think I can go back to blaming my weight for my lack of a love life, because then I find I'm losing weight for other people, not myself, and so any guy who hits on me once I'm thinner I sort of judge and think, 'is it because I'm thinner and would he even look twice if I hadn't lost any weight?' and that's a level of headfcuk that I don't want to deal with.

But I agree with Aarrgh, (great username...!) there's obviously something because the interest is just not there and blaming 'Irish men' is just the easy way out and an insult to my intelligence.

To be honest all of this is having an impact on my confidence, so I feel I could be a bit of a closed shop in ways. I don't expect to be hit on, asked out etc, so maybe I'm giving out the vibe that I don't WANT to be hit on or asked out. I just don't know.

And I'm a 34DD !!

LegacyUser

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to personality and confidence. I'm female, in my mid twenties and I'm quite a big, curvy girl, I could definitely stand to lose a few stone lets say. And yet I dont find myself having that much trouble getting dates, do not get me wrong I've had my fair share of rejection - a lot of men just aren't attracted to the plumper lady - but I've also had my fair share of successes. A while back when out with friends ended up chatting to a group of lads, I was relaxed, myself, chatty, a bit cheeky and brazen, a bit of a smartarse (not in an obnoxious way though) afterwards one of the guys asked me out. Been seeing him now for a while and he told me one of the things that really attracted me to him was my confidence, my cheekiness, basically my personality.

What I'm trying to say is, if a big girl such as myself ( and lets face it, loads of guys dont want to date the big girl) can get dates then you can too.

You sound lovely, you seem to have a great personality and you say you have confidence. I just wonder if you're putting too much emphasis on being asked out and getting a guy that maybe subconsciously this is coming across?

You should be putting more emphasis on just having fun, do things that make you happy. You are young, free, single and carefree and you should live so accordingly. The rest will follow. Believe me.

Dilbert75

As far as I can see the best advice you've been given here is:
- forget about trying to "meet" someone and just enjoy socialising. When you look happy, your attractiveness goes up a few notches immediately.
- don't blame singlehood on your looks. You sound perfectly attractive to me and it doesn't sound to me like you've any problems in the looks department.

Being attached to someone is not the be-all and end-all either - its better to be happy and single than attached and unhappy.

Nitxteha

why don't you just relax?

Try this one day: put on your flat shoes, and most confortable jeans, your favourite top and a nice and warm jumper. Call a couple of friends you really like and go out an have fun. Don't make absolutely any effort to please anybody or to attract anybody. As another poster said, talk to anybody you feel like, smile to any guy you like (if you smile to people, you normally get a smile back).

If you are chatted up by anybody you like, don't get flirty (maybe when you get flirty you look needy and you scare them off..), just nice and relaxed..Think: you rule, it's all under control, you are having a good time, that's all.

I think this may work for you. Ah! and don't drink too much Deep down, men don't like drunk women..

Good luck

Reesy

Unregistered wrote: »

... because I was at a work night out with a colleague at the weekend, same age and similar personality, and the men seemed to love her. She's a pretty girl, and as outgoing as me, but it seems she was the one they were interested in and that makes me a bit sad. I wasn't aloof or shy or anything, rarely am on a night out, but still no interest.
I'd love to ask some guy friends why they are not attracted to me, but to be perfectly honest, that idea is truly terrifying! I don't want to freak anyone out, to be honest...

Just a thought: maybe your friend (above) is really good at flirting / making herself appear available / leading the guys on? It really is an art, you know. Looks / body are a long way from everything!

Maybe somebody (a trusted & observant girlfriend?) might give you some feedback?

CathyMoran

Firstly, you are still young. I only started dating my husband at your age. I will admit to being out of the dating scene a long while but I do know that if you seem like you want a date then it will be unlikely that you will get one. I deliberatly took a year away from looking for a date (as I wanted to concentrate on me and college) and the guys were all over me, at the end of that year when I was interested again my husband and I started dating...

I would have a large chest too and I have to dress appropriatly so that it does not make the rest of me look big - maybe you could get advice in fashion & appearance?

LegacyUser

Hi
WOW, the OPs description sound exactly like me! same height, "large boobs) that do make me look larger sometimes than i am! what i find is that when i Stand up straight: full of confidence I look Slimer( its really helps the boobs.......) small things like this can make a huge difference in perception of others! also Ive been described as being cute(ive a small nose and blue eyes) quite rounded features: i always found that although It wouldnt be me initally (in a group of friends) that might draw men over to talk, i would usually be the one that they described as nice, sound cute etc: USE WHAT you have make the best of it, and talk ( and if you cant find a thing in your head to say: make eye contact at least and listen)! i think eye contact is important: eye contact a second or two and a small smile will go a long way to make you look inviting and easy to talk to! dressing is important too, but girl fashion is a mystery to alot of men, if you are confortable and look decent enough: eye contact with someone will mean far more!!!

BumbleB

Probably, whats happening here is your friends ego is pushing you out of the game.

I had a friend just like that and he sucked up every bit of attention talking sh*te and I was a quiet guy at the time but It took me along while to figure out that was happening so I started to just lose him when I went into pubs and nightclubs and it worked out very good.

Probably what you need to do is strike off on your own do your own thing just hang out away from your friend somewhere by the bar near some lads and put on your brightest smile for all to see.

try it !

LegacyUser

I am sure even supermodels have felt the way you do at some stage or another. When ur feeling confident and happy, it gives you almost an aura that invites people to engage with you. The opposite is true, maybe after watching a few blokes go to chat up someone else you are wilting a wee bit and giving off a slightly more negative vibe. One way i built up my confidence with girls was to chat to my mate's GF's ( 10 minutes max tho!!) that eased me into a happy friendly mood, and i dunno if any women can confirm this, but if a girl sees a fella talking to a girl and she seems to be having a good time, her interest peaks immediately. Plus they usually have mates fake it until u make it

Snowie

you sound really attractive in my mind and simply black hiar green eyes is hot as hell...

.....


all il say is if you dont feel sexy you wont be sexy... if you dont feel attractive you won't be attractive..
Maybe get a new hair cut nothing really radical or if you want it can be...
Every ones got sex appeal no matter how small tall skinny wide etc etc etc...Maybe change your style... in a way that you want to...

but dont get to down about it serously we all question how we look but tbh I've allways gone for the attractive girls etc... the bad girls that dont fancy me but i fancy them.. recently ive given up i dont care I prefer a girl with decent attiude and one i can get on with.... That's whats important tbh well in my mind attraction has to be there... to ... but more so personality:).

Ps ive been single for 5 years.....

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

I lost a lot of weight a few years back, went down to about 7 stone, and the attention I got was astronomical compared to now. I got checked out and asked out all over the place, but my confidence was down the toilet so I wasn't exactly putting myself out there...

Just have to address this. Im about your height and currently heavier than you. Over the years my weight has gone up and down. Ive been a size 16 and a size 8. I NEVER got hit on as an 8, but always got loads of attention when heavier than that.

However - its nothing to do with what I weigh. Generally speaking, the skinnier I am the less happy I am and the more stressed I am. I didnt get no attention as an 8 for being an 8, I got no attention because my self esteem was in the toilet and I was a miserable fecker.

When Im a happy bunny and not experiencing much stress in my life I gain more weight - and I get hit on more.

Its more about self esteem, self confidence and a bit of cheekiness without being smart helps too.

Being sexy is about feeling sexy. If Im going out and I look in the mirror and think 'oh, I look a bit fat, Ive got an unsightly bulge etc...etc...' then I get no attention. If I look in the mirror and think 'oh yeah baby, hot stuff, check out that booty!!!' I get loads of attention.

Its all about how you feel on the inside, thats what you project on the outside - the vibes. Unless youve had a serious smack of the ugly stick looks are far less important that you think.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

When Im a happy bunny and not experiencing much stress in my life I gain more weight - and I get hit on more...

Being sexy is about feeling sexy. If Im going out and I look in the mirror and think 'oh, I look a bit fat, Ive got an unsightly bulge etc...etc...' then I get no attention. If I look in the mirror and think 'oh yeah baby, hot stuff, check out that booty!!!' I get loads of attention.

Its all about how you feel on the inside, thats what you project on the outside - the vibes. Unless youve had a serious smack of the ugly stick looks are far less important that you think.

Maybe this is the crux of it for me because this is not my experience.

Generally speaking, I've been more successful with men when I've been slimmer than I am now...and I haven't necessarily happier those times.

Being slimmer requires a lot of effort for me, as it does for anyone, but I've had a few teenage acts of stupidity IE half starved myself, over exercised etc to achieve it and those were the times that the male attention escalated. I'd be feeling like sh*te on a plate but looking 'amazing' (that's from friends, acquaintances etc) and all of a sudden guys want to date me. It would leave me very disillusioned.

I do feel I have confidence issues about my body but to be perfectly honest, I have a lot of female friends and I don't feel my issues are any more serious than theirs. Certainly they shouldn't be so great that I am sending out 'weird vibes' and preventing guys from hitting on me or anything, and in general I am a far happier person now.

If a bit lonely...! Maybe I do need to just relax and forget about it all for a while. It's actually beginning to stress me out!

Thanks again for all input

LegacyUser

OP

Have you ever thought about going to one of those image agencies (the only one I know is Color me Beautiful)?

They basically go through your wardrobe, and what colors, shapes/styles suit you and give you color charts, and details on what styles/structures suit you.

I ask as both myself and three of my friends over the years (all aged 25-30 at the time) all used them and the difference for the four of us was pretty amazing, both in terms of how we felt about how we looked and how we dressed, all four of us agreed it was possibly the best investment we had made in terms of our appearance.

For me personally it got me out of wearing clothes that made my big boobs (32DD, I'm 5 foot eight and 10 stone) look enormous and really balanced out my shape, and gave me confidence to try different colors. I'd get compliments on my appearance fairly regularly since then, and I'm no oil painting.

The one huge difference it made to me confidence wise was that I felt and knew that I looked good, and it was one less thing to worry about.

beks101

Contrary to what you're saying OP, it sounds to me like you do have major confidence issues and that is what's preventing the interest from guys.

I know a lot of women have body issues and have been down the route of doing silly things to lose weight, but that by no means makes your own issues any less, and this sort of thing can be spotted a mile off.

I think you are right that you don't expect (or maybe deep down, don't even want..?) to be hit on, and that sends out a pretty clear message to those around you.

However this shouldn't be stressing you out the way you say it is, you're in your twenties, these are the fun years! I think you should take a step back from it and put yourself first in this - do what you need to make yourself happy and comfortable and confident in yourself. You don't need a relationship to be happy and the wrong relationship will actually make you miserable!

Best of luck x