Meeting randomly?

TheGreenGiant

Hi everyone. Would just like to get people's opinions on this as I have never really tried it before. I'm like alot of people that enjoy heading out at the weekends with friends and just having a laugh. But in recent times I have just felt really down in myself. The main reason would probably be that I haven't been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I feel that I have lost complete confidence in myself when it comes to talking to girls. I basically freeze up, start blushing(which I find so embarasing) and don't have a clue how to get the conversation going places. I never used to be like this and I hate that this social aspect of my life has turned on its heels.

I actually had a conversation with one of my best mates about this one night when we were out, and he like myself, couldn't understand why I was still single. But he gave me an idea and this is what I want to ask all you folks that end up reading this thread. I don't know if a lot of guys do this, but how would girls react if a random guy on the street approached you and starting talking to ya at say a bus stop? My friend suggested that talking to random girls on the street would be a good way of building up confidence and self esteem. Just wondering if you would be freaked out or would you find it an interesting encounter?

Thanks everyone

I'd either be very wary or welcome the chat, depending on my mood and their approach

Orla K

I think it really depends, if I was walking somewhere and a guy came up to me and started chatting to me I would be a little confused but if something happened along the lines of what happened to me yesterday(minus the chatting me up) I was getting out of my car and he was getting into his, he had to wait for me to get out before getting into his, there was a little chat me saying 'oh sorry, I didn't even notice you there'. Sadly these situations don't happen very often, at least not for me.

I think the best places to start conversations are trains/buses or when your sitting down for lunch and your both alone.

But then you might want to ignore my advice, I've been single for longer than you so I don't think I'm the one that should be giving advice.

boarddotie

Yes definitely depends on your approach and if I was up for a chat on that specific day. I suppose watch for the girls body language before you start a convo. If shes looking around and interested in all the people and traffic passing the bus stop shes prob bored and looking for a distraction. But if she is all closed up body languag and staring at a certain point ahead of her and in her own world dont do it. It may only harm the ould confidence!

lilirish

I agree that it could go either way, wonderfully or horribly wrong depending on the person/location/approach. I wouldn't go for somewhere as simple as the street/a bus stop though.

Personally I would be flattered and impressed at guys confidence to do this.

But, isn't this the same as being able to walk up a girl you fancy in say a bar and strike up a conversation?

MIN2511

Funny thing is i was thinking the same myself, what will people(lads) think of girls randomly chatting them.
Anyways i find it hard chatting a guy up so i dunno if it'ld ever happen....

Try it out and let me know how you get on-i don't see a problem and will be pretty chauffed if a random guy chatted me up randomly

Kimia

It very much depends on the approach.

If you're cool and you just mention something funny then you'll know instantly if she has the same sense of humour as you and then ye'll laugh breaking the tension.

Just be wary that you will probably be shot down a lot of times because some girls are mean!

Polleta

I worked part time in a chemist while at uni and one day near shop closing time I was approached by a man who asked me for helping choosing something.

I noticed his female friend standing close by watching me give him the advice asked for but I would guess not needed. The guy was building up his own confidenence by simply approaching a random girl and having a normal chat.

To me this was a safe situation in that I had no issue being approached I was at work and well used to it.

On the street I would find it a little bit more random and I would definitely be on my guard for the first while.

On saying that I was in a book shop recently picking up a new book and was reading the back of one two and a guy was standing nearby doing the same thing. I couldnt help but think it was such a safe place to chat someone up. If he had picked up a book I'd read I possibly would have started to chat to him.

So I would say it can be good and it can be bad depending on the situation as other have said above.

LegacyUser

If I was you I'd just try it with shop assistants....

Going up to someone at a bus stop or street corner strikes me as a bit odd. If it goes wrong at the bus stop, you then board the bus after them or are stuck at the stop in awkward silence.

I have a lot of interaction with people in shops (part of my job) and I have found that it has improved my confidence at talking to people I dont know.

Or, if you are chatting to someone at a bus stop/street corner, have a question to ask, keep it short and simple and leave it at that..... at the start anyway.

sunnyside

Orla K wrote: »

I think the best places to start conversations are trains/buses

Not if it's very quiet and the other passengers who are also on their own are listening in on your conversation.

Overall there is nothing wrong with the idea of chatting to random strangers. Sometimes it will work, other times it won't.

upmeath

MIN2511 wrote: »

Funny thing is i was thinking the same myself, what will people(lads) think of girls randomly chatting them.

This is only from personal experience, but maybe three out of five times a random girl tries to initiate conversation they come across as being desperate

It seems since I joined my advice to everyone seems to be the same thing over and over. But OP I think you would be better off getting involved in more stuff with new people. Join a club, a class, an association or do volunteer work. Why does it have to be total strangers you talk to on the street? Get into joining stuff with new people and you can talk to strangers for a reason.

The added bonus is that as you do and learn all the new things, you will not only have more people to talk TO but a lot more to talk ABOUT.

Trust me, having a lot to talk about is as much as a confidence boost as anything else. You can have all the confidence in the world to talk to strangers, but if you have nothing to say what use is it.

Also there is also speed dating. This is a place where not only do you have to talk to strangers in the fashion you describe above, but you have the added help of knowing they are there TO be talked to.

Orla K

sunnyside wrote: »

Not if it's very quiet and the other passengers who are also on their own are listening in on your conversation.

Overall there is nothing wrong with the idea of chatting to random strangers. Sometimes it will work, other times it won't.

I just found from personal experience that it was easy to start/have a conversation with a random person that's sitting next to you. It may be more so on longer journeys and on buses there's only two seats so nobody else does be getting in on the conversation, but I think anywhere is fairly hit and miss.

jonsnow

This is something that really bugs me about Irish culture.The way you can,t really chat up girls on the bus or at a bus stop.Of course you can chat briefly about the weather or whatever but if you try to flirt or even be friendly more often than not you get a really hostile or freaked out vibe.
I noticed in the US that it is very common to see random people flirting and exchanging numbers to meet up for dates on buses or the subway.I started doing it myself and went on a number of dates.
When I came back to Ireland I said to myself that although the culture was different I,d give it a shot.I soon gave up again because it just wasn,t worth the hassle as girls were often uncomfortable with this approach and you could almost see them thinking "weirdo".So its back to flirting at designated pubs ,clubs and houseparties between 9 o,clock at night and half two in the morning on a friday or saturday night.It seems that most other times in Ireland are socially unacceptable.
The one major exception to this rule that I have encountered in Ireland is the Inter-city trains-especially on a friday evening.Everyone seems to flirt like crazy on the Dublin to cork train anyway!!.

MIN2511

upmeath wrote: »

This is only from personal experience, but maybe three out of five times a random girl tries to initiate conversation they come across as being desperate

Typical reason why girls NEVER ask men out.

upmeath

MIN2511 wrote: »

Typical reason why girls NEVER ask men out.

I don't follow? I'm not saying they shouldn't do it, I love the two out of five who get it right and are themselves. But the other three should try to be themselves more when they're doing it. Nothing annoys me so much as someone giving off the vibe of being desperate, or on the other hand of having an inflated opinion of themselves. What I'm thinking is, "don't lie to me, I'm more likely to judge you if you lie than if you give an honest up-front account of yourself". It's all about being truthful, from the get-go.

MIN2511

upmeath wrote: »

I don't follow? I'm not saying they shouldn't do it, I love the two out of five who get it right and are themselves. But the other three should try to be themselves more when they're doing it. Nothing annoys me so much as someone giving off the vibe of being desperate, or on the other hand of having an inflated opinion of themselves. What I'm thinking is, "don't lie to me, I'm more likely to judge you if you lie than if you give an honest up-front account of yourself". It's all about being truthful, from the get-go.

It's all confusing this making conversation etiquette. Women who approach men are seen as desperate and those who don't are seen as either timid/no confidence etc
No one wins!
Hey, not arguing with you... Just saying things from a female's point of view...

LegacyUser

...well the lucky thing for you is you're a guy! Like someone else said, if girls try this we come across as desperate. However if a guy just started chattin to me while I was waiting for the bus or something, and so long as I wasn't in a foul mood, I'd probably have a nice chat. Probably wouldn't give my number though But go for it OP, get some confidence back! The worst that can happen is they say "No," and then you won't even care cause it's not someone close to you who rejected your advances lol!

waves

MIN2511 wrote: »

It's all confusing this making conversation etiquette. Women who approach men are seen as desperate and those who don't are seen as either timid/no confidence etc
No one wins!
Hey, not arguing with you... Just saying things from a female's point of view...

girl came over to talk to me in the pub a couple of weeks back ..... I've been seeing her since.

I would never see it as desperate if a girl comes over to chat to me. It's only a chat at first. If something develops then cool.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

...well the lucky thing for you is you're a guy! Like someone else said, if girls try this we come across as desperate.

No, both you and the above poster seem to be misinterpreting that previous statement. He said some women come across desperate. This might be because they try too hard, they're being false or they aren't used to initiating casual conversations with men.

It's complete rubbish to say that a woman will automatically come across as desperate if she approaches a man. This is a myth perpetuated by women who don't like taking risks or certain men who prefer to date wallflowers.

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

No, both you and the above poster seem to be misinterpreting that previous statement. He said some women come across desperate. This might be because they try too hard, they're being false or they aren't used to initiating casual conversations with men.

I'd agree with this, I'd wonder if given that it's the "norm" for men to ask women out, that the "desperation" factor is something that's less considered?

Maybe if more women actually asked men out, they'd get used to it, and not wonder at the "desperation" level of the woman doing the asking

littlesurfer

I was standing at a tap filling a water bottle yesterday and someone came up and tickled me from behind...then got really embarassed cause they thought i was someone else...you could do that : ) good conversation starter....

thebossanova

Last 2 girls I've gone out with have both been the instigators of the initial chat! Both were hot and neither needed to approach guys as I'm sure they would get attention regardless, but they took it upon themselves which is really attractive for a guy as it shows interest in you for a start, initiative and confidence. All good in my book and I'm glad they did.

Both admitted they were nervous as hell doing it but you only live once and the rush if it works is worth it I think!

I've attempted it a few times myself but been shot down every time.:(
Men are much more up for this kind of approach.

Edit:approached in a shop once, and at work the other. Not the usual pub/club dealio...

upmeath

Yep, just to tidy up after myself, I'm not saying I don't like it when women initiate conversation, I love it. However, what I find wrong is that a lot of women overdo it and put too much into the initial effort and first impression.

I'd rather, and I think most men would, if a girl was her own person when deciding to initiate conversation with a guy.
First tip - don't be nervous, I'm a stranger and nothing gained is nothing lost.
Second tip - don't tell porkies, nothing gives a worse first impression.
Perhaps insecurity on their part means they feel they have to give off a false impression to give a good one.

Bear in mind I said a lot of women do this, but most certainly not all women!

DD

Depends what is your age, if you are younger it is normal, things will be better in time .

scanlas

You can't control the reaction a woman will have when you chat her up on the street so stop trying to, but you can control your reaction to her reaction.

You have the right to walk up to any woman on the street and start chatting her up, that is something you can physically do. It's not illegal.

Don't try any tricks to chat to women in the daytime, walk over to her and say "You are so cute I had to come over and say hello" oe " Hi, I had to come over and flirt with you". If you aren't comfortable doing this the woman more than likely won't feel comfortable, if you are comfortable doing it then there is a much greater chance that the woman is comfortable. Be vulnerable, open body language, maintain strong eye contact and speak slowly without any filler words. Become comfortable with those so called "awkward silences". If you are comfortable with them and have a nice rhythm to your conversation she will probably become attracted pending other variables.

You won't be able to be comfortable initially, but the more you approach the more your body realise you are not in danger from approaching a woman on the street and lets you be comfortable.

It's your choice, either muster up the courage to have loads of awkward interctions and eventually become comfortable or don't bother and never be able to do it for the rest of your life.

I think it's important to understand that you are doing nothing wrong by wanting to have a sexual relaitionship with a woman you see on the street. Also realise a woman is allowed to be rude to you when you approach. Don't start wasting your energy complaining that a woman was rude to you and it shouldn't be that way. You have to not care what anyone thinks. Best of luck.

TheGreenGiant

Hey everyone. Just want to say thanks to all who replied to this thread. Your suggestions and help is greatly appreciated Oh and just to say I think I will try out this meeting thing whether it be on the street or out at the weekend. Sure whats there to loose!? Thanks again guys/gals