I am a coward and a sponger and a bastard

LegacyUser

I am nothing but a disappointment to my parents. They are good people who have provided me with every opportunity and I pissed it all away. Now I'm sitting here hating myself, all I want to do is end it all but I know that is the most selfish thing I can do, for it will not be me who is hurt but my family and what few friends I have.

I can't deal with stressful situations, or more correctly I deal with them in the worst way possible way by running away and ignoring and avoiding them. I dropped out of college in my final year, just stopped going to lectures. It wasn't just laziness, I was scared of failure, scared of not being good enough or not fulfilling my potential. I lied about it for months, pretended I was going and then when it came to crunch time I panicked and had a mini breakdown. I talked to my parents about it at went to see a counsellor and got my exams deferred. It felt like a load of weight off my shoulders as I had time.

The problem was I'm not good a studying on my own, I'm undisciplined and have a short attention span. I did do a bit of work but nowhere near enough to make up for all the lectures I missed so I didn't get my exams. I was ashamed so I lied about the number of exams I failed, I told them it was two but really it was five.

At that point I think I should have left college and gone and done something different to take me out of the situation. I knew in the back of my mind that if I went back without changing my mindset the same thing would end up happening. But I was too cowardly to do anything to fix the situation and so took the straightest option which was to repeat again, lying to both myself and my parents.

I started off well but then a few weeks into lectures I had to go to hospital for an appendectomy and missed 2 weeks of college. When I went back I slipped into my old routine of avoiding lectures, it didn't help that I knew no one in my year so I sat alone all the time. Then I got some bad news, they found a tumour on my appendix which really scared the **** out of me. I was some weeks before I was given a clear picture of my prognosis and in that time I became a complete recluse. I stopped going to lectures all together stopped talking to friends just sat in my room all day. My prognosis turned out to be good, the tumour had not spread and the doctors believed they removed it all in the appendectomy, I would have to be monitored for a few years going back for tests etc, but the risk was low.

At this stage it was too late the damage was done to my academic life, I was heading for another fail and as usual instead of pulling my socks up I ran away. It's exam time now and I haven't a hope of passing. I'm lying to my parents, they think I'm on course to pass. I can't bare to face them as it's inevitable that I'm going to disappoint them. How do I tell them what a loser I am? I don't want to make excuses for myself everything is my own fault. I don't care what happens to me at this stage I just don't want to hurt them.

Beruthiel

bastard101 wrote: »

It's exam time now and I haven't a hope of passing. I'm lying to my parents, they think I'm on course to pass. I can't bare to face them as it's inevitable that I'm going to disappoint them. How do I tell them what a loser I am? I don't want to make excuses for myself everything is my own fault. I don't care what happens to me at this stage I just don't want to hurt them.

The sky hasn't fallen in.
At the absolute worst, you will have to repeat a year no?
That's hardly the end of the world!

As for your parents, sit them down and tell them the above.
They love you.
They are over the moon that you are once again healthy and will live to a ripe old age. THAT is the most important thing to them.
They're not going to have a heart attach.
Tell them and then get yourself back on track.
You have your whole life ahead of you and this is nothing more than a tiny bump along the way. Seriously.

gangie

Hey - Im in kinda of the same boat. I am totally unprepared for my exams - have been to about 3 lectures all year (no exaggeration) and I have my 15,000 dissertation to finish (have maybe half done) and about 5 assignments and my exams start on Tuesday :eek:

The thing is - I am not going to give up, I have applied to the dept for mitigation on summer exams (as this is my final yr) so in case I do have to repeat I will not be docked marks. I spoke to my year head and have arranged late submissions on the overdue assignments so I will prob still be doing them during the exams, but hey at least they will get done!

If I think about it for too long I get very worried and panicky so I have decided to break it down in my head, one thing at a time. It can be done, although I wont get the 1;1 i initally hoped for!

What Im trying to say is - stay calm, try your best to get your work in and some study done, apply for mitigation and face the exams head on. Even if you ahve to repaeat them all at least you wiill have had a head start as the repeats are nearly always very similar to the may exams. Speak to your year head about your situation- they are really helpful. Dont worry - everything will work out and even if you do fail, so what? You can always try again! Good luck

alo1587

Hi, its not the end of the world!! Would it be possible to approach the head of your course and talk to him about taking maybe a year off from college and repeating the exams again at a later stage? Lots of people drop out of college/dont finish courses etc (i know cos i'm one of them!).I'm like you, i couldn't study in college, couldn't concentrate etc.You're not the only one.There's more to life than getting a degree or whatever! Some people i know left school at 13 or 14 and have successful businesses now! Let us know how you get on.

nedoo

Would it be the subject that you are doing is not grabbing you. If it is, change, people chop and change all the time. You have had a rough year, stop lying to the old pair, tell them the truth. Sure they will be pissed but so would you if somebody was lying to you all the time. They will get over it, thats what parents do. Take a year out, sort yourself and what you want to do out. Grow up, set your targets and go for them in a year later, be it in a whole new college, repeating etc. You must start to tell the truth to you and others as you are snowing yourself under with all this.

gubby

I am a coward and a sponger and a bastard
First of all you are none of those things. Believe me... I have a son just like you and I would die for him.
You will wont understand the love a parent has for their child until you have your own. Talk to them.. take a year out.. change your course.. travel.. do something diffirent. I promise you they will understand..and probably know a lot more than you give them credit for. In a few years you will look back at this and be glad you didnt give up.
my thought are with you. keep strong.

kittenkiller

I used to feel the same way about college.
I'd do anything but go to lectures!
Repeated just about every year.
It was terrible and I felt awful about myself and was fibbing to most people about how badly I had done.

The best thing I've ever done was to know when to throw the towel in.
I'm not a college person (right now, maybe things will change).
I don't do well sitting down to learn from a book.
However, I am a great employee!
I've learnt so much from practical experience and it gives me an awsome sense of achievement to do a decent days work or implement a change in the company I'm with.

College isn't the be all and end all.
Maybe take a year out and work somewhere to get some experience and perspective on things.
It might well be the making of you.

McCABE1

Why would you talk about ending it all over something like this?? My God college isnt the be all and end all. My boyfriend quit months before his final exams due to the death of a friend and even though he never went back, got a great job in a related area. My sister hated school and hated college too, bunked off whenever she could and eventually quit with no qualification. My folks were worried about her naturally and wished she'd continue but not enough that they turned against her. Gubby is right, you have no idea how much your parents love you, they would do anything for you. All they want for you is to be happy and healthy. They'll simply worry for you if you fail but they worry because they love you so much and want the best for you.
Please dont talk about ending things or even think that way. A friend of my mams, her son suffered from depression and took his own life recently. Jesus Christ I dont even have the words to tell you how much pain that caused. You love them, they love you, if your parents knew you were thinking this way, they wouldnt give a fiddlers f*ck about exams. Go and talk to them, its your only option.

Peewee_lane

Hi Op

I'm in the same position as yourself regarding college, I got distracted with life this year and avoided college for weird self justifying reasons.

If it helps, I put an ad up for grinds in the subjects Ive exams in. Im bringing the pass papers to the grinds teacher and working through the answers with them.

All parents are different, I know mine have and would scream blue murder if I sat them down to talk to them about not going to pass exams but maybe you should given that your illness distracted you from so much this year.

Tell them, Im worried about my exams and Im not fully understanding the workload, but - I am going to give them a go and if I dont get them all, Im going to repeat them in August and get the marks I wanted.

Just give them a go anyway... can you repeat them in August? Give them a go with the intention of passing and then deal with whatever you have to deal with when the results come through.

LegacyUser

I recently had to tell my parents something I dreaded and had put off for over a year. In that time they knew something was up as they could see my health was suffering but I was able to put it down to other things. I was soo worried they would see me as a disappoitment.

When finally I told them it was such a massive relief and weight off my shoulders. They were obviously shocked and upset - and my dad ranted and raved a bit, but a lot less than I was expecting, and fairly soon all I got was support and practical help.

I wish now i had told them sooner, it's been easier since, not having to worry about hiding things from them or lying to them. Problems can seem so massive, but when talked about can seem so much more managable, and having someone to support you and give you practical support is great.

So talk to them - let them be there for you, support youand love you. Thats what they want to do and would be heartbroken if they thought you felt you couldn't talk to them and where going through all this on your own.

LegacyUser

bastard101 wrote: »

I am nothing but a disappointment to my parents. They are good people who have provided me with every opportunity and I pissed it all away. Now I'm sitting here hating myself, all I want to do is end it all but I know that is the most selfish thing I can do, for it will not be me who is hurt but my family and what few friends I have.

I can't deal with stressful situations, or more correctly I deal with them in the worst way possible way by running away and ignoring and avoiding them. I dropped out of college in my final year, just stopped going to lectures. It wasn't just laziness, I was scared of failure, scared of not being good enough or not fulfilling my potential. I lied about it for months, pretended I was going and then when it came to crunch time I panicked and had a mini breakdown. I talked to my parents about it at went to see a counsellor and got my exams deferred. It felt like a load of weight off my shoulders as I had time.

The problem was I'm not good a studying on my own, I'm undisciplined and have a short attention span. I did do a bit of work but nowhere near enough to make up for all the lectures I missed so I didn't get my exams. I was ashamed so I lied about the number of exams I failed, I told them it was two but really it was five.

At that point I think I should have left college and gone and done something different to take me out of the situation. I knew in the back of my mind that if I went back without changing my mindset the same thing would end up happening. But I was too cowardly to do anything to fix the situation and so took the straightest option which was to repeat again, lying to both myself and my parents.

I started off well but then a few weeks into lectures I had to go to hospital for an appendectomy and missed 2 weeks of college. When I went back I slipped into my old routine of avoiding lectures, it didn't help that I knew no one in my year so I sat alone all the time. Then I got some bad news, they found a tumour on my appendix which really scared the **** out of me. I was some weeks before I was given a clear picture of my prognosis and in that time I became a complete recluse. I stopped going to lectures all together stopped talking to friends just sat in my room all day. My prognosis turned out to be good, the tumour had not spread and the doctors believed they removed it all in the appendectomy, I would have to be monitored for a few years going back for tests etc, but the risk was low.

At this stage it was too late the damage was done to my academic life, I was heading for another fail and as usual instead of pulling my socks up I ran away. It's exam time now and I haven't a hope of passing. I'm lying to my parents, they think I'm on course to pass. I can't bare to face them as it's inevitable that I'm going to disappoint them. How do I tell them what a loser I am? I don't want to make excuses for myself everything is my own fault. I don't care what happens to me at this stage I just don't want to hurt them.

Please go see the student counsellor rep at college, NOW.you have had a hard enough year as it is so stop adding to the guilt. You sound a sweet caring loving son who has gotten himself into a situation which is not a dead end believe me..there is a whole wide world out there OP, although you cannot see it at the minute maybe.its not your fault you were hospitalised and had surgery, and its not your fault you are feeling overwhelmed at the minute. Your parents will understand-my son did the same last year..and yeah i was peed off for a bit as i mistakenly thought he was just skiving, but when i understood he was depressed/anxious I was fine, and so is he, and you will be too..*Hug*

krudler

I left college 6 months into it, got a job and wound up making more than most of my friends who stuck out courses they hated purely to get a degree are, college aint the end of the world, if you fail sure just do the year again?

sunnyside

alo1587 wrote: »

I'm like you, i couldn't study in college, couldn't concentrate etc.You're not the only one.There's more to life than getting a degree or whatever! Some people i know left school at 13 or 14 and have successful businesses now! Let us know how you get on.

kittenkiller wrote: »

I don't do well sitting down to learn from a book.
However, I am a great employee!
I've learnt so much from practical experience and it gives me an awsome sense of achievement to do a decent days work or implement a change in the company I'm with.
.

I have all the college qualifications but I totally agree with the above. It's not for everyone and not important. For the last few years I've worked for a very average salary while the carpenters and builders earned 4 times what I did. I know they aren't doing so well at the moment but just wanting to point out to OP that there are plenty of opportunities without a degree.

Your parents are aware of what a difficult year it's been with health problems, failed exams aren't as important as a cancer scare.

Try to pass the exams if you can. If you can't I'd say set yourself a deadline of this time next year to have sorted your life out. Either commit to the college thing and finish it or drop it and do something else with your life. It will be ok.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, been in the same boat. Blagged my way through 3 years of uni with little or no work what so ever. Must have had literally 10% attendance, if that! On some subjects I literally picked a book up for the first time the night before my exams and managed to waffle my way to a mark of 40. I was not prepared in the slightest when 4th year came round.

I tried applying myself for my final year but I just had zero interest in the course I was doing. Inevitably I failed 5 exams out of 10. I did the repeats but did no extra work and once again failed them all. I could'nt bear to tell my parents so said I failed 2 and would repeat them the following year. The following year came and went with me not picking up a book. I failed and I also failed the repeats, nobody to blame but myself and my procrastionation.

I felt so much pressure on me about how I was going to tell my parents I had failed that I really thought I was just going to explode. In the end I just sat them down and told them I had failed, I would not be repeating again as I wasnt interested in the course and I was going to get a job. The relief was unbelievable. My dad was a bit pissed as he believes education is the be all and end all but my mam was understanding....it really wasnt as bad as I had built it up in my head. That was 2 years ago and luckily I was able to walk into a great job.

It really isnt the end of the world OP. Your parents arent going to think your a failure or anything of the sort. They may be a little dissapointed but they will get over it and still love you. I find it easy now to talk to my parents about it and they just never realised how much pressure I felt to make them happy after all I only went to Uni for their sake, had I had it my way I would have went straight out to work after school.

In my job now there are numerous cases of people having gone in straight from school and moving their way up and are on far more money than any graduates of the same age. Also most people arent actually using their degrees in their day to day work....at the end of the dazy its only a piece of paper, experience, work ethic and social ability go a hell of alot further.

Snowie

bastard101 wrote: »

I am nothing but a disappointment to my parents. They are good people who have provided me with every opportunity and I pissed it all away. Now I'm sitting here hating myself, all I want to do is end it all but I know that is the most selfish thing I can do, for it will not be me who is hurt but my family and what few friends I have.

I can't deal with stressful situations, or more correctly I deal with them in the worst way possible way by running away and ignoring and avoiding them. I dropped out of college in my final year, just stopped going to lectures. It wasn't just laziness, I was scared of failure, scared of not being good enough or not fulfilling my potential. I lied about it for months, pretended I was going and then when it came to crunch time I panicked and had a mini breakdown. I talked to my parents about it at went to see a counsellor and got my exams deferred. It felt like a load of weight off my shoulders as I had time.

The problem was I'm not good a studying on my own, I'm undisciplined and have a short attention span. I did do a bit of work but nowhere near enough to make up for all the lectures I missed so I didn't get my exams. I was ashamed so I lied about the number of exams I failed, I told them it was two but really it was five.

At that point I think I should have left college and gone and done something different to take me out of the situation. I knew in the back of my mind that if I went back without changing my mindset the same thing would end up happening. But I was too cowardly to do anything to fix the situation and so took the straightest option which was to repeat again, lying to both myself and my parents.

I started off well but then a few weeks into lectures I had to go to hospital for an appendectomy and missed 2 weeks of college. When I went back I slipped into my old routine of avoiding lectures, it didn't help that I knew no one in my year so I sat alone all the time. Then I got some bad news, they found a tumour on my appendix which really scared the **** out of me. I was some weeks before I was given a clear picture of my prognosis and in that time I became a complete recluse. I stopped going to lectures all together stopped talking to friends just sat in my room all day. My prognosis turned out to be good, the tumour had not spread and the doctors believed they removed it all in the appendectomy, I would have to be monitored for a few years going back for tests etc, but the risk was low.

At this stage it was too late the damage was done to my academic life, I was heading for another fail and as usual instead of pulling my socks up I ran away. It's exam time now and I haven't a hope of passing. I'm lying to my parents, they think I'm on course to pass. I can't bare to face them as it's inevitable that I'm going to disappoint them. How do I tell them what a loser I am? I don't want to make excuses for myself everything is my own fault. I don't care what happens to me at this stage I just don't want to hurt them.

woo chill out man dont be so hard on your self evidently you apear to have had a tough year!

So less of the self critisim's, because its not good for you or your confidance... self esteam etc....

every body fails at soemthing more then once in there life its part of life...
Maybe you could think about having a chat with a guidance councilor in collage and have a chat with him/her and see if s/he can help you.

being scarred of failure is ok, its somthing you can figure out if you want to with some one qualified....

Ive failed collage 3 times, so your not the only one....

How do you tell your perents that your about to fail the year very easilly..

sit them down an explain to them what your going through, if there perents at all there going to support you and have already what because you fail a year ? suddenly there going to be deeply upset, doutfully...

here's my more uplifting 2 cents...

We all get set back in life some times once some time twice sometimes from making a stupid decision some times its not our fault some time's it is but seeing the problem learning from it and making the attempt to fix it is probably doubly worth you passing your collage course this year.... you can allways repeat the exams in late summer...

So here you go

do the exams you've done the same year twice you may no more then you think you do. study I know you have'nt got much time but cramming keeps the information in the right place... freash, beleave in your self... worse case scenario you fail no biggy repeats, thats what there their for make the attempt to study through out the summer, maybe go back to seeing your councilor ? and push forward...

Its not the end of the world just the end of another collage year...
good luck