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Always been in Relationship and now dunno what to do.

  • 27-04-2009 8:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    24 Male here, Since the Age of 15 i have always more or less been in relationships all long term, 2-3 years or so, Became single few months back and i am lost. I have a fairly good sense of humour, Alright looking etc but never had to chat someone up before. Till Now, I have Never had a one night Stand, And i just dont have the confidence to chat up a girl. I no most replies are going to be like Just do it you''ve nothing to lose but i seriously just dont have the courage. I've lost alot of friends throughout the years so wouldnt have a Huge number of friends to head out to town at weekends etc. I've tried online dating hasnt done much so far. Would love advice.

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Why not take a bit of time out of relationships and to coin a phrase ' get to know yourself'. You basically grew into an adult in a relationship so why not take some time out and figure out what you like to do... Build back up your network of friends and start off by just talking to girls as friends and not trying to score them..

    The more comfortable you get with making girl friends the more easy you will find it chatting up people in due course...


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    Why not take a bit of time out of relationships and to coin a phrase ' get to know yourself'. You basically grew into an adult in a relationship so why not take some time out and figure out what you like to do... Build back up your network of friends and start off by just talking to girls as friends and not trying to score them..

    The more comfortable you get with making girl friends the more easy you will find it chatting up people in due course...
    I find it very hard to make new friends, I work with my father so its not a case of meeting new people working with him.So making news friends is even hard, I get where your coming from however but kinda stuck with regards that too.


  • #4
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Honestly, I'd say stop focusing on finding a girl at the moment and start focusing on the single you a bit more. Join clubs, grow your hobbies, expand your social circle, that sort of thing.

    It will build your confidence, introduce you to new women outside of a club/pub, and will decrease the chance of you staying in a bad relationship just because you're afraid of being single again.


  • #5
    bluecell99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭bluecell99


    Can I ask ,given that you cant chat the girls up,how did you from these intense,long - term relationships in the past?You must surely be able to talk.

    But 24 is young and you should park the need for a relationship.Loads of people are single and relationships are not all they are cracked up to be.Have a look at some of the threads here to see that.

    As regars going out on your own I would say theres nothing to be afraid of.You dont need a gang to hold your hand.Develop your own style and get talking to people.

    More and more people are heading out on their own ,even though it does not seem like it.You might even enjoy it.You can form friendships at any age .Just have an open mind,forget the standard "rules " and be yourself.


  • #6
    kdak
    Closed Accounts Posts: 96 ✭✭kdak


    have to agree with the previous posts! just enjoy being you!


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I mainly met them through friends, or my last previous one was a job i had when i was in college. I understand ye saying just enjoy life, i suppose i am just panicin at being single, But at the moment i am not really enjoying life.


  • #8
    kdak
    Closed Accounts Posts: 96 ✭✭kdak


    its a huge change and its a bit nerve wracking when you're just thrown in the deep end but it really is a great thing! you can do what you want without having to fit in with the ohs plans, you can develop your own way of thinking (cause like it or not you can sometimes be swayed by your partner) and you can focus on just enjoying what life has to offer! and also, usually when you stop looking for a relationship it'll just come to you, i know this from past experience!


  • #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I am with the OP on this one. I find it hard to make new friends or chat up girls when either of those things is what is on my mind…. The main agenda if you will.

    The trick is to do OTHER things during which making friends and meeting new girls is a side effect.

    Get out there, join things, go to classes and learn dance, languages or something. Get into charity work. _something_. Just set your mind to something new and meeting people and talking to new girls just happens as a consequence to that.

    I got involved in music a lot myself and through it met two girls, both of whom I live with now in a very loving very special (albeit unusual) relationship.

    In short: Get out there, be yourself and let the rest just happen.


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