Guys Help

drew dogg

I'm looking for male opinons only plz, No offence ladies but i really need some male perpective.
I'm a single attractive 26 yr old woman, i'm finding it really hard to meet a nice guy. I jus want too no what are guy's lookin for in women?? And i no my friends are having the same problems. Are guys jus not into relationships? or is it because I'm meeting them in bars and clubs? Do you have any advice plz???
And also jus wondering if a guy isn't really intereseted in a girl would he still txt if he doesnt have a lot on????

Hope ye can help

JangoFett

On the texting thing, yeah, sometimes people like to make small talk, it's nice and passes the time with pleasant conversation.

Now, as far as meeting nice guys thing goes, it can be tough. It isn't as hard as meeting nice girls though. Not to sound like a bastard, but from experience, that's the way things go. And a lot of nice guys change how they act with women because of bad experiences they have and eventually start acting like bastards. I realise I sound very negative and cynical but this the way things have become.

In my own experience, being a nice guy isn't enough. Being nice is boring, girls want more than nice. Guys want more than nice too! But nice guys often go overlooked because they're not edgy or cool or mysterious.

wylo

Yea guys will still text but if hes really not into her you'll probably get the vibe from the text, as in not asking questions at the end etc.

As for meeting guys, is it that you are pulling them and then they seem to lose interest or is it that your not even pulling them at all?

CDfm

What type of person are you trying to meet with. Are you sure you will meet them in a pub/club?

Lots of guys have the same problem.

bogzilla

JangoFett wrote: »

On the texting thing, yeah, sometimes people like to make small talk, it's nice and passes the time with pleasant conversation.

Now, as far as meeting nice guys thing goes, it can be tough. It isn't as hard as meeting nice girls though. Not to sound like a bastard, but from experience, that's the way things go. And a lot of nice guys change how they act with women because of bad experiences they have and eventually start acting like bastards. I realise I sound very negative and cynical but this the way things have become.

In my own experience, being a nice guy isn't enough. Being nice is boring, girls want more than nice. Guys want more than nice too! But nice guys often go overlooked because they're not edgy or cool or mysterious.

i feel obligated to respond.

i put myself in that nice guy column. due to that i have the exact same issues that the OP is talking about, where do i meet a nice girl?

in summary, i have a lot going for me. not the worst looking fella you ever saw, have a good job, keep fit, music and sporting interests, ticking the usual boxes i guess for the ladies ... or so it would seem.

i was out last saturday night in town, chatting to a few girls in the club but i can't seem to get past the alpha males that seem to be over running dublin.

for every available girl there appears to be at least 3 or 4 charming but hammered guys who are almost certainly after only one thing. i know this because some of my mates are like this.

such is life of course but for me anyway, you reach a point where random meaningless pickups tend to evoke less and less inside.

i suppose in summary my thread is about the quieter guys in the club, they are the ones in which you will [potentially] find the spark that you're missing.

good luck to both of us!

Otis Driftwood

drew dogg wrote: »

I'm looking for male opinons only plz, No offence ladies but i really need some male perpective.
I'm a single attractive 26 yr old woman, i'm finding it really hard to meet a nice guy. I jus want too no what are guy's lookin for in women?? And i no my friends are having the same problems. Are guys jus not into relationships? or is it because I'm meeting them in bars and clubs? Do you have any advice plz???
And also jus wondering if a guy isn't really intereseted in a girl would he still txt if he doesnt have a lot on????

Hope ye can help

Speaking from personal experience there are no set criteria that a female must have.The likelyhood of meeting someone exactly as you have blue printed them is pretty small.Every single girl Ive ever dated has been different from eachother.Some loved sports,some didnt,some loved heavy metal and horror movies while others liked Westlife and chick flicks.Generally within 5 minutes of chatting to someone I know if Im interested and have reached the stage in my life that if there is no spark there Im simply not arsed taking it any further.Its impossible to define exactly what you are looking for however there are some things that I despise and if I got even a sniff of them it would be good night Irene.Things like materialism,neediness/being overly clingy or being conceited are major no no's for myself.Meeting people in a bar or club while full of beer is a minefield.Generally its very hard to tell if you are genuinely interested in someone or if its just booze fueled monkey lust.
If you are having trouble meeting guys then try getting some new hobbies or activities.At least then there will unlikely be beer involved so it will be easier (in theory anyway) to spot the decent blokes.


As for the texting thing,in my younger days,would have done it quite frequently but now,meh,no point.

upmeath

CDfm wrote: »

What type of person are you trying to meet with. Are you sure you will meet them in a pub/club?

Lots of guys have the same problem.

Definitely, I'm in my early twenties and I've never met anyone in a club or pub, and it's not something I'm worried about in the slightest. You'll often read it in this forum, they're described as cattle marts by countless people and I'd be of a similar opinion.

I often find you meet the most interesting people at house parties, and there are several advantages:
- People are laid back
- They're themselves, they're not dressing up or trying to be someone they're not.
- They're there because they know someone you know (bar they're gatecrashing) and it's always good to have someone in common, sometimes you'll discover you've a few mutual friends when you get talking.
- You can have a prolonged and meaningful conversation with someone without having to shout and spit, and you'll really get to know them.

wylo

upmeath wrote: »

- You can have a prolonged and meaningful conversation with someone without having to shout and spit, and you'll really get to know them.

+1

CDfm

http://dancefree.ie/whatsinside/

There are non alcohol venues like this and any number of activities coming up during the summer. Its up to you to look.

RHunce

drew dogg wrote: »

I'm looking for male opinons only plz, No offence ladies but i really need some male perpective.
I'm a single attractive 26 yr old woman, i'm finding it really hard to meet a nice guy. I jus want too no what are guy's lookin for in women?? And i no my friends are having the same problems. Are guys jus not into relationships? or is it because I'm meeting them in bars and clubs? Do you have any advice plz???
And also jus wondering if a guy isn't really intereseted in a girl would he still txt if he doesnt have a lot on????

Hope ye can help

hey!

i'm sure its just not you as you have already said plenty of women are having problems, and dont get me wrong many men are having problems meeting nice women too!

guys, well they are really looking for a genuine woman who are into the same things as they are, it will never be a bit of harm to listen to the sports headlines, might start of a chat with a nice guy call me old fashioned but a bit of cooking is essential, but a nice sweet girl is all any guy could ever ask for. watch out for guys in bars, they are normally only after one thing, a good night out and some banter with the lads, try seperate them from the herd. Try not to talk too much btw!

Yes unfortunately guys will text even if the have nothing on and not interested. The harsh reality is they might be bored. but thats only a small portion of men.

Best of luck to you!

seanybiker

I would like to think of meself as one of the nice chaps. Yeah I go out and get hammered but Im not into all the shouting and that stuff. Im lucky though to have the most wonderful girlfriend ever. She is gorgeous and she is sound. I get loads of comments for having such a lovely looking girl who isnt up her own harris. Anyways, I did used to be a bit of a gowler, if someone looked at me wrong I be chasing em down the road. Some women found that cool. I have no idea why cos its stupid. Getting older I have changed and just take people as they come and the genuinely nice girls like that about me.
Im very outgoing. I would talk to a wall if it would talk back so maybe women find that sort of confidance endearing.
Sounds kinda silly but if your looking for a partner , the best thing to do is to stop looking. Just go out to enjoy yourself. That could mean getting hammered or just a nice quiet drink. Act yourself and chat away to people without thinking bout picking em up. If ya try to hard the other person normally cops on and leaves ya off.
Best of luck in the future. I hope you find someone nice cos ya seem genuinely interested in a relationship and not just a fling. Everybody has loads of love to give so I wish you luck in sharing it with someone.

LegacyUser

Im not saying you are like this at all, but last time i was single i could'nt get away from girls who seem to base their personalities on shows like sex in the city and desperate housewives etc. and just seemed to want to be in a relationship so they could talk sh!te about it over coffee with their freiends.

So i searched a long hard 2 years and ditcherd many beautiful women to finaly find a decent girl who just acted real and didnt assume a stoopid persona she got off the TV.

Drew,

I am afraid the mistake you may be making is in the question "What do guys look for in women". To highlight why imagine someone asked "What food do women like". You would instantly answer "well thats a matter of taste.....".

Same thing. No two guys want the same thing. If they did all women would be clones of each other by now as Natural Selection weeded out any diversity

Just get more involved in the things YOU like doing. You will inevitably meet guys into the same things and things will progress from there. You like to dance? Get into a dance class. You like to hill walk? Join a club that does it and just talk to the guys up there in the hills. Religious, get more active in your church. Charitable, get more active in volunteer work.

In each place you will meet like minded guys and as likely as not since you meet over a common interest, you will each have traits that the other is looking for.

People do of course meet in bars and it works really well. But more often than not a guy in a bar, with drinks on him, is not only after one thing, but due to alchohol his willingness to do it with the first person who lets him regardless of whether he likes them or not increases. It is not the ideal way to meet a person even though, as I said, there are plenty who do meet that way.

Snowie

as a guy 27. all i want in a woman is this

Fun, get on well, respect my snowmonkey time, which reflects to me doing things on my own... easy going nature, adventuress, good person, oh and above all she must be funny...

You asked do guys at that age want reletionships, every man is different...

personally no i wouldnt text a girl I had no interest in....

AngryBadger

OP it might help if you gave us some details as to what exactly you're doing to try and meet a guy?

As has already been said everyone is different, it's naive to think there's some explanation for the behaviour of all men everywhere, same as it would be to expect the same for women.

What I will say is that generally when I hear women talking about their inability to find a "nice guy" what strikes me is that the vast majority of women, (in my experience) are way too passive when it comes to finding a partner. With a few notable exceptions; (you know who you are ), every single encounter I've ever had with a woman was down to my willingness to initiate contact, and then pursue. If I'm in a night club I generally don't bother trying to chat women up since most of the women I encounter expect me to jump through hoops to get a minute of their time.

Anyway, I digress, my point is that while a great many women seem to think that the best way to find a man is to wait for them to come chat you up, and treat them with as much contempt as possible while they're trying to do that, the reality is that any guy with an ounce of self-respect is not going to bother with that kind of person. The sort of guy who you're most likely to catch with that passive approach is someone who doesn't care how you treat them because they sure as hell don't care about how they treat you.

I'm not saying that you're unpleasant to men that do approach you, or even that you're not active in trying to find a guy, but what I'm referring to is something that definitely causes a lot of problems for women I know, and is definitely a factor in why they wind up dating jerks. If this sounds like you then I'd suggest being more active, approach guys instead of waiting for them to approach you. DOn't play stupid games like waiting 3 days or whatever garbage rules people insist on applying, nobody worth their salt, male or female is going to wait around for that.

Wibbs

drew dogg wrote: »

I jus want too no what are guy's lookin for in women??

Along with a lot of great advice so far I would add as general themes;

Looks. Men are more visual creatures. Make the most of yourself in that respect and more men will be interested. Simple as. Now some guys will say its the personality that counts, but they're either low status guys or they're lying. Change your wardrobe, hair etc. the change will likely give you more confidence too. Don't sweat about your individual look as such, men are more variable in what they go for than some women often given them credit for. Just make the most of that look.

Smile more. Smiling women are more appealing both at a distance and up close. A smile will open up a lot of doors in the romance stakes.

Flirt more. Flirty is attractive as the guy gets cues that he's doing well in the encounter.

Don't think you're trying to attract another woman. What I mean is that what you may feel would work on you, usually wont with a guy. The biggest example is subtle hinting. Many men have no clue when it comes to this. You and every woman in the room may think it obvious you're into a guy. Most of the guys and your target guy won't. Be more direct.

Let him feel he's directing things more. Don't take over the conversation or direction of the date, or god forbid order him around. Unless he's one of those guys who wants to be mammied(and you really don't want one of them), then let him do as much or more in the encounter.

Work at it. Join clubs, go out more, increase your circle of friends male and female. The more you meet the higher your chances of meeting the right guy or guys.

Pretty much what I would say to a bloke actually except for the subtle hinting thing and the looks are less of an issue in general.

My 2 cents anyway.

bogzilla

AngryBadger wrote: »

Anyway, I digress, my point is that while a great many women seem to think that the best way to find a man is to wait for them to come chat you up, and treat them with as much contempt as possible while they're trying to do that, the reality is that any guy with an ounce of self-respect is not going to bother with that kind of person. The sort of guy who you're most likely to catch with that passive approach is someone who doesn't care how you treat them because they sure as hell don't care about how they treat you.

spot on fact.

LegacyUser

My ex from finland told me over there if a girl likes a guy she will go straight up and start a conversaton . Can't understand for the life of me why Irish girls have to be so different that way.

Also in texas no bother for a girl to approach you.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Now some guys will say its the personality that counts, but they're either low status guys or they're lying.

What do you mean by "low status guys" ?

With one of the girls I've felt strongest for in my life it was personality that counted.
It was a long time ago but the point still stands.

You post on here alot and throw statements such as the above around alot; I would love to know how you go about assigning status and value to other men.

Do you do this in real life too or is it just an internet thing ?

upmeath

Unregistered wrote: »

Also in texas no bother for a girl to approach you.

Armed or unarmed?

I acknowledge that Irish culture and dating etiquette differs greatly from that seen around the world, perhaps we're still behind the times, but does discussing customs in North America or elsewhere in Europe really help the OP with their issues here in Ireland?
Drew dogg, I'd say the vast majority of lads are interested in relationships, especially those in their mid twenties like yourself. The avenues you explore are a big factor, bars and clubs are fertile waters but they're also infested with piranhas. Don't force the issue, if you let down your guard somewhat and you're not actively looking for a relationship someone will come along sooner or later. Be yourself and have fun!

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

What do you mean by "low status guys" ?

Guys who for various reasons don't have the choices of partners that other men may have. Johnny Depp has more choices than either of us(unless Brad Pitt is posting as unregged:D). Therefore in the mating game and availability of women open to him he is a higher status guy than either of us. While an example like him is an extreme, that filters down in the average setting only usually more subtle. I should have added on first sight. Guys who deny the visual side of attraction and constantly go on about the personality I have found in general to have less of a choice or were lying. Maybe that explains my personal take better.

With one of the girls I've felt strongest for in my life it was personality that counted.
It was a long time ago but the point still stands.

And you weren't attracted to her looks? Of course personality matters and a gorgeous woman who is a pain in the bum, is not going to be as attractive as a "less" gorgeous woman who is very sound. Goes without saying but it's a big part of the equation. A large part. In the OP's case where she's in a crowd, no one is going to see her personality at first. It's a better bet to accentuate herself in practical terms and advertise herself as much as possible. The looks bit was only one part of my post BTW.

You post on here alot and throw statements such as the above around alot; I would love to know how you go about assigning status and value to other men.

Do you do this in real life too or is it just an internet thing ?

Yes, of course I do. We all do. We all make snap decisions on social affiliation and status and act or react accordingly. It's not always a value judgement but it is part and parcel of being a social animal. While it's all very heartwarming to suggest that we're all equal the fact is on any given day some will be higher than me and some will be lower than me. I figure no big deal really as every dog has his(or her) day. I would rather be practical and bend with the wind than rely on luck to resist it, or deny the wind exists.
.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

What do you mean by "low status guys" ?

High status guy walks around likes he's the sh*t.Fame and money increases status also having a lot of friends male or female.

Low status guy looks down at the floor maybe socially inadequate.

Tinchy

i agree with wibbs when he says looks count but only when in a bar or club. the only way a man will come up to you in a bar/club is if they think your pretty (imo )! i know that sounds stupid but they aren't going to come up to chat to someone they dont know or arent attracted to!
meeting people through college/work/sports etc is different, a man/woman will be drawn to your personality more i think...