Worried for my pregnant sister.

LegacyUser

Hi all

I'm a guy in his mid twenties and last Friday I got hit with a bolt from the blue; my 20 year old sister is pregnant and is due in a few weeks.

She's a college student and has been with her current boyfriend for just under a year now. She was too scared to tell my parents for fear of what they would say and on the few occasions she has been home in the last few months hid the pregnancy well. She even managed to keep it from her boyfriend until a couple of weeks ago, and when he found out urged her to tell my folks, brought her to a councilor and a doctor. I've never been his biggest fan, but full credit where it's due, he has taken his responsibilities in a way that is a credit to him.

I'm worried that she will give her baby away. She is quiet on the subject of what happens after the baby is born and will not let us tell anyone outside the family. We're not loaded or anything, but we are an average middle-class Irish family and we can cope with having a baby in the house. We've all supported her and even worked out a plan that could see her finish college if she chooses to do so. I've offered to move home and help out for a while if they need me to. I still believe she is contemplating giving the child up and it breaks my heart. I know it is her decision but I believe she would give the baby up for the wrong reason - i.e. keep silent about the whole pregnancy, give the baby up and act to the outside world like nothing has happened.

The next few weeks will be torture waiting for her to decide but I think all our family will be devastated if the newest member of our family is given away, never to be seen again. I know there are deserving parents out there who would provide my little nephew or niece with a great home, but I honestly believe that if she does she, and the rest of us, will spend every christmas, birthday, first day at school and beyond wondering about our flesh and blood who is a stranger to us. I'm really worried about my sister, her frame of mind and whether or not she will make a decision I think she will regret forever.

Lucy Lu

I can understand your concern for your sister and fair play to you for worrying so much about her. But at the end of the day its her decision and all you can do is let her know you are there for her and make sure she knows all her options.

bluecell99

Hey there,

You are doing all you can at the moment and displaying a mature attitude as well being supportive.It good to hear she has support and also very important that its coming from the boyfriend as well.

But dont pressure or assume it is a "fait-accompli".Its perfectly normal for pregnant women to be all over the place with news of pregnance.Hormones run rampant and they sometimes dont know from one day to the next what to think.

And this is what your sister is - a woman.Who is independent and in a vulnerable place right now.Who's is to say how her attitude and opinion will change as time goes by and then when the birth actually takes place.Its a whole different ball game thinking and planning but wait till he or she arrives and then her approach and belief might change that little bit!

Just give her space,dont make assumptions,cut any drama and trust in her maturity and that of her boyfriend.

Ultimately if she decides to give the baby for adoption then it is her decision.But something tells me that this wont happen.

You will all get through it and well done again for being a good bro.

LegacyUser

Hey all,

It's the OP here. Just thought I'd let you know that she has decided to keep the baby, which I'm thrilled at. She's gotten crisis pregnancy councilling and her mood has really lightened since she told us two weeks ago. She's under no illusions as to how her life is about to change but she now knows that we are not mad at her and are there to support her.

Thanks for the advice and reassurance.

star-pants

That's great

best of luck to her & you and all involved

bluecell99

Great news!!!Told ya.Best of luck and enjoy getting to know your new nephew / niece.Hope the birth goes well for the sister.

The_Conductor

The very best of luck to her- she is lucky to have a supportive brother like you. I'm thrilled things are working out.

wolfpawnat

Hey OP, I wish my family were as supportive as you when I found out I was pregnant in college, only a year older than your sister. No it isn't easy but having those around you being supportive means the world.

However that said she may change her mind between now and then, and if she does respect that too. It is very hard at a young age decided whether or not you are capable of giving a child the best life possible. When I was pregnant I didn't know whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. I didn't know for sure what I was going to do until I was in was looking at him on the ultrasound screen at 31weeks!

Continue being supportive and let her think about it and talk about her worries with her and she will feel grateful for it. And parents do go bananas at first but most of them get over it after the initial shock:)

Good luck and well done for being a supportive brother. If only we were all as lucky. The only support I got for a long time was my 2 best friends and the boards pregnancy forum!

Powerhouse

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey all,

It's the OP here. Just thought I'd let you know that she has decided to keep the baby, which I'm thrilled at. She's gotten crisis pregnancy councilling and her mood has really lightened since she told us two weeks ago. She's under no illusions as to how her life is about to change but she now knows that we are not mad at her and are there to support her.

Thanks for the advice and reassurance.

That's excellent. I suspect the number of women who regret keeping babies is far outweighed the number who who regret getting rid of them.

And fair play to you for the rational arguments and not using the 'it's her decision' cop-out. Of course it's her decision in the end, but that's not to say that everyone making a decision can see the wood for the trees - especially at 20 - and a clear (supportive) head is a great thing to have in that process.

LegacyUser

Hi,

This must be very worrying for all of you. It sounds like your sister is deeply ashamed and there is no reason for her to be. This may have been unexpected- but it happens.

At the beginning a family may be angry due to an unplanned pregnancy, but once the child is born the love people show is unbelievable.

My 19 year old cousin had a baby recently. She and her boyfriend were not together terribly long. At first her mother was furious. It seemed the worst thing that could happen. Now I quote her "I couldn't live without her".
The couple are still together and grandma couldn't be happier. Everything is going so well.

Regardless, it will be a difficult period. It sounds like your sister definitly requires counselling. She has possibly been living in regret and fear for months and this can destroy your mindset.

You sound like a very supportive brother, tell her your concerns and reassure her that you will be there for her. This will mean the world.
If the family can rally around her, I can't see her wanting to give up the baby.

Best wishes!