My ex has a new girlfriend and I'm devestated!?

Trancechic08

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here - please excuse any newbie faux pas!!

I just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. He and I were together for 13 long years and also have two kids together so I have to see him pretty often. The problem is that we haven't been broken up that long (just a 4 weeks) and I still love him deeply although I know we didn't have a healthy relationship. So when I found out about this other woman tonight it just broke my heart.

I don't think you can ever prepare for that kind of news! I'm so sad right now, I can't stop crying. I'm angry too! After all he put me through he can just move on to someone else and I'm here raising our kids by myself with no prospects b/c I never get to go out to meet men!! Its so unfair. How do I deal with this? I don't want to be a mess all day b/c my kids need me but I'm really going through it right now. Any advice?

abi2007

Usually the first relationship after a long one is a rebound and wont last very long.

As you say, there's really no good time to learn that someone you're in love with is with someone else, especially so recent an ex. But really, you're too focused on relationships ("his" and your "lack of") at a time when the most important thing is concentrating on yourself and your children. The easiest way to deal with this is to shift your focus. Spend time with your mates, your family and your kids and let him do his thing. Get all the support you can (moral and babysitting!), start building your new life and letting go of your old one.

Das Kitty

Yeah it's a bit raw after 4 weeks, and I really feel for you.

There's not much you can do as you're still in mourning for your relationship, you just have to ride it out. It's likely he's in mourning too but is just dealing with it in a very different way.

I'd say get him to do his share of the childcare so you can go out and meet new people. Don't try the tit-for-tat thing though, it won't do you any good and it's unfair on the third party.

LegacyUser

Hi Trancechick08,

I know exactly how you feel - I was in exactly the same position as you. 2 kids, and together 13yrs also. Ex started seeing someone almost straight away. It amazes me how men seem to move on to someone else so soon. At time I felt trapped - didn't go out and felt I was stuck at home with kids and spent whole time thinking about him and imagining he was was having a great time... This almost destroyed me.. I was gutted.

I agree with other two posters... enlist family and friends, MAKE yourself go out, take up exercise, make sure you get your ex to play his part with the kids.(mine didn't.. straight away he started living up the single life) MAKE TIME for yourself.

I spent years mourning the loss of someone that treated me very badly, it's natural in the beginning, but please,please don't do what i did and lose the plot and start going into self destruct mode; not eating/sleeping, wondering how he was treating the new girlfriend, imagining all sorts etc.. all you can do is look after yourself and the kids for now. Take one day at a time. In the beginning I was taking it one hour at a time..

PPL used to say time is a great healer, I used to think.. what a load of crap - but believe me it does get easier with time... and also as you take care of yourself you'll find yourself getting stronger. Don't focus on the good times ye had... ye broke up for a reason(s)... focus on them.

Best of luck - you will get over this.

Trancechic08

Das Kitty wrote: »

Yeah it's a bit raw after 4 weeks, and I really feel for you.

There's not much you can do as you're still in mourning for your relationship, you just have to ride it out. It's likely he's in mourning too but is just dealing with it in a very different way.

I'd say get him to do his share of the childcare so you can go out and meet new people. Don't try the tit-for-tat thing though, it won't do you any good and it's unfair on the third party.

Yes I'm very raw at the moment and have no intention of of embarking on tit fot tat game with him.At the moment I'm concentrating on my children and making this as easy for them as I can.Which if I'm honest is what I expect of him. He wont look after the children at the moment and as yet hasn't given me a penny so I'm not in a position to go out even just for a night out with friends while hes bringing his new girlfriend away to stay in hotels .

Trancechic08

Deleted User wrote: »

As you say, there's really no good time to learn that someone you're in love with is with someone else, especially so recent an ex. But really, you're too focused on relationships ("his" and your "lack of") at a time when the most important thing is concentrating on yourself and your children. The easiest way to deal with this is to shift your focus. Spend time with your mates, your family and your kids and let him do his thing. Get all the support you can (moral and babysitting!), start building your new life and letting go of your old one.

Thanks for the advice and most of those things I'm doing already.

Trancechic08

abi2007 wrote: »

Usually the first relationship after a long one is a rebound and wont last very long.

It's doomed as he hasn't dealt with the fallout from our relationship