I am totally clueless/hopeless. I'm a failure.

LegacyUser

I am 20 years old.
I have never had a proper relationship,but Ive slept with maybe 15 guys.
Contracted an std at 14.
Got pregnant at 14, miscarried.
Left school at 15.
Never left my home for a few years due to anxiety.
At 19, diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.
Went to counselling/went on anti depressants(made no difference).
Tried to find a job (no luck). I dont claim benefits, my parents give me money, which makes me feel even worse.
I have no friends.
I spend about 23 hours a day alone.

I need to do something about this..

I need direction!! I dont have a clue where to begin fixing my life..or even IF it can be fixed.

Beruthiel

Are you regularly seeing a professional?
If not, do so asap.
You need to get out of this self inflicted trap you have yourself in and they will help you reach that goal.

EastWallGirl

+ 1 as above

But while you are doing that have a think about what you did enjoy at high school. Did you enjoy English, maths, history? What do you enjoy reading about?

Based on that go backand do your leaving cert, focusing on your areas of interest and look at what you need to continue on studying and it does not necessarily have to be a degree course, it could be an HND which may lead you to uni.

You mum and dad sound really supportive and it would seem if they did not want to help you they would not. If you feel bad about it why don't you offer to do work around the house or you could volunteer to get some experience if you really are not that sure what you want to do, I am sure they would be pleased with that and it will give you a routine.

I think consolidate how you feel and what you want to do, there are not alot of jobs out there at the moment, you have enough stress without putting yourself through potential rejection of employers.

I am reading 'Backwards and in high heels' and I am really enjoying it, I recommend it but i will not say what it is about as it sounds twee!

Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets and there is no law against forgiving yourself and moving on.

Good luck ith it all and look after yourself.

LegacyUser

cluelessyyyu7 wrote: »

I am 20 years old.
I have never had a proper relationship,but Ive slept with maybe 15 guys.
Contracted an std at 14.
Got pregnant at 14, miscarried.
Left school at 15.
Never left my home for a few years due to anxiety.
At 19, diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.
Went to counselling/went on anti depressants(made no difference).
Tried to find a job (no luck). I dont claim benefits, my parents give me money, which makes me feel even worse.
I have no friends.
I spend about 23 hours a day alone.

I need to do something about this..

I need direction!! I dont have a clue where to begin fixing my life..or even IF it can be fixed.

You poor thing.

Ive been feeling more and more anxious over the last few months and im having problems leaving my house. I know how debilitating it is to want nothing more then to go out and do something, to socialise in some way but not be able to face walking down the street.

Are you still feeling the same levels of anxiety as when you didnt leave your house for a few years?

First of all, you need to have someone to talk to, whether they are online or not doesnt matter if it makes the difference between socialising or not. While you dont want this to become your whole social outlet at least its something.

Secondly, have you looked into support groups for social anxiety in Ireland? I watched a of BBC program about social anxiety a while ago and there were lots of people talking about how they had gone from seriously debilitating states of chronic anxiety to having a close group of friends through those weekly or twice weekly meetings. I know its incredibly hard to make the first step and actually go for the first time but the rewards in finding a group who will at least understand where your coming from and will make time to get to know you despite whatever barriers you might put up could be extremely rewarding.

You mention that you have gone through or are currently getting councilling. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Rather then trying to find out the root causes of whatever thought patterns are keeping you doing what your doing, CBT works near the surface of your consciousness, it attempts to change the problematic thought patterns. For example, you started this thread with the title "I am a failure". CBT (I havent actually ever had CBT, just a disclaimer ) aims to change this negative thought pattern which is clearly something which is going to hold you back if you allow this thought to seep into everything you do, into something more positive, such as: I am not where I want to be right now, I am going to do something to change this situation. It has a pretty high success rate. Have a read about it on wikipedia.

Finally, Id recommend getting excersise every day until you find a way to leave your house and get out and do things. Not only do you need to keep fit to be healthy in the first place, youl feel alot better about yourself and it really really does affect your mood, I know how horrible it feels to have spent the entire day sitting down doing nothing and then not feeling tired whenever im going to bed.

Anyway, good luck and I hope you feel better soon

barbiegirl

Right things haven't been easy, but guess what you're only 19 you have years to make the type of life you want.
See a councelor (my spelling is atrocious), and maybe a life coach. When I was 19 I was dating a guy who emotionally abused me, telling me I was fat, putting me down and not encouraging me. Eventually I realised I deserved better. I finished college, got a job I wanted, where I wanted, I bought a car, I cut him out of my life at 23, moved to Dublin, made some new friends and recontacted my old ones, at 24 I started dating someone new and whilst that didn't work out I had fun and rebuilt my confidence. At 29 I met my husband and couldn't be happier . I am a totally different person to who I was at 19. It seems like a life time ago.
You deserve better and now you just need to make a plan. Write out what you want, just brain storm first, write everything down. Then prioritise them. Then break each one down into little steps. Stick that plan somewhere prominent for you and start working on each little step. Each time you reach a goal you will get a boost and start to feel better about yourself.
Include everything, work life, family life, friends, where you live and who with, physical person you are (hair, weight, clothes etc.), hobbies, everything.
I'm betting your mum and dad will be only too happy to help you and then this time next year you can post on here, helping someone else who's in your situation today.
Best of luck and keep posting for any help you need :-)

Eric Cartman

cluelessyyyu7 wrote: »

I am 20 years old.
I have never had a proper relationship,but Ive slept with maybe 15 guys.
Got pregnant at 14, miscarried.

Im not saying a miscarriage is a good thing, but your situation would be far worse with a kid around, also the first part about no relationship and 15 guys, thats not a bad point , and you shouldnt feel bad about that if you are.

id recommend you go see a psychologist , or talk to a doctor (neither of which will be found on boards)

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Expressing what you have just said is a start!

You can't change what you don't acknowledge you have just got yourself into an emotional state of mind, but you are not your mind!

it wouldnt matter if you stayed at home all day and were happy, I spend a lot of time at home on my own now and i love it.

But when i was in my early 20's i had a nervous breakdown and suffered terrible anxiety and panic and i couldnt leave my house, I did some therapy and alternative therapies like reiki and massage, but the therapy really confronted my fears and issues from my childhood and i let go and change my whole way of thinking, this set me free from the self imposed prison in my head, You might have a negative belief system, like your living certain rules in your head that do not have to be.

I found reading a lot of the self help books brilliant, 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' by susan jeffers was my first and i really got into trying to change my thinking,

Also the secret by rhonda byrne, I know many people think they are a load of crap but if you have nothing better to do at home why not try writting out as many times as you can, I love and accept myself- I swear if you just changed this one belief in yourself you will see results and you can still do this from your home till you get better,

Also another thing i did when i couldnt leave the house was acknowledge i was sick emotionally and i needed care and i appointed myself to do the caring, So in a day try treat yourself like a precious little object, Make yourself a lovely munch, get yourself a DVD, get on the net, You can watch re runs of friends all day if it made you feel better, This is what i did to heal anyway, take the pressure off yourself to be something 'outthere' and just be you, accept yourself, try embrace the little moments in your day, The sun coming in the window, the cosy bed you are in, the nice deodrant your wearing, Little things in life count more than the big things,


If you can bring this way of thinking into your life you will heal and accept your true self.



Good luck OP, I know exactly how hard it is for you right now but you can end the suffering, and completely heal -i have and i am living the opposite of the way i used to!

Depression is not forever!

RossFixxxed

Hey OP, just a little extra input:

You're only 20s, you've a LOT of life ahead of you.
You've had some horrible experiences and pulled through, you're a fighter.
There ARE solutions to these things. I've dragged through some horrors and am now a much better person for it. The road is a tough by it is SO worth it.

GO TO A GP, and discuss this!! Make steps to improve every day. Professional help is number 1, but you can also improve diet, get exercise, find something you love (music, drawing, writing etc).

Trust me if you put in the effort the rewards are absolutely worth it. I've gone from being afraid of leaving a small area I live, to visiting mount everest this month!! It is WELL worth it!

Good luck op, feel free to PM.

R