Another chance wasted...

LegacyUser

Long time boards member, first time posting a thread here...anyways this is gonna deal with a seemingly trivial issue for most but for me, a nightmare.

Went to a new location outside of my home county for a night out with some college friends and their friends, now i know none of the others so would naturally feel quiet around them. We have some drinks, then move on to a nightclub and all are having a great night so far. This is where my problem kicks in: Actually making a move on a girl while out having a few or on the dancefloor...i just cant wrap my head around how to do this and think it would be easier to learn Chinese.

I've ALWAYS been socially inept since i was around 18, just about all my friends were gone from my life then too so i've been mostly alone from the age of 21 and missed out on my late teens and early twenties experience most people have, including meeting up with girls etc so the whole going out thing is new, and in the last 2 years yet i dont go out that often. I just seem to be nervous around them if there is any chance of even a random snog etc, which has never happened so far:(

Usually i'm a confident fella, comfortable with most parts of myself, i would consider myself good looking, smart, i treat people with respect and keep myself fit and healthy but lacking a bit in confidence and am usually stuck for words if sitting with strangers.

Back to the subject matter though, the fact i am a good dancer does get some women to come alot closer, sometimes have one grinding against me etc, but figuring out if they want some action is beyond me and how i should initiate it if so...

This happens to me EVERY time i go out and am getting fed up with it, as i am in my later twenties now without having even kissed a girl/woman at this stage, and having some close contact with a woman would actually mean alot to me, it is our nature to want to hold/be held or even kiss another of your gender/species and experiencing it would be a stepping stone to finally living out my life as it should be. I would love some help on what to do here if you guys n girls can offer it willingly:D Thanks for reading the post, hope it wasnt too long.

kdak

well i think most girls would find it a bit refreshing to be with a guy that would fully appreciate them rather than some cocky guy that just wants a quicky so thats one thing you've got going for you straight away!

secondly, i met my boyfriend three years ago and he was very shy and i was the one who made the first move. we've now been together for three and a half years and have a baby together so your time will come trust me!

just try chatting to them as friends first not with the aim of anything happening, you'll know soon enough if they're interested in another way. you wont 'get stuck in the friend category' that early on, so just chat casually and see how it goes!

and lastly fair play for being a good dancer!

LegacyUser

Im in pretty much the same situation as you minus the good dancer part. Ive all but given up on clubbing as a way to meet a girl. The only problem is there doesnt seem to be any other way

kdak

have you tried meeting through friends?
not in a blind date sort of way just organise a day out with your friends and ask them to make sure they invite their single friends!

LegacyUser

kdak wrote: »

have you tried meeting through friends?
not in a blind date sort of way just organise a day out with your friends and ask them to make sure they invite their single friends!

Yeah but im not exactly the most confident guy in the world, also, the fact that it has all been aranged like that is going to make it a lot harder. Your right though, what experience ive had has come about through friends always. Im grand once i get to know a girl and it helps having some kind of buffer between the two of you at the awkward first hour of conversation stage.

LegacyUser

I would have been the same... I can dance but I can't hear in nightclubs...

If you do want to do something about it and a girl has been dancing up beside you then just say in her ear "I'm going to the bar for a drink, you want to join me?" if she says yes then Bingo, if she says no then just head off..... you are just doing what you said you were going to be doing. If she approaches you later on, that's a good sign.

I can't hear it nightclubs as I said above so I can never chat girls up as it's too awkward. I prefer to have a conversation of interest rather than "what? where are you from? oh really, that's cool.... errrrr, great club isn't it....... so what do you do? oh wow......... errrrrr" type of shouting matches.

I gave up on trying to meet women in clubs a long time ago - I joined a sports club last year. Since then I've met loads of really nice people and have ended up snogging a couple of hte girls and seeing one. I have doubled the number of friends I have and increased my social circle and I get invited out more now too. My advice therefore is find a club - something that interests you.

I rarely go out now with the intention of finding a girl. Why? because it usually ends in disappointment and feeling like the way your post sounds... I blame myself that nothing happened... I'm not good enough... what's wrong with me...... why can't I be like that confident cocky guy over there.....

So I just focus on going out with friends and having fun - last time I was out chatting with some friends in a pub, a girl came over to talk to me..... and because it was quiet I could talk to her and we had a good laugh yaddiyada..

So to conclude, don't go to nightclubs in order to find your dream girl.

LegacyUser

kdak wrote: »

well i think most girls would find it a bit refreshing to be with a guy that would fully appreciate them rather than some cocky guy that just wants a quicky so thats one thing you've got going for you straight away!

Aye i believe that IS a good thing alright, but them getting to know that would take a while...and since its hard enough to find something to talk about, well that could then take even longer:P I would definately try chat to em like the few friends i do have right now, but would soon get lost on what to talk about...as you can see one of my main problems is over-analysing stuff lol

and lastly fair play for being a good dancer!

I was told this is a good thing, not bouncing off the walls or standing there like a pole on the dancefloor, i like to dance and its usually where i'd be when out:)

If you do want to do something about it and a girl has been dancing up beside you then just say in her ear "I'm going to the bar for a drink, you want to join me?" if she says yes then Bingo, if she says no then just head off..... you are just doing what you said you were going to be doing. If she approaches you later on, that's a good sign.

booooobbob i really like this idea, simple and hopefully effective haha! I actually dont go out with the intentions of getting some action, just to have a good time so maybe thats where i'm going wrong? not being in the right mindset probably? Going out to a pub is a nice thing, nicer places dont have music thumping your eardrums so you CAN talk with mates, now if only a girl would chat with me too hah!

About the sports club thing, i'm playing with a team right now but its a male only sport and has hardly any spectators, let alone female members who can see us play or chat with.

Anyhoo thanks alot for the replies so far, appreciate it as every little helps:)

G-Money

OP, I'm in the same boat, only one that's sinking a bit faster! I'm 32 and I've only ever snogged one girl who I was seeing for about a month. And that was about 8 or 9 years ago. Since then, nothing.

I've got some interest on nights out but for some reason it seems to happen when I've had a few drinks then my brain just seems to shut down. It's like a striker running towards an open goal, no-one there to stop him, then who just stops and walks off the pitch just like that. On the nights when I'm not so drunk I'm so in my head it's not even funny. I'm standing there thinking "I should say something, I should approach some girl" but that's all I do. It's like my brain is telling me what to do but it doesn't put my ass into gear and make me walk over to them and open my mouth.

I've been like this for years, ever since I can remember. It's bloody depressing. Especially when you come on here and read so many stories of "oh I got drunk and slept with someone last night" etc etc. That never happens to me and it's so depressing I'm about to retire my d***

The same thing occasionally happens with the dancing. Girls will maybe be around me but I don't know if they are just dancing beside me as there's space, or because they're interested, or because they're just looking their ego's boosted by a bit of male attention. In the end I just end up focusing on dancing and go home empty handed every night.

Excuse me while I go smash my head off a wall a few dozen times

upmeath

Clubs are a terrible environment in which to meet anyone, I've only ever known it to work for horny alpha males. I'm not like that and I don't think you are either OP, although fair play on the dancing skills mate, I need a skinful just to get the confidence to dance!
Try quieter pubs (not noisy tweenie infested places, but not old man spots either), they're usually full of mid-twenties singles ripe for a chat and a giggle.
House parties either, you get to know friends of friends pretty well and you don't need to worry about shouting over sh!tty chart music.
If you've a disco bar near you at home I'd say go for that, early evening job, the mood is relaxed and you'll get chatting to some crackers

LegacyUser

life loser? wrote: »

About the sports club thing, i'm playing with a team right now but its a male only sport and has hardly any spectators, let alone female members who can see us play or chat with.)

Well then, I'm sure you can work out for yourself that it would be good to join a club which has female members too...

Tag rugby, softball, surfing, walking..... seriously, I've never had as much interaction with women (outisde of work in a social environment) I have something in common with.

kdak

booooobbob wrote: »

Well then, I'm sure you can work out for yourself that it would be good to join a club which has female members too...

Tag rugby, softball, surfing, walking..... seriously, I've never had as much interaction with women (outisde of work in a social environment) I have something in common with.

take up yoga! my mum does this and theres one guy in the class who they all worship!