Cousins birthday.

That_Guy

My 10 year old cousin recently lost his life in January and his birthday is coming up next Thursday.

It was an extremely sudden death and was very difficult to comprehend. I know all of the details but I still can't quite get my head around it.

I haven't grieved very much since his death and I feel very guilty about it.

Last night however it really hit home when I was having a heart to heart with one of my friends. It just seemed to all come at once and I've been in bits all day.

I just really miss him and wish that I could just wish him a happy birthday.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum and maybe it's not as severe as other peoples problems but I just needed to do something to get this off my chest.

**Caroline**

Hi..

So sorry to hear about your cousin - it's such a tragedy to lose a person that young! My thoughts are with you. Grief hits us all in different ways. It can often take a long time for the reality to sink in fully. I know because I've been there!! My only advice to you is to be around your family at this sad time. Talk to them and let them know how you're feeling. And please don't feel guilty that you haven't grieved enough - it doesn't mean you didn't care about/love your cousin, it's just your way of dealing with things.

Take things one day at a time. Time won't heal your pain but it'll help you cope. You'll get through it!

Silverfish

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It's always so hard when its someone so so young. Things like birthdays and christmas are usually the hardest, because they're the times someone so young would enjoy the most.

Have you shared this with anyone in your family?

That_Guy

Silverfish wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It's always so hard when its someone so so young. Things like birthdays and christmas are usually the hardest, because they're the times someone so young would enjoy the most.

Have you shared this with anyone in your family?

I've talked to my sister about it and she seems to understand.

Thank you so much for replying you guys. Means a lot.

mysterious

That_Guy wrote: »

My 10 year old cousin recently lost his life in January and his birthday is coming up next Thursday.

It was an extremely sudden death and was very difficult to comprehend. I know all of the details but I still can't quite get my head around it.

I haven't grieved very much since his death and I feel very guilty about it.

Last night however it really hit home when I was having a heart to heart with one of my friends. It just seemed to all come at once and I've been in bits all day.

I just really miss him and wish that I could just wish him a happy birthday.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum and maybe it's not as severe as other peoples problems but I just needed to do something to get this off my chest.

First of all sorry to hear abour your cousin.

Creating something through expression is one of the best ways to do this.

Make a diary, photo alblum, write poems, go to his grave and have a silent heart to heart with him in your heart. grow flowers even.

Death is not endings its the natural cycle of life.


So begin something, by this. treasure memories you had with him/her write them down, and when a sad day comes get your diary out and think of the good times you had here with your cousin.


Earth is a vehicle, your in the driver seat, you meet people on the road to have experiences with. It's important you remind yourself of this.

PurpleBerry

I'm so sorry that you feel guilty and I would never dare to ask you for any further details. I hope my asking for the hope that you can forgive yourself does not impose.

I do hope that you can forgive yourself though as it's nearly certain that your cousin does not blame you, and you should not blame yourself.

Hope I haven't imposed already. May you find peace.

kittenkiller

It would have been my sisters 24th birthday a few days ago.

You'll always find yourself missing your cousin and sometimes the pain associated will feel over-powering, but mouring is natural and takes as much time as it takes to get over.
Everyone's different and every situation warrents a differnet response.

Allow yourself to feel sad and lost when you need to.
Don't be afraid to talk about your cousin and his death, bottling things up isn't healthy.
If talking about it uspests your family, speak with a friend or counsellor.

Just remember that you have to carry on with your own life as best you can.
Living the best life you can is the best tribute to your cousin you can give.

Best of luck.

That_Guy

Thank you to everyone who replied. It really helped a lot. Much appreciated.

Splendour

That_Guy wrote: »

My 10 year old cousin recently lost his life in January and his birthday is coming up next Thursday.

It was an extremely sudden death and was very difficult to comprehend. I know all of the details but I still can't quite get my head around it.

I haven't grieved very much since his death and I feel very guilty about it.

Last night however it really hit home when I was having a heart to heart with one of my friends. It just seemed to all come at once and I've been in bits all day.

I just really miss him and wish that I could just wish him a happy birthday.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum and maybe it's not as severe as other peoples problems but I just needed to do something to get this off my chest.

Hi That_Guy, I'm so so sorry for the loss of your young cousin.The pain of losing one so young does not bear thinking about. I really can't begin to think of the pain...


If you haven't quite 'gotten your head around it' as you say (and I can't imagine how you get your head around something like this...), then you should not feel guilty about not grieving.

Grief comes in different emotions at the most bizzare times and everyone dealing with the death of a connected person will grieve differently. Obviously last night whilst talking with your friend was a gateway for your grieving. When this happens give in to it. When you are getting on with life and having fun-don't feel guilty!

When thursday comes around, you could maybe visit the grave or better still, visit your cousin's folks and talk with them about your him with his parents. Although this will be difficult, I guarantee it will be much appreciated.

You and extended family will be in my prayers tonight...

Look after yourself...

eve

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.

The first year is hard because there are so many 'firsts' - first Christmas without them, the first birthday that they are not there, the first anniversary.

There's no one way to deal with these. Everyone deals differently. Do what feels right for you. That could be talking to family about him, maybe making something about his life (a photo album, short video), doing some writing.

Don't feel forced to grieve. People do it at there own pace and we all hit common points in the process but at different times.

My sister died 7 months ago and it's still hard sometimes. Her 22nd birthday would have been last month. My brother has dealt with it by making a book. I have done some writing about her. I also added a pendant she wore to my own pendant that I wear every day. To me it's like always having a small part of her with me no matter where I am.

kdak

i know the guilt you're feeling for not openly grieving at the time but this will go away when you realise that just because you didnt cry or realise the full tragedy at the time it doesnt mean you dont feel the pain now.
its horrible when it finally kicks in and you experience both the pain of loss and the guilt of not grieving 'properly'. ive been there but you have to know there is no 'proper' way of dealing with death especially when its so unexpected. just start your grieving now and talk about your little cousin and maybe do something he liked (watch a programme he watched or play a sport he liked) it might help to feel a bit closer to him.
hope you feel a little happier soon. i know you will, it just takes time.

That_Guy

I know a few of you suggested to visit the grave but I forgot to mention that he was cremated and his ashes are in England as he lived there.

I've been piecing together some little video clips I shot of him with my camcorder on St. Stephens Day when he was over in December with his favourite song in the background.

I'll be sharing this around with the rest of my family and relatives. I know it might be difficult for some people to watch but I feel a little better watching it seeing him so happy around the family.

His funeral when we went to England was a celebration of his life and I realise now that he accomplished so much in his short life.

He was picked for a trial with one of the big football clubs in his area, he played fantastically on his guitar, he slated drums very heavily (my instrument) and anytime he was over I'd always make fun of him for supporting Tottenham Hotspur and how bad they were.... How things have changed. I reckon he had some major influence on this seasons outcome.

At his funeral the manager of Tottenham Hotspur wrote his family a letter and even sent them a signed jersey and tickets to any match and a mention in one of the match programmes which is absolutely fantastic.

I feel a lot better now and once again thanks for everyone who has replied and shared their own stories on this subject.