Getting married in a recession: cost & venues

Rebelheart

Ara Jaysas, I better do it.

So, I've been walking out with this Dublin girl since 2003 for, as I put it to her in one of my more romantic moods, "you've got a powerful pair of boobs".

Alas, summer doesn't last for ever - or as she put it in one of her many reflective moments, "I don't want to be mutton dressed up as lamb by the time you bring me up the aisle" - so I better get all this bainis stuff out of the way. At the moment it's like I've been standing at the foot of Croagh Patrick and looking at the summit for years; the whole marriage thing becomes bigger by the year. It was great in the early days when it was just sex but then it gets all complicated. Huh!

Ideally, I don't want to get married in Ireland and I want it to be small. This is, I am unequivocally told, a complete non-runner as she wants her family there and has some dream which revolves around a big Irish wedding. She is ferociously passionate about that, the Irish hotel and catering industry will be pleased to know. I, on the other hand, can't stand the idea of a big day and a performance. I'm a quiet and introspective guy. And I fear the bridezillas of this planet. Weddings, for me, are far too political, back-biting, nasty and competitive. I find them ugly no matter how "pretty" is the veneer. They are terrible and unnecessary pressure, financial and emotional. But, and I'm only going to say this once, I love (*shudder*) this girl to bits and she is the best fun I've ever had. She knows me. I will endure all the crap because of that, even though I still cannot comprehend why weddings mean so much to her.

OK, so in an effort to rescue my pride, I'm insisting that the entire wedding be through the Irish, invitations will be sent out as gaeilge, and I'll personally add more Irish to the invitations of certain people (hehe!). All of which she is fine with herself (I sorted that out, and that all our kids will have Irish names, on our first date - and I'm not being facetious)

I'm also insisting that we choose a really cool historic church and area. I have suggested that we have it at the Mass Rock in Glendalough, but she has hesitated at the thought of a non-Church wedding (even if the priest is saying the mass). Conservative ideologists, huh.

The serious problems outstanding are:

1) Financial: how much should I expect to pay for a wedding per head during this recession? We visited Kilronan Castle last weekend and they were €65 per head, which in my book sounds crazy for a dinner. What is the norm? And for the overall wedding?

2) Venue: I really don't want it in a boring old parish church. I'm looking for a quaint church/chapel with solitude and preferably, the sound of water. Does anybody know such a place?

antiskeptic

Rebelheart wrote: »

But, and I'm only going to say this once, I love (*shudder*) this girl to bits and she is the best fun I've ever had. She knows me. I will endure all the crap because of that, even though I still cannot comprehend why weddings mean so much to her.

Just curious. What makes you shudder about saying you love this girl?

OK, so in an effort to rescue my pride. I'm insisting that the entire wedding be through the Irish, invitations will be sent out as gaeilge, and I'll personally add more Irish to the invitations of certain people (hehe!). All of which she is fine with herself (I sorted that out, and that all our kids will have Irish names, on our first date - and I'm not being facetious)

I can understand someone wanting to name their children with Irish names. I can't understand imposing on your guests by speaking to them in a language they (in the main) don't understand. Hoe zou je voelen als ik hetzelfde deed? Stel dat ik jij een bruiloft uitnodiging opstuurd die in het Nederlands geschreven was?

I'm also insisting that we choose a really cool historic church and area. I have suggested that we have it at the Mass Rock in Glendalough, but she has hesitated at the thought of a non-Church wedding (even if the priest is saying the mass). Conservative ideologists, huh.

Are you "insisting" or are you "suggesting"?

1) Financial: how much should I expect to pay for a wedding per head during this recession? We visited Kilronan Castle last weekend and they were €65 per head, which in my book sounds crazy for a dinner. What is the norm? And for the overall wedding?

Usually you're paying for a venue - part of which includes the meal. I'm not familar with Kilronan Castle but I'd warrant it's not a restaurant (where you simply turn up for a meal and leave afterwards - in which case 65 a head (without drink) would lie only on the slightly above average side (if supposing a half decent restaurant for a wedding reception).

Given that it isn't a restaurant and that you'll likely have some kind of reception before and/or a party afterwards you can expect to be paying for overheads (heating, lighting etc) and profit.

The best wedding I've ever been at had the reception at a restaurant. In + nice meal + speeches etc + out. No DJ playing Come on Eileen and no Band.

2) Venue: I really don't want it in a boring old parish church. I'm looking for a quaint church/chapel with solitude and preferably, the sound of water. Does anybody know such a place?

In that neck of the woods? I was at a service in Our Lady by the Wayside in Kilternan. A small, intimate wooden church (almost Little House on the Prairie-esque). Definitely quaint - but no running water (although you might be able to see the sea in the distance!)