How to get past this?

LegacyUser

Ok I don't really know what my problem is exactly but I'm just going to write and see what comes out so apologies if it rambles...

I'm with my boyfriend 6 months, we're 19 and 20. He is such an amazing guy, treats me well, is really affectionate and always is up for seeing me and talking to me on the phone. He has told me he loves me and I have said it back, he says it to me way more than i do, but when I do always mean it.

My problem is I just can't seem to let myself go in the relationship. I know that I'm so lucky to be with such a caring guy and he has never given me any reason not to trust him, but I just always think he's going to hurt me or I notice the tiniest little thing that he does and in my head I get annoyed, even though I know it's never intentional.

Now, I've never said any of this to him or even given him the slightest idea that I think these things. As far as he's concerned everything is completely ok and when I'm with him everything is, I don't think about any of this. We click so well and he makes me so happy. It's when I'm away from him that I just think these stupid things.

I wish I didn't. I don't know why I can't just enjoy myself and not think about what's going to go wrong. I'm not sure if this comes from a past relationship, in my only proper one I was with a guy who, while he was never actually mean to me, treated me with complete indifference most of the time. It really knocked my confidence but I finally got the courage to break up with him and spent the next six months building my self esteem back up and I've become a much better person now. I knew I was ready for another relationship when I met my current bf but now all of this is coming back again and I don't know what to do.

I want to get past this because I can see a future with my bf and I don't want this to keep getting in the way... I'm not even sure what the problem actually is. It's as if I can't let myself be loved?

SarahSassy

You are just afraid of getting hurt which is bog standard and the reality is that time, with the right person, will heal this...

Dont beat yourself up and just get on with enjoying it knowing he loves you and your fears will disappear with time.

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm with my boyfriend 6 months, we're 19 and 20. He is such an amazing guy, treats me well, is really affectionate and always is up for seeing me and talking to me on the phone. He has told me he loves me and I have said it back, he says it to me way more than i do, but when I do always mean it.

I want to get past this because I can see a future with my bf

focus on these feelings. talk to this wonderful guy of yours about your insecurities and try and tease out what exactly the origin of the problem is.
as SarahSassy said below, it could be that you are afraid of being screwed around with again.maybe it'll take small steps to get to fully letting yourself go in this relationship but it'll be worth it.

you sound like you are on to a good thing imo.

Wibbs

SarahSassy wrote: »

You are just afraid of getting hurt which is bog standard and the reality is that time, with the right person, will heal this...

Dont beat yourself up and just get on with enjoying it knowing he loves you and your fears will disappear with time.

Pretty much spot on IMHO. You have to take part in the healing too. Let the previous guy go in your head. This man is different(which you know) so let him be different and let yourself be open to that. In any situation of emotional fear I find it helped me to imagine the worse case scenario. Lets say your current guy is a complete eejit, though on current evidence he is far from that. OK lets say he is, what then? Well if you open yourself up and have an amazing time with him until he showed this hypothetically bad side, you would still have had an amazing time. If he is a nice guy and he seems to be, yet you hold back you won't have as much an amazing time as you would in the previous example. OK sounds a bit daft,:o:) but you know what I mean.

That_Guy

Nobody will understand you better than your bf will on this. You should talk to him about it.

You say you both love each other and that he cares a lot for you so there's no reason why he won't care for you now on this matter.

Besides it's only been 6 months. It's ok to feel jittery, nervous and excited. You may have that "too good to be true" sentence running through your mind but it's not uncommon to feel like that especially if you've been through some terrible relationships.

Talk to him and I'm sure he'll understand.

Good luck.