I hate pubs and clubs

LegacyUser

Hi. This may sound a bit stupid to some people but it's kind of getting me down so i need to spill! Bascially i hate being in loud bars and nightclubs - i have just never liked them. Even when i was in college i barely ever went on nights out because i just couldnt enjoy myself. I feel uncomfortable in them - probably because there are so many people and it's really loud and i can't hear myself speak.

I'm also not much of a drinker - just don't really like alcohol. i prefer to go for a nice meal and the cinema or even a relatively quiet pub where you can have a decent conversation.

You're probably wondering what i'm getting at here but what i;m saying is that i feel like i'm missing out on something when friends go out even though i know i'm much happier to be at home then in an overcrowded bar. Now tbh my friends don't go out all that often but i'm getting the feeling that i'm the odd one out. They don't put pressure on me to go out or anything but i still feel like it annoys them that i dont go to these places.

I also feel like if i don't go to these places that i won't meet anyone (ie.for a relationship) and i'll just be alone (i associate meeting someone with going to pubs and clubs - this is probably the main reason why i'm so bothered) but sometimes i feel like a lot of pubs are like cattle marts - i feel like i'm on display or something?? I'm not expressing myself very well here....hmmm....

Does anyone out there understand how i feel or can anyone give me any advice?

I know i'm probably overanalysing way too much but it's in my nature. I feel left out with my friends sometimes too (have two main friends) because they have similar interests to each other (one in particular) and sometimes it's all they seem to talk about and i feel a bit like a third wheel...

I'm in my early 20's btw and believe it or not i am pretty normal!

Ok i'm gonna shut up now - i could go on all night...:)

LegacyUser

you just described me
Ive always hated clubs and pubs. Im not a big drinker either, id have a glass or 2 but thats it - i have nothing against alcohol but i just dont like the taste of most drinks, and when i drink too much i dont get all merry like most people, i just feel really sick. I had the same problem in college - people always asking me why i never go out and then looking at me weirdly when i said i just dont enjoy it. Much prefer the cinema, dinner or just having a glass of wine in a friends house.

Thing i realised after i went travelling is that the whole pubs/clubs thing is more an irish thing that anything else. Its almost part of the culture here. i know this isnt advice as such, but just to tell you you arent alone, you're not weird and also perhaps as your friends get older and settle down they probably wont go out to clubs as much and will be more happy to do other things that involve lots of drink.

i dont know how to meet likeminded people tho..thats something im still trying to figure out, even tho my friends are great. Sometime i think id be happier just living abroad to be honest, even tho that might seem extreme. But the best year of my life socially was when i was abroad and i didnt feel like a weirdo cos i didnt like clubs. There was so much more to do.

Earthhorse

Great. You know what you hate. Now you gotta find out what it is you love.

Is it tough? Well, yeah, I was there, in my early twenties as a non-drinker and it is hard not to feel left out. You should head over to the Non Drinkers Group here on boards and see if they've got anything coming up. Or look into activities that involves socialising in the manner you prefer; book clubs and the like sometimes meet in restaurants. Would also suggest trying to go out to these places with mates and not drinks. You don't have to stay the whole night, just till things get too much.

If it's any consolation it does get better as you get older and people are less focused on getting wasted and become more open minded to other activities.

Dr.Sanchez

No need to go unregistered, no shame in your post...

In fact I'm the exact same as you, never liked drinking, but its hard to meet new people when almost everything revolves around drink in this country, plus Iv worked in a pub since I was 15. Seeing the same faces come in every night spending all their money on booze slowly turned me off pubs/clubs over time.

As for giving you advice.... hmmm, i don't know.... If you get some feel free to pass it on to me!

DonkeyStyle \o/

Yeah I hate them too... hot, over-crowded, over-priced, playing rubbish music that I couldn't possibly get drunk enough to enjoy.
All I can suggest is looking for one that suits you... ask around, see if there's a pub or club that plays the kind of music you're in to... it makes a big difference IMO.
I'm not paying an entry fee to watch groups of stuck-up slags dancing around and thowing their hands up to Destiny's Child. :rolleyes:
If this is the kind of shíthole you're ending up in, then don't follow your friends around to clubs. Find a club or pub you like, with the atmosphere and music that suits you... then you make the plans.
Don't worry that you don't like these places, it just means you have taste.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

you just described me
Ive always hated clubs and pubs. Im not a big drinker either, id have a glass or 2 but thats it - i have nothing against alcohol but i just dont like the taste of most drinks, and when i drink too much i dont get all merry like most people, i just feel really sick. I had the same problem in college - people always asking me why i never go out and then looking at me weirdly when i said i just dont enjoy it. Much prefer the cinema, dinner or just having a glass of wine in a friends house.

Thing i realised after i went travelling is that the whole pubs/clubs thing is more an irish thing that anything else. Its almost part of the culture here. i know this isnt advice as such, but just to tell you you arent alone, you're not weird and also perhaps as your friends get older and settle down they probably wont go out to clubs as much and will be more happy to do other things that involve lots of drink.

i dont know how to meet likeminded people tho..thats something im still trying to figure out, even tho my friends are great. Sometime i think id be happier just living abroad to be honest, even tho that might seem extreme. But the best year of my life socially was when i was abroad and i didnt feel like a weirdo cos i didnt like clubs. There was so much more to do.

Hi OP here - thanks so much for that! It's great to hear other people who feel the same - i know there are plenty of people like me but it's just a case of finding them like you said.

Can i just ask you do you worry like me that you are missing out on stuff when you dnt go to pubs and that?

I think maybe another problem is that i don't have different groups of friends who i can do different things with you know? I think maybe i rely too much on the 2 friends i mentioned (don't get me wrong they are great) but i would love to meet new people but i just honestly don't know where to start.

I don't like being in crowded bars where i don't know anyone (ie.a sat night in town) but like i love being at a wedding or something where you know a good few people and theres not much chance of some drunken idiot you don't know falling all over you...:P

I guess i'm a bit odd.....

Thanks again for your input:)

LegacyUser

Hi OP! I was just like you, i`m female and my husband was the same. We met and it made it a lot easier. Maybe a gf would help? someone who you have some things in common with, internet or speed dating maybe. There is so many people sick of the whole scene. I would also suggest maybe going to a class that your interested in or joining an activity group good chance you might meet people there that you`d get on with. Well if you only go to clubs and pubs you don`t see people like us, but we`re out there.... Good luck!!

barleybooley

Hi OP.

If you're main concern about hating pubs and clubs is the fear of not meeting someone for a relationship, then you should dispell this immediately. Usually, they're the means you use for a quick lay and one or two nights of hook-up fun but I genuinely don't believe that pubs and clubs are the places where you find gf/bf material. Any couples I know, myself included didn't meet their OH on a night out. Also, if you feel this way about socialising like that then chances are that other people do too and maybe you'd have more in common with them? If you are out somewhere you enjoy then you're bound to be in better humour and thus making you more attractive to a potential OH

bambera

Unregistered wrote: »

Thing i realised after i went travelling is that the whole pubs/clubs thing is more an irish thing that anything else. Its almost part of the culture here.

Don't suppose you could enlighten us folk stuck in Ireland what people in other countries do for fun instead of going to the pub. Would like to go out too to places other than the pub every weekend, and going to resturants or cinema always tend to end in drinking sessions in pubs too.

Latchy

Unregistered wrote: »

but sometimes i feel like a lot of pubs are like cattle marts - i feel like i'm on display or something?? I'm not expressing myself very well here....hmmm....

Does anyone out there understand how i feel or can anyone give me any advice?

I know i'm probably overanalysing way too much but it's in my nature. I feel

Actually you might be surprised to know that many people feel ecactly the same as you do , including the ones who do frequent bars and night clubs on a regular basis . It's not to bad if you are with a group of friends but even so , noisy bars and clubs are not geat places for converstaion when everybody seems intent on getting blotto while glancing around at the male/female eye candy .I wouldn't say all pubs are like cattle markets but obiously on certain times of the week it can seem like that and I dont like the overcrowed ,10 deep at the bar ones myself .As others have said here, if you can find out what it is you really like doing them sooner or later you will find like minded people who share same intrests .

DM_7

I understand exacxtly how you feel. I can handle a pub for about two hours max. After that everyone else is drunk and you end up being the only one who remembers the stupid stuff they did.

I try and avoid clubs 100% of the time.

I Agree with other posters, there are plenty of people out there who feel the same about pubs and clubs as you do. My missus isn't in to them either which is lucky for me.

I think the best advice was, you know what you don't like so find what you do (If you haven't already).

Genghiz Cohen

I'm 22, don't drink, loathe clubs.
I always suggest a late bar on a night out, nice, relaxed and the lads can still get drinks 'till late.

Overheal

Niteclubs are teh ghey.

Some of the best spots are the quiter bistro-ish spots. Big Leather and Fireplaces - its there, you just have to look. Make a point of sticking your head into pubs and lounges you come across just to get a feel for the place. You can find some really classy spots just about anywhere.

Only retarded moths are attracted to pretty lights.

maldana

I'm kinda the same. I like to have a drink or two, don't get me wrong, but being in an overcrowded, noisy, can't hear yourself speak or think night club just isn't my cup of tea any more. And I used to do it a lot in my early twenties and to be honest it started to get very tedious over the years. At the start it's great, it's fun, it's magical. But after a while it becomes boring, the same boring music, conversations etc. You can't even have a decent conversation without having to shout. And the only people I have ever met on nights out were people let's say I wouldn't want to meet in the cold light of say. So I wouldn't recommend as a place to meet someone at all, unless you want a kiss or a one night stand, because, let's be honest, for the most part that's what these places are all about whether people admit to it or not.

You can go out and have fun without having to resort to having drunken, stupid, trivial conversations with people you will never meet again in your life. I know I sound kinda like I have a gripe with this but I can't understand how people do it week in, week out. There are so many other things and activities that you can do with your life, you just need to open up your mind and stop following the crowd. And yes, I'd sooner sit in a quiet pub with a drink and be able to have a conversation.

nyarlothothep

I'm in the same age bracket as you and also tend to avoid pubs/nightclubs. Used to go to clubs quite frequently but got completely bored with the scene very quickly in. I also dislike the loud often crap music, its ruined many a potentially good conversation. The whole scene just doesn't attract me. I prefer quiet pubs or doing something productive. I don't know why people enjoy not being comfortable in crowded locales, drinking instead of having a good conversation. The whole experience is fairly unpleasant. I don't even particularly like going out in Dublin, its full of nutcases and you have to factor in getting home which isn't always easy.

asdasd

OP.

In my early late teens, and early twenties I went to loud pubs and clubs from Thrusday to Saturday every week, except for a year or so during college when I was grounded in a relationship. If there was a night out, asdasd was there.

I hated it. Occassionally, in college, we would go to a proper pub, a place where people could actually talk, and that I liked.

The reason I did it? All my friends ( and later workmates) did it. They probably disliked it too. There was a slim possibility of meeting someone but if you wanted to create a situation where people probably couldn't meet, could only talk sh*ite when the did meet, could only get to know each other after meeting, could only meet a few people at a time ( unlike the old style dances where people shared partners) - then the modern nightclub is it.

I still occasionally pop in. In general I prefer nights in a real old style pub with old friends. No music, unless it is live. Conversation flows.

Anyway your dislike is common enough. What's to like?

LegacyUser

Hiya OP,

Gotta say I feel exactly the same way you do. HATE nightclubs and I am a non-drinker too. Unfortunately, in our culture some eejits consider people who dislike that kinda stuff "weird" and "anti-social". Sometimes i feel 80 rather than 18!

Seriously though, just stick to your ways. So you don't like the nightclubs, big deal. There's plenty out there that share you're opinion so you're not alone!! If people give you a hard time, they're just being immature. I've never felt I was missing out. Went a couple of times just so I could say I'd given it a shot. Crap music, crap surroundings, big crowds and drunk guys falling over me and my friends? No thanks!

Have you any like-minded people you could just chill with? I've got one friend who hates clubs too and when we're out in a group and it gets to that point in the night when everyone's getting ready to hit the clubs, we feck off to a quiet pub or else go home and just hang out with dvds and a ton of junk food!

Zaph

Something that may be of interest to a lot of people who have posted on this thread, Boards has it's own Non-Drinkers Group forum where you'll find other like-minded people. I believe they meet up regularly as well as discussing non-alcohol related activities.

tonsiltickler

Im the same, different strokes, when my friends are goin out to pubs and clubs im off training with swimming or running cycling or something and ive got loads of friends through stuff like that. Your not missing out on much! You seem like you'd be really chill and fun to hang out with.. Basically dont worry your not mising out on anything!

BraziliaNZ

don't worry i go to them all the time and i'm still not getting any, they're obviously not the answer

RossFixxxed

Devil's advocate:

I used to hate clubs, I'm not into the music etc (although bruxies is good for that ) but in recent times with mates it can be gas craic, if you're up for it. Just get up and have a crazy dance!

You don't need to get locked to enjoy yourself, you just need to relax. Sit somewhere quieter and have a chat, get up and chat to others, dance with silly moves and make a copetition out of it. Talk the DJ into putting one song you love on and shake it like a maniac.

Failing that, get your mates out to a quieter pub or one that is more to your tastes (musically, clientelle etc) and bail out before the clubbing.

It depends on your expectation. If you expect to form a relationship in one then you are WAAAAY off!

r

Denerick

Hi OP,

Might as well join the chorus here. I hate most niteclubs and pubs... However I love a nice quiet pub with a few of my mates around, enjoying a couple of pints or even a bit of country music live but far enough away so its merely atmospheric (yeowww!!)

I HATE niteclubs, with the exception of festivals and Blues nights and things like that. I've never understood them; A) The moment 90% of people go in the front door their personality seems to change and they adopt a 'persona' which annoyingly only ever shows up in a niteclub (As in quiet people suddenly becoming the life and soul of the party after about 10 drinks... Funny enough they are more of an irritation than any sort of craic) Some women in those niteclubs can be so bloody obnoxious and full of themselves C) The music is TERRIBLE. I really wonder about the next generation if that tripe is in vogue these days. D) Its too impersonal and I can't hear my mates talk. After all conversation is the blood of life - niteclubs kill it stone dead. E) I don't dance, and even if I did dance I wouldn't do it in a bloody cattlemart.

So there, all I can say is don't worry. And in my experience any relationship based from a night out in a niteclub is superficial BS - most relationships are borne from work, social functions etc... Even bumping into someone on the street! Niteclubs are all well and good if you want to be someone else and pretend to show off in order to get in someone's underpants... But you should look at it as a good thing that you aren't in that hideous, grotesque superficial 'culture' modern Ireland has created. One night stands?? Get a bloody porno or a prostitute if ye are that bad off... you might as well be treating your 'sex' partner as a prostitute for the night anyway.

To be fair though I like drinking, I even like getting drunk, but I hate this niteclub BS...

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm also not much of a drinker - just don't really like alcohol. i prefer to go for a nice meal and the cinema or even a relatively quiet pub where you can have a decent conversation.

I also feel like if i don't go to these places that i won't meet anyone (ie.for a relationship) and i'll just be alone (i associate meeting someone with going to pubs and clubs - this is probably the main reason why i'm so bothered) but sometimes i feel like a lot of pubs are like cattle marts - i feel like i'm on display or something?? I'm not expressing myself very well here....hmmm....

Does anyone out there understand how i feel or can anyone give me any advice?

Actually, it does seem to be a very Irish thing, so be prepared to start meeting alot more foreigners when you do crack the code! :-)

I'm in very different circumstances from your but it all adds up to the same dilemma - meeting new peeps but not thru pubs n clubs.

I've been having a nosey around Gumtrees "Friends only" - some interesting ads but usually @ssh0les lookin for teh sex.

However, *much* more success on MeetUp dot com. I've only joined a couple of groups but you meet so many like minded people and then get invited to non Meetup events that you may not otherwise have heard of. And it's all about the meeting of new people (safely), having the craic, having great conversations, doing stuff. Hey, you may even get an idea for a MeetUp group of your own to form! Best of Luck!

Firetrap

OP, I don't think you're weird. I've never really liked busy pubs/clubs either. My idea of hell is being stuck in a hot overcrowded pub on a Saturday night getting in everyone's way and not being able to hear myself think. Problem is that my friends like this and think the sort of places I like are too quiet. I don't go out to them very much any more which makes me feel happier in one way but like you, I sometimes wonder am I missing something? (a.k.a. not meeting Mr Right I suppose)

All I can say to you is to try and develop some other interests that don't involve such places. It's the advice that everyone here gives...join a club/society. Take up a new hobby or sport. Broaden your horizons and meet new people that way.