Suicide

LegacyUser

Have you ever lost anyone close to you to suicide?

Do you know anyone that committed suicide recently?

If so,how did it affect you?

not quite sure this is for "personal issues"..


but yes i have, and it was horrible... altho the worry and grief for people closer to him overtook my grief for him himself. which i think was good except for a few drunken episodes where i let it all out.


people say alcohol is a bad thing for things like that.. but it let me lash out my grief in my own way i guess. i had to be there for people more affected.

Silverfish

limerickgirl67 wrote: »

Have you ever lost anyone close to you to suicide?

Do you know anyone that committed suicide recently?

If so,how did it affect you?

Hi, how is this a personal issue for you?

I think everyone is upset by a suicide, even if you didn't know the person very well, there's always that feeling that if you said/did something, you could have prevented it. It very much affects the people left behind.

estar

life changing. a shadow that fades but lurks. the wasted talent and opportunity. the possibility that if only they had opened their mouth they could have gotten help. the knowledge they were in pain, but the knowledge too that everything can be gotten over with the right approach and with time and maturity. sorrow that they didnt give themselves time to see this and got stuck in that moment forever. the pain inflicted on others forever and by others that started the whole thing.

too soon. a waste.

Diabhal Beag

As the previous poster said you think that there could have been something done or said to prevent it. The idea that somebody you cared for was in so much pain that they would want to end their life will always stay with you.

Nevyn

http://www.livinglinks.ie/

Living Links Providing assertive outreach support to the suicide bereaved.

The first Living Links group was set up in Cloughjordan, Co. Tipperary in May 2002, when a small group of local people got together in direct response to a suicide in the community. The event was tragic and cataclysmic for the people and there was a huge sense of inadequacy on the ground as to how to provide appropriate community support and a consequent sense of failure as a community.

Living Links objectives are:

* To provide support and outreach to those bereaved by suicide
* To increase awareness and understanding of suicide and its effects on individuals, families and communities
* To liaise and exchange information with similar support groups nationally and internationally
* To support and encourage relevant research
* To produce leaflets and associated literature to be provided to survivors
* To liaise and provide families information on health services available in the region, and the referral pathways to such services should such professional counselling be required
* To provide and facilitate a group healing programme, on a needs basis, for the suicide bereaved
* To encourage the suicide bereaved and/or suicide affected to establish and foster an ongoing support group among themselves.

easyeason3

Years ago. I can still remember holding & reading the note that was left. Of all the things that has happened me in my life I think going through that left the biggest mark.

poindexter

my younger sister committed suicide 9yr ago, sometimes it seems like last week. she left a note, though her body was missing for 5 weeks. during the time she was gone, i would say 'if she turns up i'll fekn kill her':o. she did come to me in a dream one night tho. more or less to say that she was and she would never be far away. she left behind a beautiful daughter who is her living image, looks and personality. it tore my mam apart and it can still hurt to this day thinking about it, but am happy knowing that she's up there having a better time than she did when she was here, and if my head is done in about anything i just talk to her.

LegacyUser

I have two sisters who have both tried to commit suicide. Whilst one have gotten professional help in the form of counselling, which she feels benefitted her greatly as she could discuss things to a stranger and have no fear of being judged, not that we, her family would judge, that was just her feeling about the counselling. She is in a happy place in her life now thank god because of this help.

However my second sister has tried it twice. She has been given professional help and is ongoing with her help but as she has said since she was young she can remember telling my dad that she was born to die young. I don't know where this came from but she still continues with this train of thought, that she is destined to die young. I can't understand this thinking but try and do whatever i can to help her out in life. She has alot going for herself in terms of a career, socially and in her love life so i suppose that is why i find it so hard to understand.

All we can do as a family is keep supporting them both to the best of our abilities and being there for them always.

Handsome Bob

limerickgirl67 wrote: »

Have you ever lost anyone close to you to suicide?

Do you know anyone that committed suicide recently?

If so,how did it affect you?

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt OP and just take you at face value and assume you've lost someone to suicide.

Last Summer, someone I knew committed suicide. Every one was taken a back because he had a girlfriend and a child. No-one had a clue that he was harbouring suicidal feelings and the worst thing about it all he left no indication as to why he did it.

How does it affect you? You feel like a failure as a friend and angry that someone could do something like that when they have so much to live for. That's all I can really say about it, guilt and anger.

mud

If you have been affected by a suicide, please go and talk to someone about it, be it anonymously or in person,

depending on your situation, you'll know whether you can discuss it with family or friends

My experience was that our circle of friends stuck together and helped each other through the grief and recriminations, the what ifs and the why fors

If (and I'm only going by your user-name) you are in Limerick, check out the pastoral centre of St. Michael's on Denmark St. They are good people and run a bi-weekly suicide support service.

My heart goes out to you, it's a long road and it will change you forever, nothing before or since has compared to the horror i/we went through when our beloved friend let go, in time stuff fades but it's important to come to terms with your situation
x

Overheal

Not close to me fortunately, but when I was in 5th year, stressing out about exams, suddenly you come back one afternoon and everyone starts talking about the 1st Year that hung himself in his bedroom that morning. Fcuk me, like.

From that perspective it it really puts your own problems in their place. I have no idea what that lad was going through (or I've forgotten the rumours since) but out of 1200 students nobody was joking around about it, put it that way.

We were confused as hell. We wanted to know why. Everyone was asking everyone else if they knew him or anything like that. A few people were inconsolable, thinking they should have been able to see it coming. Imagine what the family was going through. I'd shelf the issue a couple weeks later as the outsider, but his family - I have no doubt they're still chasing demons about it, 4 years later. And they'll continue to. Especially the mother that found him like that.

Theres nothing easy about it.

LegacyUser

Guilt. Absolute heartbreaking, gut wrenching, awful guilt is what I felt. If she had known how much she was hurting us left behind would she have done it? Probably, because she was ill.

I think often people dont realise that most often when this happens its because are ill. I never blamed her or was angry with her. Just missed her dreadfully. And still do.

kdak

well thank god nobody close to me has but a local girl i knew, the same age as me with a young child, did and it got to me loads, and i only knew her to say hi so i can only imagine how it affects people who were close to the person.

LegacyUser

My cousin when I was 13, didn't know her that well but it really got to me bad. Seeing the grief and hurt that she left behind has probably saved me from doing the same with the tough times I've had in recent years.

Loopy

My mum commited suicide 12 years ago and it tore my family apart.. I dont hold any anger or guilt (anymore) and respect her for doing what she had to do. I can say this now after years of counselling.

Anyone who says suicide is a cowards way out is a moron.

Minxie123

LZ5by5 wrote: »

How does it affect you? You feel like a failure as a friend and angry that someone could do something like that when they have so much to live for. That's all I can really say about it, guilt and anger.

Perfectly put.

Aurora Borealis

I lost a very dear friend to it just under two weeks ago and I still can't articulate or process how I'm feeling. Everything just feels flat and as someone else posted previously I have this overwhelming feeling of having failed as a friend. I was one of her close friends and she would, over the course of our friendship, often speak to me about personal things and yet I remain today absolutely clueless as to why and can't seem to think about much else for any sustainable amount of time and the times I do think about other things I feel guilty for.

PurpleBerry

All I can say on such an emotive issue is "yes" I know someone who suceeded in their attempt and I also know someone who did not suceed. So I maybe have a rounded view (that I sometimes wish I didn't have.)

EDIT:
I do feel though, to all the people here who know a friend who has passed on through their own choice, that your friend does not blame you. I say this because the person who I know who attempted to end their life (but mercifully failed) does not blame anyone else. I hope this helps. When someone wants to end their life they generally do not blame others, they see their problems as all their own. This is just from my experience though.

LegacyUser

limerickgirl67 wrote: »

Have you ever lost anyone close to you to suicide?

Do you know anyone that committed suicide recently?

If so,how did it affect you?

I'm a guy and of my cousins committed suicide back in 2005, and four years later it still hurts, but time is a healer to a certain extent.

Funnily enough, 2005 was i year i'd probably like to forget, my 'annus horribilis'...as before my cousin committed suicide, i had a bad medical problem which resulted in an operation later that year, also i wasn't concentrating at work which almost resulted in me nearly losing my job, so to hear of my cousins suicide happening at the same time was a mega low point.

I did go out for a few drinks with friends just after it happened, but it was a bad idea as i broke down in front of close friends in the pub with a few scoops on board, decided to lock myself in the cubicle in the toliets, with friends eventually coaxing me out. I think alcohol does make things a hell of a lot worse, as my friends were stunned to see me break down.

My father was a great help to me back in 2005, and i remember in early 2006 when my helath was sorted etc...my father saying to me that a year like that would probably make me become a better person, of course losing my cousin was distressing...but now after the passage of time, i've become a better person.

I do notice that i'm doing very well at work now, and also i've gotten a much better sense of humour and i love going out with friends or work colleagues etc. I do think that when stuff like that happens, it does toughen you up to a certain degree.

allandanyways

A childhood friend who I remained friendly with after we finished primary school hung himself 3 years ago.

According to the note he left and a diary that was found afterwards, he thought he was gay and "knew" his father would disown him if he ever found out. He died on a Monday morning before school, I saw the ambulance leave his house and got a call at lunchtime from my mam saying that he was dead.

I don't think I can ever recall being so confused and upset and, as other posters have said, full of regret that he had never shared any of these feelings and confusions that could have prevented him from doing what he did. I was so angry with him for doing it and leaving behind 4 adoring younger brothers and sisters and reducing his mam to a shadow of the person she used to be.

It's even hard sometimes for me to remember the good times that we had when we were younger because all I can think about is how happy he seemed the last time I saw him (about a month before he died) and how he had so many plans for the future. His little sister still hangs around with my sister and the whole family have been affected so badly. His mam has developed severe depression and her mother had to move in to help look after the family, and his father has gone completley off the wall, he's a completely different person to who he used to be, apparently he has schizophrenia now.

I miss my friend so much, but if in an alternate reality he were to come back, I don't know how I'd feel because I'm still so very angry at him for leaving everyone behind. It's an anger-guilt sort of thing and it can be very hard to deal with.

If you have lost someone OP, I would strongly suggest bereavement counselling. Even if the person leaves behind a note, it is so hard to deal with the fact that they died of their own choice, that they wanted to be dead plus the fact that they have gone, it is very, very hard to go through dealing with that on your own. My heart goes out to you

LegacyUser

I found my sister hanging last year. Family is completely shattered, have lost nearly all of my friends. Not great experience to be honest.

amybabes

lost my cousin, who was as close as a brother as we were reared on the same road all of our lives, in 2005.
came as a complete shock, as had no indication that he was depressed. will never forget the day as long as i left.

i somehow floated through the few days, removal, burial etc. and as it was 4 weeks before my leaving cert, focused all my attention on getting through exams, getting my results, getting to college......

then i got to college, and it hit me. and i can honestly say that i have never been the same person as before it happened. it is the most devastating thing that can happen to any family, any death is hard to deal with but losing someone through suicide is the worst.

I would urge anyone reading this who may be thinking about it....please don't do it. because u will also be killing everyone that loves you in a way.
sometimes i feel like i will never truly be happy again....and that was the legacy of losing my cousin

kitty_dillon1@h

my brother commit suicide when he was 19 17 years ago,i was 9,I'm nearly 26 now.
it really did rip my family apart.my parents separated a few years later,they were having problems anyway before it though.it killed my mother because he did it in a house up the road from ours where he was painting.his friend that owned the house had a shotgun,my mother hates that friend now but if he hadn't found the gun i think he would have found another way.
he left a note saying it was because he didn't have a job and other things.we never found out what those other things were. he obviously thought it was the best answer for him and id like to think he's happier now.
I've found myself not mentioning him over the years when asked if i have any brothers because if i have to explain it makes people uncomfortable.theres so much stigma attached to suicide. i always regret not mentioning him.
eventually after all these years my mother can talk about him without crying

LegacyUser

just my experience:

there are most of the same feelings associated with losing someone close to you. for me it was my dad when i was 16. so all those feelings like... you'll never see them again or have them at your graduation or your wedding or get to know when you're older when you can appreciate them more, and there's everything left unsaid that you wished you'd told them. and you just miss them being around and being there ... there's all of that but the difference when it's suicide is the shock of the death. Its ... just unbelievable, i really cant bear to remember it. there's also so much bitterness and anger and guilt because you still will never really know why, or how absolutely awful things must have been for him to want to die and leave behind a wife and kids, and you'll also feel like you weren't good enough or he didn't love you enough to even stay alive to see you get older. you'll ALWAYS wonder if you'd known or found out before it was too late, you might have been able to convince him to get the help he needed and things would have been different. it's almost impossible (i say almost- i think it IS impossible but i dunno, maybe i just need more time) to actually get closure, because everything is so sudden and final, and you never get to ask 'why' - even a note doesnt begin to answer it for you. it changes you and your family and your life for good; that's the one thing i'm certain about. whether it's for better or for worse depends on how you come through it, i suppose.

it's such a waste, though. I like to think that while i don't and never will understand why he killed himself, i have to believe that he loved us and thought what he was doing was best for him. it makes me so sad to think about him being in that much pain to feel suicide was the only option, and in that sense, i think he must be happier now. but then it comes and goes in waves, because i can't think about the pain my mother went through the last few years without feeling so angry about it, and then it's back to feeling guilty because I should have been a better daughter, or I should have at least spent more time with him so i wouldn't be 21 and learning things about my dad that i should have been able to ask him myself. you're just left with so many regrets.

LegacyUser

It is a horrible loss. For all the posters I send you my good thoughts. For the poster who found their sibling hanging, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry that you have lost friends, you need to find sympathetic ears, and there are lots, including us here.
I lost my brother to suicide 3 years ago. It is an un fillable void. A question with no answers.

LegacyUser

lost my dad 12 years ago when I was 9 and my sister was 11.
my parents were seperated so I didnt see him often and cant rember the last time i saw him , if i saw him that christmas just before or what he got me for christmas ( would have liked to keep it).

I denied it for years, just like it didnt register! hit me in the last few years though when I finally accepted it , the biggest thing for me is the feeling of not being good enough for him not to have done it! I know now it wasnt my fault or anything to do with me really , but still that feeling of not being good enough creeps up constantly in my work and personal life, after counselling though i can identify these feelings making me over react about situations and can kind of pull myself out of it thankfully!

it's definately an experience i wouldnt wish anyone to go through but i believe that all things make us stronger in the end !

Loomis

Just today I passed a friend on the street whose brother killed himself a couple of months ago.
The friend was one of the first people I met when I moved house and we were friends all up through school, known him 15 years in all. I knew the family as his father taught me for a few years in secondary school. I spoke to his brother maybe a handful of times when we were very young but when I heard what happened I still felt strange. It's the best way I can describe it; just strange. Definitely never felt anything like it before or since.
In the church at his funeral there was again a strange atmosphere. I've been to funerals before, some for family members, but this was different. Knowing his death was from suicide made it different.
For a few weeks after it I thought a lot about it, trying to get my head around it, how it would effect a friend and family I know. Despite being in his 20's and only a couple of years younger than me everytime I picture him I automatically see him as the 7 year old younger brother of my friend with his floppy hair cut and how far removed that image is from the man he became and how he declined.
It's a very strange experience and I can't begin to imagine how it feels being a family member.

RTE are running a series called I See a Darkness which deals with families effected by suicide. Difficult programme to watch but it may give you some answers you're looking for.

Blue196

I lost a very close friend to suicide a few years ago now but sometimes it pains as much as if it was just last week. It has changed me forever. Because we were so close I know the path that led him to do what he did and sometimes that helps me, I know the pain and hopelessness that he felt. But knowing that didn't change the eventual route he took. So many people couldn't understand why he chose to die, to many he was outgoing, sociable and content. But he told me that he felt like a duck, on the surface floating along peacefully, but under the water the little feet are paddling away like mad to create this smooth surface.
He was tired, he'd struggled for so many years to find a way through life, taken medication, saw all the medical professionals but in the end he just couldn't go on any longer.
It really upset me that at his funeral mass the priest said that he was unable to see how much his family loved him. I know that up to the last time I spoke to him, about an hour before his death, he cared for and loved his family and knew they felt the same. But some obstacles in life are just too big to overcome!
Even writing this now is upsetting me, I miss his kindness and friendship so much and I hope he's found a better place.

O.o

I have helped stop 2 people from killing themselves, by talking them, 1 to 1, through it, kinda psychologist of me, I tried and really, they're so much happier now.

A boy in my school commited suicide, he was a dancer and was made fun of for it, bullying and such, very uncool, it's just the drastic tragedy, it's not enough to stop some people from mockery. I never really knew the boy either, terrible that some people can drive someone to that. However, we didn't know what was going on in his mind, just, bullying seems like something that may have pushed him.

Very sad indeed.

John Mason

6 people i went to school with have killed themselves.

it started when we were sixteen, every few months there would another one

one guy in particular, i think about, 35th birthday is coming up next month

andyman

Its a very, very touchy subject for me.

Two of my friends (one of which I was very close to) committed suicide in the space of a year and a half. The first bloke I wasn't as close to but I spoke to him a good bit and had a few heart-to-hearts with. Although he was as popular with students and teachers in school, his home life wasn't the best, and it was one bad day in school that got him in a lot of trouble that triggered it off. He was gone before his parents found out because he seemed sure that they would beat him senseless. He wanted out. He got out.

I was absolutely devestated because he had told me about this terrible home life he had and I was oblivious as to how bad it was. Like I said, I wasn't that close to him but he was so comfortable telling me all of this.

The second one I didn't see coming at all. Especially since my mate was one of the happiest lads around. Although it wasn't until it happened that he'd been trying to get out for a while. I'd occasionally see him with plasters on his neck but, once again, I thought nothing of it. I thought they were hickies from his girlfriend, myself. To this day we don't know why it happened but he was acting very strange on his last day. When we were in town and he got a phone call from someone he kept going into the nearest alley way and started arguing with that person. He never told us who it was so, again, we thought little of it.

When I found out the next morning I couldn't believe it. I ran straight to his house just to make sure it wasn't someone playing a sick joke (I had heard it from someone I didn't exactly get along with) and everyone was there in the floods. We went to see him in the morgue later on and I actually had to leave just so I could get sick. It was a horrible sight and one that's been with me ever since it happened more than a year and a half ago.

LegacyUser

I just want to actually show my appreciation for some of the things written here. I have considered suicide a few times, but reading some of the stories here of how it has affected people had made me thankfull I didn't.

Crumble Froo

*deletes long post*

yes. more than one person.

it sucks. and ill always blame myself to some degree. how high a degree depends on how honest im being with myself at the time. but i carry with me the fact that i did leave her when i knew she needed me. i miss her, and live with that fact every day.

dee8839

I've lost a friend to it. He was 16. He was popular and seemed confident, and to this day I'm convinced it was a moment of desperation which he never meant to let go so far. I still think of him all the time. He'd be almost 22 now.

I have contemplated it myself an awful lot. Often I'd think about how much better it would be if it had been me gone instead of my friend, because so many people loved him. But at the end of the day you just have to go on, if not for yourself, then for the love of those you would leave to bear the grief if you were gone.

At the moment, my best friends younger brother is very sick with depression. He is only 18. It is killing his family to see him go through this. I only hope he can make a full recovery. No-one deserves to lose someone in that way.

I have so much I could say. But instead, I'll just say, R.I.P. Kevin.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I just want to actually show my appreciation for some of the things written here. I have considered suicide a few times, but reading some of the stories here of how it has affected people had made me thankfull I didn't.

Same with me. Ive thought about suicide very regularly recently. In the last couple of years Ive never actually come close to doing it but reading the things in this thread has made me realise that it just isnt an option. Until there is nobody close enough to me to be affected in the way all you have been i dont think I could ever go through with it.

Thanks for sharing

mardybum

My younger brother attempted suicide last year. Even the attempt is ... too big to think about, its seems like this obscene appalling thing that's just too big to understand or work through. Luckily at the last minute his survival instincts i guess, kicked in and he started fighting back.

He says now that not a day goes by that he isn't so greatful and relieved that he didn't kill himself.

Also, it's really supportive to see all these people who've bee touched, or hit by suicide... I kinda thought it was just me.

All my thoughts are with posters who've had to deal with this.

muboop1

Hey,

I lost my best friend 3 years ago to suicide. Was with him earlier in th night he done it.

We never knew he had a problem, to the outside world he was perfectly happy and content with his life, until one night he was found...

I happened to also be best friends with the brother(year and half between them)

I'v never seen anything destroy a family like that. They moved house, after that night they never slept there again. I saw his mother collapse as the grave was lowered in grief and not able to get back up. Those who knew him were never the same again after.

The whole community was in shock. Tears are an understatement.

It damaged so many people, he was one of the brightest people i ever knew, and put a smile on everyone around him.

It happens to the best, and it personally destroyed me to the point where i started to stop going to school, started drinking heavily etc...

I couldnt deal with it, but i was far from the worst of just the mates.

It done terrible things, and i cant ever forget it, it has impacted my life so much and changed everything.

Why didnt he speak out...

I hate him and love him.

But i will never forgive him. I understand depression etc, but there is never an excuse.

The pain doesnt go away with suicide, it multiplies exponentially. It hurts all those who knew, it ruins lives and leads others to depression. It is the ultimate selfish act.

amybabes

just to go back on my previous post,
my cousin was depressed at the time he killed himself, had been hospitalised for a few weeks in john of gods in dublin, and my mam knew about it, my uncle (his dad) had told his brothers n sisters,
i never thought anything strange of the fact that he had moved home and given up his job, never picked up on d fact that he was so down, remember the last christmas we had together we ended up havin a house warming as my family moved into our new house, and all d cousins were down, and i was only 17 at d time, and had been quite sick so when the cousins who were old enough all headed to d local, i couldnt go so he stayed on wit me, n i never picked up on that. also he bought myself&my brothers and sisters xmas presents that year, first time ever....looking back i think he was giving us something to have, that he had given us, and was planning it. but these things at d time went over my head.
my last memory of my cousin, is easter sunday night....i had just turned 18 and was in d middle of getting ready to go out, i ran into the kitchen bugging my mam for a life to town, coz all my friends were out already, barely acknowledged him sitting in my kitchen...hi/bye type of thing, as i was anxious to get out to the pub....didnt stop to chat, nothing.....and 2 days later he hung himself.
his mam found him hanging in the garage when she was going out to the freezer to get something out for the dinner, he had come home from work on his lunch break and done it.
in the aftermath, a few weeks later when the initial shock subsided, i really started to feel so guilty, why hadnt i known/picked up that he was feeling so so low. then angry...not at him, never at him which might surprise some people...but at my mam, for keeping it from me. that maybe if id known that i wouldve beena bit more considerate...i will keep the memory of my last time seeing him with me forever, that i barely gave him the time of day, and ill never quite get over that. but he had asked my mam not to tell any of us, maybe he felt ashamed for how he was feeling. but depression is an illness, like cancer or anything else, but it has a stigma attached and thats not right.

I honestly believe that it has affected every part of my life in the last 4 years, i now know that i am depressed myself, and suspect other people in my family are too. but nobody dares to breathe a word about it...i have felt like breaking down on my mams shoulder so many times, but i bottle it in...i think everyone trys to be strong for everyone elses sake, i also know that if my mam knew exactly how i felt inside she would live with a fear that one day i would do the same........but i can safely say that i never will, id never be able 2 put them through it. luckily i have an amazing bf whos never experienced death/tragedy and keeps me sane and brings me out of my sadness.

Sorry for being so honest everyone, for the unregistered poster who said after reading some of the comments here has changed his/her mind about suicide, i thank god that a family and group of friends have been spared the misery that we continue to live with.
i have started to do some work with the charity Console, who are a suicide prevention charity in the last year....fundraising/spreading awareness etc. and i feel that is very therapeutic, i havent availed of the counselling service myself yet but i think that i will sometime in the future. would highly recommend it to others who have lost someone to charity

stovelid

Know three personally. My brother-in-law, a cousin and my old flatmate. All male and aged between 30-42.

The overwhelming sadness is bad enough, but the worst thing is the sense of wasted life, or more so the thought that they could still be here had they wanted to be or just been able to turn a small corner.

*Penbo*

It has always been at the back of my mind for the last couple of years.. Still is.. Anytime things get tough it is always like 'i could just end this now' .....

sorry to hear some of those stories.. but i dont think anyone should ever blame themselves for somebody commiting suicide.....

LegacyUser

feel like ****, surrounded outnumbered no surrender. one day at a time