My dad's cheating on my mum with prostitutes.

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago I clicked on 'most visited websites' in our family computer's history. I saw that a few escort sites came up which were based in Ireland. I got a huge shock as I have no brothers and knew it had to be my dad who is always online. ****ing idiot can't even manage to delete the history. However, I knew that going on the sites doesn't mean you're definitely using the services. I told my sister and she was really freaked out but said the same, that he would never actually use a prostitute.

Last night I was studying and heard him making a good few phonecalls which sounded strangely brief. So I listened on the other line to one and heard him talking to a foreign person, asking her when she was leaving Ireland and when she would be available. I can't believe this. I don't want to tell my mum but at the same time I'm disgusted that she thinks he's such a great husband. They actually do have a good relationship, he's a really good dad to us, brilliant help with schoolwork, really generous etc. It hasn't even sunk in properly. I can't even look at him now. He goes away for weekends quite often too so I know that this is a definite.:(

What should I do? Should I tell him? (I really don't want to but why should be get away with this ****?)

LegacyUser

keep out of it. it has nothing, repeat, NOTHING, to do with you. seriously. it's between your mum and your dad.

Cormb

Hi OP

You're caught in a very unfortunate situation.
Maybe chat to him (a bit of gentle "digging") to see if he opens up and discusses it with you - at least if he owns up to it it might be (somewhat) easier to deal with it.

If that doesn't work maybe ask him directly why there was so many visits to escort sites - tell him you're worried about it.

Depending on his reason for doing it, counselling might be worth a thought.

Such behaviour can wreck havoc on a family and getting it sorted out would be a priority.

The_Conductor

As horrible as his behaviour is- keep in mind that his relationship with your mother is between he and your mother, and it is not your place to get involved. It might be an idea to drop rather broad hints to him that he has not deleted the history on his computer- but I would not admit that I had listened into phone calls, if I were you.

I can only imagine how you feel- but it really is not your problem, nor is it your business to try to 'solve' it. You will not get any thanks if you bring it up- the expression 'shooting the messenger' was invented for a reason....... Drop broad hints to him by all means- but that is as far as I would go if I were you.

seamus

Unregistered wrote: »

he's a really good dad to us, brilliant help with schoolwork, really generous etc.

Although it's hard now, try to remember that this hasn't changed. He's not suddenly a "bad person" because you've found this out. He is still the Father to you and your siblings that he's always been.

However, obviously what you thought the relationship between himself and your mother was, has changed.

I would largely agree with the other posters. Tread carefully. Do NOT approach your mother with it. For all you know, they may actually have some form of agreement about this and/or she knows all about it and tolerates it. Running to her with it may cause a lot more problems than saying nothing to her.

However, you don't have to be burdened with it. I don't know how old you are, but I would suggest not having it directly out with your father, but suggesting to him in private re: deleting the history on the computer. At that point he may come clean to you.

crotalus667

Op I feel for you I really do , but your mother has a right to know that the man she is sleeping with is involved with (and is considered himself a) high sti risk individuals. If it was me I would let her know myself and bypass him , then let her deal with confronting him if that’s what she wants (there is also the possibility that she already knows)

Oh The Humanity

I can't even look at him now. He goes away for weekends quite often too so I know that this is a definite.

Where does he say he is going?

Does your mother question him?

Is it possible your Mother already knows and doesn't care?

Kintarō Hattori

crotalus667 wrote: »

Op I feel for you I really do , but your mother has a right to know that the man she is sleeping with is involved with (and is considered himself a) high sti risk individuals. If it was me I would let her know myself and bypass him , then let her deal with confronting him if that’s what she wants (there is also the possibility that she already knows)

Do not follow this advice OP it can only lead to trouble. As has been said by posters above such as seamus and smccarrick drop hints to your father and see where that goes. You don't know what agreements are in place and as has already been said just throwing it out there at your mother could lead to all sorts of hassle.

Drops hints, see how that goes and maybe then mention it to your father.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

How upsetting for you and your sister to find this out,

Your mother might know more than you realize,


All in all, your dad has a problem with wanting more sex in his life, i found out my dad was a pedophile and it was so shocking and devastating i actually cannot have a relationship with him,

I think this is something your family can work through and recover from, it doesnt really matter how it comes out i think your dad will be expecting to get caught at some stage,


If it was me i would tell my mum with my sister and work through it as a family, being compassionate to your dad and telling him to get help and restore the family.

You will be doing him a favour by stopping the lies goping on in your home, you might like to speak to a therapist for further guidance,

Good luck xx

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Where does he say he is going?

Does your mother question him?

Is it possible your Mother already knows and doesn't care?

We have another house, and she goes the odd time aswell. He has a few friends there and generally likes being alone anyway so it doesn't seem that odd. I never thought it was until I found out this.

My mum definitely would not be ok with it, I'm sure of that.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote: »

Although it's hard now, try to remember that this hasn't changed. He's not suddenly a "bad person" because you've found this out. He is still the Father to you and your siblings that he's always been.

However, obviously what you thought the relationship between himself and your mother was, has changed.

I would largely agree with the other posters. Tread carefully. Do NOT approach your mother with it. For all you know, they may actually have some form of agreement about this and/or she knows all about it and tolerates it. Running to her with it may cause a lot more problems than saying nothing to her.

However, you don't have to be burdened with it. I don't know how old you are, but I would suggest not having it directly out with your father, but suggesting to him in private re: deleting the history on the computer. At that point he may come clean to you.

It feels like it's all built on lies though. He has this perfect image, everyone thinks he is great. The girls on the site looked only barely older than myself and my friends. (I'm 18 btw) He is nearly 60. It's just sickening and wrong on so many levels.

I won't approach my mum, no. But there is no way she would agree to it.

I don't think he will even know that I've deleted the history? He seems to think the only form of history on a computer is the little google toolbar thing. What about blocking the site?

It's so hard not to let it burden me. I'm barely talking to him.

dudara

Just be sure that you're not adding 2 and 2 and getting 6.

You haven't caught him in flagrante delicto yet. I would be cautious about raising this issue with anyone until you know the details.

Additionally, I would state that your parents have a right to their own lives, outside their relationship with you, their child. I've seen a lot of posters come here over the years with a similar issue and lots of them find it very hard to accept their parent's sexuality and sexual desires.

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

Just be sure that you're not adding 2 and 2 and getting 6.

You haven't caught him in flagrante delicto yet. I would be cautious about raising this issue with anyone until you know the details.

Well I really do think I know all the details. The history has escort sites from our exact area, he goes away for weekends alone, I heard him on the phone arranging to meet a foreign woman who said she will be moving to her next location in 2 weeks.

Placebo

How exactly is it not his business? SERIOUSLY ! ridiculous
you need to talk to your dad, dont tell you mother. Tell him to deal with it.

Corkfeen

He might just be looking at the sites out of curiosity. I've came across those sites before but don't hire hookers. Phonecalls could be variety of things. But I myself wouldn't get involved tbh, if I was in same situation.

LegacyUser

Placebo wrote: »

How exactly is it not his business? SERIOUSLY ! ridiculous
you need to talk to your dad, dont tell you mother. Tell him to deal with it.

I'm a girl lol.

But ya, I really don't understand how it could not be my business.

To dudara,I have no problem accepting that my parents have desires. Them having sex with eachother is not an issue. I have a problem accepting that he is having sex with a prostitute, I have a problem that he is cheating, and that he is exposing himself to the risk of STIs while he's at it.

herya

dudara wrote: »

Additionally, I would state that your parents have a right to their own lives, outside their relationship with you, their child. I've seen a lot of posters come here over the years with a similar issue and lots of them find it very hard to accept their parent's sexuality and sexual desires.

But the OP has two parents, it's not like his/her single dad is having fun with escorts.

turgon

I think a lot depends on your relationship with your dad.

For example if I was in your situation I would probably do nothing. However if I found a friend of mine was cheating on his girlfriend/wife I would probably start a dialog to try and help out.

The other posters are right that it might not be any of your buisness. It depends on your motivation. Are you thinking of approaching him because your genuinely concerned about your Mother, or is it just because your sickened because its your dad? It kind of sounds like the latter OP. Whadaya think?

LegacyUser

Going back a few years now but I used to call up escorts as I found it thrilling..... never met up with one.

Might that be the case with your dad?

Just a thought.

dudara

Unregistered wrote: »

To dudara,I have no problem accepting that my parents have desires. Them having sex with eachother is not an issue. I have a problem accepting that he is having sex with a prostitute, I have a problem that he is cheating, and that he is exposing himself to the risk of STIs while he's at it.

Again, I have to advise you that you don't know for certain that he is sleeping with other women. As other male posters have said, men often look around without ever doing anything. There is a good chance that you are right, but don't fully assume it just yet.

Best of luck with whatever happens.

LegacyUser

Placebo wrote: »

How exactly is it not his business? SERIOUSLY ! ridiculous
you need to talk to your dad, dont tell you mother. Tell him to deal with it.

I agree.
Stupidest comment Ive ever read on boards... thats its none of the op's business.
OF COURSE IT IS!!!

preilly79

Unregistered wrote: »

...He goes away for weekends quite often too so I know that this is a definite.:(

you know very little, and are assuming a lot.

Unregistered wrote: »

What should I do?

nothing, he's a grown man and can make his own decisions.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If he's having sex with your mother and he's def sleeping with escorts he's putting her at serious risk of diseses that condoms don't fully protect against, namely genital warts and genital herpes. Also the virus that causes cervical cancer.

I think you should confront him, perhaps tell her he's looking at these sites and let her confront him. These aren't nice infections.

OP, you sound very mature about the whole thing... but one very important thing to remember is that he isn't emotionally involved with these prostitutes. this isn't the same as a typical office affair.. he very likely still loves your mother but needs this sexual kick outside of their relationship.

i've nothing else to add except that and i'm not sure how you should deal with it but i do think it's an important point to remember.

herya

Deleted User wrote: »

OP, you sound very mature about the whole thing... but one very important thing to remember is that he isn't emotionally involved with these prostitutes. this isn't the same as a typical office affair.. he very likely still loves your mother but needs this sexual kick outside of their relationship.

That's a whole load of assumptions... We know nothing of his reasons and whom he's involved with or not.

OP I would go and talk to your father.

LegacyUser

How would your mother feel if she finds out you know and didn`t tell her? How would you feel? Would you want to know? chances are your alot like your mum so think about how you`d react and what you`d want.

Prostitution is not some victimless crime, it is wrong. A lot of the women are like you and me and forced into the sex trade lured here by agencies with the promise of a brighter future. If he was sleeping with someone who was volunterily sleeping with him I would be thinking about this another way but if it was my dad - i`d shop him tbh.

zxcvbnm1

Unregistered wrote: »

keep out of it. it has nothing, repeat, NOTHING, to do with you. seriously. it's between your mum and your dad.

Sorry - i just had to rspond to this.

Probably one of themore stupid comments i have ever read.

A father is out shagging prostitutes and its got nothing to do with the children?

Ya right - whatever.

What iknd of notional bull**** is that?

LegacyUser

I think you have to tell your mother or at least confront your dad. He is putting your mother at serious risk of getting an sti. Thats just wrong

LegacyUser

preilly79 wrote: »

you know very little, and are assuming a lot.

nothing, he's a grown man and can make his own decisions.

That would be just fine if he was a grown single man.

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

But ya, I really don't understand how it could not be my business.

To dudara,I have no problem accepting that my parents have desires. Them having sex with eachother is not an issue. I have a problem accepting that he is having sex with a prostitute, I have a problem that he is cheating, and that he is exposing himself to the risk of STIs while he's at it.

Someone elses relationship (even your parents), is not your business. Its not your responsibiliy to impose morals on anyone else. I understand that this is a difficult situation for you but it really is not your place to get involved.

You may have a problem that he is cheating, but he is not cheating on you - he is cheating on your mother. Its their relationship - not yours, his relationship with you as a father is unchanged.

You dont know for definite that anything is happening, you have some circumstantial evidence, but unless caught in the act it could all be smoke in the breeze. You have no idea if he is exposing himself to STIs either, if he is indeed hooking up with escorts then the nature of the transaction may be beyond what you are assuming and not something that would carry the possibility of contracting an STI.

However - this is a terrible burden for you to carry and given that, I would advise you to talk to a professional about it. I dont know what age you are, but could you speak to a counseller about this? (Is there one in school or one you could be referred to?).
Im not suggesting that there is something 'wrong' with you to speak to a counseller, but it may be helpful to you to speak to a professional to work through your emotions on this difficult subject before you decide to speak to a family member about it.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

Someone elses relationship (even your parents), is not your business. Its not your responsibiliy to impose morals on anyone else. I understand that this is a difficult situation for you but it really is not your place to get involved.

You may have a problem that he is cheating, but he is not cheating on you - he is cheating on your mother. Its their relationship - not yours, his relationship with you as a father is unchanged.

You dont know for definite that anything is happening, you have some circumstantial evidence, but unless caught in the act it could all be smoke in the breeze. You have no idea if he is exposing himself to STIs either, if he is indeed hooking up with escorts then the nature of the transaction may be beyond what you are assuming and not something that would carry the possibility of contracting an STI.

However - this is a terrible burden for you to carry and given that, I would advise you to talk to a professional about it. I dont know what age you are, but could you speak to a counseller about this? (Is there one in school or one you could be referred to?).
Im not suggesting that there is something 'wrong' with you to speak to a counseller, but it may be helpful to you to speak to a professional to work through your emotions on this difficult subject before you decide to speak to a family member about it.

I totally disagree with this he is betraying the whole family, the truth has to come out and it doesnt really matter how it comes out, Everyone against the OP seem to be treating her like she is some stranger, it is a problem within the family and the two daughters feel strongly he did it, if they are mistaken so what they are concerned, it is better to risk being wrong than to carry on living with this hanging over the whole family, Get it all out in the open, the daughter know now its time for the father to fess up and put it right.


I would tell you mum OP and maybe do some family therapy, I could never live in a house and ignore a problem like this,

What about your relationship with your father if you have this hanging over you, of course this effects you and your sister, it is unfair of people to tell you to stay out of it, i really feel you should tell your mother.

Terodil

username123 wrote: »

You dont know for definite that anything is happening, you have some circumstantial evidence, but unless caught in the act it could all be smoke in the breeze. You have no idea if he is exposing himself to STIs either, if he is indeed hooking up with escorts then the nature of the transaction may be beyond what you are assuming and not something that would carry the possibility of contracting an STI.

This. +1M.

There are loads of assumptions flying around here that may fit together but might just as well mean something totally different.

Let me list a few:

• You found escort websites in the browser and assume that your father was on them to use their services. NOT a given! It could be that he's 'just looking' (which is an issue as well but far far away from the issue you're making out of this).
• You heard him talk to somebody on the phone, inquiring about the possibility to meet up, and assume that it's related to the escort websites. NOT a given! It could have been an old friend who was passing through the area.
• You link the two and assume that he is trying to hook up for sex. NOT a given! Even if it was somebody from an escort service it can be that he feels lonely (for whatever reason) and wants to talk. Not all escorts are necessarily sexual in nature.

There are sooo many assumptions that you are making... just imagine if you told your mum and they all turned out to be wrong!! You would be destroying their lives, very probably.

I think it is indefensible to do such a thing without giving him the chance to explain. If you really feel you need to get involved, present him with what you have SEEN and HEARD (not what you think), and ask him to explain. Just between you two. Do not, I repeat, do not involve your mum or sister in this. You would never be able to forgive yourself (I hope!) if your accusations turned out to be wrong. The thing is, with such accusations, they never go away completely even if proven wrong. A little bit will always stick. You'll damage their relationship forever if you go ahead and tell anybody.

Now if he admits to your suspicions, it's something else entirely. But cross that bridge when you get to it, at the moment you're jumping over a continent here.

LegacyUser

Terodil wrote: »

This. +1M.

There are loads of assumptions flying around here that may fit together but might just as well mean something totally different.

Let me list a few:

• You found escort websites in the browser and assume that your father was on them to use their services. NOT a given! It could be that he's 'just looking' (which is an issue as well but far far away from the issue you're making out of this).
• You heard him talk to somebody on the phone, inquiring about the possibility to meet up, and assume that it's related to the escort websites. NOT a given! It could have been an old friend who was passing through the area.
• You link the two and assume that he is trying to hook up for sex. NOT a given! Even if it was somebody from an escort service it can be that he feels lonely (for whatever reason) and wants to talk. Not all escorts are necessarily sexual in nature.

There are sooo many assumptions that you are making... just imagine if you told your mum and they all turned out to be wrong!! You would be destroying their lives, very probably.

I think it is indefensible to do such a thing without giving him the chance to explain. If you really feel you need to get involved, present him with what you have SEEN and HEARD (not what you think), and ask him to explain. Just between you two. Do not, I repeat, do not involve your mum or sister in this. You would never be able to forgive yourself (I hope!) if your accusations turned out to be wrong. The thing is, with such accusations, they never go away completely even if proven wrong. A little bit will always stick. You'll damage their relationship forever if you go ahead and tell anybody.

Now if he admits to your suspicions, it's something else entirely. But cross that bridge when you get to it, at the moment you're jumping over a continent here.

Well I said when I first saw them on the internet I was sure enough that he was only looking. It was when I heard him making several phonecalls and heard one of the conversations word for word that I thought he was using the services. After all those phonecalls he made, (which were made conviently when my mum was gone out) he went away that weekend, alone.

I doubt he's that lonely, as I said him and my mum do talk a lot, he has friends both in work and outside work. He gets on well with my sister and I. If he's only doing it to talk to someone I wouldn't care that much, but that just seems so unlikely.

Oh and last weekend after he had been away my sister found condoms in his bag. Of course they could be for use with my mum, but he was going on the trip alone so I don't see why he'd need to bring them. My sister wasn't even trying to hunt for evidence or anything, she was only looking for goggles as apparently it's his gym bag. There's a different pack of condoms in his drawer by his bed which are obviously for him and my mum.

I haven't told her about the phonecalls, but I said it the original post that I told her about the websites. I just wanted to make sure that she didn't let friends onto the internet alone or something. (which she didn't) I had to tell someone.

I am not going to tell my mum as. I know that if I tell my dad he'll deny it. I don't see why he would admit to doing that. I'm scared to do it because I know everything will change, but at the same time I just don't think it's acceptable in any way that he is doing this. If I say it, although he'll deny it maybe it will stop him from doing it again.

He's the one damaging our relationship. It wasn't like I was trying to find out anything, he left that history all over the family computer. Even if he wasn't meeting these people(which I thought for a while) I still couldn't look at him in the same way after knowing he visited those sites pretty much every night. And I know that people have desires, and logically that is fine, but emotionally it's not. It may be idealistic but I genuinely thought that he would never truely consider anyone but my mum. My relationship with him is not the same as someone told me. I don't see how anyone else could know that but me. It feels completely different. What I really hate is that those girls literally look my age. He is almost ready to retire. It's just sickening.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

OP, you sound very mature about the whole thing... but one very important thing to remember is that he isn't emotionally involved with these prostitutes. this isn't the same as a typical office affair.. he very likely still loves your mother but needs this sexual kick outside of their relationship.

i've nothing else to add except that and i'm not sure how you should deal with it but i do think it's an important point to remember.

Yeah, I've thought about that alright. Thanks.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

Someone elses relationship (even your parents), is not your business. Its not your responsibiliy to impose morals on anyone else. I understand that this is a difficult situation for you but it really is not your place to get involved.

You may have a problem that he is cheating, but he is not cheating on you - he is cheating on your mother. Its their relationship - not yours, his relationship with you as a father is unchanged.

You dont know for definite that anything is happening, you have some circumstantial evidence, but unless caught in the act it could all be smoke in the breeze. You have no idea if he is exposing himself to STIs either, if he is indeed hooking up with escorts then the nature of the transaction may be beyond what you are assuming and not something that would carry the possibility of contracting an STI.

However - this is a terrible burden for you to carry and given that, I would advise you to talk to a professional about it. I dont know what age you are, but could you speak to a counseller about this? (Is there one in school or one you could be referred to?).
Im not suggesting that there is something 'wrong' with you to speak to a counseller, but it may be helpful to you to speak to a professional to work through your emotions on this difficult subject before you decide to speak to a family member about it.

Do you think that if someone has a father who beats his mother, it has got nothing to do with him and he should keep out of it? Their relationship has a direct influence on me, as it does on every child. I live with them, they support me, as a family we are all very much involved in one anothers 'business' whether we like it or not. You can't compartmentalize and decide that we only are allowed to have an opinion on certain aspects of each others lives. My parents encourage me to be open about my relationships so why should I ignore his?

Overheal

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

A father is out shagging prostitutes and its got nothing to do with the children?

Ya right - whatever.

What iknd of notional bull**** is that?

Well unless the children are snorting coke off the hooker's back!.. it doesnt involve them.

For all you know the parents could be roleplaying and she could be the escort he keeps seeing.

The notional bullsh!t, is that your parent's Sex and Sexuality has nothing to do with you, unless you (god forbid) are directly involved in some inhumane way.

It doesn't nothing to do with their Parenting. Hence it has nothing to do with their Children. Follow?

They actually do have a good relationship, he's a really good dad to us, brilliant help with schoolwork, really generous etc.

For the love of FSM, don't fcuk with the formula. Never in my life have my parents been good at all of those things at the same time. As soon as you try and bring this up - and remember, it could be absolutely nothing - ALL of that will unravel overnight, and what you will be left with is two people who can't stop fighting with eachother over what could very well amount to nothing but suspicion and who can no longer function as parents because they are so wrapped up in themselves.

Much in the same way the world would unravel if the US admitted to the aliens @ Area 51 - some things are better left unsaid. Life goes on.

Xiney

And what if her dad is exposing himself (and consequently her mother) to things like AIDS?

My vote is the mom deserves to know. That, and the burden of keeping this secret should not fall on the children. If they've found something out, they should tell their parents so it can be dealt with.

Mr. Incognito

Does your father interfere in your love life?

stay out of it- none of your business.

Overheal

Xiney wrote: »

And what if her dad is exposing himself (and consequently her mother) to things like AIDS?

Thats a separate issue tbh. Either way I'm sure the father would not be daft enough not to use protection and im especially sure anyone selling their body would not be daft enough to not insist on that protection and thensome - she doesnt want HIV/AIDS either.

Similarly he could die of liver disease (alcohol) or lung cancer (smoking) and pass it off to her as second hand smoke, but we don't freak about that.

I'm not saying it shouldn't be a concern, but I think this thread is making it out to be a higher probability risk than it likely is.

Xiney wrote: »

My vote is the mom deserves to know. That, and the burden of keeping this secret should not fall on the children. If they've found something out, they should tell their parents so it can be dealt with.

Im going to assume you've never lived in a broken home, or else you'd realize what Burden actually is.

Xiney

Overheal wrote: »

Im going to assume you've never lived in a broken home, or else you'd realize what Burden actually is.

That's a pretty unfair assumption.

herya

Overheal wrote: »

Thats a separate issue tbh. Either way I'm sure the father would not be daft enough not to use protection and im especially sure anyone selling their body would not be daft enough to not insist on that protection and thensome - she doesn't want HIV/AIDS either.

There are far more common STIs than AIDS and they are passed easily even if protection is used all the time. HPV is just one example.

Overheal wrote: »

Similarly he could die of liver disease (alcohol) or lung cancer (smoking) and pass it off to her as second hand smoke, but we don't freak about that.

You can always leave the room if you see the smoke. With STIs brought home by your husband your first warning are the symptoms. If the father is indeed involved with prostitutes the mother is most likely kept in the dark, as the OP says. Would you prefer the OP to put a lid on things and act all shocked when the mother gets genital warts?

Overheal wrote: »

Im going to assume you've never lived in a broken home, or else you'd realize what Burden actually is.

You're advocating hypocrisy "for the family", or in fact for the sake of father's pleasure which is not his private matter if he's married and having sex with his wife.

BTW I've lived in a "broken home" and I can see no reasons not to talk to her father about her observations. If they are true, it's the father who did the breaking and it's grossly unfair to guilt trip the daughter.

Overheal

Xiney wrote: »

That's a pretty unfair assumption.

Perhaps. But from the broken home perspective I'd be happier to let my parents have their private life than go through the alternative.

herya wrote: »

You're advocating hypocrisy "for the family", or in fact for the sake of father's pleasure which is not his private matter if he's married and having sex with his wife.

Hypocrisy maybe. But not for his pleasure. For family stability. While its inherently an instability and hence a hypocrisy for him to continue seeing escorts, trying to out him or air out this laundry will completely destablilize the family unit.

BTW I've lived in a "broken home" and I can see no reasons not to talk to her father about her observations. If they are true, it's the father who did the breaking and it's grossly unfair to guilt trip the daughter.

Guilt Trip? A Guilt trip is what happens when youre mother tells you not to go visit your dad because "she loves you and she'd miss you and your dad will try and kidnap you and take you away." Thats a Guilt Trip, Ma'am. So far theres been no dialog here hence no guilt tripping of any sort.

If you want to speak with the father be prepared for a guilt trip (keep a secret for papa?). Having said that if we're going to get this hot and bothered fire away. After all you might be able to get through to him quietly to get him to stop this behavior. In the best case he will stop, get tested Clean and that will be the end of it.

Or has been suggested earlier in the thread by others, maybe your mother already knows and they have some form of arrangement (it wouldnt be the first time, say, that I've read PIs here where the Wife loses her sex drive and permits the husband to get it elsewhere). Your dad would be able to tell you for sure wtf is going on.. so yeah, go ahead and ask him first.

herya

Overheal wrote: »

Perhaps. But from the broken home perspective I'd be happier to let my parents have their private life than go through the alternative.

It's not letting them, it's letting him at her expense. If it's true of course.

Merch

Maybe your parents dont have sex anymore? not saying it makes it right or wrong?
I wouldnt say definitely do or dont say, approach it very carefully
Id go the route of bringing up generally with your dad, if he doesn't respond you may have to say you feel it affects you and would like to talk to him about it, maybe he will break down laughing and it all turned out to be a complete missunderstanding or maybe he will refuse to talk to you about it, maybe if he is doing something he will realise what he is doing or think its none of your business.
Perhaps your mother knows but allows it but turns a blind eye, maybe she'd prefer not to know?? whatever you do you'll have the dilema of either hurting your mam by saying something, which I would be against in one way or saying something and hurting her and maybe tearing everone apart, I dont envy you.

I'd go the approaching him route first and see what he says, generally first then more specifically

Overheal

Merch wrote: »

maybe he will break down laughing and it all turned out to be a complete missunderstanding or maybe he will refuse to talk to you about it, maybe if he is doing something he will realise what he is doing or think its none of your business.

That can happen. Its important to let him know exactly like you have in your OP that you are worried about the situation and Why. If you go in guns blazing firing accusation he's more likely to shut down and not talk about it.

LegacyUser

he seems like a good Dad from the way you talk about him, i don't think he should be crucified because of this.As people have said this is to do with your mum and dad, do not tell
your mum.i think even mentioning to your dad about the computer might make things funny.
your dad probably still really loves your mum, but alot of married men do use prosistutes. at the end of the day, if you approach him about it, he can say he won't do it again , but if he really wants to keep doing it he can easily hide it from you.

he did wrong, but sex might be a weakness or slight issue he has(same as 99.9% of the male population), it doesn't mean he is a bad man. you have to think about it, if you out him then,
things are going to change in your family

LegacyUser

if it is a working girl of one of the main irish escort sites , it is highly unlikely that he has an std. most working girls are very clean and practice safe sex

Pete4779

I don't think it's fair to call it horrible; I would definitely agree that as adults, it's a matter between the parents and their own relationship. Yes, they have children, but those children are not part of the parents sexual relationship in any way.

LegacyUser

Pete4779 wrote: »

I don't think it's fair to call it horrible; I would definitely agree that as adults, it's a matter between the parents and their own relationship. Yes, they have children, but those children are not part of the parents sexual relationship in any way.

But it's not a matter between them because my mum doesn't know. I certainly don't want to be a part of it but now I know too much.

gamer

SHE HAS a right to now shes at risk of sti,s, type an anomymous note,post it to her in a sealed envelope,a concerned friend, i believe your husband is going to prostitutes.Otherwise you may get caught up in an argument between them.THERES NO legal brothels in ireland ,so how can any1 say they are clean.SINCE there is no enforced testing,this is not nevada.SOME stis are DEADLY.

Terodil

gamer wrote: »

SHE HAS a right to now shes at risk of sti,s, type an anomymous note,post it to her in a sealed envelope,a concerned friend, i believe your husband is going to prostitutes.Otherwise you may get caught up in an argument between them.THERES NO legal brothes in ireand ,so how can any1 say they are clean.SINCE there is no enforced testing,this is not nevada.SOME stis are DEADLY.

WTF?

Perhaps you are trying to conceal the fact that you haven't read previous replies with your copious use of capslock, but all that the OP has is circumstantial evidence at best. It has not been established that he has been together with escorts, let alone had sex.

Do not be so quick to destroy a relationship on guesses.