How to make it up

LegacyUser

how do I make it up to a loved one ?

went to the pub with a collegue after work yesterday. Sent an sms to gf to say I'll be home in an hour, having a beer.

I came home 4 hours later and she was on msn ignoring me. I wasnt drunk, just a bit tipsy.

Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this.

When she finally spoke to me we had a huge row and things were said by both parties. I feel horrible this morning for upsetting her.

Heineken Helen

Unregistered wrote: »

how do I make it up to a loved one ?

went to the pub with a collegue after work yesterday. Sent an sms to gf to say I'll be home in an hour, having a beer.

I came home 4 hours later and she was on msn ignoring me. I wasnt drunk, just a bit tipsy.

Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this.

When she finally spoke to me we had a huge row and things were said by both parties. I feel horrible this morning for upsetting her.

It's a horrible feeling waking up knowing you've upset somebody but manning up and a simple apology goes a LONG way. She may accept it straight away or she may choose to mull over it but it will soften her up a bit.

I've been in HER situation (and yours) and it feels like he's spending more time with his friends than me or that he feels he can't relax with me. Tell her how stressed you've been and why you've been drinking every night.

puglover

Heineken Helen wrote: »

It's a horrible feeling waking up knowing you've upset somebody but manning up and a simple apology goes a LONG way. She may accept it straight away or she may choose to mull over it but it will soften her up a bit.

I've been in HER situation (and yours) and it feels like he's spending more time with his friends than me or that he feels he can't relax with me. Tell her how stressed you've been and why you've been drinking every night.

+1 I think a the apology should be backed up by a gesture, make her a nice meal, open a bottle of wine and sit down and talk. More importantly this also needs to be backed up by a change in your behaviour.

messygirl

maybe lay off the drink for a week, can you afford to surprise her and take her away for a night or a weekend, just the two of you? going somewhere for a naughty weekend and a little one-on-one time can do wonders to help you destress and relax,

aineolach

+1 for apology and change of behaviour.

Double-plus good for the weekend away - long weekend coming up. I'd say this will also be a nice break in your own routine that will help you recharge.

John Mason

Jaysis, i would be telling your gf to cop on, she doesnt own you.

everyone knows how a few drinks can lead to another few drinks

i wouldnt stand for someone giving out to me for not coming home at a certain time, its not as though you had anything planned

Wibbs

I'm pretty much on the same page as pink fluffy bunny on this one. I would be less rigid maybe, I would apologise just the once for not letting her know I was going to be late(simple manners). I would not go overboard and apologise for staying out beyond my bedtime though. I would not go overboard with weekends away either. Reward her for good behaviour, don't try to bribe her to get you off the hook. That guff tends to steamroll. It can tend to leave you thinking you can always fix bad behaviour afterwards and her thinking that she can make more of things to get that reward. Having a strop over being out late in this instance is the thin end of the wedge in a lot of cases in my humble. As I say, genuinely apologise once for the lack of manners on your part. If she kicks off on one, let her get it out, but don't keep apologising.

tesslab

Wibbs wrote: »

Reward her for good behaviour,

Sit? Give the paw? Have a bonio! :D

Honestly best thing to do is a quick text next time saying you'll be late. Just common courtesy. No need for weekends away to apologise (save those for special occasions) Just tell her you're sorry ya didnt text. Its not the end of the world. Lifes too short to fall out over the little things.
Good luck. :P

LegacyUser

I think if you did this once and apology for not letting her know you would be later home is sufficient.

If you have been doing this regularly I can see why she would be pissed with you.

A weekend away will not solve it. You need to talk to her. Tell her you are sorry for doing it (if it is a repeat performance). She is probably upset that you are going through this stressful time with your mates drinking rather than talking it out with her. I dont think she is sulking I thin kis is hurt but thats just mu opinion

AngryBadger

Gf needs a shake IMO. So you went out and had a few drinks, so what? You're stressed, you need to vent. It's not as if you went on the absolute tear and went missing until the next day with no recollection of what/who you'd done.

She needs to cop on.

messygirl

i think if you are stressed then a weekend away can let troubles melt away, i know you are stressed and need to blow off steam but from a womans point of view she could be feeling left out and like shes not involved, sometimes a weekend away isnt just for special occassions, its a chance for you and your girlfriend to relax and then you can talk after when you are stress free and good thoughts are in head, if she makes you feel bad every time you go out then you may need to address this issue,

seems like ye are just stick in a rut, your stressed and blowing off steam, shes stressed because she doesnt understand what your going through, and any time ye talk its strained because ye are both stressed and upset, there are some great deals on out there at the moment, a little time away from chores and mess where ye put an effort into how you look and appearances and swimming/golfing/spa, reconnect and spend time with and on each other,

karen3212

Unregistered wrote: »

how do I make it up to a loved one ?

Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this.
.

Do you actually want to spend time with said loved one? If you do then I too think a surprise stay away could help or a little planned romance at home.

molloyjh

If it's a regular occurance or you had something planned I can see her point, but if it was a once off she really needs to chill out. I've lost count of the number of times I've told the gf I'd be home after one or two drinks, only to find it turned into one or two o'clock!

And you know what, she's done the same herself. "Oh I'm only going out for one". This is Ireland ffs! As long as your relationship is in good shape overall the odd spontaneous night out shouldn't matter a damn.

As for the weekend away idea, don't do it to say sorry. Do it because you want to get away for a few days just the 2 of you.

John Mason

OP, its not even as though you live with this girl and she had your dinner on the table

this weekend away stuff is nonsense

if you start doing things like this for minor mistakes what are you going to have to do for the big things like running over her cat - diamonds????

Kimia

You sound like a really nice guy OP. Does she usually get annoyed over things like this?

It could be that she's annoyed that you've been drinking every night, and that she's worried.

However if she gets in a nark about small things like this all the time you'll need to have a word.

ManOfMystery

Agree with all above, she needs to chill out a bit - it's not the end of the world.

However, if you texted her once could you not simply have texted her again to say you were staying a bit longer than planned? Only takes 30 seconds and would have saved you a bit of grief.

Heineken Helen

AngryBadger wrote: »

Gf needs a shake IMO. So you went out and had a few drinks, so what? You're stressed, you need to vent. It's not as if you went on the absolute tear and went missing until the next day with no recollection of what/who you'd done.

She needs to cop on.

I dunno... we're only getting half the story. I'm a time freak and HATE when people say they'll come at a certain time but then they have another few drinks and come a couple of hours later. If I get a text to say 'I might be another while... not sure when I'll be there', I'm happy! If the person is just late... well it's pretty rude really. I don't mind it once or twice (I will be in a huff for a few hours maybe) but if it's recurring, it's completely disrespectful. Am I that unimportant that you can just leave me waiting for a few hours? Do you think I've nothing better to do than sit around waiting for you? Should my life revolve around you? That kinda thing!

I'm not uptight... I accept an apology and move on but if it happens all the time, it would be a major issue for me There are some people I've gotten used to, so if they say a certain time, I know they mean an hour later. A simple text can save soooooo much trouble.

SarahSassy

OP, I would say she is sick to the back teeth of your behaviour and one of these nights it could be the last straw...

It doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong by going out but its obviously not what she wants in a relationship. You have total rights to do whatever you want to do but possibly she was looking forward to a night in with you and then you didnt show as you promised. That would frustrate me too but if it was a regular occurance it would really annoy me.

She sounds cool with you being out with your mates and is not trying to control you but she doesnt like your behaviour and maybe, if things dont change, she may have enough and move on.. Just another angle for you to consider.

Make it up to her by not treating her like this again. Spend time with her, talk to her and listen to her cos it would appear she feels a bi neglected.

estar

its only manners to think of texting her to say you will be late.

however

its seriously childish to stop talking to someone. she should have done it properly and got down on the ground and beaten it with her fists.

she could just have said - please be polite, or next time i am going out when you dont come home and im waiting and i wont tell you when im coming back either.

dont use alcohol as a sop to solve your stress. theres nothing wrong with social drinks but drink + stress = mess.

what you need to cope with stress is more self control and organisation not less. its all very well to relax and chat about it. but if you are drinking regulalry to escape you could well be storing up trouble for her.

treats and gestures are lovely in a relationship. sops for bad behaviour arent.
reward her with being thoughtful the next time and cooking dinner and talking about whats going on in your head re work.

but dont respond to tantrums. if someone doesnt talk to me, i leave them to it until they are ready to enter into conversation. i dont do tantrum.

well except in those under 4

*Honey*

To be honest, if I was your GF and you were out EVERY night having beers, I'd be annoyed too. How long as the beers every night been? A few days maybe.... weeks or months nope.

It's a balancing act really... time for you and your friends and time with your GF. If you've made a promise to get home at a certain time, then you should try and keep to it. Or at least explain you'll be late - sitting worrying isn't good.

molloyjh

SarahSassy wrote: »

OP, I would say she is sick to the back teeth of your behaviour and one of these nights it could be the last straw...

It doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong by going out but its obviously not what she wants in a relationship. You have total rights to do whatever you want to do but possibly she was looking forward to a night in with you and then you didnt show as you promised. That would frustrate me too but if it was a regular occurance it would really annoy me.

She sounds cool with you being out with your mates and is not trying to control you but she doesnt like your behaviour and maybe, if things dont change, she may have enough and move on.. Just another angle for you to consider.

Make it up to her by not treating her like this again. Spend time with her, talk to her and listen to her cos it would appear she feels a bi neglected.

What makes you think this wasn't just a once off or irregular occurance?

molloyjh

molloyjh wrote: »

What makes you think this wasn't just a once off or irregular occurance?

OP says: "Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this."

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

how do I make it up to a loved one ?

went to the pub with a collegue after work yesterday. Sent an sms to gf to say I'll be home in an hour, having a beer.

I came home 4 hours later and she was on msn ignoring me. I wasnt drunk, just a bit tipsy.

Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this.

When she finally spoke to me we had a huge row and things were said by both parties. I feel horrible this morning for upsetting her.

In spite of the low opinion other posters seem to have of your girlfriend, no-one knows better than you how this ongoing situation has upset her and whether or not you're being unfair. Your post gives the impression that YOU feel you've been unfair and you're simply asking how to make it up to her. A good sit down and chat would be best here but there's no point in apologising if nothing will change. Gestures are all well and good and will certainly help the situation, but there has to be more than gestures.

Shivers26

Apologise, nicely and leave it at that. If you do a weekend away to apologise then you could be setting a very extravagant precedent for yourself.
If you are stressed then by all means have a break away with your GF to spend some quality time together and relax.

I know you said you have been stressed lately, why do you have to go to the pub every day to relax? Do you find it hard to relax at home?
I know if my OH or myself have a bad or stressful day at work we always try to make a bit of extra effort for each other that evening just to help unwind and forget about the hassle at work or whatever. When I have had a horrible day he would be the first person I want to be with to relax. Thats just me though

molloyjh

Deleted User wrote: »

OP says: "Ive been really stressed in work lately and having beers every night, shes fed up of this."

Ah, true. Missed that somehow!

In that case then I can understand her point. How about inviting her out when you're going out (AND cutting back on it)? That way you can still get the release you need and be with her. Obviously you need to reign in the nights out, and apologise. She should understand given the stress etc, especially if it's not like you.

John Mason

estar wrote: »

its only manners to think of texting her to say you will be late.

unless i am reading this wrong, the OP doesnt live with the girl and had no plans to meet her that night. she was ignoring him on MSN (which i think is some sort of chatting email type thingy)

anyway, why should he inform someone he doesnt live with what time he is going to be home and why he should have to apolgise ?