Younger brother

scruff321

baisicly my younger brother who is 18 is getting in trouble in school a bit because he is having some bother pretty much from most of his year.to give you a quick background about him he 18 years old and is a total loner, i hate saying that word but its true, hed even say it himself he preferes his own company and hes been like that his ENTIRE life. socially he is is at the bottom of the barrel, he lacks the social skills for a person his age. but the reason why im writing on this is because hes getting bothered in school.

firstly he is one of the most over sensitive people i have ever met. he is mad about his music, very passionate about what bands he listens to and basicly people in school have been slaggin him about the bands he likes and this is actually recking his head?!? this is not normal the lads in his class slag the exact same way any normal lads go on and from any of the stuff iv heard what they do its all standard ladish stupid jokes eg blowing kisses at him, saying stupid sh/t, sticking up fingers at each other etc etc nothing personal nothing offensive but to him he feels like hes a victim??? my brother is also the most stubborn person i have ever met everything is black and white there is no grey, he reacts to what these lads are doin, not punching anyone but lashing out a bit.the reaction to the lads blowing kisses at him is down to the fact i think that he is a bit of a homophobe and doesnt know how to deal with lads taking the mick.
hes getting himself in trouble at times, he also rats on them which alienates him even further from his class, the head of his year has been meetin my parents all year and from what ive heard have been very good about the situation. this is not normal behavour and nothing seems to be snapping him out of this childishness. my parents, the school everyone has told him to stop over reacting, this is silly to be getting annoyed about, ignore them!
and yet he cant because he is so stubborn, he has no friends he doesnt want friends, friends to him are an inconveinence, iv told him to find somebody whose quiet like him in the class and just try and talk to them he said he would but hasnt and isnt arsed,yet he fancys girls and would like to go out with girls, but no one would want to go out with someone who has no friends, and is very quiet plus where could he meet any?? i havent been this blunt to him about it but i have tried to explain this to him in a nice way, yet he wont change because of his stubborness.

hes been pretty unhappy the last few days, yet he doesnt want to talk about it, ive tried loads and loads of times to tell him to cop on it goes in one ear out the other. he doesnt realise that hes brought alot of this on himself and continues to do so, lads get bored in school and will look for someone to whinned up and he takes the bait everytime, he is pretty unhappy in school yet there is no getting through to him. i wish he was more like people his own age but he is whohe is, i just dont know how can i improve my brother;s situation? get through to him,stop going on like this reacting to the lads in the class make him aware of his stupidness and stubborness, everyone has talked to him he doesnt listen and yet he continues to be unhappy. this is a strange scenario i know but anyone have anything to say that could help? hes been to a councilor before maybe thats what my parents should do again.

LegacyUser

Is your brother nearly finished school if he's 18?
My sister was like that too never went out always at home and didn't bother with anyone in school but she eventually came out of herself.
Maybe he'll grow out of the shyness in college - and he'll def be snatched up by some lovely young girl. He sounds like a quiet fella could turn out to be the perfect gentleman.
Try taking him out with you and having a laugh with him once in a while.
Encourage him to take up hobbies and join social groups such as bebo or facebook - could help him meet up with people he knows.
He has to ignore those lads in school or call them names for blowing kisses - they sound like edgits anyway. The age of them like!

DM_7

scruff321 wrote: »

baisicly my younger brother who is 18 is getting in trouble in school a bit because he is having some bother pretty much from most of his year.to give you a quick background about him he 18 years old and is a total loner, i hate saying that word but its true, hed even say it himself he preferes his own company and hes been like that his ENTIRE life. socially he is is at the bottom of the barrel, he lacks the social skills for a person his age. but the reason why im writing on this is because hes getting bothered in school.

firstly he is one of the most over sensitive people i have ever met. he is mad about his music, very passionate about what bands he listens to and basicly people in school have been slaggin him about the bands he likes and this is actually recking his head?!? this is not normal the lads in his class slag the exact same way any normal lads go on and from any of the stuff iv heard what they do its all standard ladish stupid jokes eg blowing kisses at him, saying stupid sh/t, sticking up fingers at each other etc etc nothing personal nothing offensive but to him he feels like hes a victim??? my brother is also the most stubborn person i have ever met everything is black and white there is no grey, he reacts to what these lads are doin, not punching anyone but lashing out a bit.the reaction to the lads blowing kisses at him is down to the fact i think that he is a bit of a homophobe and doesnt know how to deal with lads taking the mick.
hes getting himself in trouble at times, he also rats on them which alienates him even further from his class, the head of his year has been meetin my parents all year and from what ive heard have been very good about the situation. this is not normal behavour and nothing seems to be snapping him out of this childishness. my parents, the school everyone has told him to stop over reacting, this is silly to be getting annoyed about, ignore them!
and yet he cant because he is so stubborn, he has no friends he doesnt want friends, friends to him are an inconveinence, iv told him to find somebody whose quiet like him in the class and just try and talk to them he said he would but hasnt and isnt arsed,yet he fancys girls and would like to go out with girls, but no one would want to go out with someone who has no friends, and is very quiet plus where could he meet any?? i havent been this blunt to him about it but i have tried to explain this to him in a nice way, yet he wont change because of his stubborness.

hes been pretty unhappy the last few days, yet he doesnt want to talk about it, ive tried loads and loads of times to tell him to cop on it goes in one ear out the other. he doesnt realise that hes brought alot of this on himself and continues to do so, lads get bored in school and will look for someone to whinned up and he takes the bait everytime, he is pretty unhappy in school yet there is no getting through to him. i wish he was more like people his own age but he is whohe is, i just dont know how can i improve my brother;s situation? get through to him,stop going on like this reacting to the lads in the class make him aware of his stupidness and stubborness, everyone has talked to him he doesnt listen and yet he continues to be unhappy. this is a strange scenario i know but anyone have anything to say that could help? hes been to a councilor before maybe thats what my parents should do again.

Sounds like your younger brother is being bullied in school. It can't be fun to be the subject of everyones jokes. If he never fit in maybe thats why he is into his music, as at least music is an escape from all the stuff he has to put up with at school.

So if he is being bullied, he goes home and his family are telling him to get over it. That can't be helpful. If he feels he has no support this will make him react more negatively and force him to become more unhappy.

Why would he want to talk about his problems when people only tell him to cop on?

Your post indicated you and your family are trying to support him, which is good, but your bros perception could be differant as he is still subject to abuse when he goes to school.

Elessar

Sounds like getting the school counsellor to talk with him might help. You or your parents can ring and talk to him/her personally and most of them would have no problem asking your brother in for a chat.

I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like your brother may either a) have some kind of undetected emotional/social/development problem (aspergers?) or b) is just unhappy and genuinely doesn't like people.

minidazzler

Since he is 18, I assume he is in 6th year. Is he planning on college?

I was a bit like him for years in school, got over it out of necessity. He basically ust doesn't like the people in his class, which is fair enough, happens alot. Just to keep him sane remind him that in a few month's he never HAS to see any of them again. Get him to take up some sort of activity. It sounds like he is holding in stress.

It would be near impossible for him to make new friends in school at this stage without some serious attitude readjustment. But, since there is so little time left there is no need for it.

If he is going to college get him to make friends there. That is where anyone can make Major changes in their lives. Explain that to him.

Does he drink? If so, take him out drinking with a few of your mates. But let them know the score about not taking the pi$$ too much. Let him relax and unwind a bit.

There is no real way to cure him, but he should be able to find his feet if he can make even one close friend and build a repertoir from their.

karen3212

Hi op,

Don't forget to tell your brother that -no matter what other people may think of him - you love him.

Reflector

yeah college can make all the difference. Once you get out of school you tend to have more freedom to meet like minded people who have similar interests.

prinz

As other posters have said, it happens quite a lot. I was never close to anyone in my school, they were all a bunch of ****ers. Couldn't care less what they thought of me, or what I was interested in.

Went to uni and have never looked back. Especially if he has specialist interests etc, like an unusual taste in music etc. there'll be plenty of people there into the same things.

"its all standard ladish stupid jokes eg blowing kisses at him, saying stupid sh/t, sticking up fingers at each other etc etc"

Not that standard laddish behaviour, unless you're 5. A bit of banter and p!ss-taking is fine, but there's a fine line and they could be crossing it with your brother.

LegacyUser

OP when you are getting slagged off by your mates its easy to laugh it off as a joke. but when you are havent got many friends and are getting bullied these things take on a different meaning. When i was at school i picked up a nickname which people call when they were bullying me. However years later when i look back i realised that some of the people who use to use that nickname thought that i didnt mind and that they were just being friendly