Giving up....

LegacyUser

So myself and my gf are on an around the world trip. We've been together for 3 years and i lost my job before christmas, she only works part-time too so we decided this was the best thing for us. Her best friend died of Sudden Death Syndrome in Feb and shocked her to the very core. They were like sisters. So we thought this was a good move, would stop her thinking of home.

We're in South America and have been since we left Ireland at the start of April but she hates it... is really homesick and wants to go home. She's giving herself 5weeks and if she still feels like this she's heading off home. She's unusually quiet and cries herself to sleep most nights. I dont want her for lots of reasons, obviously cos i'll then be carrying on solo (im a girl too and well, nowhere is safe really especially on your own ) and because she has so much to gain from this yr out, so much to experience and it will make her a stronger person ( i think!!! ).

She's very troubled by her friends death and by previous family illnesses and deaths mixed in - unfortunatly she has never seeked professional help. Hindisght is fantastic, we now know she needs help and maybe a session or two before we came away may have helped?!

Any advice?! I know there aint a lot can be done, if she wants to go she wants to go.. but has anybody been in this situation for whatever reason? I dont want to go home, recession etc and because this is my dream and i want to live it whilst i can...

Thanks for listening. I will check this as much as i can but wont promise daily responses...

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

We're in South America and have been since we left Ireland at the start of April but she hates it...

Is it the fact that she hates being away from Ireland or that she hates South America?
If you are on a world trip, perhaps you could move on to the next place and see if that makes a difference?

LegacyUser

Are you being a bit selfish here?

If she is crying herself to sleep every night because she misses home - let her go home. Think about what she NEEDS not what you WANT.

LegacyUser

beruthiel, thank you for your response. unfortunatlyi ts just being away she doesnt like. it doesnt matter where in the world we are, she just misses home.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can say this from experience. I was in a very similar situation only a few yaers ago with a very close friend of mine. We went travelling for a few months together (we were friends for a long time before that and had just finished exams). I was going through a lot of issues in my head which really only surfaced as my mind was finished with the exams (my friend wasn't aware of this at all). Anyway, I sort of knew this before going but decided to go ahead with the trip because:
a) Didn't want to let mny friend down,
b) I thought the trip would let me forget about things and just get away from it all.

As it turned out, I had a torrid time. I was pretty young and had never experienced such a trip or such issues in my head before and the whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks. Stupidly I kept silent for the duration of the thing and didn't just sit down and tell my friend the truth, just kept trying to keep up this facade that I was enjoying myself. Anyway, this was so mentally exhausting and I really wished I could have been back home in Ireland and just dealing with the issues. What was worse was I pretty much ruined his holiday too as I was terrible company. He was probably saying to himself "why was he like that?" I never told him why in the end and while we are still friends when we see each other, we are not that close anymore.

If I can recommend anything is to sit down with her and just talk talk talk about it. If she is unusually down at the moment, she could be feeling really lonely being so far away from home and also possibly guilty for letting you down. The best thing is to talk it through and see where to go from there. Maybe after doing this, she will be okay. But she may still want to go home.

I know it's really hard for you being out there and been faced with this. I know im rambling a bit here but best of luck with your situation. Just be there for her and also let her know how you are feeling too. The worst thing to do is for either of you to be suffering in silence as you could both start getting really annoyed with the another, not gonna help anything! If I could change anything about the time that I was in the situation it would be to stop acting and just tell my friend the truth so we could deal with it together.

Anyway I hope it works out for you both. Take care

PS dont stress about posting again.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Im just back from S.a myself i didnt get on with my friends i went with but i met a lot of good friends along the way, if you could try and meet some irish people or safe girls you could still have a fab time,


I know it is scarey but there was a lot of irish out there that loved buzzin together,


I think you have a responsibility too though because you knew what you were going away with, and you could have foreseen this really...

I think you should let her go and you stay and try find some safe people, otherwise go straight to oz to a safer place and dont let anything stop your dream, also traveling alone will make you independent and you can do your own thing

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

beruthiel, thank you for your response. unfortunatlyi ts just being away she doesnt like. it doesnt matter where in the world we are, she just misses home.

Why not let her go home then and carry on without her?
Perhaps, if she feels up to it, she could meet up with you later on down the line in another country.