I don't wanna be a bunny boiler :(

LegacyUser

Hidey ho all,
this is a little bit ridiculous, but I have an awful habit of over thinking everything and now it's passing itself onto my relationship. My boy is amazing and I truly love him, but I'm having difficulty in curbing my jealousy. I never thought I was a jealous person until I started seeing this guy, he has an awful lot of female friends and I'm just worried.
The thing is I can't seem to shut the voices up in my head that he'll stray or that he's cheating. I think this is down to insecurities on my part and I'm just looking for advice how to keep trusting him and not let this bother me anymore.

this_is_oddd

best advice is you have to trust people
I take it he has a good character? does not seem like a liar? trustable?
if he is. trust him.

Just like with friends, with partners you trust them on how much trust they earn.



No one wants to be cheated on, to be made a fool of, to feel like an ejit. But just remember this to settle your mind at ease trust him until proven otherwise and trust me signs pop up if someone is not worth it.


So relax and enjoy your relationship

AngryBadger

You either decide you're going to trust him or you don't. If you continue to allow this jealousy to get the better of you it will destroy whatever relationship you have.

Any new relationship needs to be approached with an open mind. So this guy knows lots of other women, so what? You're reading too much into nothing, if you never met any of his female friends you might think he didn't know any, but you'd be wrong, you just wouldn't have seen them.

My point is, however long you've been with this guy, until he actually gives you a reason not to trust him then you're showing him dis-respect, and an obvious lack of trust by allowing your insecurities to fuel your doubts.

There is no magic "off" switch, you either respect your partner enough to trust him until he crosses the line, or you don't.

Oryx

Remind yourself that this is about you, and not about him. You are the one with insecurity issues, and you are kinda passing the buck to him, waiting for him to put a foot wrong. Recognise that it is all inside your head every time you think like that. Dont ask that he change anything about his behaviour, which is alright. All you can change is your thinking and your behaviour. He IS with you. He CHOSE to be with you. Dont worry about what might happen tomorrow, enjoy what you have today.

CDfm

Ya will end up wreckin his buzz and yer own.

messygirl

my boyfriend has loads of gorgeous female friends!
i get insecure but i tell myself hes with me, not one of these other girls, for a reason! if i get jealous he is more likely to stray (not that being jealous gives a man permission to cheat or means that he is going to cheat!)
i kinda bring it up sometimes (very rarely), like sometimes i feel insecure because you have so many gorgeous female friends, it makes me a bit insecure, and then he reassures me, tell him you get insecure once in a while, and that your sorry you get insecure but you cant help it, mention it every few months, in the mean time, once in a while dress up for him and knock his socks off and remind him why he's with you with a night of passion!

John Mason

messygirl wrote: »

, once in a while dress up for him and knock his socks off and remind him why he's with you with a night of passion!

err.....what ?

if you have to remind your bf why he is with you, you shouldnt be with him

villains77

AngryBadger wrote: »

You either decide you're going to trust him or you don't. If you continue to allow this jealousy to get the better of you it will destroy whatever relationship you have.


he/she is spot on with this. i was in a long term relationship with a woman who i was on a blind date ( my best friend was datng her mate) so they set me up. didnt think it would last 4yrs. we hit it off as you do. it wasnt long b4 we got togehter as a couple. she live in a tow nin kildare and i live in dub. so we only really saw each other when i wasnt work weekends. being so far apart it was hard for her to trust me. i have never cheated on any of my gf's and i dont intend to start now. it got to a stage where i wouldnt see my mates for a pint or if i did i leave the phone at home. id get the 20 questions next night, if she knew i was out. i usually help out with the old and sick on a holiday to france every sept so when i rang her and if she heard a womans voice she would accuse me of cheating or sleep with them. little did i know she was up to no good behind my back found out she was slepping around with the whole town. havent spoken to her in 3 yrs now. hope it doesnt turn out like this for you. you have to trust him before it ruins the relationship.


good luck with it

Wibbs

IMHO I have to say a slight level of jealousy is a good thing. Looking back, the women who thought I had options other than them, treated me far better than the ones who didn't. The former stayed attracted to me, the latter didn't and all things being equal I reckon the idea I had options increased their attraction for me. The ones who got jealous and that I felt I had to constantly reassure, I reckon lost the spark for me when they actually started to believe that I wasn't playing away or had other options. Go figure. As I say so long as it's in a healthy way. I personally think constantly reassuring someone is a hiding to nothing. Rubbing it in their face is defo not on either. A balance is everything.

Wibbs

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

err.....what ?

if you have to remind your bf why he is with you, you shouldnt be with him

I don't agree. If you're with someone you make the effort otherwise he or she will leave, sooner or later, unless they don't have that option and they reckon you're the best they can get.

John Mason

Wibbs wrote: »

I don't agree. If you're with someone you make the effort otherwise he or she will leave, sooner or later, unless they don't have that option and they reckon you're the best they can get.

right, so may be i should tell Des is dress up in frilly knickers to remind me why i am with him - hmmmmm

molloyjh

To be honest this will just take some time to get used to. It's perfectly natural to be jealous in this situation. I'd have more female friends then male and my gf was fairly jealous about that at first (even though she knew me for years before we started going out). Over time she got used to the idea, although I don't think she'll ever be rid of the jealousy thing fully. It's just something she's learned to live with and she does trust me. Unfortunately the jealousy thing doesn't conform to rules of logic.

Give it time and you'll get over it.

star-pants

I don't think there's really need for sarcasm.

Personally - I would make an effort every so often to seem extra special/sexy/whatever as a nice surprise. Because I think making an effort is appreciated. And it does no harm.

Regarding the jealousy, a small bit is good, keeps us all on our toes and reminds us how much we care for our OH. But don't go further, you have to have trust or else there is no relationship (I think I've typed this sentence more than twice this week). Trust is a major part, he's with you, not anyone else.

CDfm

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

right, so may be i should tell Des is dress up in frilly knickers to remind me why i am with him - hmmmmm

Kinky fluffy bunny:D

Wibbs

Stay on topic or take a break.

CDfm

Wibbs wrote: »

Stay on topic or take a break.

Sorry Wibbs. I posted hastily.

CDfm

OP - if you dont like what you are doing why continue.

Is it arrogance or controlling behavior- who cares. Nobody forces you to be like this and you like it when you are not.

The person he is dating is you. Only he knows why and his female friends could be genuinely interested in seeing him happy.I have great female friends and thats what they are -friends.

How about if you find yourself doing it saying sorry and being affectionate. If the friendships are innocent then just accept them.

Maybe the odd dress up affair is nice but so are strawberries and its nearly summer:p