Can't make head nor tale of it...

LegacyUser

Becoming increasingly disillusioned with my interactions with women lately. Not the standard friendly interactions ......

So it is something along the lines of I will end up with some girl without ever pursuing, whom I probably have no more interest in than, "You'll do for now". Play distant and not so much discard or slither away but just not care and politely leave them be. Which is fine in essence because I would never treat them bad and it drifts apart and everyone is okay I think.

The other case is where I will, for some reason or another, target a particular girl as she fits into my particular demographic - relationship material or zomg just I want that!!!. Looks, personality, morals and intelligence..... Etc. I may sound like a ignorant, insensitive, self-absorbed ass but I cannot in anyway consider myself going out steadily with a girl who is not in the top 10%ish wise intellectually and boring and does not have at least some natural aesthetic beauty.

I suppose I am somewhat of an elitist or likely to pedestalize a woman who matches my criteria. As a result I become a complete diddering mess. I will completely obsess over one of these girls, go crazy and act borderline stalker. Like I have no issues conversing or that with girls, I'm comfortable in every social setting. It more comes down to the surrounding of my life around them. Hanging on their every word and doing any stupid little thing possible that I can to help them with whatever it may be. Wondering what they are at for an given moment and the rest.

I will forget that I like this girl and should ask her out and then everything is fine. In so far as that I will get rejected and move on or get a "date" and proceed as is standard. What will usually happen is I act all uber-nice become friends and then start my "creep" cycle til infinitum. Become friends and wait for it all to hopefully dissipate sooner rather than later.

I want to leave this all behind me and get the hell on with my love life. There are a couple of girls right now that I would like to ask out but I'm a little apprehensive as I don't know how I'll behave, should anything remotely positive happen. I'll add, I work with one and the other I was with for all of 2 seconds a couple of years ago when I was 18.

Has anyone got any suggestions as to what I may be doing wrong here? Or be able to help me expand and reflect on what I'm thinking here.

Cheers in advance

Senna

I'm guessing your around 20yr old and your looking for a life partner, not a girlfriend. This is your problem, dont start evaluating girls and only expect that you will get on with the top 10%, if you have even something remotely in common, or you have the same scene of humour or you just like her, that's enough. You take it from there and see what happens, relationships dont need planning and evaluation, especially when your 20.
Your trying far to hard with the girls that look good on paper and probably not giving a chance to someone who doesn't meet your high expectations.

ManOfMystery

Unrogger_rabbit wrote: »

Becoming increasingly disillusioned with my interactions with women lately. Not the standard friendly interactions ......

So it is something along the lines of I will end up with some girl without ever pursuing, whom I probably have no more interest in than, "You'll do for now". Play distant and not so much discard or slither away but just not care and politely leave them be. Which is fine in essence because I would never treat them bad and it drifts apart and everyone is okay I think.

The other case is where I will, for some reason or another, target a particular girl as she fits into my particular demographic - relationship material or zomg just I want that!!!. Looks, personality, morals and intelligence..... Etc. I may sound like a ignorant, insensitive, self-absorbed ass but I cannot in anyway consider myself going out steadily with a girl who is not in the top 10%ish wise intellectually and boring and does not have at least some natural aesthetic beauty.

I suppose I am somewhat of an elitist or likely to pedestalize a woman who matches my criteria. As a result I become a complete diddering mess. I will completely obsess over one of these girls, go crazy and act borderline stalker. Like I have no issues conversing or that with girls, I'm comfortable in every social setting. It more comes down to the surrounding of my life around them. Hanging on their every word and doing any stupid little thing possible that I can to help them with whatever it may be. Wondering what they are at for an given moment and the rest.

I will forget that I like this girl and should ask her out and then everything is fine. In so far as that I will get rejected and move on or get a "date" and proceed as is standard. What will usually happen is I act all uber-nice become friends and then start my "creep" cycle til infinitum. Become friends and wait for it all to hopefully dissipate sooner rather than later.

I want to leave this all behind me and get the hell on with my love life. There are a couple of girls right now that I would like to ask out but I'm a little apprehensive as I don't know how I'll behave, should anything remotely positive happen. I'll add, I work with one and the other I was with for all of 2 seconds a couple of years ago when I was 18.

Has anyone got any suggestions as to what I may be doing wrong here? Or be able to help me expand and reflect on what I'm thinking here.

Cheers in advance

I had to read your post twice to get a good grip on it - you're over-analysing things to a huge extent. There's no need to overcomplicate matters by building up criteria for girls and then grouping them into certain categories, which is what your post suggest.

If you're attracted to a girl and you both get on well, ask her out. It's really that simple.

carlybabe1

Unrogger_rabbit wrote: »

Becoming increasingly disillusioned with my interactions with women lately. Not the standard friendly interactions ......

So it is something along the lines of I will end up with some girl without ever pursuing, whom I probably have no more interest in than, "You'll do for now". Play distant and not so much discard or slither away but just not care and politely leave them be. Which is fine in essence because I would never treat them bad and it drifts apart and everyone is okay I think.

The other case is where I will, for some reason or another, target a particular girl as she fits into my particular demographic - relationship material or zomg just I want that!!!. Looks, personality, morals and intelligence..... Etc. I may sound like a ignorant, insensitive, self-absorbed ass but I cannot in anyway consider myself going out steadily with a girl who is not in the top 10%ish wise intellectually and boring and does not have at least some natural aesthetic beauty.

I suppose I am somewhat of an elitist or likely to pedestalize a woman who matches my criteria. As a result I become a complete diddering mess. I will completely obsess over one of these girls, go crazy and act borderline stalker. Like I have no issues conversing or that with girls, I'm comfortable in every social setting. It more comes down to the surrounding of my life around them. Hanging on their every word and doing any stupid little thing possible that I can to help them with whatever it may be. Wondering what they are at for an given moment and the rest.

I will forget that I like this girl and should ask her out and then everything is fine. In so far as that I will get rejected and move on or get a "date" and proceed as is standard. What will usually happen is I act all uber-nice become friends and then start my "creep" cycle til infinitum. Become friends and wait for it all to hopefully dissipate sooner rather than later.

I want to leave this all behind me and get the hell on with my love life. There are a couple of girls right now that I would like to ask out but I'm a little apprehensive as I don't know how I'll behave, should anything remotely positive happen. I'll add, I work with one and the other I was with for all of 2 seconds a couple of years ago when I was 18.

Has anyone got any suggestions as to what I may be doing wrong here? Or be able to help me expand and reflect on what I'm thinking here.

Cheers in advance

Cant make head nor tale of your post, thats your problem IMO,
You put into a short story what could have fit in a paragraph!! Find a girl who can talk the same language as you, or tone down your "intellectualism" (for want of a better word) Nobody wants to be trying to understand what your talking about while having a chat. I hope you dont take offence but IMO your talk is too complicated.

LegacyUser

Senna wrote: »

relationships dont need planning and evaluation, especially when your 20.
QUOTE]

In general terms this is a fair comment, but people develope at a differant rate,
its only natural for some people to think of such issues at a younger age.

RossFixxxed

Ask them out for a drink or such... And stop being a doormat you will get walked over.

And give over on the 'intellectual' rubbish, just be open to people and see how you get on. People who claim their problems in life are due to 'being too smart' really don't get the irony in their lives at all.


(BTW is this Affable posting again, smacks of misspelt snobbery tbh).

LouOB

Sounds like you need to relax
Maybe more palm time - being honest here
Dont go out expecting to meet someone, it wont get you anywhere. Maybe lower your standards a notch, you might actually end up having some fun.

LegacyUser

I think you should broaden you're expectations; only try and get to know women in the top 15% catagory of intelligence.

But seriously, I think that most women in the top 10% of intelligence are something to be snapped up. They would generally be women with other good attributes like emotional stability, kindness, reason, an unpromiscous past with regard to partners, financial independence, etc; I think you have some picture in you're head of a geeky, nice, quiet girl who you expect to take what she can get and you feel as if you are better than most? Sorry to say this, but the likelyhood is that the "top 10% intelligent wise" girls are likely to be snapped up by the lads with reasonably high intelligence (probably of a lower IQ than the women though) but lots of other good attributes like good looks, financial stability, emotional stability etc The type of women you're after are the type that a lot of men are after so don't be setting the bar to high with regard to expectations.

Wibbs

Actually I would say most guys go for looks first and foremost. The best looks they can get. Intelligence and financial stability would be further down the list. I don't think I've ever heard a guy boast about his new partner "she's so financially successful and has a great job you know". So the top 10% of women as far as male attraction is concerned are the best looking, not the most intelligent.

In any case we're doing precisely what he is doing. Over analysing it. OP, for gods sake stop thinking. Thinkings good. It has done a lot for humanity. But in this case and weird though it may seem start thinking with your little head. If you like someone, do something about it. Don't get into needy stalky saddo behaviour. Hiding to nothing.

My take why you do that? With a woman that you think "ah sure she'll do for a jump" you're sure you'll get her, or you don't care of you do, so that comes across and that makes you less needy and far more confident and more attractive. You also think a lot less about it.

You see a woman you go WOW:eek: about and that goes out the window. You think you can't get her and you care way to much on the outcome of any encounter. You then pull out all the stops and treat her the way you reckon you would respond in her shoes, by being overly attentive. Dead loss.

Treat the latter like the former with a side order of actual respect and the WOW woman will be way more likely to respond. And if she doesn't? The world is chock full of WOW women, so another one will be along accordingly. Though like buses they can come in threes;):).

cafecolour

It's about trying a number to see who you click with, not fixating on particular one. Essentially avoid becoming friends (like you've been doing) with the ones that are totally your type, as you've been doing. It might feel easier then outright rejection, but it's just going to keep you churning your wheels.

Really, you need to approach, establish quickly if they are interested in you and would like to give a trial date. If not, walk away and go on to the next. It's not about slowly convincing a girl who is your type that you are her type - it's about just trying all the girls that are your type until you find one that you are also their type.