Lost Respect for Girlfriend

LegacyUser

First of all id like to say that I don't believe in the 1 night stand culture, I've never done it and feel like sex is only for people I'm courting/dating.

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.
This is a problem because i have no want for women who in my opinion has no respect for herself. I know the girls and lads who have 1 night stands out there will slate me for this point of view but these are my feelings on the matter.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands. I believed this was the case with my current girlfriend as she said she only was in 3relationships including ours and has only slept with 3guys. Also shes the quietest shyest girl I've been with so i never thought she would have. Now i found out in a random conversation with her that one of these was a one night stand. Sickened to the pits of my stomach. I love the girl, but this is something that i really believe in, I've lost respect for her but i still love her. Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

Just to add in, she does not know how i feel about the 1nyt stand matter as I've never brought it up. I don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity. And i don't bring up mine either.

Silverfish

So you'll judge her on one night, rather than the year you spent with her?
Seems a bit unfair.


But anyway, yes, you have a right to go out with someone who is up to your standards, but its only fair that you let people know what these standards are.

You said you "don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity" so, if she'd never mentioned that it had happened, you'd still respect her?

It would still have happened, and you'd still have loved her, just you'd have been none the wiser.


Perhaps you're just a bit shocked?

ManOfMystery

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.

She can't go back and change this.

This is a problem because i have no want for women who in my opinion has no respect for herself.

How do you equate having a one night stand to her having no respect for herself? I know you don't like thinking about it, but perhaps the experience was just fine for her and she had no issues with it. Don't project your own feelings on the matter onto her - it's unfair.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands. I believed this was the case with my current girlfriend as she said she only was in 3relationships including ours and has only slept with 3guys. Also shes the quietest shyest girl I've been with so i never thought she would have. Now i found out in a random conversation with her that one of these was a one night stand. Sickened to the pits of my stomach. I love the girl, but this is something that i really believe in, I've lost respect for her but i still love her. Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

What really matters is whether you love her or not for the person she is now .................... not what's happened in the past. It's not like she's a murderer or carried out some vile crime; she had a one-night stand, it happens everywhere and doesn't break any laws.

Just for the record, I don't talk to my gf about previous sexual experiences and I wouldn't like to think of her having one night stands either - I don't know if she ever did. But regardless, I love her now nonetheless and wouldn't throw that away just because I was slightly narrowminded about choices she made in the past. I haven't been a perfect angel either.

ellie1

Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

If you dont respect her , she is better off without you.

If in future,when you end up in a relationship and dont talk about previous sexual expeiences/realtionships, what happens if she too has had a one night stand years before she didnt talk about with you and you find out casually....when your married even or even have children....you will lose respect for her too....

Although, your entitled to your view, I hope it will change in time to a more open-minded one.

Lollipops23

so you can't respect her based on other attributes such as how she treats people,how hard she works etc...?
i understand fully if 1nighters are not your thing,plenty of people don't like them and that's just fine.but you can't expect her to live by your rules, it was before you met!!it's hardly as if she was doing every bloke in sight!i think you should either try and make your peace with this or end it because if you can't let go of this it will eat at your relationship.

bluecell99

Everybody has a sexual past of one kind or another and have you examined why your standards are so high?Why does having respect equate to not having a one night stand?People are sexual beings and if you were to discount every person who had encounters the you would be pretty much on your own.

Fine if you think that sex can only happen in a relationship.But what is a relationship?Is there a higher requirement if people are married or contemplating it?What about people in relationships,married or not who have a fling?Rule them all out of your exacting standard?

Perhaps the best thing is to make it clear from the outset that you dont respect folk who express their sexual side and then see if they will get into an exclusive partnership with you.

My guess is you will be left on your own more often than not.

The Orb

Have you never made a mistake?
Have you never done something you wished you hadn't?
Such harsh judgement I always feel is a reflection of a problem with your own self esteem, don't take it out on her.
You should be grateful that this honest girl has chosen to be in a relationship with YOU, and you should admire her honesty and willingness to tell you, not that she had to.
Lighten up, enjoy what you have and be thankful.

AngryBadger

OP how do you knwo that people who say they've never had a one-night stand are telling you the truth?

You've marginalised a massive section of society, which includes this girl, based on what exactly?

The reality is that she showed you great respect by being honest with you. This one-nighter happened before you were together, so she wasn't driven by guilt to tell you. She could easily have lied, since she probably knows your views on this. And yet she decided to be honest with you, and in response you've decided to take the moral high ground.

Personally I think she's better off with someone else, you're fully entitled to your opinion, but do you even have a rational basis for said opinion? And does that fact that she was honest with you when she could have made things much easier for herself by lying to you not count for anything?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the opinions so far

In response to bluecell:

bluecell99 wrote: »

Why does having respect equate to not having a one night stand?

Because in my opinion a one night stand is the act of for want of a better word a "slut", and I'm sorry, but I don't respect sluts.

bluecell99 wrote: »

People are sexual beings and if you were to discount every person who had encounters the you would be pretty much on your own.

I only discount people who have one night stands. I don't mind the fact that she has a sexual past with past partners.

bluecell99 wrote: »

Fine if you think that sex can only happen in a relationship.But what is a relationship?Is there a higher requirement if people are married or contemplating it?What about people in relationships,married or not who have a fling?Rule them all out of your exacting standard?

Not sure what exactly you are getting at. To sum up my "exacting standard" it doesn't include a girl who sleeps with a RANDOM lad the first night she meets him.

bluecell99 wrote: »

My guess is you will be left on your own more often than not

Being honest I would happily be left alone than to go into a local bar with a partner and bump into someone she has had a one night stand with.

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP how do you knwo that people who say they've never had a one-night stand are telling you the truth?

Thats a matter of trust. Thats not in question here.

AngryBadger wrote: »

You've marginalised a massive section of society, which includes this girl, based on what exactly?

Based on my beliefs. I just can't respect a girl who has had them. I wish I could, but I cant.

AngryBadger wrote: »

The reality is that she showed you great respect by being honest with you. This one-nighter happened before you were together, so she wasn't driven by guilt to tell you. She could easily have lied, since she probably knows your views on this. And yet she decided to be honest with you, and in response you've decided to take the moral high ground.

In response I have done nothing as far as shes concerned. After the conversation I went home, didn't say anything to her about it as I know its something I have to deal with not her.

AngryBadger wrote: »

Personally I think she's better off with someone else, you're fully entitled to your opinion, but do you even have a rational basis for said opinion? And does that fact that she was honest with you when she could have made things much easier for herself by lying to you not count for anything?

In fairness asking if I have a rational basis is a question of peoples morals. If this was 40years ago in the time of my parents this kind of thing was far less common, and a girl was considered a slut if she slept around. This is a new age and things have changed, but you can't say that they have changed for the better

IWishh

I think you're being very unfair.

You have been with her for a year, you obviously must like her quite a lot.
Then you found out that one night in her past, where you could really know nothing about the context of the situation, she had a one night stand. So she made a mistake. She's only human.
If it wasn't the one night stand, it was bound to be something else to make you realise she's a person just like you that make mistakes.

I have a feeling reading that you'll just assume I'm some "slut" that has one night stands all the time myself and thats why I'm standing up for her.
I've never had one, its not something I could personally enjoy, but I do understand that being so judgemental is a horrible quality.
Christ, maybe she's even better off without you.

bluecell99

So you chose to try and counter my post and ignore others who have expressed much the same thing??Hmmmm.The use of the word"slut" makes me deeply uncomfortable and reveals a narrow minded mindset based on religious guilt which was obsessed with others sex lives to the detriment of all other aspects of their personality.

To even worry about the possibility of "bumping into" a person who she might have slept with further demonstrates a disturbing juvenile and dangerous situation which would indicate to me a complete inability to embrace human life and sexuality in all its manifestations and would doom any relationship you may enter into to certain doom.

So wishing you the best of luck and opting out of this thread now

Latchy

Have to agree with the previous poster . Not to be to judgemental of your situation OP but your girlfriend might be better off with somebody else .

LegacyUser

IWishh wrote: »

I think you're being very unfair.

You have been with her for a year, you obviously must like her quite a lot.
Then you found out that one night in her past, where you could really know nothing about the context of the situation, she had a one night stand. So she made a mistake. She's only human.
If it wasn't the one night stand, it was bound to be something else to make you realise she's a person just like you that make mistakes.

I have a feeling reading that you'll just assume I'm some "slut" that has one night stands all the time myself and thats why I'm standing up for her.
I've never had one, its not something I could personally enjoy, but I do understand that being so judgemental is a horrible quality.
Christ, maybe she's even better off without you.

Wow. I wont make any assumptions based on your opinions.

PLEASE don't think I'm judgmental. I have plenty of very good friends that have one night stands, and while I wouldn't have respect for them in a relationship sense, I have major respect for them otherwise. Each to their own, but when it comes to a partner I would prefer for her not to have had one in the past. Can you understand my point of view? Especially seen as your a girl who is not into them

reprazant

IWishh wrote: »

I do understand that being so judgemental is a horrible quality.
Christ, maybe she's even better off without you.

I completely agree with this.

Except that instead of maybe, she definately is.

upintheair wrote: »

PLEASE don't think I'm judgmental.

upintheair wrote: »

Because in my opinion a one night stand is the act of for want of a better word a "slut", and I'm sorry, but I don't respect sluts.

In no way judgement at all.

humanji

upintheair wrote: »

First of all id like to say that I don't believe in the 1 night stand culture, I've never done it and feel like sex is only for people I'm courting/dating.

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.
This is a problem because i have no want for women who in my opinion has no respect for herself. I know the girls and lads who have 1 night stands out there will slate me for this point of view but these are my feelings on the matter.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands. I believed this was the case with my current girlfriend as she said she only was in 3relationships including ours and has only slept with 3guys. Also shes the quietest shyest girl I've been with so i never thought she would have. Now i found out in a random conversation with her that one of these was a one night stand. Sickened to the pits of my stomach. I love the girl, but this is something that i really believe in, I've lost respect for her but i still love her. Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

Just to add in, she does not know how i feel about the 1nyt stand matter as I've never brought it up. I don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity. And i don't bring up mine either.

Firstly, she had a one night stand. She didn't have hundreds and I'm sure she doesn't run nakes around the streets screaming "Take me now!" to anyone she passes. So calling her a slut is a bit much.

How much do you know about this one night stand? Is it possible she met someone she thought she could have a relationship with, slept with him, but then realised there was nothing there?

You're being incredibly judgemental. You say you know it's your problem, but you don't you don't seem to. You see her as a slut. You have wrongly labelled her and you are worried about how to deal with that label. The problem is not how you deal with the label. Rather it's the fact that you labelled her.

You need to realise that people don't live by your rules. You don't mind that your friends have done that and you shouldn't think less of your girlfriend either.

Once you come to terms with this you have to decide that if you want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't live to the same morals as you. And the thing is, only you can really decide.

I you come accept that her past is her past and she can live how she wants, then you might realise that there's no problem. If you can't, well then there's little hope for the relationship.

I hope it works out for you.

forgetfulgirl

if your going out with her this long you either love her and want her or you dont, using her past as an excuse to break up with her is petty. you mention you have never brought it up with her before, therein lies your problem dont make it her fault.

pikachucheeks

I think it's unfair of you to say that someone who has a one night stand has "no respect" for themselves.
People have one-night stands for a variety of reasons.

Some people, myself included, don't know they're having a one night stand - Some men and women can be very manipulative and lure you into bed, only to ditch you the next day.

Perhaps that's what happened to your girlfriend? Since you don't like discussing your previous partners with each other, and don't know her reasons for doing it, you have no right to judge her and pass her off as someone with "no respect for herself".


You've been going out with her for nearly a year so do you not think that her previous sex life is in the past?


If you REALLY love her, you'll get over this.
Think about how torn she'd be to know you have no respect for her, because ONCE she had casual sex with someone...

Oh, and one question; If you have such strong opinions on people who have one night stands, why did you not discuss that with her before getting into a relationship?

If you really can't get over the fact that she did it, then yes - end it. But it's a very sad, minor reason to let a good girl go.

puglover

OP your posts absolutely disgust me. How you could think this way about someone you supposedly love is beyond me. I think you should show your gf this thread so she knows exactly what a self-righteous, judgemental as*h*le she has landed herself with. Hopefully she'll have the sense to drop you!

CaptainSkidmark

most people have had a one night stand. just because they did does not make them a slut or anything.

get over it i'd say.

i was expecting you to say she had a one night stand while with you.

i think your reading way too much into it

CDfm

Silverfish wrote: »

So you'll judge her on one night, rather than the year you spent with her?
Seems a bit unfair.

Im totally with Silverfish on this.FFs she might have thought this was as good as it gets then the following day met up with you her Prince Charming.

The clock should only tick after you met.

I do think you are being very unfair even though I feel/would have felt the same the same.

That really is an unrealistic expectation and cant be right.

You said you "don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity" so, if she'd never mentioned that it had happened, you'd still respect her?

It would still have happened, and you'd still have loved her, just you'd have been none the wiser.

Thats me too. I would prefer not to know and am astounded when people want to be so open. Difference is I would say it knowing that about me or would at least put my fingers in my ears and hum.

Mind you if the person didnt mind hearing the answer asking me I would tell.

Anyway - if you love her respect her and disregard said conversation.

ellie1

Being honest I would happily be left alone

Well everyone will be happy so.And with your judgemental narrowminded views, you will be happily left behind alone by most of the female population. Good luck with that.

Zack21

Well i have to say id find it amazing if you met a girl who has never had a one night stand lol im not saying that guys are different, but i think that everyone has a one night stand at some point in their life. For example!! I was going out with a girl while i was in college but we broke up cause we where apart and never got to see each other much so i decided to leave relationships until the end of college and i've had more one night stands than breakfast lol saying that it didn't give me a good name. . . . . .. OH god THE SHAME lol BUT!!! i now have a really nice girl friend who has never had a one night stand cause she's still a virgin :O and even thow she knows what i've done she still respects me cause il always be there and il never cheat!! because there is no Honour in it.

Think about it. . .if you got drunk one night and you woke up the next morning from having a one night stand how would you feel if she felt ashamed of ya??

LegacyUser

OP,you are being so unfair and judgemental. It was ONCE. Maybe if she regularly had one night stands, yes, you could say she had different morals to you, but everyone makes mistakes. I lost my virginity on a one night stand when I was 21 and I'm absolutely not a slut. I was taken advantage of, was drunk and curious to find out what sex was like, and I made a mistake. I hated it and I'd never have another one. It has NOTHING to do with the type of person I am and has no bearing on my present self. I'd be sickened to be judged on ONE mistake, when I go out of my way to be a good person, sensible and responsible. I'm sure my boyfriend doesnt love the idea, but he knows what type of person I am!!

CaptainSkidmark

i cant believe for one second that if OP was singe als out on the lash and a sexy 6ft blonde approached him in the bar and one thing let to another he would say... sorry not tonight mary

Zack21

YEAH I AGREE with captainskidmark!! ( <

---

Best name ever!!) if some gorgous girl walked up to me id shout CHECK PLEASE!!

Wagon

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Some people, myself included, don't know they're having a one night stand - Some men and women can be very manipulative and lure you into bed, only to ditch you the next day.

I don't like one night stands myself (im a bloke) but some bitch pulled this one on me before. It happens all too often, and is more likely to happen to women more than men, as they get approached far more and are more exposed to all the **** looking for a shag as well as the decent blokes. And it many cases when they're young, they can't tell the difference between the two.

Hey OP, if it makes you feel any better you aren't alone. A lot of blokes have this belief. when you say it out loud you'll get backlash along the lines of "you're too ugly to get any" and "get a life" but to be honest, that's bull****. Having a lot of one night stands for the sake of it does make you slut and that's the end of it. But take into account the cirsumstances. Don't assume she did it for the sake of it. Ask her for some details and if she's the type of girl you say she is then im willing to bet some prick pulled a fast one on her.

Don't dump her over it though. It's a bit much.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I don't really understand your POV but I respect you have it and its bothering you.

The fact you've posted this shows you might come around and forget about it.

I think you should. If you realised the vast majority of people have or want one night stands I don't think you'd feel this way. Vast majority do have them, would given the opportunity or plain just want to. Following from this it means you don't have respect/acceptance for human nature, which frankly, is pointless.

I think the issue here is that you subconsciously think she might be easy to get into bed because she had a one night stand in the past. This means she might cheat on you for a one night stand and then say nothing. However, our subconscious isn't right a lot of the time and it controls our instincts. THis is why its bothering you so much.

You should think about that and maybe come around to the idea that she's committed to you now and the one night stand was just part of the past.

If you love her its worth accepting that. Finding someone you love who's never had a once night stand won't be easy, you say you'd be happier alone but I don't believe you. Finding someone you love is very difficult at the best of times.

Good luck

PeakOutput

op your overreacting

i hope for both your sakes you can get over this and if you cant you dump her sooner rather than later as if you dont you will end up punishing her for your completely ridicolous opinion weather you intend to or not

Mr. Incognito

OP,

Thankfully personal abuse is banned but you need a cold dose of reality here.

What your girlfriend did before she met you is frankly none of your bloody business. She's only slept with three guys and you call her a slut. What type of ignorant boyfriend are you?? Me thinks you don't know how good you've had it to hold ridiculous view like that.

God- get over yourself.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands.

Yeah, that's what you think pal.

Zapho

upintheair wrote: »

PLEASE don't think I'm judgmental.

Why not? You are being judgmental. You called your girlfriend a slut just because she had a one night stand. OP, believe it or not, women like to have sex just as much as men do. You don't seem to have a problem with guys having one night stands, what does it matter if a girl does?

upintheair wrote: »

and while I wouldn't have respect for them in a relationship sense, I have major respect for them otherwise.

And how come you don't seem to have major respect for your girlfriend then?

OP, I'm beginning to wonder why you posted on this forum in the first place. What do you want people to say? Do you want people to agree with you; that you SHOULD have lost respect for your girlfriend because of her past? I think the concensus is fairly clear. You are being very unfair and you have two choices. Either put this behind you and move on, or, for your girlfriends sake, end this relationship.

Mr. Incognito

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

OP,

Thankfully personal abuse is banned but you need a cold dose of reality here.

What your girlfriend did before she met you is frankly none of your bloody business. She's only slept with three guys and you call her a slut. What type of ignorant boyfriend are you?? Me thinks you don't know how good you've had it to hold ridiculous view like that.

God- get over yourself.



Yeah, that's what you think pal.

Yes, exactly. My ex thought I was a slapper because I'd slept with one guy before him (I was 21!) His exes were virgins so he expected me to be one, conveniently forgetting that they were 17-18 and I was almost 22 in the last year of college. He actually tried to make me feel guilty about not being a virgin - but of course he expected me to sleep with HIM! So ridiculous. We broke up for a different reason and I think now he realises how low a number it was - most girls my age have been with at least five people and that's normal, not excessive. I told him he'll be single for a very long time if he carries on with that attitude.

prinz

bluecell99 wrote: »

So you chose to try and counter my post and ignore others who have expressed much the same thing??Hmmmm.The use of the word"slut" makes me deeply uncomfortable and reveals a narrow minded mindset based on religious guilt which was obsessed with others sex lives to the detriment of all other aspects of their personality.

That was quite a leap to make. Just because he doesn't like one night stands, or he has a thing against people who do does not automatically mean he is approaching this from a 'religious guilt-complex mindset'. I know people who feel the same, if to a lesser degree, but it has nothing to do with religion.For all the talk of people being judgemental there's plenty of it coming from the other side too.

CDfm wrote: »

Im totally with Silverfish on this.FFs she might have thought this was as good as it gets then the following day met up with you her Prince Charming.
The clock should only tick after you met.
Anyway - if you love her respect her and disregard said conversation.

Agree with that.Those days are gone now and in the past they must remain as they say.Try to build a new life together.

Zapho wrote: »

And how come you don't seem to have major respect for your girlfriend then?

Because he's not in a relationship with his friends.

stevelknievel

I think people are being a little harsh. I understand your point of view OP and, to a slight extent, share it. If women (or men) are having one night stands every week, I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with them. I don't know if it's a respect thing, or a trust thing or what it is. But this isn't every week. This was a one time only event. And you're going out with the girl for a year. As forgetfulgirl said

forgetfulgirl wrote: »

if your going out with her this long you either love her and want her or you dont, using her past as an excuse to break up with her is petty.

At this stage you should have a good idea what the future holds. If you truly love the girl then a single one night stand, before she met you, shouldn't come into it. Nobody is perfect.

If you are happy in the present and can see a future with the girl, then her past shouldn't matter.

Heineken Helen

Unregistered wrote: »

Based on my beliefs. I just can't respect a girl who has had them. I wish I could, but I cant.

Do your 'beliefs' give you a green light to judge someone for something they did in the past? I doubt it! I have gone out with guys who have done some not so moral things in the past... once or twice it was hard to get my head around... but forgiveness is a wonderful thing, you should try it. Not that I think she NEEDS forgiving but it's worth a shot.

Heineken Helen

The sad thing is that when you dump her cos of this, the next guy she meets will have no respect for her for sleeping with someone she wasn't married to and not being a virgin. Everybody has different expectations of their SO... but they're ridiculous. You can't take back the past. Over the year you've been going out, did you ever get a sense that she didn't respect herself til she told you this?

petethebrick

Finish your relationship with her now I reckon - the girl deserves better than to be going out with a judgemental prick like you.

Mr Benevolent

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.

This old chestnut. Meh, I've been in the same situation and said to her 'I don't approve of you having sex before we ever met' or something moronic like that. Looking back now it was an immature thing to say that contributed nothing but jealousy to the relationship and hastened its' demise. Mentioning it also makes her feel bad for no reason. Did you think she was a virgin or what? Grow up a bit, cop on and realise that there's more to your gf's life then you, past, present and (possibly) future.

LegacyUser

upintheair wrote: »

First of all id like to say that I don't believe in the 1 night stand culture, I've never done it and feel like sex is only for people I'm courting/dating.

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.
This is a problem because i have no want for women who in my opinion has no respect for herself. I know the girls and lads who have 1 night stands out there will slate me for this point of view but these are my feelings on the matter.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands. I believed this was the case with my current girlfriend as she said she only was in 3relationships including ours and has only slept with 3guys. Also shes the quietest shyest girl I've been with so i never thought she would have. Now i found out in a random conversation with her that one of these was a one night stand. Sickened to the pits of my stomach. I love the girl, but this is something that i really believe in, I've lost respect for her but i still love her. Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

Just to add in, she does not know how i feel about the 1nyt stand matter as I've never brought it up. I don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity. And i don't bring up mine either.

You sound like the biggest gob ****e iv ever heard of. taking the moral high ground with a girl who in her late teens early twenties had one one night stand. get over yourself because then chances of meeting someone who hasnt are very slim. You must not offers much because your sound like a backward idiot

Nitxteha

I agree with you in your opinion about one night stands. BUT she's only young, she may regret it and she cannot go back. Before you take a decition, look at the big picture, what are things like with her NOW, how is she with YOU.

I think that wherever is in the past stays there. She didn't know you back then, you were out of the picture. If you cannot accept her past is better not to ask/want to know about it.

I understand your disappointment, but it's not that bad

Oh The Humanity

I really struggle to believe this sh1t still goes on....I really, really do....

This is 2009 people!!!

Some man feels threatened because his girlfriend had ONE ons......?

Its beyond belief!!!

As for being called a slut if you have had ons's ....HA !

Then 99% of women walking the face of the Earth are sluts, the word is meaningless.

OP, seriously...how about this, go out yourself and have a few one nighters, you will realise how meaningless they are and see that you are making a big song and dance about nothing.

Failing that, leave the poor girl alone, she doesn't need someone with freaky hang ups trying to make her feel bad for nothing.

puglover

Nitxteha wrote: »

I agree with you in your opinion about one night stands. BUT she's only young, she may regret it and she cannot go back.

Why should she regret it. We all have needs & desires, not a thing wrong with satisfying them!!

Kimia

I think you're being very unfair on your girlfriend. She is obviously not the type of girl who sleeps with random people 4 times a week (obviously it's the individual's choice but this would be excessive to me), but yet you call her a slut!

She didn't even know that you have these strong feelings on the subject and was sharing something with you which shows she trusts you.

If I was her, I would be so horrified to be going out with someone with these extreme personal morals I would have to get out of there immediately!

Btw, what's the fuss about virgins??? Why does the man say that the women SHOULD be a virgin but then want to sleep with her? Does that not get rid of the thing they were looking for?

Nitxteha

puglover wrote: »

Why should she regret it. We all have needs & desires, not a thing wrong with satisfying them!!

I didnt say she should regret it, I said she MAY regret it. What I was saying to the OP is that what is important is their relationship NOW. I'm not discussing the morals of one night stands here. I have my personal opinion but I respect other people's options too

CDfm

Im curious OP -have you ever had a one-night stand??

Mighty_Mouse

Its a 22 year old, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it!!!

Based on my beliefs.

Careful now, or it'll be jeebus love you end up with and no other.

Madou

upintheair wrote: »

First of all id like to say that I don't believe in the 1 night stand culture, I've never done it and feel like sex is only for people I'm courting/dating.

Just found out my girlfriend of nearly a year (were 22) had a 1night stand before we met.
This is a problem because i have no want for women who in my opinion has no respect for herself. I know the girls and lads who have 1 night stands out there will slate me for this point of view but these are my feelings on the matter.

In any previous relationship I've only gone out with girls who hadn't ever had one night stands. I believed this was the case with my current girlfriend as she said she only was in 3relationships including ours and has only slept with 3guys. Also shes the quietest shyest girl I've been with so i never thought she would have. Now i found out in a random conversation with her that one of these was a one night stand. Sickened to the pits of my stomach. I love the girl, but this is something that i really believe in, I've lost respect for her but i still love her. Obviously i want to end up with a woman i have respect for, is it a time where even if your in love its better to get out?

Just to add in, she does not know how i feel about the 1nyt stand matter as I've never brought it up. I don't like to hear or talk about a partners past relationships/sexual activity. And i don't bring up mine either.

Ah, if we could all fit into someone elses idea of perfection and ignore our own natural impluses, wouldn't the world be a better place...? :rolleyes:

If respect for your girlfriend hinges on these 'holier-than-thou' beliefs, it is time to get out of that relationship. It could also be useful to cut contact with large sectors of society too.

Magicmatilda

OP whatever your beliefs regarding one night stands you are totally entitled to have those believes. I think if we lived in a world where only people in love had sex it might just be a better place. I say that as a woman who has had a few one night stands. I don't regret them nor am I proud of them, they happened. Given the choice I would choose sex in a loving relationship, but that hasn't always happened. Anyway I think that people who are telling you to cop on and be less judgemential should perhaps be less judgemental themselves, afterall they ae judging you for your beliefs in a negative way because the are not the social norm.

That said you have lost respect for your girlfriend. If you don't think you can get that respect back then I think you need to end the relationship. However you need to tell her why and explain as you have accepted that this is your issue and not hers. In future you should explain your beliefs to girls fairly early in relationships so that they can understand your point of view.

I would like to say that I take offense to being labelled a "Slut". And I certainly don't consider myself one. I would sugggest that you do not use this term when talking to your girlfriend. Just because people so not share your beliefs does not give you justification to insult them.

AngryBadger

Unregistered wrote: »

Thats a matter of trust. Thats not in question here.

So you can trust her but you can't respect her, and here I always thought the two were inter-twined.

Unregistered wrote: »

Based on my beliefs. I just can't respect a girl who has had them. I wish I could, but I cant.

Fine, but what are those beliefs exactly?

Unregistered wrote: »

In fairness asking if I have a rational basis is a question of peoples morals. If this was 40years ago in the time of my parents this kind of thing was far less common, and a girl was considered a slut if she slept around. This is a new age and things have changed, but you can't say that they have changed for the better

The fact that more people held your archaic opinion 40 years ago doesn't make that opinion any more informed or accurate. I'm asking you for some kind of rationale because that would indicate that you had at least thought about why you have such disdain for this girl on account of a single one-night stand. As it stands you don't really seem to have any reason beyond it being what you "believe".

molloyjh

Am I the only one who thinks this is quite sad? The guy is seriously considering ended what appears to be a stable, secure and loving relationship over a couple of hours of this girls life. Those couple of hours do not define her, except in his eyes. That people are that closed minded is an issue that ultimately affects them more than anyone else and they end up missing out on so much for so little.

OP, if it's that big an issue for you noone here can change that. Get out of that relationship, not for your sake, but for hers. She deserves more than this sort of judgemental behaviour. You don't love somebody for their past actions, but for who they are now.

If you were to come on here and say you loved her because she didn't have a one night stand you'd get the same reaction. Purely because that is no reason to love someone. You can't love someone based on those criteria because as an emotion it doesn't work that way. And if you're going to force logic onto it at every turn it will never work for you.

AngryBadger wrote: »

The fact that more people held your archaic opinion 40 years ago doesn't make that opinion any more informed or accurate.

Case in point: smoking. 40 years ago it wasn't considered unhealthy!!!!

shellyboo

OP, you're well within your rights to set your own standard for your relationships - but these standards should be made clear at the start of the relationship.


You don't want to go out with someone who has one night stands - I wouldn't want to go out with someone who judges people for having one-night stands. We all have our standards.



Your options are: finish it, or get over it. Either is acceptable. Your choice.