Mutual Friends Between the Ex and I

LegacyUser

Alright. I've been here before, and props to you all. You all gave excellent advice. I broke up with the lad who didn't appreciate me after 2 years (more actually) of my undying love and attention blahblahheart break blah blah. Carrying on.

New problem...we have mutual friends. Our mutual friends wanted to rent a seaside vacationing cottage this summer and they want both of us, naturally, to go. Naturally, I would love to go, as would he. But they were his friends first, so I figure, I should back down and let him go. It would be awkward for both of us and feelings might ignite again, and honestly, I don't want that and I don't want to feel like I'm expected to do something.
So I told one of the people in charge of the trip and she wants me to come along as well.
Should I? He might not go...I don't know...?

Also, there are many events coming up with these mutual friends that love both of us dearly. Should I still go? The breakup wounds are still a little fresh, I won't lie, and the main couple of the group urges us to "try again". I don't want to. I gave him enough and he fell through many a time.

Should I lay low from this group of friends for awhile?
Any suggestions?

Thanks to you all!

kevmy

A weekend away would probably be too much alright.

However if say it was one of the groups birthday and it was a night out I think an appearance could be made, especially if the group is large in some way.

Also talk to the people in the group and tell them that you don't want to get back with your ex.

John Mason

i wouldnt go - you will hav a miserable time and be on edge with the other couple trying to push you back together.

me and BF already have our mutual friends divided up into who gets who, if we break up.

Swashbuckler

I think if you're not comfortable with the situation then you shouldn't go. At the end of the day it's how you feel that's important. I can see why there is a temptation to go - you will have a laugh with all your mates but by the sounds of it you don't seem 100%. Maybe it's too soon. You should definitely talk to some of your close friends (who know the full situation and history) and get their opinion on things. From my experience it's usually good to meet up with an ex but not until enough time has passed. But most importantly do what feels right for you and not what other people tell you to do...

LegacyUser

I think you should go at least for one night. These people are your friends too and they want you there. I think by you not going at all you will make them feel awkward about asking both of you to any event together (i.e. that they have to take sides).

You do not have to spend time with him on this weekend away. If they are all your firends you will have plenty of people to talk to. If you are good friends with them and he is too there will be times when you will both be at the same events etc - you will ahve to deal with this at sometime why not now?

CDfm

I wouldnt go-lots of reasons.If they were his friends first give him first dibs.

It wouldn't be comfortable especially of one of you met someone else or if someone was trying to pair you off.

Now -she might be doing this to make up the numbers and it is her gig and in her interest to get as many going as possible to book the holiday and keep costs down etc.So to stay friends I would add well -if you are stuck for numbers at the end and he definitely wont be there then by all means ask me again closer to the time.

That way you get to keep your friend and avoid potential unhappiness.

puglover

If I were you I would go. If you are such good friends with these people these situations are going to keep arising, and if you want to keep that friendship you are going to have to deal with it at some point.

It's probably the anticipation of it that is the worst and when you get there you'll realise that it's not that bad. You guys won't have to share a room and if there is a big group it will be easy enought to keep a little distance between you.

If you feel that some of your friends are going to be trying to push you together then talk to them, and make your feelings on it clear. They won't want to make this any more uncomfortable for you and I'm sure they'll understand.

Once you get this first one out of the way all the other events will be so much easier.

Taltos

unregistered774 wrote: »

the main couple of the group urges us to "try again"

This says it all - personally I would be wary of going to anything for a while. Best of intentions and all seems like your friends would love to complete their cosy circle by saving your relationship - even if it really is better off dead and buried.

Give it a miss or ask if you can bring a "new" friend - might help get the message through - though it might also cause a reprisal - but if it all over and done with then that should not matter...

cafecolour

Do not go for the summer cottage. Keep in touch by going out with the different members of the group individual - or perhaps a shorter group outing (where you can easily make an excuse to duck out if it gets awkward) - but skip the summer vacation.

They were his friends first + you broke up with him + one couple urging you to get back together + a week together with lots of drink = potential mass drama. And his friends first + you broke up with him definitely gives him first dibs.

The other option is talking to him and see if he's will to coordinate - ie you go for the first 3 days then leave and he goes for the last 4 days or something like that.

King of Kings

i would go. You need to move on and if you want to stay friends with the group it better for all (you, him and them) that you can all socialise together

the weekend away would be a perfect opportunity to go and put some ghosts to rest.