"I give up..... chasing women"

miscac

Hey guys,

I decided to post this topic here to see what kind of feedback it gets from both sexes.

My experience of dating in Galway

For the past couple of months I have been asking out a few girls, some I knew, some I had just met at a bar and decided to buy them a drink to start conversation and wanted to see if they would go on a date. I'm a 25 year old university student, and should be in my prime for dating women, I'm also nice, funny, good taste in music/films, decent looking... you know... all the basics are there, nothing that would instantly turn a girl away. I have no problem talking to girls and have a sizable amount of friends of both sexes, pretty much 50-50, so I'm not socially retarded either. Well over the past few months I have asked several girls out and asked them for a drink, the majority accepted. But upon what I thought was a successful night with the girl (getting along with their friends, having fun, cracking jokes, sharing interests) I ask if we can do this again? And I get the the ubiquitous line "I think you are a really nice guy, but no." This has been my dating experience.

This whole "nice guy" thing seems to be pretty detrimental for dating purposes. Now maybe I should be metro-sexual and start wearing skin tight jeans and look depressed and into myself all the time, or beef-up, follow football, wear expensive shirts and go dancing to lame music in the cattle mart that is CP's, but that's not me, however these guys always seem to have chicks hanging off them. Even the guys who are out and out dicks, which just baffles me.

"I give up!"

Now I understand that people go through dry patches, this is not the first one and it wont be the last, but id like to share something that has helped my brain quite a bit to any male going through this same situation. So after a drunken 8am conversation with my male friend who has the same bother as me, he came out with a great piece of drunken insight... "I give up". This "I give up" idea is a complete shift of paradigm for me. I have stopped actively looking for women, and it actually frees up a lot of thinking space in your brain... if you can understand where I'm coming from there. Anytime that I meet a new girl now that could be potential dating material and those thoughts of "how can I get her to notice me?" completely vanish as soon as I remember "I give up". This completely changes the stance and actually makes your night more enjoyable than chasing women during the night only to watch your efforts go to waste. It also leaves a lot more time for the dancefloor, and it's cheaper. Ironically its also well known that if you try not to get with a girl, the chances of you getting with her increase... overthinking this point can lead to a brainfart of epic proportions. :eek:

So this will be my mantra for quite a while I think, until something random happens. I'd like to know your opinion on this stance, from both sexes preferably.

Fionn MacCool

tl;dr
Are you female, do you want a shag?

JohnCleary

Um, didn't you post the exact same thing (more or less) about a week ago under a different username?

Tell ya what, if yer givin up chasing women... if you decide to start chasing men, stay the feck away from me :eek:

ErnieBert

The root of your problem might be highlighted by the title of your thread..."chasing women".

Chill out and if it happens, it happens. Then it will happen.

as far as i can see, if you're not from galway city, the place is a disaster for dating and most people would agree..

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

mikom

Here's where you went wrong.... DATING.
It's Ireland.
What ever happened to going for a few pints, havin' the craic, and then seeing what follows.

What with all the Milkshake joints and dating, I fear we are becoming the 51st state.

gaeilgegrinds

The key is not to try...meet up with people, but not with anything in particular in mind. I spent ages feeling like you, Galway is notoriously bad for singletons, singles night this Thursday but think it's booked up. Then again that would be looking! Thankfully I'm happy out now but it took a long time!

Zzippy

Deleted User wrote: »

as far as i can see, if you're not from galway city, the place is a disaster for dating and most people would agree..

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

Maybe if you're a loser who doesn't know how to talk to people. Galway has a huge number of people who weren't boen here and moved here for work, are you saying none of them have a chance?
I'm here 5 years and have "dated" several women here, both from Galway and other places in Ireland, currently with a Galway girl, have several friends not from Galway also going out with Galway girls, and other going out with people they met here.

cornbb

I think you're right OP. Going out on the chase just isn't some people's "thing". If you don't go out with the intention of finding a wimmins chances are you'll have a much better night. Make having a great night your objective for the night, not scoring, and if you DO happen to get lucky some night then its just a big bonus.

Hang on... this isn't PI... :eek: eh I mean PICS OR GTFO!!!!111

bigeasyeah

You prob try too hard.

Pete4779

Forget that you are a nice guy, forget about buying them a drink (what person would refuse free booze). Is there any reason for them to be attracted to you? Since when were all the things you mentioned "the basics" - the basics of what? Are these the traits exhibited by men who are successful with women?

Hopefully you won't just "give up". Celibacy is not the answer. MTFU.

Fionn MacCool

What sort of mug buys burds drinks? You can be nice without offering to buy a drink you know, and any burd who demands a drink can get tae ****.

Zzippy

Zzippy wrote: »

Maybe if you're a loser who doesn't know how to talk to people.

did you call me a loser?

miscac

Hah, I thought that this topic would get some responses. Well to answer a few questions:

Fionn MacCool wrote: »

tl;dr
Are you female, do you want a shag?

Nope male.

JohnCleary wrote: »

Um, didn't you post the exact same thing (more or less) about a week ago under a different username?
Tell ya what, if yer givin up chasing women... if you decide to start chasing men, stay the feck away from me

Nope not me, can you put the link up here? And no wont be chasing men

mikom wrote: »

Here's where you went wrong.... DATING.
It's Ireland.
What ever happened to going for a few pints, havin' the craic, and then seeing what follows.
What with all the Milkshake joints and dating, I fear we are becoming the 51st state.

Well when I say "dating" I mean getting their number and then texting them to see if they want to meet up in a pub for drinks. If that initial one works out well then we can take it from there. In my experience, they worked out well, no awkwardness a few jars and a few laughs, but at the end of the night they wouldn't want to know.

Pete4779 wrote: »

Forget that you are a nice guy, forget about buying them a drink (what person would refuse free booze). Is there any reason for them to be attracted to you? Since when were all the things you mentioned "the basics" - the basics of what? Are these the traits exhibited by men who are successful with women?
Hopefully you won't just "give up". Celibacy is not the answer. MTFU.

Well not having the brain of a woman I don't really know what they find attractive in men. Are they traits of men who are successful with women? Well since they are my traits I would say not likely. "The basics" are things that I think wouldn't send a woman screaming in the other direction, but good point.

Not being celibate either, just not trying anymore. MTFU... is probably the best advice for any given occasion.

stevecrow74

i'm a blow in, stopped looking/chasing after women due to medical reasons (knee is in dire need of surgery)...

and guess what happens, i've been seeing someone from Galway for just over 2 weeks now..

dont give up hope... just go out and have the craic regardless, you'll have more chance of finding someone when your not looking than when you are... possibly something to do with when your not looking your being yourself, and when you are looking your trying too hard!!!!

jayoo

i think when it comes to girls its all about confidence, Unfortnatuly i have none:(. Prob reason i dont go out much.

I usually end up hooking up with friends of friends, girls who get to know me, and thats cool, but wish i could just stroll into a nightclub and feel confident Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, DAMN DAWN AND A DOUBLE HELPING OF DAMN FOR THE WEEKEND:mad:

JohnCleary

TBH you're also looking in the wrong places. You're looking in a pub, and your ice breaker is to byu them a drink? Way off the mark buddy.

What are your hobbies? Join a club or something, at least that way if you find someone you like you know you have something in common. All you know you have in common with some mucker in a pub is that ye both like drinking. She could be a total knobhead other than that.

cL0h

JohnCleary wrote: »

TBH you're also looking in the wrong places. You're looking in a pub, and your ice breaker is to byu them a drink? Way off the mark buddy.

What are your hobbies? Join a club or something, at least that way if you find someone you like you know you have something in common. All you know you have in common with some mucker in a pub is that ye both like drinking. She could be a total knobhead other than that.

I agree with JohnCleary.
What are you expecting for this drink anyway? If a girl accepts a drink and then says "See ya later!" an hour later then she's not a nice person right? So then she's not your type.
So most nice girls (that I know at least) won't accept a drink in the first place if they suspect in any way that you want something from them.
Do any of your friends have a girlfriend? Suggest going out with them and her friends. Don't try and hit on them after two drinks, don't even do it after two nights out cos you'll just close off the potential options that will arise in time.
You can talk to girls the same way as you talk to boys instead of with the immediate idea that you nedd a shag (or eternal married bliss).
If none of your friends have girlfriends or female friends then your problem is that your group is too male oriented and see girls as an alien species. That's when you need to join a club or something and meet people in a neutral context.

chinapples

I don't understand why your going out to try and date women?surely a woman will see a desperate guy(i am sorry but this is what you sound like)....whatever happened to heading out on a night out,enjoying the craic,few pints and then wayhey! if you end up scoring,you do-but jesus do not be going out of your way to buy women drinks and going to the bar to spark up conversation with them-that is merely giving all those women who see a "free drinks" guy at the bar an easy opportunity to take advantage and an easy way to save their money.I have several friends who I know would do this, it is really horrible and I think if you are as nice a guy as you say,it'll come eventually...but stop giving those "scabby" women the chance to take you for granted....I genuinely have never gone out to score a guy, never! Thanks be to god,I have a great boyfriend who I am with 3years and he didnt have to buy me a drink to chat me up....Stop thinking you need to buy women drinks all the time to get noticed....you'll have a burnt pocket and a dodgy burn smell from your chinos if you do!

JohnCleary

The amount of times that my GF comes back from the bar with a free drink for me is gas. I tell her I didn't want a drink and the usual reponse is "Some guy insisted on buying me a drink, so I got one for you" - Keep up the good work OP

PopeBuckfastXVI

JohnCleary wrote: »

The amount of times that my GF comes back from the bar with a free drink for me is gas. I tell her I didn't want a drink and the usual reponse is "Some guy insisted on buying me a drink, so I got one for you" - Keep up the good work OP

pics or it's not true...

ScumLord

miscac wrote: »

For the past couple of months I have been asking out a few girls, some I knew, some I had just met at a bar and decided to buy them a drink to start conversation and wanted to see if they would go on a date. I'm a 25 year old university student, and should be in my prime for dating women, I'm also nice, funny, good taste in music/films, decent looking... you know... all the basics are there, nothing that would instantly turn a girl away. I have no problem talking to girls and have a sizable amount of friends of both sexes, pretty much 50-50, so I'm not socially retarded either.

Ah well, there's your problem right there. Everybody loves a retard.

biko

http://therword.org/

mikom

Chasin' women, Stewie-style.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDX5c3nXexc

Mike...

Hang around Supermacs from 1.30 onwards....Its like a human slops tray

JohnCleary

PopeBuckfastXVI wrote: »

pics or it's not true...

Here's a picture taken of us last week on a romantic weekend away:



muwahahahahaha :pac:

PopeBuckfastXVI

JohnCleary wrote: »

Here's a picture taken of us last week on a romantic weekend away

Can I buy her a drink?

Zzippy

Deleted User wrote: »

did you call me a loser?

I dunno. Are you?

Zzippy

Zzippy wrote: »

I dunno. Are you?

nope.

Mighty_Mouse

Mmakin the same mistake a lot of single women make.
Dont view every member of the opposite sex in terms of date/not date.

JohnCleary

PopeBuckfastXVI wrote: »

Can I buy her a drink?

Best buy her a few :pac:

midouri

Deleted User wrote: »

as far as i can see, if you're not from galway city, the place is a disaster for dating and most people would agree..

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

I have to agree with ya...being a dublin gal it is a bit of a disaster down here.

I would say though.....if ur out looking to meet someone ...you generally don't...
it seems like when you're looking...one sends out some kinda signal (almost one of desperation). It's funny how its picked up subconsciously i think.

I'm sure you're a nice guy but just (like someone else put it) chill out. Don't be too eager to impress either...just act a little cool when ur out. First and foremost, go out to have a good night with ur mates and if you meet someone thats a bonus. I myself don't look nowadays and if i meet someone its great but there is absolutely nothing that wrecks my head more than meeting up with a group of women who are just trying to look cool but are reeking desperation.......i have met a few over the last few years (they are mates with ya until they find a guy and then ya don't see em for dust....it's sheer pathetic).
Best of luck...don't let it beat ya...chin up...you will meet someone, but try forget bout it and it will happen naturally.

miscac

Oh man, some of the replies are great

OK, I should clear things up a bit tho first. Most of the time I meet girls in pubs and end up chatting to them in some shape or form, then if they seem interested or are sound, I ask for their number at the end of the night. I'd text them later to see if they want to meet up for drinks during the week, and yeah then I would offer buy them a drink. Most refuse to be bought drinks actually.

But there is a definite common ground with both sexes here, and that is... not to approach women with the idea of trying to score, at all. If it happens it happens kinda logic. Which changes my idea of women wanting to be sought after.

But this does fit in with my experiences with when I actually do score. It happens randomly when blind drunk. I have no idea how it happens, mostly because I can't remember when I wake up the next morning. I was kinda hoping to move away from that idea, but... it works better than this approach.

Oh and good point Mighty_Mouse, thanks for the replies

midouri

chinapples wrote: »

I don't understand why your going out to try and date women?surely a woman will see a desperate guy(i am sorry but this is what you sound like)....whatever happened to heading out on a night out,enjoying the craic,few pints and then wayhey! if you end up scoring,you do-but jesus do not be going out of your way to buy women drinks and going to the bar to spark up conversation with them-that is merely giving all those women who see a "free drinks" guy at the bar an easy opportunity to take advantage and an easy way to save their money.I have several friends who I know would do this, it is really horrible and I think if you are as nice a guy as you say,it'll come eventually...but stop giving those "scabby" women the chance to take you for granted....I genuinely have never gone out to score a guy, never! Thanks be to god,I have a great boyfriend who I am with 3years and he didnt have to buy me a drink to chat me up....Stop thinking you need to buy women drinks all the time to get noticed....you'll have a burnt pocket and a dodgy burn smell from your chinos if you do!

I doubt he thinks he needs to buy drinks for women....c'mon give the guy a break...it's called being a gentleman...he's not a fool just descent

midouri

Fionn MacCool wrote: »

What sort of mug buys burds drinks? You can be nice without offering to buy a drink you know, and any burd who demands a drink can get tae ****.

cop on....don't change and become like this prat

Pete4779

miscac wrote: »

"The basics" are things that I think wouldn't send a woman screaming in the other direction, but good point.

There are no basics other than you are not a rapist. You have to be yourself and stop being all things to all people. The fact that you say your "basics" are there so a woman run off screaming, actually screams of an inferiority complex.

What you want is women running screaming towards you. At the moment, all that you can show is that they don't run away; which is why, ironically, you find yourself right in the middle.

Mrs OBumble

Deleted User wrote: »

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

Me!

But I'm forr'in, the rules might be different for me.

Zzippy

Deleted User wrote: »

nope.

Cool. Good for you!

cL0h

jayoo wrote: »

i think when it comes to girls its all about confidence, Unfortnatuly i have none:(. Prob reason i dont go out much.

There's a fine line between confidence and self delusion. Some of the guys who come up "talking" to my girlfriend are seriously deluded.

As for this whole "I'm not from Galway. There's some kind of clique going on." I think that's an excuse. Most people who grew up and went to school in and around Galway city know more people around here so they don't have the same attitude as students/migrants from other parts.
If you make a fool of yourself trying to constantly chat up randomers, someone will inevitably know someone who knows you from elsewhere and you will get a reputation as... well... a fool even if the story never gets back to you.
This town gets smaller every day.

Tomebagel

i know this fine bird called Nora, im sure youve often seen her around town with a fag in her mouth... if ya want i could hook ye guys up?:p

ManoCornuta

I'm a girl, but I speak for myself in that there's nothing worse than dates.

I just...I just loathe them....

I might make an exception for Nora though. Fine bit of shtuff!

OP, go dogging in the strand. Great way to meet new people

stiff kitten

the fact that you say that you are not "socially retarted" implies you actually are because you think that there are people who are retarted out there....just the wording is wrong...if you were talking to me on a night out and said that someone was socially retarted i would be thinking....(no he's no class)

secondly, you'll meet someone when the times right...
if you are desperate to meet someone, girls can feel the vibes...not good
chillax when your out, have the craic and see what happens..
:pac:

miscac

Pete4779 wrote: »

There are no basics other than you are not a rapist. You have to be yourself and stop being all things to all people. The fact that you say your "basics" are there so a woman run off screaming, actually screams of an inferiority complex.
What you want is women running screaming towards you. At the moment, all that you can show is that they don't run away; which is why, ironically, you find yourself right in the middle.

Well I don't try to be all things to all people, I know that that's impossible, but you know, the "basics" would be what I would like within any person (dating or not) and I assumed that it would be the same for others.

As for the inferiority complex, well yeah I would say that that's a fair point, I would be outwardly confident, but not inwardly if you get my meaning.

stiff kitten wrote: »

the fact that you say that you are not "socially retarted" implies you actually are because you think that there are people who are retarted out there....just the wording is wrong...if you were talking to me on a night out and said that someone was socially retarted i would be thinking....(no he's no class)
secondly, you'll meet someone when the times right...
if you are desperate to meet someone, girls can feel the vibes...not good
chillax when your out, have the craic and see what happens..

I noticed a link that someone else pointed to about saying retarded, and for that I apologise if I caused any offense.

However if on a night out a girl took the hump over something she regarded as offensive, I would know that she would definitly not be my type. It would mean that I could never be myself around her and I would have to watch what I say. Although by doing this I'm sure I'm pretty much eliminating ~95% of the female population.

As for your second point, most people here are also saying the same thing.
Thanks for the replies :P

oneofakind32

I have come to 2 conclusions,
1. Woman don't want nice guys.
2. Life is a series of crushing defeats so you might as well take up chain smoking.

ManoCornuta

I'm afraid oneofakind32 may be right, I'ven ever fancied quintessential "nice guys" and only last night a mate asked me if I'd do a mate of ours and I told him no because he was too nice

cornbb

Can I ask what age you are ManoCornuta, just out of sheer curiosity? Hope I don't sound like I'm being rude, I'm just wondering if its just younger women who have this attitude about "nice guys" or if the same attitude sticks around in, say, the late 20s or early 30s, when a lot of women might be looking for something a bit more serious.

oneofakind32

cornbb wrote: »

Can I ask what age you are ManoCornuta, just out of sheer curiosity? Hope I don't sound like I'm being rude, I'm just wondering if its just younger women who have this attitude about "nice guys" or if the same attitude sticks around in, say, the late 20s or early 30s, when a lot of women might be looking for something a bit more serious.

I think younger women give nice guys more a chance. I think its also something to do with people wanting what they can't have.
Back to the topic, galway just isn't a great place for finding women anyway.

PopeBuckfastXVI

ManoCornuta wrote: »

I'm afraid oneofakind32 may be right, I'ven ever fancied quintessential "nice guys" and only last night a mate asked me if I'd do a mate of ours and I told him no because he was too nice

Enjoy your domestic abuse...

gaeilgegrinds

There is a certain appeal to, 'bad boys,' but in my opinion they rarely change. That reputation does not come from nowhere, they've earned it. When I was younger they are all I went for. Then I realised my, 'type,' didn't work and started seeing people who were not exactly that type. That is when things work out.

ManoCornuta

Going for guys who aren't quinessentially "nice guys" does not make me a doormat, nor a punchbag. I know plenty of guys who fit into my category, and not one has ever raised a hand to me. Thanks for the concern though PopeBuckfastXVI. Touching.

I'm 18 cornbb, and I think you may have a point about older women who are looking for something more serious perhaps going for nicer guys.