I need to find out

canaries

I'm confused.Should i try and find out if i'm being cheated on.I think i need to find out but don't really know if i want the answer,especially if i am.How will i find out.

tba

Why would you think you are being cheated on?

LegacyUser

I always believe that u dont think things for no reason!!!

canaries

The atmosphere has been different of late.there is nothing too obvious but when you have been with someone as long as we've been together small things show up as mountains.

star-pants

Have you tried talking to your OH? Asking them if anything is bothering them / that you've noticed a change?

smileysurfer

I wouldnt jump in and accuse him of cheating when you have no evidence. Your feeling that something is wrong may also be wrong, He might have cheated but also it could be number of other things thats caused a change in his ways. Talk to him about it, say things are different and ask if theres anything bothering him, then take it from there.

canaries

i've brought it up in a roundbout way on a couple of occasions and the reaction i get i would regard as suspicious

LegacyUser

In similar situation myself. I'm planning to talk to him tonight. In your case OP I think you definitely need to talk more about what's going on. Whether or not he's been cheating there are obviously reasons for you to be worrying about it. I agree with others who said not to outright accuse him of it but make it clear that you're concerned about the relationship.

Hope it works out for you.

smileysurfer

Your not giving much info here so its difficult to help but.... I suggest bringing it up again until you come to the root of the problem and get some answers.

LegacyUser

Hi canaries, first off sorry to hear you are having problems, I know what you are going through. My oh and I have been together for 13 years and about 3 years ago I noticed a change in him, nothing I could put my finger on but I could "feel" it iykwim?

I tried talking to him and all I got was 'theres nothing wrong with me, its you etc' He did have me convinced for a while I was the one with a problem.

That is until I was sending a txt on his phone one day and I came across a msg from a girl we both knew and it was a bit too familiar if you get me? Anyway to get to the point I was in a position where if I didn't find out I would have gone round the twist altogether so I asked a friend of mine who had a friend who was in the pi business (all very cloak and dagger!) to follow my oh on one of his many nights out, and low and behold there he was with your woman in a very compromising position . It knocked me for six I have to say but I'm glad I found out, we split for a while - almost a year but we have kids and gradually we are working things through, the trust is not at 100% yet but we are getting there.

I would say to you if this is causing huge problems in your relationship and you are getting no answers to your questions and you *really* want to know then do find out.
best of luck.

Redpunto

If he hasnt been cheating and you accuse him of that it would be devastating for the relationship - things can feel different for any number of reasons, he may be stressed, job or money problems, family problems but saying all that I would trust my gut instinct.

Its definately better to know these things then to live in oblivion - how you go about finding out though, i wouldnt have a clue.

LegacyUser

Just do what I did, hire a PI to check up on him.

LegacyUser

Be careful about this, one false move could ruin the relationship whether or not he's cheating. And more than likely you'll never know then.

Send this girl a text from his phone, innocently enough, "forget" to say its from you and if your bf asks just say you cant find yours and want to make plans with this friend.

Then see what she replies. It's up to you what to put in the text but ambiguous is better.