Broken woman

regina falange

My problem is that i dont have any friends. I have absolutely nobody to go out with. My nights off are spent sitting in. And i am feeling so lonely lately. All i seem to be doing is working and I think there has to be more to life than this! I dont know what to do get out of this rut i am in, and cant get the motivation to get out of bed on my days of. Dont see the point in it anymore. I dont have a boyfriend, been single almost 2 yrs. im going to be 30 this yr and Im so scared I'll be alone forever.Ifeel broken right now

Lucy Lu

It is not nice or good to be feeling like that. Friendships are a two way thing and you have to make an effort too.

Try talking to people at work, maybe organise a evening out. Or sign up for a local evening course. There must be something you have an interest in.

It can be daunting trying to make new friends but maybe with a little effort you will find it gets easier.

Good luck.

Nevyn

what are your intrests and hobbies, what would you love to learn to do?
There are forums here for just about everything, and each has it's own community who
usually have regular meet ups. The ladies lounge has meet ups every few weeks.

If you want to you can get your self out and making new friends.

Tirabaralla

I hope it doesn't matter if my answer it's a bit unconventional...


This and you have my understanding...try harder, it will repay.
Be strong.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

HI Op,

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely,

It is important to have someone there for you when you need validation or just the simple touch from someone,


My advice is to start to change your thinking, the thought patterns you have from the past are making you just keep to this type of routine going, Maybe try change your days up a bit,

Maybe Go to a yoga/meditation class just to feel you are part of another group instead of just work, ask the universe for a friend, keep thinking of someone who is nice try manifest this to you by thinking it,

The sooner you feel you deserve it it will come to you.

John Mason

Join a dating agency and start going out to their socials, you will make friends and maybe get yourself a bloke as well

or go to the many boards beers that are organised

there are hundreds of events, courses, days out organised all over the country. find one you are interested in and go.

you could volunteer, www.nixer.ie is full of volunteering vancancies, as is www.activelink.ie

there are hundreds of things you can be doing rather then sitting around feeling sorry for yourself

Taltos

Not a good place to be in.

Thing to keep in mind that no matter how low you are there are others out there who feel as you do.
The advice above is all sound - in terms of trying to develop new interests and widen your group of friends.

Try loads of new things though - you never know you could hit on an activity that just lights up your life. And through enjoying that activity you may come into contact with different people. Try not to focus though on just meeting people - instead do something for you - it will make you happier and this in turn will draw people to the new happier you.

However - you say you cannot get motivated - this could be a sign of something deeper. You may be suffering from a form of depression - so while it is all well and good for all of us to tell you to get out - you maybe just cannot face this.
Maybe pop to your local doc and explain how you are feeling - you might simply need a supplement or maybe even a mild anti-depressant - or maybe just a friendly ear, or even a dietary change.
Once you can get past that hurdle then maybe you can get out to try something new.

Who knows>
jogging / running / walking / orienteering / kayaking / squash / gym / tennis / there are loads of things out there - so try them all. 30 feels like a big milestone - but it is just a number - that is what I keep telling myself a good few years later

mark renton

I reckon 30 is the age where you have to be learning to be comfortable with yourself, and in some cases this means realising that its ok to be single

grizzly

Hi OP, like Taltos said maybe you need to find an activity to boost you up. You could try martial arts – it will raise you self confidence / feeling of well-being and your bound to meet lots of new people through it.

You could head to the the forum and describe the ideal group/exercise you'd like to find, I'm sure you'll get loads of good suggestions...

Anyway, your taken the first positive step to finding a solution

smileysurfer

grizzly wrote: »

Hi OP, like Taltos said maybe you need to find an activity to boost you up. You could try martial arts – it will raise you self confidence / feeling of well-being and your bound to meet lots of new people through it.

You could head to the the forum and describe the ideal group/exercise you'd like to find, I'm sure you'll get loads of good suggestions...

Anyway, your taken the first positive step to finding a solution

I agree with Grizzley, and if martial arts doesnt suit (which it may not) theres lots of other sports or activity clubs you could join. They are great ways to meet new people. Sitting in each night is not helping you and seems to be making you more down. Get yourself out there and give it a chance. I bet you wont regret it. Best of Luck x

regina falange

Hi all, Thanks for all the replies.

Ye are all right about getting out and being proactive, just sometimes its easier said than don! But I know myself i do have to take up some activity. I work evenings too and most weekends, so will have to take up something in the daytime and that will fit in around work.
Taltos - you mentioned about depression and sometimes I do think that I am, like some days I cant even think about moving out of bed and no amount of reasoning in my head willl make me get up. I know that its not normal but I wouldnt feel comfortable going to my doctor about it, Some days are worse than others though. I guess the only person that can make me happy is me -

Karen09

hi love,
just after suggesting this to anther person in a thread similar to urs. u could perhaps try one of the friend sites eg. maybe friends. ud be surprised to see how many are in the exact same situation as u!!! i have a friend who has thrived on these sites .hope it helps xx

Taltos

regina falange wrote: »

Some days are worse than others though. I guess the only person that can make me happy is me -

Hi OP - these appear to me as classic signals of depression.
Start small - try to get out - or seek that little bit of leverage from a doctor (friendly family one - not old curmudgeod that treated you as kid )

just remember there are loads of folk feeling the same as you - so the doc will know how best to help you. Depression affects loads here - but it is our dirty little secret. How can you not get depressed when for the last 2 yrs no summer and most days it is cloudy and raining.

Try to get some help though, and then find some activity to keep you active.

Me - 1 day a week a few of us now go for a 30 min run at lunch - just came up over conversations a while back. You'd be amazed at how getting outside in fresh air during the day helps. We all come back energised - well now we do - at first we all came back in bits and sore from the run. Now it is something to look forward to - although sometimes due to committments only 1 of us manages to get out.

Elbi

I am very sorry to hear about your situation, everyone needs a friend.
I so often read posts on boards from people not having friends or all their friends being married and so on.

I do agree that the best way to meet people is to get more active and I know that is easier said than done, it can be hard to take the first step and join a group when you are doing so alone.
If I were you Id join an evening class, like cookery, art, pottery etc. i think classes like that would be easier to meet people.
I wouldn't bother joining any dating agencies yet as it seems you are more looking from friends than a partner.

crazzzzy

Do you have house mates or work colleagues?

Don't feel like you're the only lonely person out there cause everyone feels it at some stage when friends move on or you move to another place. Just imagine you are in a new country and don't know anyone....how would you make friends? Ya you need to get outta the house even if its for a walk cause you'll never meet people at home (i was nearly a hermit for few months last year so know what im on about).

Try some of the social networks and you might find some old friends you havnt seen in a while. Don't be afraid to contact old friends or talk to new people cause the very worst thats gonna happen is they don't reply and thats their loss.

Sports or other activities are great for meeting people aswel and you'll feel better about yourself cause you aren't at home lonely.

Hope this helps but at the end of the day its up to you to make some changes.

JangoFett

regina falange wrote: »

My problem is that i dont have any friends. I have absolutely nobody to go out with. My nights off are spent sitting in. And i am feeling so lonely lately. All i seem to be doing is working and I think there has to be more to life than this! I dont know what to do get out of this rut i am in, and cant get the motivation to get out of bed on my days of. Dont see the point in it anymore. I dont have a boyfriend, been single almost 2 yrs. im going to be 30 this yr and Im so scared I'll be alone forever.Ifeel broken right now

Sometimes I feel like this and I'm only 23.

You're ina good place though, you know you don't want this, you DON'T want to sit around and do nothing with yourself, but you're bummed out and scared to do anything. You may not want to do anything alone because you'll feel like a saddo for doing it alone, that's how I've felt before.

So what you need to do is force yourself to do things;
go for a walk
go to the cinema
ring someone you haven't seen in ages
go to a gig

Seriously, ANYTHING to get you out of the house!