Can you get over cheating?

LegacyUser

If so, how?

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years hasn't directly said to my face he has cheated but he doesn't need to, I know he has. Something has happened in the past put it that way.

How can you get over it and stop imagining them with someone else? Have you forgiven a partner for cheating and do you 100% feel ok now and trust them? I am talking maybe a ONS here, no long term affairs or anything. I know he has had some form of a ONS, I just know. However, you very rarely get evidence of this form of cheating but I just know.

How can I stop thinking about it?

Das Kitty

I don't know if it's possible to get over cheating, thankfully it hasn't been a factor in my life thus far.

However I don't think you can get over anything unless you thoroughly talk it over. It all needs to come out and be talked through completely.

bubblewrap

I am not sure I could if I found my man to have done something, I mean maybe a random drunken snog would seriously hurt my feelings but some people have to go through the pain of finding their partner to have cheated intentionally with someone for months/years.

I never ever condone cheating but if he did something ages ago drunk on a night out, then what can you do? It all depends on how much you love them and what you are willing to lose over one evening, which could have been the biggest mistake of their life.

What makes you definately know he has done something?

smileysurfer

You need to confirm first that he has indeed cheated before you plan on getting over it. You need to confront him as its not fair on you and it will drive you mad guessing. If the relationship is strong enough it will survive, depending on the crime

bubblewrap

You definately need the truth before you can start 'getting over' anything, for all you know he may have been an angel - what is there to get over? Would he actually admit it if he did?

Have you actually chatted over this before? I don't understand how you are so certain unless he has been acting shifty or have heard rumours...you need to ask him in a calm way so he doesn't become defensive. He is more likely to open up if he is confident he won't be faced with a banshee afterwards.

That_Guy

Cheating is one of the worst things that has ever occured in my life and I can honestly say that I've never gotten over it. You need to move on.

Once a cheater always a cheater imo.

star-pants

Firstly you'd want to be 110% sure he's cheated before you make any decisions.
You say you 'just know' but sometimes that's not always what happened.

If he did - then it's down to you to decide if you can get over it or not.
Personally, I'm not sure I could, would all depend on the situation etc. It's very wrong to cheat IMO and I;ve had it done to me and it's not nice in the slightest.
BUT I do understand how some people are able to get past it.

CathyMoran

Firstly, you need to know for certain if he did cheat. Then you have to judge his reaction if he did - is he appologetic/ashamed? or does he say it is nothing or refuses to talk about it? If he is sorry that is a good start. People can and do make mistakes and you can get over this but only if you truely put it in the past (easier said than done). Best wishes to you - you need to know either way.

villains77

Once a cheater always a cheater imo.[/quote]

hear hear. its true you never do get over it if it happen to you. just move on if he HAS cheated.

dreamer_ire

You need to talk to him about it first and get a clear picture for yourself.

In answer to your question though my ex cheated on her ex with me.... and even though she never cheated on me there was always a little niggle in the back of my mind that she could. So to me cheating = move on... it's not worth it.

LegacyUser

Take it from a cheat....once a cheat always a cheat! You can`t trust him and I think your a bit too understanding. Its not your problem that you have to learn to get over it - its his problem that he has to earn your trust back. You need to tackle this issue why are you not confronting him?

LegacyUser

You can get over if he cheated, it is not always the end. My husband cheated on me a few years ago (before we were married), it was a big mistake and I know that he has never done it since.

HalloweenJack

First off, you need to talk to him about it and get the whole truth sorted out. You may have yourself convinced that he cheats but it's not fair on him to dump him because you think he's cheated. Be sure that you know he has done it. If you can prove that, then by all means, dump him and get on with your life.

I think you don't believe it yourself. You've come on here looking for advice. You haven't dumped him; even though you're convinced he's cheated on you. You keep saying "I just know"; if you confront him over this and he asks you why you think he's cheated and you reply "I just know" then he will be pretty annoyed, and rightly so if you ask me.

Again, make sure you are certain and have evidence that he actually is cheating on you before accusing him of it; it's not fair on him otherwise. Also, it could ruin your relationship if he hasn't.

PK2008

AFAIK you can get over cheating, some couples even say it made their relationship stronger but it takes alot of communication, then space, then communcation, then space and just generally a commtiment to being honest and doing what you BOTH can to address the problems of the relationship and rebuild trust.

The cheater defintely need to demonstrate sincere regret but the "cheatee" needs to be able forgive aswell- its a 2 way thing, without both efforts it will just degenrate into a long drawn out toxic cycle of guilt and revenge that drains you both.

jellie

its different for every relationship. it depends on what was done, the circumstances, the ppl involved etc etc. some people can get over it, some people cant.

but you dont really seem to trust him anyway. if you dont trust him now when you dont know anything for certain how would you ever trust him KNOWING he has.