He's moving away

pikachucheeks

Hey!

Just a quick post;

Guy I like is moving to Canada for a year pretty soon (a month)

We met over a month ago, both like each other etc, seen each other a few times.

We were chatting the other night, and he suggested that because it would make things harder when he left, that we held back on our feelings and didn't spend much time together before he goes.

While I understand why he'd say this, my point was that there's only one life - and you shouldn't live your life in fear of the future and what's to come ... If you have feelings for someone, you should try to express them!

We're torn between what to do.

What would you do, faced with that situation?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Forget having an exclusive relationship while he's away, ya don't know each other long enough.

The fact that he's going away is making the idea more attractive to you as its so unattainable.

No reason you cant keep contact, just dont be overbearing. If you're single when he comes back you never know what might happen

pikachucheeks

Oh, just to clarify;

We've agreed that we'll keep in touch when he's away and that'll we'll be friends.

I'm just wondering if it's worth having a bit of fun before he goes, considering the feelings are there, at this present time?

Bottle_of_Smoke

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Oh, just to clarify;

We've agreed that we'll keep in touch when he's away and that'll we'll be friends.

I'm just wondering if it's worth having a bit of fun before he goes, considering the feelings are there, at this present time?

If it was me, I'd have fun. All depends on what you think of casual fun. If its really good before he goes he might be more likely to think of you when he returns

cafecolour

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Oh, just to clarify;

We've agreed that we'll keep in touch when he's away and that'll we'll be friends.

I'm just wondering if it's worth having a bit of fun before he goes, considering the feelings are there, at this present time?

Depends on your personalities.

A) The type that you two can have a fun fling, you'll keep in touch, and if it works out later, it works out.

The type that this will intensify it massively, you'll take a stab at a long distance relationship - or at least wish you had. You'll get jealous or depressed when you hear he's taken up with someone new, it will occupy you emotionally, and possibly ruin future chances.

Obviously, if A, go for it. If B, don't go for it. Unless you are B, and you are hooked enough already that you'll get jealous/emotional anyway, then you might as well have good reason for it

MadgeBadge

Having (quite) recently gone through a break up, I would never deliberately put myself through the pain of missing somebody.

But maybe I'm just a little bruised at the moment.

Do you think if you had a little fun before he left you would be hung up on him when he was gone?

LegacyUser

I've never posted here before so hope this turns out ok.In the exact same position at the moment myself. My boyfriend of a few months is going to australia for a year. We were getting on really well but then decided that it might be easier to see each other less before he goes so I wouldn't be left here missing him and he wouldnt be pining away over there.Straight after that ,I regretted the decision and thought maybe we should just go on as usual and keep seeing each other but when he said we'd prob get alot closer and so used to seeing each other that it would make it so much harder to suddenly not be together, I realised he was right.Havent seen each other in a few wks, we're still keeping in contact a good bit now and hopefully will see each other to say goodbye (haven't decided about this yet). Was actually thinking of opening a new thread to ask for advice on whether to go to his going away party but think I've decided for myself that I'll go in case I regret not going.Sorry didnt mean to make this about me!! Basically my advice is I'm doing the whole seeing each other less thing now and don't know yet if its for the best since ha hasn't gone yet but the fact that I know I'll miss him so much when he goes and that by seeing each other less it might make it less painful in any way for either of us is the only thing that keeps me from saying that I have to see him now

LegacyUser

as i said i really dont know how to post so that was sent before I was finished!

Hope it made some sense though!

The same as you we plan on keeping in touch when he's gone he thinks it will be good I'm not sure yet...... gonna see how that goes.Trying not to just focus on the fact that he might even be home early but think at the back of my mind thats probably whats keeping me going! Have been hearing alot recently from friends and others that the job situation in australia/other places i.e. canada?? may not be what it has been made out to be.

Not sure how much you see each other now or how attached you are if you know what i mean but basically I think you should maybe cut back on seeing each other as much......... as in don't spend every moment of every day together as the shock of suddenly being without someone you were happy with might be even harder to deal with than breaking up cos at least then there was a good reason like things weren't working out?? not sure about this yet but have been through breakups in the past and imagining this could be alot harder cos I was really happy for the first time in so long:(

I think you should try and just have some perspective and try to think about what will be best for both of you in the long run. Only you know what you can deal with or how upset you'll be when he goes and if you could or would want to avoid some of that pain.

Whatever you decide know that you're not the only one going through this but I always believe, and have to keep reminding myself alot lately, that everything works out in the end!!

Good luck!:)

pikachucheeks

Thanks for all your advice

For now, we've agreed to be friends, for the moment and just chat online, keep a bit of physical distance!

I guess, being honest, I would like to meet up with him before he goes ... but we'll see, closer to the time!

LegacyUser

Oh my god- im just reading through these forums - the fella i was seeing back in july last year for 10 weeks...he went to Austalia- is still there at the moment. i was in pieces when he left but now 6mnths on we are still in contact and he still being super sweet- like nothing has really changed. The only bad thing is the time difference hes like 10 hours ahead of us but at the moment is wrkin nights and he seems to keep in contact alot more....

pikachucheeks

Aww, that's really nice

It's just such a pain - all the nice, genuine guys you meet seem to be the ones who are leaving!

Typical!

Maybe I'll be able to fish another decent one out of the polluted pond